I took a deep breath, trying to organize my thoughts. After several seconds of that, I looked at my mom. “Sorry for my outburst, Mom.” I turned to the nurse, muting my emotions. “During my coma, I accepted a deal with a cosmic monstrosity to be reborn into another place with my memories intact. I lived for five years there, during which I acquired eidetic memory. I remember every day of my life, including those five years, in perfect clarity. It ended only when I stepped into a place that would put me through my greatest nightmares. How can you assure me this is real, nurse?”

  The room became silent for a moment. The nurse nodded gently, probably not even listening to what I said. “I can’t speak to what you experienced while you were unconscious, and it sounds very real to you. Right now, though, you’re in the Martin Luther hospital, and I’m here with you. That’s what I can show you is real, and I’ll help you stay safe while you adjust.” She came up with that quickly, far too quickly.

  I sighed. “Just bring me some water.” So far, everything has lined up with my expectations of the tribulation altar. It would put me in my worst nightmare, and this is something that could be expected, but even then, the sheer reality makes me doubt everything.

  “I understand. It’s confusing, but focus on what you can do right now. I’ll bring the water.” She came closer to my mother and started whispering in her ear, and after that left.

  “Fritzi… I’m with you. I love you,” Mom approached my bed, looking at me worried. She grabbed my hand tightly.

  Tears started falling from my eye. Gretchen said she would remove me from the chamber if it took too long… but how much is too long? I refuse to live in an illusion, even one as realistic as that. “I love you too, mom… I missed you a lot. I didn’t think I would see you ever again.”

  And yet she stood in front of me. How dare the altar try to trick me? I remember dying, remember floating in the void above galaxies, witnessing the flow of souls, speaking with a deity. Maybe an illusion, maybe a trick of the mind. I hated solipsism more than anything. She grabbed my hand tighter.

  The nurse returned quickly, holding a glass of water. She gave me the glass with a straw, and I drank it greedily. What other ways could I test the precision of the simulation? “Also, do you have a pen and paper?”

  “No?” Mom said. The nurse smiled, took a pen from her jacket, and gave it to Mother.

  “Write down at least forty numbers in a row and tell them to me. It’s crucial.”

  “You should rest, Fritzi. You’ve been badly hurt.”

  “I know what happened. Now write down the numbers, Mom!” I wasn’t panicking anymore, but everything still hurt.

  She did so, writing slowly and meticulously, just like she usually did. “Say them.”

  Mother nodded and started listing the string of numbers. “That’s it.” I waited a few seconds and then started recounting them myself.

  “Did I get it right?”

  “Y-yes… This is... how?”

  My memory was indeed perfect, and it wasn’t perfect before. How peculiar. This went far beyond suspicions. As far as I know, never before have there been a documented case of someone getting true eidetic memory after a trauma. This had to be fake… Yet I couldn’t force myself to think the thoughts I needed to.

  There were two ways of getting out. One – I wait until Gretchen gets me out… Two, I do the job myself, the only way I know how. How does one leave a dream? A nightmare?

  A realization hit me – I was insane. Completely insane that was, contemplating the thing I was considering was utter insanity, enough to get me under constant observation, hell, I already was under one. The nurse wasn’t going to leave.

  “Hannah, your visit time is over. We have to get Friedrich checked up.”

  I looked at Mom… She was going to leave. I might not see her ever again if my plan succeeded. The damn temptation of this illusion. I couldn’t hold back my tears. “Goodbye, mom…”

  She smiled at me sadly, “See you later.” And left.

  I wasn’t given a moment of respite after that. I never mentioned my life as Magnus after that, saying I was just panicking. The constant checkups, vitals monitoring, they were realistic too. The therapist marveled at my sudden perfect memory. I conversed with the nurses, laughed at their jokes, and ate their food. This was fake. It seemed real, but it was impossible. The altar was luring me in, trying to break my spirit and crush me with this cruel fantasy. The proof was my perfect memory.

  Yet inside I was planning. The altar had to be checking something. Whether it be my resolve or planning ability. The first day passed quickly, and night was upon me. The staff came to check up on me every hour or so; I heard their steps.

  When that didn’t happen, my eyes were locked on the catheter in my arm. It had to be sharp… had to be enough. The fear gripped my soul, my heart beat like a drum, despite the monitors remaining constant. Could I trust my sanity? Could I do such a thing?

  Stolen novel; please report.

  The moments stretched into eternities. Was I really already planning on that? Abandoning my mother again, without even saying goodbye? Was I really missing magic that much?

  I barely held back a chuckle. Of course, I was. I remembered the day when Richter flew me through space, remembered that bastard elf Vogelgesang. Each day, each second, each moment could be replayed in my mind. I had places to be and a fake illusion, no matter how realistic it could be it.

  And it’s not like life in this shitty body was worth much… I doubted I would even be able to work now. As far as I knew, acquiring the perfect memory as I did would be a medical impossibility – and that alone was enough for me. I will take a leap of faith. Fuck sanity.

  It had been ten minutes since the staff last checked on me. I stared at my arm. The IV tube was attached to my upper arm, exactly where a vein should be. ECG stickers were there too, and I had a finger clip. All of them would make noise if removed. The pain was always unbearable, but now even more so. The image of the needle inserted within me flicker between horror and anxiety. I panted, trying not to shake too hard.

  “Damn it all…” I whispered. Ever so slowly, I tensed my weak muscles, rolling off the bed, trying to remain standing. My heart rate spiked, increasing the speed of the beeps. Pain surged through my broken leg as I tried my best to keep balance and held on to the bed. “Shit…” Tears of pain fell from my face; the agony was excruciating.

  There was a silence button on the monitor. I pressed it immediately, but the dizziness made me miss. I persisted and pressed it again. There were no steps outside the room.

  As quickly as I could, I ripped off the stickers and the clip. The monitor flashed in alarm at me, but there was no sound. I stared at the insertion site, as if it was my greatest enemy. “Fuck it all…” I growled and grabbed the thing.

  Pain surged through my being as I tried my hardest. It didn’t budge, only hurt me. I pulled again with all my force, and the dressing was ripped out… but beneath it there was a tube. A long tube, crawling inside of me. It wasn’t just a needle.

  I growled and wept, blood splattered everywhere, and I pulled and pulled. Clenching my teeth, the tube just didn’t seem to end. Ten centimeters more, my hand slipped off the endless, and I had to grab again. It wriggled inside of me, spreading deadly cold, where the crimson warmth had left.

  I felt dizzy, but I wasn’t even clamping the wound; it was doing what I needed it to. The monitor started beeping loudly; time was running out. I didn’t care. Just how long was this thing?

  I was faint, dizzy, and panicked. It was inside of me, so deep inside of me. I couldn’t stop everything from shaking. I fell on the bed, coloring the sheets in sticky crimson. I gasped for air as my chest suddenly spasmed, a sharp prick of pain spreading in my heart.

  Then it ended… The tube was so long it was surreal. Like an endless snake eating its own tail. The noises faded into the distance, but I succeeded. I didn’t even have to go to the window. Blood flowed so freely, but I only smiled. “Goodbye, Mom... Goodbye again.”

  What if I was wrong? What if I was just crazy? I couldn’t even gasp properly. Fear, agony, relief, horror. The emotions flew by on a crazy train, crashing into my poor mind. Someone rushed into the room. Shouts resounded from the door. A nurse grabbed my arm, clamping on it, trying to stop the bleeding. I wouldn’t have her do that. Nothing would stop me.

  I opened my mouth wide, stretching my neck. I was in that half-faint daze. But mustering all the leftover energy I had, I bit her. The nurse twitched, but didn’t stop, shouting something at me. I bit her again, but it was far too weak.

  “G-get out!” I tried saying, but all that came out were gasps and wheezes. It was all so surreal… The monitor stopped beeping. More people rushed in, but I didn’t care. I closed my eyes, trusting in my memories. Existence or not, I was the master of my own fate.

  I breathed in the fresh air. The ELEVATE room opened before me. Gretchen stood close to me with a smile. My hands were tiny, both of my eyes worked, and I was alive. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I stumbled away from the damned altar.

  Gretchen grabbed me. Gasping for air, I let out a guttural screech. “Fuck you, you evil thing! You can’t deceive me! I AM BETTER THAN YOU!” The memory replayed in front of me again and again like self-inflicted horror.

  I did that… I really did that… Every muscle in my body shook; every single sensation spoke about how stupid I was. Only my starpower surged out of me on a level I never felt before. The strengthening let me feel alive, truly alive – not the facsimile that the accursed machine thrust upon me.

  Your SE has increased by 5. From 15 to 20!

  Your Affinity has shifted! Diamond -3%; Onyx +2%; Sapphire +1%;

  “Be quiet, kid!” Mousei shouted, and I took a deep breath. I was alive.

  This wasn’t worth it… This wasn’t worth it! Everything felt too much, my blood felt too much. I couldn’t stand their presence, their awful noises.

  “It’s okay, friend. I’m here with you.” Gretchen added, holding me, preventing me from falling.

  Then silence. My mind became silent as the starpower bound my existence around, beating like my own heart. I breathed rhythmically, trying to escape that visceral shock of another death. It was no wonder these people were crazy… I was crazy.

  I started giggling… Of course, I was crazy, I was seriously considering completing the damned quest – conquering the Galaxy. I pushed away Gretchen and stared at the room.

  All was as it needed to be. The space station of dragon clones, each somehow unique. In here, I was going to become unrivaled. No matter the cost.

  “I’ll be meditating,” I said grimly and marched to an empty mat. Who cared about Ivaldie and any of the other people? Nothing here was right. I sat down, breathing in the air. I was afraid to close my eyes… What if I was still inside an illusion? What if this was fake again? Another trick.

  Mousei’s tail slapped my back.

  “Fucking stop this, you, moron!” I glared at her.

  “Still can’t control it. Calm down, kid.” She grabbed her tail and shook her head, disappointed. I almost forgot about not blinking. My eyes were getting watery.

  “Do you ever think about going back to those illusions? That this isn’t real, just another trap of that thing?” I say calmly, looking at my shaking hands. This was real – it had to be. It was logical

  “That’s stupid. If it’s an illusion, I’ll break out eventually. No need to rush anywhere.” She shrugged and closed her eyes.

  Right… I just had to blink, and it will all be alright. And yet I couldn’t force myself.

  “Coward…” Louize mumbled, staring at me. Like she would know anything?!

  I took a deep breath, but my eyelids refused to move. I just couldn’t. Maybe she knew what she was talking about, maybe I was a coward.

  My heart beat so quickly, my starpower surged chaotically, wrapping around me in a fiery blanket. I gathered my willpower and blinked.