Day 20. Another day, another job. Or two. Or three. I guess gang violence hasn’t exactly dimmed since I got here, something that likely comes as a surprise to not a single native Watsonite, or someone from Japantown, or the Glen, or… well, anywhere in Night City. I don’t know whether it’s always been this bad or if solos are just in short supply, but I must’ve done twenty jobs in the past week.
Day 21. Judy texted me, just to check in on how I was doing. I apologized to her for being relatively quiet. She said she’s had to miss work because of Evelyn, so I decided to give the Mox half of my earnings, which covered her paycheck in-full and then some, to help keep her on her feet. She told me she’d never seen such generosity in someone, but the way I see it, I’m just trying to do something. Anything. I came into a shitty, horrifying world. I heard stories of clear skies and fresh air, seen it in films, even. And I can’t help but wonder where we all went wrong. And all I want to do is leave some sort of lasting impression, I suppose. Someone in this world deserves a better life, and if anyone’s earned it, it’s Evelyn.
Day 24. Judy and I have been talking over the phone a lot more. She sounds like a wonderful person, kind of a shame that I didn’t have the time to actually enjoy her company before all this shit happened. Part of me thinks I should probably just give up and relax, not worry about what little time I have left. Maybe I could ignore Johnny’s sermons. Maybe not.
Either way, it’d be something I think I’ve earned for myself, if only I could actually cash this check I’m writing. Sadly I don’t think that day will ever come at this rate. I have about one more week to myself if Viktor’s predictions held up. Funny thing about that, though. I’ve not noticed anything unusual. I can still remember almost everything I’ve written down in my journal. I’ve not experienced any blackouts. Johnny has even started to mellow out enough to where we can competently do work together. I’m sure that Hellman would say something like, ‘It’s because you are becoming Johnny’ and ‘You don’t notice,’ but neither has anyone else.
Day 25. I went to see Viktor again today. And he confirmed my suspicions – the neural degradation has considerably slowed. It should be great news, but we still don’t know what that means in the long-term. Perhaps it’s some sort of sign from the gods that I’m not done yet. I went to go see Misty afterwards, here follows the transcription:
“How’s it going, Misty? Everything with Mama Welles turn out smoothly?”
“Mm, she’s been calling me every day now, just to talk, sometimes for hours. I guess it’s her way of coping with the loss… But it’s gotten a bit ridiculous in the past week or so. Did you know she made me a roast the other day? She told me that I’m too skinny, so she sent it over even though she knows I don’t eat meat…”
“Hah! I wish I had someone make me a roast.”
“Yeah, I know I should be grateful, it just feels… odd. Like I’m, I dunno…”
“A new surrogate daughter for her?”
“Yeah, exactly! Was this what it felt like for you, when she adopted you into the family?”
“A little. She’s definitely a communicator, something I’m not particularly good at. She told me that she was ‘always here for practice,’ which I found really sweet. I’ve been ignoring her more often than not lately, though.”
“Why?”
“I think it’s because I just don’t want her to hurt, you know? Does that make me a bad daughter, you think?”
“I think it just makes you human. You’re just trying to protect her.”
“I guess… I don’t know. Anyway, I’m curious… what’s on the cards for me today?”
“Oh, want me to read them? Alright…” Sounds of shuffling her deck, humming some sort of melody to herself. “It’s not so easy, I guess. Putting my life back together… without him in it.”
“I know what you mean…”
“And you? How’re you, uh, two, coming along together?”
“Johnny’s… uh, a bit crazy,” I remember seeing him appear behind Misty, “He started off as something like an unhinged, vengeful demon. But lately, I dunno… it’s funny, but we’ve actually been seeing eye to eye on more issues lately. I wouldn’t say it’s smooth sailing, but we had our first honest conversation together a little while ago and it’s been slow and steady.”
“Had a feeling it’d work out,” I heard her chuckle a bit on the recording, “You have a magnetic personality.”
“What do you mean?”
“People are drawn to you. You either push them away, or you bond with them and never let them go. There’s very little in-between with you.”
“Hm… I never heard it put like that…”
“Don’t worry, it’s a compliment.” Her voice perked up a lot, “Alright, ready?”
“Mhm.”
“The Wheel of Fortune, Reversed. You’ll meet some setbacks in the future. Consequences of poor decisions you’ve made, perhaps.”
“Hit the ground running, as always.”
“Nobody said the future is set… Justice reversed. Be very careful with those you meet. Not all of them are trustworthy, and some will shroud themselves and their motivations.”
“I’ll bear that in mind, but I suppose that goes without saying.”
“The High Priestess… Do not seek simple answers. Be open to your intuition, your deepest thoughts, your dreams.”
“Funny, all my dreams ever do anymore is wake me up in a cold sweat.”
“But do you listen to what they’re telling you? Or are you shunning them and forcing them to scream?… The Moon. Bathed in her light, what was once abstract and obscured becomes sharp and clear.”
“That could apply to so much in my life…” My voice cracked and I sighed. “Thanks, Misty.”
“Anytime, V.”
Day 27. I just wish that one day, I can just wake up and, like, go to get something to eat. Then maybe go and do a little clothes shopping, hang out with someone like Mamá or Misty. Do an oil change, I have no idea. Instead, it’s been a near-constant stream of jobs. Wake up, another Tyger Claw den. Next day, surprise surprise, it’s some Valentinos hotshot looking to sell drugs out of a restaurant kitchen. Oh, would you terribly mind going back and picking up these cybereyes that were stolen? While you’re at it, there’s a guy who runs a drug-addled nightclub who needs to be put in the back of a car and shipped off to God-knows where.
Two weeks of this. Every day, without a single break. Fuck this.
Day 28. Or 29. I don’t fucking know. I woke up in some shithole with Johnny shouting some bullshit at me again. Think I got drunk at that ramen place I ate at. They had this really good homemade sake and I drank the shit like water. Hah, figures that my first night off in however-long was spent having a bender. Whatever.
I’m not sure what I wish for anymore. A break, sure, but that’s a given. I think it’s more to understand what the hell it is I’m doing here anymore. I grew up with a strong belief that everyone has some sort of purpose on this Earth, and we are not allowed to depart it until we’ve fulfilled that purpose. The purpose itself knows no right or wrong, no measure of independent significance. It can be something as simple as raising a loving family, or as complex as reshaping governments. Whatever it may be, it’s apparently not my time yet. Though part of me is left in bewilderment over that fact.
What is keeping me going? Why am I not walking around trying to bomb Arasaka?
The odd thing is, it’s not a matter of me being radicalized. I think Johnny’s simply becoming more down-to-Earth. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. This is a man who started off scared, hopeless, and suicidal. Every single day he’s begged me for a cigarette. Tried to tempt me into getting a tattoo or throwing myself with reckless abandon into the fight. Now he’s telling me to show more restraint. It’s bizarre.
Day 29, okay, I’m pretty sure it’s 29 now and I wasn’t passed out all weekend. Another day, another Tyger Claw leader that needs killing. It’s been good business for me, in all honesty. An oddly humorous note, Johnny interrupted me mid-mission telling me that my methods were ‘brutal.’ To which I pulled out a chair and sat down and told him to do it himself if he wanted to. We got into this weird little argument about him taking over my body during operations so he can ‘just stop fucking around with the swordplay already because guns exist.’ And it’s like, yes, I know guns exist, Johnny, I’m wearing one right now, in fact. ‘Oh, then why don’t you ever use it.’
Granted, I don’t use firearms mostly because I’m just not that good of a shot, but it does make me think. It’s not like samurai of old were averse to using firearms. And it’s like okay, I get it, tanegashima have been in use by samurai for around 500 years or so before Western firearms became a thing. We’re not actually swordsmen by strict definition, we’re warriors. So we use whatever is most effective – back in the day, it was bows and polearms. We rode into battle on horseback, using fierce and deceptive tactics. The whole ‘honorable duel’ thing is a load of bullshit.
But the keyword here is ‘effective.’ I like my sword not because it represents Bushido or whatever the hell. And sure, there was a general samurai code, but it’s not like it was set in stone – different clans had different codes, and those codes changed like the wind. So who really gives a shit, especially today when I just spent half my goddamn day lopping people’s heads off. I think I’m just doing it now in the hopes that I can put some of this out of my mind. Come to think of it, why am I even writing about this? I’m trying to justify my own culture to myself, am I insane? Hell, I guess I kind of am insane…
Panam called me this afternoon. Told me she’d gone back to the clan, is trying to work shit out with Saul. Good for her. I texted Judy as well, she said Evelyn’s gotten worse yesterday. Today’s more of the same. Johnny’s still a bit confused as to why I care about ‘some doll’ so much. Truthfully, I don’t really know, either. I think it’s because I know she didn’t deserve any of that. She’s been though absolute Hell. I went to go see her the other day and her hair had gone back to its natural shade of black. Judy said it’s been a hell of an ordeal. Even bathing her takes several hours because she reacts so violently to being touched. Neither of us blame Evelyn at all, of course.
I think that Johnny understands a lot of things. But one thing he’ll never understand is what it feels like to have your spirit so utterly crushed as to be that shattered. He’ll never understand the feeling of total and complete vulnerability one feels after going through a violation of one’s person. Having to walk back to your car with this strange waddle because everything, everything, hurts. Sobbing and screaming in the night. Feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world because you were too terrified to fight back. Waking up the next morning and feeling like there’s a piece of you that’s missing, a piece that you’ll never, ever get back, no matter what you do, no matter how many people you get with.
I guess it’s a good thing that I’ll be forgetting all of that pretty soon. Or, maybe. I don’t even know anymore. I’ve thought about it and I think that maybe it has something to do with the fact that Johnny and I are starting to get along more. I wouldn’t go so far as to trust him, but at the very least he’s not tried to kill me for a while. Hell, he hasn’t even pestered me for a cigarette in over a week, a new record.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
Day 30. One more day before the one-month anniversary when I exceed what Viktor’s original prediction was. ‘A few weeks, a month, tops,’ he said. Yet here I am, feverishly writing in my journal. I tried my best to describe Sacramento. That pungent stench of white phosphorous, What the smell of cooked innards smells like. But I just couldn’t. I stopped after a few sentences.
My good friend, his name was Yuki. He was in the movie theater when an artillery shell landed right on the rooftop. I ran in to find him digging a charcoal-sized lump of white-hot rock out of someone’s–
No, I can’t. Fuck. I still can’t write this shit down. I guess it’d be mighty impressive if the Relic managed to overwrite some of these memories. That’d be the real miracle. Hell, I’d pay for that service, no question.
Fine, I’m just going to do some more work today. Someone called in that some big-shot Russian mobster was coming into Night City, wants me to bug his car. Right, let’s get that done and just go grab some ramen or whatever, then pass out. Maybe get another haircut, actually.
Heh, Johnny says that me changing my hair around so often is a sign of how unstable I am. I’m inclined to agree. But it’s one of the few concessions I’m making for myself. I have vanishingly little motivation to dress how I want. More often than not, I just throw on whatever isn’t dirty. But I’ve always liked changing up my hair. I figure that maybe holding on to things that I closely identify with might be helping my brain maintain its normalcy.
Day 31…
–
“Scream…”
“What the fuck are we gonna do with only two magazines of six rounds each?!” he shouted, “Hey, I got an idea, let’s pour some fucking pieces of sandstone down our barrels and make some makeshift shotguns so we can…”
“Mom…?”
“Faster.”
“My arms hurt…”
“You made a commitment…”
“You know what to do,” Jenkins said with a grunt over the holocall, “Start now.”
They screamed… All of them. They were all dead.
Why did you do this to me, Jenkins… After all the years I’ve poured into this company…
“Jackie…!” Fuck, he’s unconscious! I had to hurry…
I… I can’t move…
Jackie… let go of me…
Jackie, please, stop pulling… I can’t move… I can’t get out of the car…
“Sayonara.”
–
“NO!!” I screamed myself awake, feeling the cold, damp sweat trickling off my nose. My pillow was completely destroyed. Again. Apparently I slipped off it at some point since there was a sizeable imprint of my face on the bedsheets.
Fuck me… what time is it… God… fuck. It’s past 10AM. I must’ve slept like a rock. Alright, let me go grab something to eat–FUCK!
Oh, it’s just the phone… Man, I’m jumpy this morning… Hm. Judy, huh… “Hey, Jude, what’s up?” I smiled, rubbing my eyes as I sat up and stretched out my legs. Right away I could see something was very wrong. Her face looked awful.
“V, could you come over here? Stat?”
“What? D-did something happen?”
“Yeah, just come.” Her voice was trembling… Evelyn.
I scrambled to put on whatever clothes I could find. “You know you’re goin’ over there to find a body or somethin’, right?” Johnny rolled his eyes.
“No, Johnny! We don’t know that!”
“But it’s what you’re thinking.”
“Expect the best, prepare for the worst, it’s what we do,” I hissed, “Besides, I don’t presume to know every single possible outcome. Now if someone I care about calls me and sounds like that, it’s my job as a friend to drop my shit and go to them. And guess what? You’re coming with me and you’re gonna like it.”
“Joy. Oh, happy one-month anniversary, by the way,” he cheered sarcastically. Thanks, asshole…
I tried calling back. No answer… Fuck. Sent her a text asking if she was in danger, all she replied was “No.” and didn’t answer anything else after that… I don’t know what the hell was going on. Did they find Evelyn, maybe?! No, no… stop thinking so fatalistically… just get over there… Judy needs you.
“MOVE YOUR SWEET AND SOUR ASS!” I shouted as I blazed through traffic at horrifically irresponsible speeds, though I am well beyond the point of giving a shit. I have had enough people die on the account of this FUCKING HEIST. Jackie, T-Bug, myself… No. Not one more.
I have to believe that she’s okay. I have to. She’s been through too much. Her and Judy.
I must’ve set an all-time record getting here. Across Watson in heavy traffic in only 20 minutes? And all done with a car that’s over a hundred years old. Anyone who still thinks Miyoko is slow can suck my dick.
Hm. Didn’t hear anything from outside. I’m guessing it’s just Judy in the house. Alright, that’s one crisis averted. I gave her door a brisk knock, “Judy?”
“It’s open!” she shouted, allowing me inside. Something smelled… damp. Bloody. Something bad happened here…
“Judy? Where are you? Evelyn–”
“In the bathroom!” she called me over– oh my God…
I unbuckled my sword and set it aside, rushing over to the bathtub, nearly slipping on the blood…
“Bird offs herself to express her undying gratitude for–”
“STOP TALKING!” I sharply yelled at Johnny as I knelt down beside the tub. Evelyn’s blood was a diffuse combination of deep red and inky black… she’d been here for a while…Judy was hyperventilating out of control and I immediately burst into tears along with her… I couldn’t believe what I was seeing… we tried… we tried so hard… Evelyn…
“Judy… Judy, what happened?!” I stammered.
“I was– I was only gone a-an hour…” she shouted between quick, desperate gasps.
“I-Judy…”
“S-she was ly-lying in bed… like the last t-time you came over… a-and I went out and c-came… came back to… augghh…” she broke down in tears, smashing her knees with her fists.
“My God… Evelyn…” I wept, “I… I had n-no idea… I th-thought she was catatonic…”
“T-think she was planning this for a w-while… I c-can’t…!”
“Judy…” I tried my best to comfort her, “Judy, look at me– hey! I’m here, okay, I’m right here… What can I do?”
“I-if I’d have just known I’d–”
“Judy, you can’t blame yourself, you had no… no idea t-this would happen… neither of us did…”
“I-I s-should’ve sensed something! Th-that it was off… AGGH!” she balled her fists and screamed between her teeth.
“We couldn’t have watched her the whole time, Judy… she would’ve found a way… We did everything we could…”
“Guh–I sh-should’ve been there for her…”
“You were, we both were… you tried so hard…”
We both just sat in silence, perhaps out of pure disbelief… We’ve both poured our hearts and souls into making her better… But it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know whether my own words were to comfort myself or to comfort Judy…
Mr. Hands called at quite literally one of the most inappropriate times humanly possible. I had to leave him hanging, though I nearly smashed my phone to a million pieces right then and there. I’ve had it with this fucking city… Evelyn deserved so much better than this…
“Judy…” I finally whispered to her, “We need to do something… What can I do?”
“Don’t want any trouble…” she sniffled and composed herself enough to breathe normally, “I’m callin’ the badges.”
“Okay. Here, use my phone,” I unlocked it and handed it to her.
“Can you carry her to the bed?” Judy somberly requested.
“Of course,” I slowly nodded, wiping the snot and tears from my own face.
“As if that’ll change anything…” Johnny grumbled as I gently lifted Evelyn.
“Johnny, if you say one more thing bad about this woman, I will never forgive you. As far as I’m concerned, she is worth ten of you. Now don’t you dare cross that line again. Have some fucking respect for the dead,” I violently snapped at him. This is no time to fuck with me.
“Hi, I n-need to report an accidental death… Northside of Jackson Street, Apartment 202…” Judy spoke over my phone as I slowly carried Evelyn to her bed, “No, no imminent danger… a suicide…” she took a deep, long pause to compose herself, “Tomorr– NO! TODAY! What part of ‘dead’ don’t you understand?!… No, she was not pronounced dead by Trauma Team, if she’d had coverage, we wouldn’t be having this fucking conversation!”
I gently laid her down, spreading out her arms and making sure she was comfortable. “FUCK YOU. If you don’t wanna move your asses, why don’t I come down to the precinct and TRASH IT INTO BITS. There – NOW WILL YOU COME ARREST ME?! YOU PUSSIES?!”
I walked back out to check up on Judy, still screaming into the phone. “Fine, I don’t give a fuck what you write me up for.” And with that, she also nearly smashed my phone into bits… if it was her phone, it probably would’ve been stomped halfway into the floor by now. She took a moment to compose herself and shake her head loose of all the fire that’s brewing. “Pfff… They’ll be here soon…” Judy finally managed, walking in to see Evelyn, “Told me to keep her on ice ‘till tomorrow. Can you believe the balls?!”
“Yeah… I mean, this isn’t a slab of meat, it’s a human being… But a human being with the wrong address to be taken seriously, I guess…”
Judy took a deep breath, “We shoulda never come here…”
I felt the same way, though I dared not speak of myself right now. “Judy… I… I don’t know…”
“Mm… me neither…” she shook her head and buried it in her hands again, “Gonna put somethin’ on her, at least… want her to look more like a person than a body… Could you wait outside?”
“Sure…” I nodded, quickly squatting down beside Evelyn and bowing my head in respect. I wish I could’ve gotten to know her. I calmly walked out and closed the door behind me, giving Judy all the space she needed. “I’ll be here if you need anything…” I whispered just before the door sealed shut. I can’t stay in here… I need some air…
It took the cops 12 hours – 12 hours – to arrive… I guess neither of us should’ve been surprised. I was shocked they didn’t show up at 11:59PM so they could say they got here on the day-of. Judy got a write-up, but with a quick cred slip to the man on-duty, they left her alone. Fucking crying shame, all of this… Evelyn…
Judy joined me on the rooftop, the both of us lost in thought as the sun went down. We sat in silence for more than an hour together, just watching the city flow by in our stead… unfeeling, unsympathetic. Death was a common occurrence, but that never makes it any easier.
“Fwooh…” Judy finally made a noise, “Bum a cig?”
“Oh? I didn’t know you smoked.”
“I quit,” she shrugged, walking over to me, “But right now I really need somethin’ ‘sides air in my lungs… Please, V.”
“I don’t smoke, either,” I frowned, “I mean, I could pick up a pack for you, but–”
“Evelyn’s case,” she sternly told me, “Know you still have it, know it was loaded.”
“What? I– ah,” I muttered to myself, suddenly remembering that she was right. I’d never actually opened the case since she gave it to me. But it had a dozen cigarettes in it. “Sure, here.”
I produced the case from my backpack and kindly handed it over, the metallic sheen reflecting the light of the city like a glistening jewel. It really was beautiful… Judy took it and carefully examined it front to back, a smile creeping onto her face. “You kept it nice…” she told me with a trembling voice.
“For when she woke up…” I shakily nodded, “It’s yours.”
“No…” she looked up at me, her lips still restless as ever, “You seem to like it, keep it… Kinda glad it’s you that has it, actually…”
Judy gingerly flipped open the cigarette case, selecting the first cigarette and studying it, smelling it, before handing the case back to me. “You know,” I whispered as I took out an old lighter that’s been in my pack for ages, “Evelyn once told me that she likes to know everything about the people she worked with… but I’m guessing that not a lot of people knew her, huh?”
“No,” Judy shook her head, inhaling her first puff in however-long, “She’s not exactly known for being open to people… but she was good at reading ‘em… she told me she liked you. That you took the time to listen to ‘er and give ‘er honest feedback on her plan…”
“Yeah… heh, at the time, I thought I went too hard on her, actually,” I confessed, “Wish I could’ve known her better…”
“Fuck, Evie…” Judy muttered, breathing out through her nose, “I thought if I gave her some t-space, time… she’d, I dunno… slowly get back on her feet… I let her down…”
“I… I don’t know what to say…” I sighed and slumped in my seat, “I was never really good at this sort of thing, I– I’m sorry…”
“Ah, you don’t need to talk… done more for her than anyone else, really…”
“I just… I feel… I don’t know… I came to you because I was looking for her to help me fix the issue going on in my head… I had no idea…”
“Neither of us did,” she stopped me, “But it’s whatcha bring that counts… You gave her the freedom to choose. Helped me out when you didn’t have to, for her sake.”
“I know… I just… didn’t think she’d choose this…” I wiped away a fresh tear from my face. Neither of us had anything more to say… Judy glanced over at an empty chair. I imagine she was hoping Evelyn would be sitting there, having a smoke instead of her…
“Her condition…” Judy finally said after a solid minute of silence, “Couldn’t think about anything else… tech-wise she was clean. Doll shard was operational, uncorrupted…”
“Judy, we talked about this,” I stopped her, “It’s psychological trauma. No implant can overcome that…”
“Yeah, so, psychological trauma,” she waved her hands around a bit, “Did some more digging on her virtus in my spare time – found Woodman… he kept her – had his way with her. And when she wasn’t–”
“Don’t– don’t… tell me, please,” I interrupted her, my lips trembling in pain and fear.
“Oh, um… yeah…” she sighed heavily, smacking her likely already bruised knee again, “That… that fucking son of a bitch…”
“I knew he had done something to her… I had no direct proof. But the way he talked about her… it just… I knew that language… you know?”
“Yeah… I know…” Judy breathed out before taking another drag, “The things I saw… I just… I really wish I could unsee it…”
“I… at least Woodman’s gone…”
“Yeah…” Judy let out her last puff of smoke before flicking the butt to the ground. She anxiously sat up, propping her foot up on her leg and dancing it around, unable to be settled even for a second. “Can’t even imagine if he’d gotten away with it… Still, it’s not enough. There’s so many more like him.”
“Judy…”
“Gotta be somethin’ I can do about it…”
“Like what?”
“Don’t know yet….” she glanced out to the city again, “Think I’m gonna call Suze… pfff… Thanks, V. Sorry, but, uh… I need to be alone right now. But I promise I’ll keep in touch.”
“I will, too,” I nodded to her, “Mr. Hands left me a message. He’s my contact with the Voodoo Boys, so I’ll likely be busy in Pacifica for the time being…”
“Okay… be safe,” she told me as I got up and stretched my legs.
“I will… thanks.”
–
“Ah, V, busy times lately, from what I’ve been seeing in the screamsheets?” Mr. Hands spoke courteously as ever, “Well consider this your lucky day.” Yeah, it feels real lucky, alright…
“Voodoo Boys willing to play ball?”
“Plus or minus… whatever you’re offering, the Voodoo Boys said that they could not, and I quote, ‘give a shit.’ You kept the receipt, I trust. Yet a counteroffer was forthcoming. A gig – successful completion thereof could earn you an audience with one Maman Brigitte.”
“Did they mention what it’d be?”
“Since when have the Voodoo Boys ever been privy on handing out information to outsiders?” Alright, he has a point. “And besides, not like you have any intentions of refusing, anyway. In short, I didn’t ask. Getting information out of the VDBs is like pulling alligator teeth – painful for everyone involved.”
“Okay, so where would they like to meet?”
“Church, Sloan Lane, inside by the altar, two days from now. They’ll know to be looking for you.”
I’m sure they will. The question is what they’ll do about it. Because if they think this’ll be another case of just some expendable fucking outsider coming in, they’ve got another thing coming. I’m gonna have to see Vik about upgrading my cyberware first. Then it’s off to the races – either for some answers, some blood, or both. I’m not picky either way, not with these people.

