“Hey, Misty…” I muttered as I walked inside her little shop, “How’re you?”

  “V!” she exclaimed, “You… You don’t sound too good. You alright?”

  “Yeah, fine, fine,” I nodded, “Just… Well, I wanted to see if you’d do my tarot again.”

  “V, what’s the matter? C’mon, you know you can talk to me, right?”

  “Yeah, I know, just…” I closed my eyes and let my head fall down a bit, “Alright, fine. I think I made a mistake.”

  “Why, what happened?”

  “I, uh…” I stammered, “I started seeing someone.”

  “What? Hey, that’s great!” she cheered, “Right…?”

  “Mm… Except she’s getting with a dead woman walking.”

  “Oh come on, V, don’t be like that–”

  “How else am I supposed to be?!” I shouted defiantly, “What, am I supposed to be comfortable with her getting with me? Look at what happened with Jackie – how can I do this to someone else? How can I be so selfish?!”

  “Alright, I think you need to breathe, try and calm down a bit–”

  “Judy… Her name’s Judy. Judy álvarez. She already lost a friend – someone she was close to for a long time. Slit her wrists in the bathtub…”

  “And now you’re worried that you’ll put her through more grief?” Misty frowned, “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah… Basically, yeah.”

  “Hm…” Misty looked up, her deck safely tucked in the palm of her hand as she idly thumbed a couple of the cards on top, “And she knows all of this? About you and Johnny?”

  “She does.”

  “So then it’s her decision,” she stated definitively, “Whether it’s through shared grief, trauma, or just wanting to experience a bright spark… What was the quote you said at Jackie’s funeral – ‘A light shineth in the darkness, and the darkness comprehended it not…’ Maybe she sees a light in you.”

  “Mm…” I pondered her words.

  “You have another mission coming up, don’t you? A big one.”

  “Yeah, later this afternoon…”

  “The dashi parade.”

  “Aratama Matsuri,” I nodded, “Heh, would be right up your alley. It’s spirit and mythology-themed.”

  “Mm, nova,” she smiled… I swear, this woman is too good for Night City. “Might stop by. Unless you plan on wrecking the place, heh.”

  “No, nothing like that,” I chuckled, “Well… hopefully, anyway.”

  “Mm…” Misty pondered to herself, “You know, the last conversation I had with Jackie was an argument about him going on the mission with you.”

  “Misty…”

  “He kept insisting it’d be okay. That what he was doing was making a better future for all of us. And he left without saying goodbye – just stormed right out that door. Heh, he could be such a gonk sometimes…”

  “Yeah, that’s for sure…” I glanced down and frowned, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

  “No no, it’s okay,” she interrupted, “You said you wanted your tarot read?”

  “I don’t, uh…” I paused, “Mmh… You know what, sure.”

  “Alright… Close your eyes, focus on the recent past and what you see in your future…” she instructed, flipping over the first card, “Mm… The High Priestess Reversed. Interesting.”

  “Oh?”

  “The High Priestess is a card associated with deep, mysterious introspection, in probing the unconscious. You’re a stargazer, looking up at the Universe for answers to life’s questions. But a fog bank creeps over the horizon, clouding your vision and judgement. You will need to close your eyes and see the stars within yourself to find the answers you seek…

  “But be careful, for The Devil lurks within… This card symbolizes bondage, hedonism, a loose chain around your neck… You tug and pull on it, trying to fight the rushing water, yet all you need is to lift it off your head to be free of the shackles. You may feel trapped by your own passion, your own inner flame – don’t give in to the temptations it holds.

  “The Hermit reversed… You’ll be isolated, alone, and full of doubts. People around you will give you reason to mistrust, even to question your reality. You’re bound to repeat the mistakes that led you here, perhaps feeling like the situation around you is forcing you into that life. It’ll be up to you whether to grant others a second chance, and whether to give yourself a second chance as well…

  “Judgement… Hm. I didn’t see that coming…”

  “What?”

  “It… feels like a person will enter your life, whether from within or without. Someone who will grant an epiphany. A rebirth, with new meaning. This may be yourself, someone you know, or even a higher power – all three, perhaps. Fear not, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But you’ll have to brave the darkness to reach it. Be prepared, V…”

  “I’ll try…” I muttered, “To be honest, I don’t really see how such a light is possible. Unless that light is my brain frying.”

  “You were always sarcastic when you get nervous,” Misty said rather observantly as always, “Trust your instinct. It’s gotten you this far, right?”

  “Barely…”

  “Tell you what,” Misty smiled, “After all’s said and done, why don’t you stop by? We’ll see if anything’s changed.”

  “Heh, sure…” I half-heartedly giggled, “Thanks, Misty.”

  “Be safe, honey.”

  –

  “Hey, Mamá… Sorry, I know it’s been a while,” I sighed into the phone, closing my eyes and leaning on the table, “How’s everything?”

  “Hey, mija… Things’re going alright. I finally managed to head back into Jackie’s garage – found the mural he left Misty…”

  “Oh? How’d that go?”

  “It was… emotional,” I heard her breathing heavily, “But good to get it off my chest. Why don’t you come on by? You know where we are.”

  “Nah, not right now…” I mumbled, “I just… wanted to call to say thanks for everything.”

  “Oh, mija, you know you don’t have to.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I never really did, and, well… it’s just been on my mind.”

  “I can tell that’s not the only thing on your mind.”

  “No, it isn’t, I…” I paused and took a deep breath, “I guess that doesn’t matter. I just called to say thank you for taking me in… You know… For giving me a chance, for always being there when I screwed up… Just wanted to say that.”

  I heard nothing for a few seconds, leaving my hands to idly wander the table. “Have you been drinking?”

  I licked my lips and pinched my forehead, the headache setting in again. “No, no, I’ve not been drinking…It’s just been on my mind, and… And…”

  “How much did you have?”

  “Hmmmh…” I sighed, “A bottle of whiskey… I’m sorry, this was a mistake.”

  “V, why don’t you come home? I’ll make you a fresh Menudo, your favorite–”

  “I’ll call you later, Mamá. I love you.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay–” I hung up… I couldn’t do this. Fuck… God dammit, Jackie… Why wasn’t it me… You had everything to live for. And me? What did I ever have…

  Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

  I still had his number in my phone, of course…

  “The number you have called cannot be reached at this time,” the automated voice said, “Please leave a message.”

  “Jackie, it’s me again, I… I’m scared, brother,” I frowned, “I feel… I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know why I’m doing this, I… I should probably tell you, I finally managed to get with someone. Her name’s Judy – you’d love her, I mean, really. She’s incredible, smart, independent, fiercely defiant, just… unapologetically herself. All the time, without breaking a sweat, I’d never seen anything like it. I think… I think I might be falling in love. But I haven’t told her that yet. Hell, I’ve barely told myself that yet. I don’t really know what it is, what it feels like. They say you know it when it happens, but I… Maybe I’m just broken or something, I don’t know… Anyway, I’m doing this new mission. Think you’d get a kick out of it, heh… See, there’s this guy named Goro Takemura…”

  I waffled on and on about my recent goings on, just ranting into the phone until the message cut off.

  Then ranted some more.

  And more. Even after the busy signal, I just kept ranting… I told him about everything. Me rejoining the nomads with Panam, something I never thought would happen in a million years. About his beautiful funeral. About Misty taking such good care of me. About Judy and Evelyn and what happened with that… I’ve been neglecting talking to him a lot lately. Fuck… it’s been a hell of an eventful past couple of months…

  “I miss you, Jack. I love you… and I miss–FUCK!!” My phone just rang and scared the shit outta me, making me nearly drop the thing on the floor. “Fuck, Takemura…”

  “V, where are you?” he asked in his usual gruff tone, “I’m arriving now.”

  “I’m already here, I’ll meet you at the elevator in a few minutes,” I told him, staring at the empty bottle, “Just have to use the bathroom first.”

  “I will be waiting,” he mumbled and hung up on me.

  “Bartender?” I asked, “You have any detox?”

  “Mm, that’s gonna cost a pretty penny,” he nodded, setting the vial down on the table.

  “I’m good for it,” I replied, handing him my cred chip and heading to the bathroom to go wash up.

  –

  “V, how are you?” Takemura asked as he leaned on the railing, “I’ve been busy.”

  “Takemura, are you okay…?” I grinned, “Don’t jump, it’ll be okay. Do you need to call a hotline?”

  He rolled his eyes, “Not funny.” Oh really, then what’s that laughter doing under your breath… “The parade will soon begin. Are you ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be,” I replied humbly, “Did you implant the malware into the security system?”

  “I have,” he nodded, “It works exceptionally well. I will patch you into it when the time comes.” That’ll be perfect for Judy, too… “There are a total of three snipers positioned along the parade’s route. You will need to infiltrate the parade as a guest, then locate pathways to reach them before we can proceed. Expect drone and close-quarters resistance, which should be no problem for you. There may also be booby-traps – records show a number of crates filled with explosive ordnance being procured.”

  “Mines…” I muttered, “Anything else?”

  “There is a single netrunner. We will have to disable them to allow passage through the emergency exit, which I will use to get Hanako-sama out. I must leap to the parade float when it stops and bide my time until the pieces are set. Then we will spring the trap… I am not looking forward to the jump…”

  “I can imagine. Even with implants, you might just crash through the thing like a rock.”

  “Mm. The hope is that the virus you planted will correct the dashi’s height so I don’t fall too quickly.” Keyword here being ‘hope.’

  “And what of Oda?” I asked him, “Any news?”

  “Take a look over my left shoulder,” he gestured, “Clan Oda’s mon rests on the middle banner. He will be here.”

  “Looks like they forgot about my clan…” I muttered, eyeballing the various emblems, “Pity.” They most certainly did not - in fact, my clan was almost central on the main boulevard, immediately catching my eye as I glanced over. But there was not a chance in hell that I would reveal something that personal to Takemura. I put on my best poker-face in an attempt to keep myself from grinning from ear to ear.

  “Remind them,” Takemura said surprisingly deterministically, “Get ready, the procession begins in eight hours.” Hm… so he doesn't know my clan. Perhaps he hadn't done as much research as I thought.

  “I will be there in six,” I nodded, brushing my hair out of my face, “Where will you be posted?”

  “High up in the rafters. Where I can see everything, and nothing can see me.”

  “Mm…” I grunted, “I will see you soon.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Same to you, Goro.”

  –

  The mythical kitsune legends are well-known to many people, but I feel compelled to write about them today regardless. I feel, now more than ever, connected to the yōkai of this world – in a sense, I suppose I am under the influence of a kitsunetsuki – a fox possession. They were said to drive people, particularly women, mad with irrational thoughts, psychopathy, hysteria, hallucinations… It makes the mind play tricks upon itself, slowly transforming the person into a shell in which the kitsune may imbue themselves. Sometimes they perform such acts out of cruelty, malice, even revenge – fox hunters who killed their family members. One particular play I used to admire growing up, Yoshitsune Senbon Zakura (Yoshitsune and the Thousand Cherry Trees), features such a kitsune. One which finds himself seeking justice for hundreds of years when his family members were skinned and formed into a sacred drum, used by emperors of old for its rain-producing powers.

  But that is not what the kitsune are, at heart. The kitsune are tricksters. Playful, even, like any other fox. It was said that if one lies in a rice field late at night, they can catch a kitsune dancing amongst the water and life, nourishing the land and driving away pests. They create fire – kitsunebi – and use it to warm guests who feed them. They are fiercely loyal to anyone for whom they owe debts, foregoing their nature in favor of commitment.

  I suppose the name Hunting Foxes was appropriate for my company during the war. As a reconnaissance unit, it was our job not just to track the enemy, but to trick them. At one point, we were cornered within our base for the best part of two months – a single company faced off against three battalions across the border wall. With Dogtown and its own battalion at our backs, we had no means of procuring any supplies. But we conducted raids and live-fire exercises in broad daylight anyway, to the point where we only had two magazines’ worth of ammunition by our final week. They could have easily wiped us off the map if only they had known. Heh… I took the image to heart, methinks…

  They say that, as a fox possession advances, one acquires the features of a fox. Ears, tail, whiskers… They even begin to think like one.

  How, then, does a fox think? They are elusive creatures, using their natural talents of trickery and stealth to avoid capture, traits selected by centuries of hunting – the few foxes which remain alive today are also the most cunning. They are opportunistic, seizing any means of advancement where they can find it, from food and shelter to amusement. And they are wild, smart, and vicious creatures to those who cross them.

  Another thought occurred to me just now – should my hunt end and I not return, who will read this? Will it be the person I am falling for, perhaps? Someone from my old unit who got curious? Or, more likely, an Arasaka search party sent to my home to uncover evidence? I will assume it’s the latter.

  To whom it may concern,

  If you are reading this, it means I have made my final entry. I was sick, and you healed me. I was weak, and you made me strong. I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was cold, and you provided me warmth. Yet, when you robbed me of all of those privileges, I realized exactly how foolish I truly was.

  I was never weak. I was never sick. Never hungry, nor cold. I, and so many others, was made to believe that true ambition was perfection, that self-actualization was the product of a failed philosophy, like a buggy operating system. That we lived to serve the machine, not the other way around. I have dedicated my life to upholding such values, never seeing the faults for what they were, until you showed them to me in one raw, unfiltered act of destruction.

  You may believe that my life was forfeit the second I stepped onto that AV when I was just a child. You may see me as a company asset that has outlived its usefulness and is to be discarded like a crumpled-up paper, littered with erroneous scribbles and haplessly thrown to the ground beside the garbage bin because the hand couldn’t even be bothered to aim properly. You may think that self-worth is not deterministic in nature, that it stems from the value assigned to you. I know this, because it is how I thought for over a decade. And I was so incredibly mistaken.

  How many thousands - millions - of us have died in the hopeless sacrifice for 'honor.' As if such an act was a privilege. Japan is a unique nation in that we hold these beliefs as a matter of national philosophy - we are bred and raised in the belief that war is the culmination of the human experience, myself included. And I am equally prideful and confident in the fact that I had a talent for it, as did all of my unit. We were imperfect beings, but we did what had to be done, and I hold no regrets for my actions in service to defending this city.

  I carry those burdens with me to this day, and they have made me good at what I do. It is said that foxes hold two values to heart: loyalty and disruption. And that is what I shall demonstrate tonight. I pledge my loyalty to helping a man who had saved my life, and I pledge to disrupt the company that ended it, all in one fell swoop.

  I will kidnap Hanako Arasaka, and I will do so with the full knowledge that I may never return, and that I may never gain the help I sought after. Why do I do this? Because the man who saved me was wronged by this company in the same way that I was. Because this archaic, dehumanizing practice ends here. I will likely not live to see the end of the year, but I will do everything in my power to see to it that neither will Arasaka. And, if the gods are willing, then I will be good enough to see it through before that time comes.

  Many crews have tried – Morgan Blackhand, Johnny Silverhand, David Martinez, Jackie Welles, and others – yet the tower still stands, casting a shadow over the Land of the Rising Sun. I feel haunted by these lingering acts, by these souls both dead and alive. I can only pray that they will guide me to a just outcome.

  For the memory of the fallen, for those who came before me. Thank you for providing me with the means to do what I am about to do. And should I not return, then may my bones provide the next step upon which a new challenger may ascend on the way to the top of the Tower.

  Someone I trusted once asked me why I screamed a lot in my sleep. I never gave them a satisfactory answer. In truth, I believe it stems from something quite personal.

  I want you to imagine what it would take to teach a child how to kill someone. Incapacitating a person, even as a weaker opponent, is deceptively easy. Strike vital points - the nose, lips, solar plexus, genitals. Use their weight against them. The mechanics and techniques can be taught. But then you are asked to bring a knife to the person's throat and cut it. You watch as they helplessly grasp, their neck separated in two. The esophagus is exposed, flexing up and down as their body tries to draw breath, but the connections are severed. You see the look in their eyes start to dull and glaze over. And you realize, in that moment, how much was lost.

  You cannot train someone to understand grief. To know that, despite this person being an enemy, they are also a person: one who was, or indeed still is - filled with dreams, feelings, and so much more. It is my spiritual belief that everyone has a story, a purpose for being, a destiny to effect change. How, then, do you live with the fact that you have deprived another person of satisfying theirs? What is your justification in watching their screams die down, knowing you are at fault?

  I have not yet found such a justification. Their thoughts haunt me. Their screams - I believe, while the body may lie silent, the soul it housed still screams. And their echoes haunt my dreams every night, which is why I scream as well. You see, it isn't me who's screaming, and I'm tired of listening to them. They deserve a rest. We all do.

  If you are a member of my old unit, then I hope you are more well than me. I hope you have found peace.

  If Arasaka has found this first, then my message is simple: Foxes are wild animals. You will not own me.

  If my partner or a loved one sees this instead, well… please, take care of my cat. His name is Nibbles. Admittedly it's almost impossible for me to pronounce, but you may have better luck.