Jackie…? Jackie, can you hear me?

  I’m so scared…

  I can see it…

  The battle… the failure…

  I’m in so much pain…

  Jackie…

  I stood at the top of a set of stairs, seemingly descending without end… dangling a foot over the edge.

  “Just let go, see what happens,” Johnny said. I closed my eyes, and plunged into the darkness… Falling… falling… faster. I can see it… the bottom…

  I hit the floor, yet the floor was a tar… a deep, thick concoction, as if blackness itself was a liquid. It felt like floating in space, surrounded by pressure, yet utterly weightless… Some force compelled me to swim down… down… yet I found myself falling up… Not knowing which direction was which anymore. Yet as I carried on, I became lighter, lighter still…

  I surfaced in some sort of blackened forest grove… dominated by a single cherry tree lit ablaze. Every leaf that fell from it danced through the night like fireflies, producing great trails of embers in their wakes. And at the base of it… Jackie. Sitting… frightened.

  Jackie…? I’m coming… Jackie…

  He snapped up and appeared directly in front of me, gazing deep into my soul. I trembled before him as he grabbed my hair… Jackie… Jackie, please…

  I promise, I’ll take care of it… the Relic… I promise…

  Jackie… stop…

  He scoffed and shoved me backwards as hard as he could, sending me tumbling back down into the blackness…

  Lighter…

  Lighter, still…

  I have been denied entry.

  I cannot join you…

  I’m sorry.

  The skin graft on my face stung and itched incessantly, waking me up every hour or so… Or perhaps it was just the constant nightmares. Who’s to say. Then there’s my tormentor, who seems to be getting a kick out of watching me writhe around in misery all night and day long. No… I won’t give him the satisfaction. And I know in my heart of hearts that I can’t rest until Jackie is found. He’s still out there… Somewhere. Probably in that fucking dump where I first woke up…

  I rubbed my eye, struggling to focus it at first. The optic nerve must not be fully rebuilt yet. And by the look of it in the mirror, the pigment isn’t there yet, either; it’s still just the naked pinkish-yellowish color inherent to ocular albinism. It took a few days of healing for that to go away the first time, who knows how long now. At any rate, skin graft or not, I had to find him. I had to.

  –

  “Hmph. Nice ride,” Johnny spoke, appearing next to me in the passenger seat.

  “…Thanks. I think.”

  “Whatcha got under the hood?” he grinned.

  “Just the stock straight-six and five-speed – look, I’m really not in the mood.”

  “Pff, not much for small-talk, are ya?” he dismissively waved at me, “Fuckin’ fantastic. Course I get stuck with this cunt.”

  “Hey, I didn’t ask to get stuck with some fucking terrorist, either.”

  “Terrorist, huh? That what they call it?”

  “Yeah. Funnily enough, if you set off a fucking nuke in the city center, people tend to label you as a terrorist. Fascinating how that works, huh!”

  “Yeah, well, one man’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter,” he grumbled, taking out a cigarette from thin air, “Fuck ‘em. What year even is this.”

  “2077, May 28th.”

  “...What?”

  “2077,” I repeated, “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

  “Fuck me…” Johnny muttered to himself, “That’s what… 54 years…”

  “So it seems.”

  “No… Nah, nah, this can’t be right…” he shook his head violently, “Stop the fucking car.”

  “Can’t. Gotta go see an old friend first.”

  “Fuck your friends! Fuck ‘em,” he growled, “Stop the damn car!”

  “Look, I’m not stopping the car to appease the whims of a fucking hallucination, so you just sit there and be quiet… We’re leaving city limits, anyway. Gonna get plenty of time to think, I promise.”

  “Man, fuck this. Fuck you,” he sneered at me like a petulant child, “Don’t even fuckin’ smoke. And what the fuck is with the Japanese all the time, you think you’re some sorta real-life fuckin' samurai or somethin'? Cause all it does is make you sound like a fuckin’ poser.”

  “Christ, dude, do you ever use any other word besides fuck?”

  “Aww, why, am I offendin’ your sensitive feelings or somethin’?” he taunted me, “Just run us into oncoming traffic. Be fuckin’ poetic.”

  “Fine… blockers for you.” I downed the medication before he even had time to react, his engram flickering and disappearing as I turned off towards the landfill.

  I noted a pair of dogtags around Johnny’s neck earlier… I suppose, in a way, he would understand why I had to do this, assuming he lost someone in a war, though he’s the last person whose opinion I valued right now. Jackie deserves better than this place. If I had a choice, I would’ve sent him to his family, where he belonged… A landfill, though… I could never accept that. It didn’t matter how exhausted I was, how much pain I was in… I had to get this done.

  I think it was starting to hit me as I drove up the hill leading onto the landfill… I wouldn’t be looking for my best friend, sitting around, waiting for me to pick him up. I’d be looking for a body. The body of a man who’d been discarded as casually as rinsing off a dirty dish. I had no idea where to even begin, but I would turn this whole goddamn place over if it meant finding him–

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  Wait… Wait. Is that… Dex?! I guess that makes sense… it’s only been a week. Lying on the cool muddy ground… Body’s likely bloated but not fully liquefied… Or… well, I guess he was always that bloated… Still, that gives me hope for Jackie…

  No… I couldn’t just leave Dex like this… Fuck… it was supposed to be me… I wanted it… for Jackie. The man deceived him… treated him like a tool. One to be discarded as soon as he was finished with his work… No… a tool that was discarded once he broke it…

  How’s that “quiet life” of yours working out now, Mr. DeShawn…

  I drew my sword, wishing desperately for him to come back to life as well. I suppose he hadn’t the same level of will as myself. Nor a Relic in his brain, at that… Still, I ran through fantasy after fantasy, playing out exactly what I’d do with him while staring at his stiffened, putrefying corpse, left to rot here, forgotten by the world. Good riddance.

  No… I couldn't do it… I was neither willing to get this waste of life’s blood on Shinden, nor undignified enough to disturb the rest of the dead, no matter who it is. That said, there was a certain poetry in all this. The sunset cresting over a towering mount of garbage, the only real place this man belonged, anyway. But he wasn’t what I was here for. The man I came in search of must be remembered. Dex must be forgotten by everyone. Myself included.

  Think back. What time was it… Morning, I think. Got lighter as time went on. City was on my left, which means I was facing north when I dug myself out. I remember a… um… a car. A Galena. And there was a massive AeroZep in the distance on my right. Oh, and power lines in the distance… Alright. Well I have sight lines to two of those three, at least. That means Jackie’s body is probably… somewhere directly in front of me…? No, no… Nothing there except a pile of garbage. Sure, he could’ve been buried, but that soon? It’s only been a week…

  Think… Come on. Think harder. What did you see…

  Metal grate… a TV, or… uh, a scanner or… some sort of appliance…

  “Fuck are we doin’ out here?” a voice echoed in my head as Johnny apparated in front of me. “Smells like shit.”

  “Oh? You can smell, huh? Nice party-trick.”

  “Really wish I couldn’t,” he grumbled, “Guess this is as good a place to die as any.”

  “Tried it. Didn’t work out the last time.”

  “Hey, c’mon, man. That’s not the attitude of a winner. If at first you don’t succeed, take a knee and stab yourself in the gut or whatever the fuck.”

  “Not until I bury him.”

  “Who, Dex? Think that ship’s sailed.”

  “No. Jackie. You fucking wise-ass,” I lashed out at him, “Let me ask you something. You’re in my brain, no? Then I’d assume you know a thing or two about him.”

  “I do. Somewhat. Bits and pieces… Know he was the last thing on your mind when you kicked the bucket.”

  “Then you ought to know the value of burying a brother. Assuming those are yours,” I motioned to his dogtags, “So leave me be. I assure you that you’ll have plenty of time to ruin days to come. But not today. Please.”

  “Hmph…” he mumbled, “Fine.” Glad the fucker has at least some semblance of decency… At least I hope so. I looked back to see that he vanished the second he left my peripheral vision… Hm. No, stop getting distracted… Jackie first… This might take a while.

  Getting on my hands and knees wasn’t practical. I’d be here for eons if I had to dig through every single scrap, searching in desperation for a body I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure was here to begin with. I’d be more than willing to do that, except I didn’t exactly have a lot of time left. Moreover, my body really isn’t up to the job considering I have various skin grafts that haven’t taken hold yet.

  No… think of this methodically. Johnny will be no help, of that I’m certain. So it’s up to me to figure this out… I wonder if there’s like a trail, disturbed pathway… something. Otherwise I’ll have to work this in grids.

  Funny, I imagine Jackie would’ve said something to me along the lines of, “Diggin’ through garbage? How unbecoming of a noblewoman,” before laughing at me… Heh… I can hear his voice making such snide remarks. Yet I would trade everything in the world for that to come true… to be able to hear him just once more…

  I sensed I was getting closer, though. Granted, it’s been two hours now; I better have made some progress. But patience is a virtue… And I’m going to find his body if it’s the last thing I do. Truth be told, it may still be the last thing I do if I didn’t get a move-on.

  Put yourself in Dex's shoes. What do you do…

  Well, one thing's for sure, Dex's fat ass isn't hauling me all the way up here, much less Jackie. He was a cool 150-odd kilos with all his implants - fuck, what was that? Some sort of spark…? It felt like my insides were burning up… Was my eye trying to "turn on," finally? Hm. Nanites must run off bioelectricity. Interesting… where was I…

  Right… Dex didn't haul me here. He had help… Oleg. Okay, so Oleg… What was he thinking at the time. Probably thinking about getting away, same as me and Jackie. I was largely uncovered, just had a TV and some scrap metal on me. You didn't bury me… You were rushing. It's faster to just tuck a body somewhere than it is to bury it if you only had one person. And it's muddy, metal-strewn ground… No… burying me would've taken days. You went up here and threw away everything he had on him and-

  Hang on… What’s that…? Is… is that the gun we used in the Heist? Fuck me, it is… That fucking bizarre contraption, such as it was. I still have no idea where on Earth this thing came from or why Yorinobu had it in the first place, but at least I know I’m on the right track.

  Truth be told, though, this weapon did serve me well. Arguably it might’ve even saved our lives, if it wasn’t for Dex and his crony… I had no idea where on Earth Oleg would be, if he was even still alive. Actually, he probably wasn’t, if I’m being honest. When I awoke, Dex went up here alone, with no backup – a decision which cost him his life, courtesy of Takemura. I doubt that Oleg would’ve been able to stop him, but he was practically glued to Dex this whole time… his absence is most conspicuous. I’m willing to bet that he’s under some sort of rubble out here as well, otherwise that’s just another loose end for Dex to worry about. Hell, I probably already passed him.

  Whatever, I’ll take a win where I can get it after searching all this time… At least I have something concrete to prove that I have my bearing right.

  Two hours turned to three. Three turned to four. I took another beta blocker to keep the Boogeyman in-check so I can find my friend in relative solitude. I still had no idea if Johnny was still in there when I took them, just couldn’t manifest… I assume so. It’s not like omega blockers will shut off the Relic temporarily, if that’s even possible. Like Vik said, shutting it off means certain death, like taking all the support beams out of a building and expecting it to stand upright.

  Wait… is that… blood on the ground? How the Hell did that get there…? I was close. Real close. Seemed fresh - too fresh for mine. Maybe it was Oleg's? What reason would Dex have to keep him around?

  Still, a bloodstain with no body… odd. It didn’t track anywhere, either… It looked like someone was haphazardly dumped here, then picked up and moved somewhere else, rather than crawled on all fours while trailing blood. I suppose it’s possible that most of it would’ve washed away, but then why is there just this huge puddle there…? That doesn’t make any sense. But it’s the first sign I’ve had in a while… I can feel it.

  I’m coming, Jackie…

  Hang on…

  I looked back down the hill for the briefest of moments and noticed something. The power lines, the AeroZep… It was here. Though, not precisely here, obviously… Fuck, it’s getting too dark…Right. Stop, breathe… You’re just exhausted. You know where you stand, you’ve got this. He’s here. Somewhere…

  Keep looking…

  He was heavy. Wouldn’t be on the hill… Where was I buried, anyway? He was probably quite close to me… Hang on. My left eye was shot out… Left eye… Left? He was on my left? Perhaps. I didn’t see him earlier–

  Wait…

  I… Jackie…?

  Oh my God… Jackie…

  I found you…

  His suit camouflaged him into the night… I could only barely make out the glossy glint of his shoes reflecting off the fire. I propped my phone up on a nearby pile of trash and shone the light onto his body, just to make sure…

  Jackie…

  I’m so sorry…

  I tried. I tried so, so hard…

  “There’s… There’s so much… So much I want to say to you… But I can’t find the words… heh… isn’t that funny? You were always criticizing me… for… for not being… being able to speak my mind… You trusted me… But… But I couldn’t trust anyone. Not even you… my own brother…”

  I did this…

  Why couldn’t I…

  I was… I was supposed to be there for you…

  Please… please just say something… anything…

  I’m here… Jackie…

  I’m taking care of the Relic, just like you asked…

  I hope you made it to the major leagues… You’ll knock ‘em out of the park, Jack.

  The longer I stared at him, the less depressed I felt, and the more my flesh boiled with an incomprehensible rage.

  You saved my life. I wish I could save yours… But I failed.

  Why am I furious? I could feel it… crawling under my flesh, like a rash… An itch I couldn’t ignore.

  Jackie, you were the one person in my life whom I could count on for anything. The one person. And I flushed it down the fucking toilet…

  I hate myself. And everything I have become. But, even more than that, I hate this fucked-up world. A world that never deserved you. A world that took you from me. From Misty. From Vik. From your mother…

  I can’t… I can’t go on like this…