I needed to detach, and fast. All this was too much to take in at one time. It all just made me want to drive until there was nothing left in my fuel tank or Miyoko's, "ancient piece of shit" it is, so that’s roughly what I set about doing. Of course, being stuck in Watson, it’s not like I could go anywhere even if I wanted. And I so desperately wanted. In fact, I wanted to go anywhere but here right now.

  Yorinobu Arasaka… Why on Earth did it have to be him… Anyone but him… Not only was he possibly the most unhinged and unpredictable person in the Arasaka family, but he’s heir-apparent to the throne and holds a vice-like grip over his own division in the company. Of course he’d have an undead Adam Smasher on his payroll, too, just to complicate things further. As if it wasn’t bad enough already. As if this whole situation wasn’t just so incredibly fucked up.

  I wanted to just… scream at Jackie. So badly. I wanted to scream at him. Why, Jackie… Why did you take this fucking job… And we can’t back out now, we gave everyone our word and it’s less than 24 hours away. So why’d you do it? What did Dex promise you? Was it a life of glory, perhaps? To go down as a legend in Night City? Because that’s about the only thing you’re gonna accomplish. All you’re gonna do is prove to the whole world what a couple of gonks can do to get themselves killed in the most flamboyant way known to humanity.

  I could see the tower in the distance, standing prominently amidst the remains of the western financial district. What was once the hub of finance and culture is reduced to nothing more than about a dozen sad, corporate-looking office buildings, and this characteristically-intimidating structure standing prominently amongst them all. Most people would label it as an art installation, I’m sure.

  Little of this made sense to me, but perhaps I’m just not seeing the full picture. I get Jackie’s stake in it; he’s after the glory and the money. He won’t take mine because he’s a man of principle and wants to earn it, and I respect that. But surely there are easier methods to go about that than taking the elevator straight to the top of this tower? I doubt either of us are gonna care much about how much this thing is worth when we’re dead. I didn’t sacrifice years of my life, going to war, leading a department, dealing with all sorts of fucking crap as a mercenary, for it to end like this. And I know Jackie’s been through the ringer, himself. He deserves so much better. I just wish he’d one day grow the eyes to see that, or the balls to seize that, for that matter. As-is, this feels more like coming across a sexy-looking motorcycle and buying it, only to realize it’s falling apart and the front forks give way on the highway and you end up giving your face a cheese-grater makeover on the pavement.

  I wondered what’d be waiting for us at the top of that tower. Not literally – I already knew that from the BD. Aside from that, though, what else is up there? A billion eddies? A new life? A swift yet exquisitely painful death? All three? Who can say. Looking at it now, it doesn’t seem particularly ominous. But the closer I got, the more imposing it felt. Like it was threatening to swallow me whole.

  So much felt wrong here. Something didn’t add up, but I couldn’t place it… What was it? Right, let’s back up and start with Dex. What did he want – really want, out of this? Alright, think back to that conversation we had in the car… what did he say? He actually insulted Jackie, called him ineffective at his job no less than two times… Tried to drive a wedge between us, I’m almost sure of it. Not that any of that stuck… guy underestimated our connection, perhaps? No, no, he doesn’t strike me as the sort to overlook that. Alright, let’s pull up to the building, maybe get a better understanding of what I’m looking at if I see it up-close and personal.

  I haven’t been to one of these hotels in many years. Funny, people of my social standing would normally never get caught dead outside of structures like this, yet here I am, effectively a foreigner on my own soil. I imagine us going through these very gates tomorrow evening, ready for war like we’d never experienced before. One which Jackie hasn’t, certainly.

  I doubt he really knows what he’s getting into. Granted, he never spoke much about his time in the cartel, but I doubt he was allowed into any of the big-boy meetings. Not many of these people are open about the high-risk jobs like this. And if he was privy to them, I doubt he’d be so aloof about the whole situation. Fuck, I doubt even Dex knows, much less Evelyn. She’s swimming with the sharks here.

  Part of me wouldn’t have doubted it if the concierge said the tunnel I just drove through was fashioned with real gold foil. These people really are that vapid. Fuck, I need to listen to myself every once in a while. It’s like I opened up the taps and I’m saying what I’m really thinking now that I have the freedom to do so. It’s frankly a little scary at times. I’m so used to just… not. Nobody cared then. Nobody cares today. Nobody’s listening. So what’s the point? I’m just talking to dead souls anyway.

  I pulled up past the main entrance too quickly to be noticed by the concierge. Didn’t seem particularly busy today, which is to be expected, I suppose. The last thing Yorinobu would want is foot traffic inside what’s effectively a fortress masquerading as a hotel. I’d assume that every client would have to be personally vetted, or at least be on Arasaka’s preferred list. I wonder, then, how T-Bug would circumvent those defensive measures. I imagine the database is internal, otherwise just anyone with sufficient skills could hack themselves onto the client list. Interesting… what if my credentials would be flagged, like if I’m still technically employed and, thus, would be given a room befitting my status instead of the one T-Bug planned.

  The song “Never Fade Away” by Kerry Eurodyne came on, a funny coincidence. A samurai listening to a track originally made by Samurai, heh. Not really my jam, though. I’m more of a city-pop and synth girl. Though I’m not listening to anything anymore as I entered the underground parking garage, a beautifully-sterile white and red. This whole place looked far cleaner than any hotel I’d been to, Tokyo or not. I suppose that’s the effect Yorinobu’s presence has on the staff. His name itself is a bit ironic – “Reliance; Decree, order” isn’t exactly evocative of someone as notoriously rebellious as him. In truth, he sounds like a deeply interesting and introspective person; a shame, then, that we weren’t born under different circumstances.

  Yorinobu kind of reminds me of myself, in a way. For one, the car I’m driving now, my ever-dependable Miyoko, is technically stolen, which feels like something he absolutely would’ve also done in his youth. Just to fuck with his old man, if anything. We samurai are typically extremely reserved by nature; it’s been engendered into us for over a thousand years. That’s a difficult habit to break. But I believe that, for every generation of ours, there exists maybe a dozen or so samurai who possess a deep reservoir of spirit and feeling extending beyond what is to be expected. A great fire, something that simply will not be quenched no matter how hard we try. All we can do is scream…

  I wonder, then, what causes that phenomenon. An overly-strict and burdensome upbringing, perhaps? I, for one, wouldn’t sleep a single restful night at home with Saburo Arasaka as my father. Growing up that isolated… it does something to a child’s psyche. Especially one yearning for a greater understanding of the world like Yorinobu. Saburo might as well have been depriving his son of sunlight or fresh air. It’s sad because I can wholly relate; perhaps I’m projecting, even. But I feel like, in another life, we would’ve been fast friends, even allies. Talk about being burdened with a terrible fate. Just wanting to live your own way against the establishment, but fated by birth to take over the most powerful establishment in existence. I don’t know how he deals with the shame of it every day… though I guess it's easier to deal with when you're sat on the hundredth-floor.

  There’s something profoundly special about that man beyond his flamboyance. I imagine he stole the Relic out of spite; he made that part clear enough in the BD recording. But he doesn’t strike me as a man who makes many mistakes. Certainly not something as egregious as letting a doll into his private quarters while she records everything she’s hearing and seeing, nor letting her openly view a document detailing the existence of this prototype device and how to store it. What’s he playing at, I wonder…

  I parked up and clasped my hands together, hoping for some form of guidance… Anything. Shinden, Miyoko… What do I do…?

  Mom…? Dad…? What would you do in my place? I can feel the crushing weight of the building on top of me… Threatening to bury me alive… How, how do I overcome this? So many unknowns, so many variables left unaccounted-for. I don’t even know how I’ll make it two steps into this place. What’ll happen if we fail?

  I’m scared… I’m so scared… For myself, but most of all, for Jackie… He deserves better… But I gave him my word and I can’t back out now… I feel so lost. All I want to do is scream…

  I still wonder what she meant by that… “Scream until you are heard…” She never screamed. In fact I don’t recall her ever raising her voice once, even during training. Yet my mother had such a presence as to command tremendous respect no matter how little was said… Perhaps that’s what you meant? No… Stop it. Stop thinking too much, you’re just fucking your own head up…

  I wonder how ashamed she’d be, knowing I’m here. About to do this. How ashamed my father would be… My grandparents, my ancestors… I’m sorry…

  Jackie, why did you have to do this? What did Dex tell you? “Quiet life or blaze of glory,” I think is the phrase you used? Fuck, you were always such a sucker for this shit… All this pent-up anxiety that you’ll never amount to anything, yet you can’t see the fact right in front of your face that you’re worth so much more than you believe. So much more than some fucking asswipe like Dex wants you to believe. What did he tell you about me, I wonder? He tried convincing me that you’re poor at certain things, did he try convincing you, too? Did any of it work, I wonder? Fuck, here I go again, thinking I wouldn’t have his shit go to my head, and I’m still thinking about it.

  Seriously though, what is his angle? It can’t just be for the money, it’s gotta be for the recognition… Alright, let’s roll with that. So what’s happening here, let’s see… Start at the beginning.

  Evelyn learns of a device called the Relic, but… Wait, no, back up. The Relic is public knowledge. Soulkiller is far more niche and historical, but still pretty closely-guarded… Right. So Evelyn learns of… What? A new type of Relic? Some sort of prototype, I assume the only one of its kind, which uses Soulkiller somehow. Okay, what’s it designed to do?

  Well, the Relic itself is a device which copies someone’s psyche onto a digital construct, effectively “backing up” a person’s data… Nah, fuck this, I need a walk.

  Soulkiller is effectively a weapon-turned-data drive, I think… It was originally meant to seal a person’s consciousness on a disk so they could be interrogated and tortured without legal ramifications, since such an engram is considered “property” if it’s in Arasaka’s servers. Then Arasaka modified it and turned it into the Relic, used to store a person’s engram like a holo message, or, well… close enough… Fine, let’s run with that. What’s the next evolutionary step that would require such a piece of technology…? Hang on… What was it the whistleblower said…? Something about “Godhood,” I think? But what would that even mean? None of this can create anything remotely like that. At best it’s an emulation of consciousness… So it’s got to be something else. Maybe it’s some sort of AI soft and Arasaka’s just using the Relic as a cover? Or maybe it’s an engram that’s been infected by an AI and it’s all some fucked-up experimental weapon? I shivered at the thought, but I believed him when he said it was a means to achieve “Godhood,” whatever that implies… I'm missing somethiing obvious here, I just know it…

  This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

  Even the elevator looked imposing… I suppose the grass is always greener from the other side. I remember the first time I found myself before an Arasaka elevator, it made me tremble with anxiety. And now, some 20 years later, not much has changed.

  Okay, so forget what it is, that doesn't matter. Let’s assume that Evelyn knows as much as I do about this prototype Relic. Her angle is easy enough, then – money. She’s a doll, probably with Mox connections, perhaps some altruism there as well, but it all comes down to money. Actually no, because she’s in bed with Yorinobu… Yet she’s hanging out at Lizzie’s Bar? Why? Those two worlds don’t mix together… She goes way back with Judy, though, and Judy didn’t seem to know Yorinobu was involved, so I’m assuming Evelyn’s just a high-class escort who was in the right place at the right time, met with Yorinobu, and he saw the perfect means to execute his own goals… Assuming everything lined up…

  Evelyn, then, she speaks to Dex… Wait. Why did she speak to Dex…? She already knows a competent runner with Judy, the Moxes are good at what they do. So she needed anonymity, most likely. Alright, what’s the next step. Dex said okay, and hired T-Bug as a runner. T-Bug recommended us because I specifically downplayed my reputation and Dex was looking for a pair of anonymous up-and-comers. Alright, pieces are starting to fall into place.

  Evelyn, then, is the true brain. She’s just using Dex to get us, which is why she sees no reason to keep him in the loop. But what about Yorinobu? The man is well-educated, ambitious, clearly a renegade at-heart… Is he playing Evelyn? The whole sell to NetWatch angle, the pillow-talk… Nah, something doesn’t add up. A shrewd businessman, no matter how much of a rebel he is, cannot steal something so incredibly valuable and lay his whole hand bare for the world to see… There's no way in Hell he didn't know Evelyn was scrolling during that whole time. No, he has a part to play yet, but only one man knows what that is, and he’s sat about 100 stories directly above me.

  Right, fine. For argument’s sake, let’s say he doesn’t have an agenda. Evelyn’s acting on her own ambitions and not being played by him or someone else, since a lot of people would theoretically want this tech. Dex is just a con artist, I’m not worried about him. And Jackie’s just blinded by the light… Fuck. Am I overthinking this shit? Underthinking this?… No, no… something definitely feels off here. T-Bug knew too much. Alright, how would she know… Dex told her about Yorinobu. So Dex knew. Which means he deliberately left both myself and Jackie in the dark as to the magnitude of the operation until he got my word.

  What does that mean? Dex doesn’t trust us… moreover, he hid critical data from us. I only accepted because of Jackie, otherwise I probably would’ve picked up on it sooner… Okay, so then let’s take it for granted that he’s still hiding stuff from us. Critical stuff. What could that be? Evelyn didn’t seem like she was lying. In fact she let me peer into her brain. Dex presumed to be my choom and I shot him down, so he tried another tactic. Then another… No, he’s hiding something big. Something I bet T-Bug knows and Evelyn doesn’t know. Fuck… No, no, stop overthinking. Look, just get the job done and let it die already.

  –

  The following morning

  -

  I woke up and immediately drove down to Misty’s, feeling like I desperately needed some guidance… something. “Hey, V!” She smiled as I came in, “What’s up?”

  “A lot, Misty…” I sighed, “I, uh… I don’t know.”

  “Oh?” she frowned and stared at me, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just… Well, I don’t know. You ever get like a gut-feeling that you can’t seem to get rid of no matter what you do?”

  “Sure,” she nodded, “Presentiment.”

  “What?”

  “Presentiment. The feeling that something’s about to happen before it happens. Like a premonition, except… more emotional.”

  “Huh,” I shrugged, “Gotta remember that.”

  “So V,” Misty’s smile returned, “What can I do for you?”

  “I need a reading, I think. And a prayer,” I sighed deeply.

  “Sure, you’re a…”

  “Shintoist,” I finished her statement.

  “Right, um, well I have a shrine for you, then, in the back-right corner. Can put an offering there. But first, let me get out my deck…”

  “Wait, hang on,” I stopped her, glancing over at the cards already on the table, “I feel like I recognize that one.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s Jackie’s old deck.”

  “Oh right! I forgot about that one… I helped him pick it out, too,” I laughed, “Sorry, that’s embarrassing.”

  “Nah, I thought it was adorable!” she cheerfully spoke, “You picked well. I feel a strong energy with these cards.”

  “Alright, well give it a shot, then.”

  “Okay, you know the drill by now… Focus on the recent past and what you feel your presentiments hold.”

  “Okay…”

  Misty flipped the first card over. “The Fool. That would be you,” she chuckled.

  “Hah, well I guess it’s better than ‘Death,’ right?”

  “Heh, if you want to look at it that way… The Fool symbolizes the beginning of a journey. Brimming with enthusiasm, yet remaining unaware of your true capabilities or the enemies you face.”

  “Hmm…”

  Second card. “The Wheel of Fortune. The danger is greater than you think. It will come suddenly, without warning. Conflict is unavoidable.”

  “Doesn’t bode well for my presentiment…”

  “The Reversed Chariot,” she said as she turned over the third card, “This danger is tied to a love of risk. Perhaps yours, perhaps your allies, your enemies.”

  And the final card. “Hm… The Magician. Interesting…”

  “Why?”

  “The Magician is… You will meet someone… charismatic. Someone bold. A trickster. Someone you may even grow to love…? Hard to say.”

  “Huh… Well, I’ve certainly met a few characters in recent days.”

  “Then, perhaps, you might grow to love one of them? Or someone in your future?”

  “Hm… I see. Are you and Jackie conspiring against me, now?” I laughed, “Trying to get me hitched to someone after so many hits-and-misses.”

  “Hah!” Misty laughed, “Unlike this card, I’m no magician, V. Gotta do that one yourself.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I chuckled back. “Look, I’m, uh… I’m not gonna need my sword for this. Have to go incognito,” I removed Shinden from my belt, “Could you do me a favor and hold onto it for me?”

  “What?! Are… Are you sure?” Misty reeled back a little at the sudden and undoubtedly alarming request.

  “Hey, if there’s anyone I can trust to properly maintain a family sword, it’s you,” I smiled, “God forbid something happens, Arasaka might raid my home or something and… I don’t know…”

  “Hey, relax,” Misty smiled, “It’ll be okay, alright? Whatever it is. You’ll get through it.”

  “Oh? Did you see that in the cards, too?”

  “V…”

  “Sorry,” I frowned, “That was insensitive… Just… please take it. It’ll be one less thing for me to worry about.”

  “Of course I’ll take it, honey,” she nodded, holding her hands out and allowing me to gently place Shinden in her loose grip. “Does it have a name?”

  “Shinden,” I muttered, allowing my fingers to slip slowly away, “Meaning ‘Magnificent Lightning.’ For the hamon… uhm… the waves in the blade… that look like a lightning strike… I don’t know. I didn’t pick the name, don’t laugh, okay?”

  “Hey, I’m not laughing… It’s beautiful. And ominous,” she caressed the lacquered wood scabbard, “Shinden… Hm… I love how poetic Japanese names are.”

  “Mm,” I nodded in agreement, “Alright, I’m gonna go see Vik. Promise you’ll take care of it, okay?”

  “I promise.” She placed Shinden gently down beside the shrine, loosely covering it with a mosaic-pattern tarp so passersby couldn’t see the priceless weapon at a glance. I walked out of her shop feeling nothing short of naked and terrified with no way of defending myself, but it was ultimately a necessary sacrifice for the mission. I couldn’t wait until this was all over. At least Shinden was in good hands… No better hands than my own, really. I knew Misty would keep it safe, no matter what happened. Though I’m certain it wouldn’t come to that. Not with the amount of prep-work I have in mind.

  –

  “So you left the sword with Misty, eh?” Vik raised an eyebrow, “Good call. Corpos know to keep their distance here and Misty’ll take good care of it. Did see some mercs come in before, workin’ with ‘Saka. They all gotta have the newest, shiniest implants… but none of them seem particularly interested in the esoteric.”

  “Oh? What sort of implants?”

  “Eh, the usual. Pain editors, Sandevistans, weapon smart links… You know, all the shit you refuse to get,” he chuckled, “Seem to do just fine without it though.”

  “Yeah, when I have my sword… But I appreciate it,” I nodded, “Right now I’m… I dunno. Just looking for some advice. I guess.”

  “About what?” Vik asked me as he tightened the screws on his glove.

  “I don’t know… Just… I guess I’m just having second-thoughts.”

  “About the job?” he tilted his head and looked at me.

  “Yeah. I don’t know… I… I don’t really know what I’m asking, to be honest,” I shrugged and scratched my head, “I’m sorry.”

  “Sounds like you don’t need a ripperdoc, you need a friend,” Vik spoke in his characteristically-gruff yet soft-spoken tone, “How can I help?”

  “That’s just it, I don’t know if you can, I, uh…” I paused and sighed, “I’ve been asked to infiltrate Konpeki Plaza.”

  “Ah, hence why you dropped off the sword,” Vik noted, “So you wanna go full-anonymous, huh?”

  “That’s the idea.”

  “Want a makeover? Som’n temporary, but should getcha through the door as staff, or som'n different, whatever you got in mind.”

  “No, no… I… I just want it to be over already.”

  “V, can I be honest?” Vik looked straight at me, “You look like shit. Just trust your instincts, and trust Jackie. That’s all you need to do.”

  “I do… I just…”

  “Nope, then that’s it,” he smiled, “Just remember to get your skinny ass through that door alive when you’re done.”

  “Don’t worry, I will. I’ve been through worse,” I nodded, “Thanks.”

  “Anytime.”

  “...Actually,” I thought out-loud, idly playing with my hair, “There is one thing you can do for me…”

  Arasaka military regulations are a little different for women designated as “Special Agents.” Nevertheless, we had to follow strict codes of modesty like everyone else. You wear attire befitting your social status and military rank. You follow specific codes of behavior – no cursing out-loud, no unnecessary shouting, and so on. For us active service members, it was even stricter. You must be clean-shaven. And your hair must be no longer than collar-length, with sideburns at or above the middle of the ear…

  Time to go back to war.

  I drove straight home and waited for Jackie to come back from… wherever the fuck he was. I had no idea at this point. Frankly it felt like he wasn’t taking this assignment seriously at all, and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. Did he think we’d just walk in and out of one of the most heavily-guarded places in the world like the wind? Because if so then I had some bad news for him.

  I suppose I should enjoy the calm before the storm. I’ve seldom had feelings like this before, pre-mission jitters before a merc job. It’s grown routine enough over the past several years that I just don’t think much of it. No, this felt more like a military operation. Like I was part of the security detail of a convoy running through Death Valley, surrounded by buzzards and Dragoons looking to rip us off. Like that moment when I looked out the window and saw a massive billboard for aftershave or something and immediately thought to myself, “That’s a convenient zero-point for mortar fire.” Then heard the whistle of an incoming shell… It felt like that. I don’t know why I was having such bad anxiety… Maybe it’s the fact that it was Arasaka. I’m robbing my own people. I couldn’t blame them for what came next.

  I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I just wanted it all to be over…

  “Eyy, V!” Jackie strolled in, “You okay?”

  “Jackie, what the fuck?!” I shook my head and stood up, “Where the Hell were you?”

  “What?- Hey, what’s with the attitude? Oh, dig the haircut, reminds me of the good ol’ days-”

  “Forget the haircut, what were you even doing?”

  “Figured I’d go out with Misty for a while, spend the day with her, why, something happen? What’s wrong?” he asked me all concerned, “And why’d she say you gave her your sword?”

  “Fucking- ah, forget it,” I breathed out, “Just having some pre-mission jitters, I guess.”

  “What, ‘jitters?’ V, you’re shaking, you’re not even dressed. C’mon, you’ve been acting weird since all this shit began, what’s really going on? You can talk to me, y’know.”

  “I know… Fucking… God, Jackie,” I sat down, “I-I’m sorry… I should have more confidence in all this.”

  “Why, what’s the problem?”

  “Everything, just… everything,” I said with a raised tone, “I don’t trust Dex, I don’t trust whatever the fuck this plan is, I don’t know any of the people on this job apart from T-Bug and how much do we really know about her, I mean, the only part of this whole steaming pile of shit that actually gives me any measure of faith is you.”

  “Yeah, and I don’t like it either,” he shrugged, “But I’ll be damned if I go back to livin’ in Heywood and pullin’ shit jobs for people. Any one of which can go tits-up in two millisecs. Least with this, it’s like, we do this shit and that’s it, we’re done. Sit on our asses at the Afterlife, sippin’ some tequila and eatin’ real steak, I mean c’mon-”

  “Dude, this is bigger than your ambitions, okay? People can die here.”

  “And people can die gettin’ shot on the highway, or gettin’ run over, or just ‘cause some gonk was in a bad mood, don’t mean I gotta get all worked-up about it,” he fired back, “Don’t tell me like you don’t wanna leave your mark on ‘Saka. Like you don’t wanna hit ‘em where it hurts, takin’ away this fuckin’ crazy-ass Relic thing they got cookin’ up.” Okay, admittedly he’s right on the money with that.

  “Alright, fine…” I pinched my nose, “Then I’ll tell you what. Let’s just go grab a bite to eat before heading down to meet Dex, okay?”

  “Hah! I knew it!” he shouted suddenly, “I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.”

  “Shut up!” I laughed, “Now help me pick out something to wear.”