The sheer volume of monsters available to fill his dungeon with was exhilarating. Egbert had always considered himself a rather reserved, danger-avoidant fellow in his last life, but getting to BE the danger was surprisingly fun. And best of all, there were actually quite a lot of creatures in his price range; it did, however, seem that almost all of them had a respawning version that cost quite a bit more.

  Egbert had also seen monster respawners as a room item he could buy, but they were solidly out of his budget for now; that might be one of the first things he purchased as soon as he had the capital because it would get expensive quickly if he had to buy a new monster every time one died on him.

  The meanest things he had available to him right now were a selection of abominations from the cursed lands up north. A morass of monsters and hungry plants everyone just called the Forsaken Lands. Any of those would make people jump into the pit rather than face it, but of course even the cheapest option on that list was over a gold.

  Egbert didn’t need a murder machine anyway; what he really needed was something dramatically annoying that was hard to kill. He found a few standouts in his budget he was debating between.

  [Kleptomaniac Ghost] (3 silver)

  Possesses people for the sole purpose of stealing their belongings and stashing them near the cursed object that binds this ghost. Not very dangerous in the conventional sense, but it's immune to most non-holy damage that isn't directed at its cursed object.

  [Ravens Of Rau] (4 Silver)

  Not actually ravens It’s technically a swarm of magically created familiars coming from a tiny treasure-obsessed frog wizard, yeah… The eastern swamps have some weird shit in them. But this weird shit will rob a man blind; literally, they go for the eyes while they steal.

  [Loot Bug Bully](8 Silver)

  You took his brothers for their shells; now he's going to take your shit and probably beat the hell out of you. He will mostly leave adventurers alone after they are broke, bruised, and thoroughly embarrassed. Powered by spite and armored with the, well, armor of their enemies, these things are tough but rarely lethal.

  Egbert really, really wanted the fighting version of a loot bug because so far that had been far and away his best purchase. But for now it was out of his budget. Besides, maybe I can upgrade Loot Bug Number One into that somehow. My skill does say I can upgrade entities; I bet the pissiest little pile of coins counts.

  Egbert Bought the klepto ghost, and a small coin purse fell to the ground. Oh goodness, the cursed object is a bag of coins? I am suddenly feeling much more confident in its ability to survive the upcoming conflict. I haven’t met an adventurer yet who would smite a bag of coins.

  Egbert finally finished up his preparations just as a single loot bug spawned. No one had come today, so what he had for the night's festivities was what he had, period. At least until the knights started leaking coins. He put the door toll at two silver coins; he didn’t want to push it too far and have them just kick in his doors. Except for Buyer’s Remorse, he had him set to one gold because either he got an entire gold or he got rid of a problem—win-win, really.

  The damned door seemed excited about it, like he somehow understood the concept of money and that his odds of combat just went up dramatically. That, or he was just finally losing it, having been in a dungeon for days without a single kill.

  Egbert rushed to his porch and just sat there looking out into the darkness, excited to see the walking, talking, highly inebriated coin purses he was promised. Sure enough, a clamor rose from down at the lake; he could see three figures stumbling around the shore lit by a single ever-burning torch that cast them in a strangely pure white light.

  Just behind them it looked like they had lost one of their members; a fully armored and armed knight was crawling after them in between retches. “Whaait frrr mehh guys, I can still BLEGH…” Max, good gods. I thought the plan was to send them in full of false courage, not to thin the herd of the weak. Lord, what did he give that poor man?

  Egbert watched in amazement as the knight stubbornly refused to be abandoned by his fellows, crawling after them like a damned undead, leaving a trail of unmentionable horror the whole way. The other three knights made it to the porch while the brave fallen soldier was still about halfway around the lake. They looked surprisingly ready to delve into a dungeon.

  All of them carried large packs and had a sword and shield of fine make. The first on the porch was taller than the others by a head and had a bushy red beard that nearly hid his features. He stepped up to the door with a sneer, “Fuckin course the mages have a toll door just like the barman said!” He pulled the most beautiful thing Egbert had seen so far in this life from his pack. A coin purse stuffed to the brim with silvers and a teasing flash of gold.

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  The second in line gestured at the door; the only defining feature about him was the fact that his armor seemed like it had seen better days, likely a hand-me-down, unlike his companions' glistening custom fits. “Randy Just pay the blasted toll; I wanted to stay and drink. It’s you and Ben that demanded we come and show how big our manhood is to a damn mages trial.” Yes, Randy, just pay the toll!

  “I don’t need to prove that to anyone!” The slightly shrill voice of Ben came from the final figure at the door. Sure you don’t...

  “Randy, just pay the toll!” Randy said mockingly back. “Don’t be a spoilsport, Joe.” Randy stepped forwards and slotted a coin into the door. Ahh, a battle of wits between friends. It's a shame that everyone has come unarmed.

  [1 Silver]

  He paused for a moment. “Goddammit,” and put another coin in, grumbling the whole time. The door swung open impressively, showing...Yet another door. Randy furrowed his bushy features in disbelief. “Are you fucking SERIOUS?” He practically threw two more coins into the next door.

  [4 Silver]

  The second door swung open like the reaper of Randy’s already dwindling patience. Egbert leaned his view forward in excitement; there was no way the hothead was going to pay another toll door. Randy just stood stock-still, his eye twitching, starting hatefully at the next door.

  Behind him Joe had doubled over in laughter. “Go on, show the mages how much they can scam out of your dumb ass! Oh my gods, this is great!”

  “Wait! Bleghh… For me...” Came weakly from the downed warrior slowly crawling up the stairs.

  Randy drew his sword and took a very obvious "fuck this door in particular" stance; mana started to pool around his hands. Then the door excitedly peeked at its new opponent, completely derailing whatever plans Randy had a second ago. “Ho Ho! Try and lull us and get us with a mimic, ehh!”

  Joe suddenly stood up, his laughter trailing off. “Wait, really?” He peeked past Randy. “Oh shit, yeah, it’s a mimic all right. looks like one of the really basic ones though; maybe this really is a trial of some kind…” I have no idea how people keep falling for this.

  “Fucking told ya!” Came a vindicated-sounding shout from Ben.

  Randy slowly sheathed his sword with a truly malicious look on his face. Then he lunged forward with a wide sweeping haymaker backed up by a surprising amount of precision. Buyer's remorse caught the blow straight to the eyeball, and he pathetically windmilled backwards from his doorframe, tripping over the Loot Bug racecourse into a tangled heap.

  Ahh well, they may be drunk blowhards, but I suppose they are knights after all. Trained by the best and armed with full combat classes. I had hoped that my least favorite door would get a bit more dignified sendoff, though, or at least get a chomp or two in. Egbert braced for Randy to skewer the door mimic as it flailed like a turtle knocked onto its shell.

  Randy didn’t draw his sword; instead, he lunged forward with a rope he had materialized from his pack and roughly wrestled with the mimic, pinning it to the ground with a booted foot as he looped the rope around it over and over. “Ha, fuckers won’t get one over on me!” Randy practically cackled out as he overpowered his low-level foe.

  Joe watched the flailing tangle of limbs and rope with an open-mouthed expression. “Man, what the fuck are you doing?” Egbert heartily agreed, Yes, what are you doing? You don’t seem the type to take mercy on a door, Mr. Randy.

  Randy heaved on the rope, pulling the loops savagely tight around the middle, deforming the door shape just a bit and utterly pinning Buyer’s Remorse’s arms to its sides. “Gonna sell this loser! I bet the mages paid a hefty coin or ten for it. Mimics are pretty rare!”

  Ben surprisingly was the one to voice reason: “Or you could just grab that thing…” And pointed to the world's angriest insect as it scream-hummed at the scuffle happening a mere stride from it.

  Egbert watched in morbid fascination at this point. I haven’t the slightest clue how this is going to go, but I'm rooting for you, my precious quivering ball of spite and gold! I'll get you another sibling if you manage to get one of them to brain themselves.

  Egbert wished he had the ability to actually laugh as he watched all three knights immediately forget about buyer remorse in its heap on the floor in order to chase the bug. He had never seen a creature without the ability to make facial expressions look so offended before; its single eye was practically screaming “fight me” as the men dashed away from it.

  The Loot Bug was a blur of golden agility, weaving from pillar to pillar, between legs, and just generally running utter circles around the men. Things rapidly escalated; Ben threw his sword with a skill-empowered overhand strike. It pierced through the pillar the Loot bug was scurrying through narrowly missing. The sword carried through straight at Joe, who ripped his shield in infront of himself, casting a shimmering multilayered barrier that deflected it into the stone ceiling in a shower of rubble and sparks.

  Randy matched the suddenly insane level of force leveled at the bug. Raising his sword high It took on a crimson glow as it heated to the point the air around him shimmered. Then he began a flurry of wide sweeping blows that rent pillars and the stone floor alike apart in roiling molten rivers of stone. His rampage was only stopped as he stepped too far forward on a particularly violent lunge and his face met the sloped roof with a crunch.

  Oh holy hells, these guys are actually kind of terrifying. Egbert couldn’t believe the Lootbug was still alive. Randy finally begrudgingly walked over to the Haste obelisk, holding his bleeding nose, and pulled out a coin. “This trial is bullshit. Why does that fucker get so many hiding spots?” The bug actually hissed at him in response. “Oh, fuck you!” Randy shouted, slotting in the required silvers.

  [6 Silver]

  Randy began the deadly dance again, this time at speeds that were hard for Egbert to track. His comrades straight up fled the room as he whirled madly, cutting every piece of cover the bug zoomed anywhere near into molten slag. He stood in the center of the simmering room, breath heaving as the haste ran out, looking around himself, sword at the ready. The lootbug leapt down from its perch on the ceiling straight into the man's collar, scurrying right into his armor.

  Egbert was beside himself at this point; he barely even cared it would take a few copper to remake the room's cover. Oh gods, I haven’t seen anyone trounced this badly since the king forgot to pay off his opponent last tournament!

  Randy spun in circles, clawing up his sleeve and into his collar before ripping a gauntlet off and trying to reach inside his armor that way. Things were looking rough for a few moments until the bug scurried down his armored leg and off into the loot pit room.

  Randy screamed after the bug in sheer rage at this point, “I’m going to fucking kill you!” He dashed up to the obelisk and slammed two more coins into it, getting hasted again before exploding into the next room, his strides so fast they kicked up small patches of rubble.

  [8 Silver]

  Well, isn’t that just wonderfully convenient, running ahead of your friends into the room you absolutely shouldn’t go into without help?

  [Achievement Granted To “Monster”]

  Egbert jumped at the sudden notification and read the details with increasing interest. Oh ho ho! That will do nicely.

  [Too Strong For The Cost]

  This particular Loot Bug has shown its dominance over multiple foes that exceed its level by a vast margin. In other words, we don’t know what the hell you did to it to make it this angry and strangely aggressive, but it deserves a promotion at this point.

  [Reward]

  [Free Upgrade Choice, Pick One]

  [Choose for monster]

  [Let the spiteful bastard choose his own fate.]