Watched a few videos recently on reciprocity, boundaries, self-respect, and self-esteem.

  Humans are so fallible lately that we, as Humans tend to write things off as whatever social media dictates it to be. Alas, this is the divine flaw of the Modern Human. A Modern Human strives, yearns, obsesses, and searches for external validation. “Why does no one love me?” “Why do I not have a relationship yet?” “Why am I so lonely?” “Why do I goon so much on No Nut November?”

  The Modern Human searches for answers through social media. Social media perhaps generalizes things in certain patterns that most of us find appealing and easy. “If you text them after this much time, you will get a boyfriend.” “He is just playing hard to get.” “Text them palaces.” In reality, these patterns lead to extremism and certain forms of foolishness they call “politics” nowadays, where, in reality, when nothing sits right with a narcissist, they tear the things they deem destructive to their vision down.

  The Modern Human is quite different from the Ancient Human, but nonetheless just as unhealthy. We follow patterns from what we see in social media rather than establish four pillars: Reciprocity, boundaries, self-respect, and self-esteem. To value your own life, value these four first. I have just started. Not even getting close to a year, alas, we are all a part of this journey. It isn’t a race nor a marathon; it is an experience we share.

  Reciprocity. In order to have something from someone, you give the exact amount to them. You perhaps sent walls of messages or spoke to a person over and over again to the point where you began trauma dumping, and they had nothing to say. This is the first problem. Reciprocity indeed is mutual respect. What I just described in such scenarios was the absence of reciprocity. You give too much, yet they can’t pay. Think of it as a barter. You sell. They buy, but make sure they have something to pay you, or at this point, you are enslaving them to your whims, you cunning old salesperson. If they have no answer, simply do not send more. Do not send palaces, send little foundations of a palace you will build together.

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  Boundaries and self-respect go hand in hand. Nice guys and gals are very alike, very humorously obsessed with searching for someone who willingly emotionally abuses us. Have you asked yourself why? Why do you allow such? Perhaps a family member, a relative, or even a friend who damaged us so much that we searched for someone like that in our lives to fill the gaping hole in our chests. Perhaps we were damaged, and we thought it was okay to be damaged, and when they left and you missed that pain, you looked for another hammer to nail you down. That is abuse. That is not a relationship, and I damn well know you deserve better than that. Acknowledge your feelings when you feel discomfort, and speak about it after. Yet, make sure to control your anger before you take any action. Thus, create a boundary, and find something else in your time that gives you so much love for yourself. Instead of latching on, give yourself a hug, and tell yourself it will be okay.

  Lastly, self-esteem. Why look for another relationship, friend? Why latch on to someone in order to find love when you cannot even learn to love yourself? You are the most beautiful person in your life, and you are appreciated. Appreciate yourself as well. Kindly, in order to build yourself, you must not care about validation from others, except the validation of yourself. So, keep a journal write down one thing you did right today, even just a word, you will be happy.

  What constructive thing can I ask you to do? Confide in your hobbies, your friends, your work, build yourself and create connections, and then, you can find love.

  -Maz Abatman