“Sooooo, we win?” Ayre adds as Lilly withdraws her rapier from the Calamity with a sizzling hiss. Whatever essence is wreathing her weapon seems to be having a similar effect on it that Nyssa’s weapons did to me. The damage is more than cutting or chopping, it seems to disintegrate the essence itself or otherwise disrupt some core aspect of it so totally that it’s rendered inert. With a very uncharacteristic scowl, Lilly looks like she's getting ready to stab the corpse a few more times for good measure, but something about doing so unsettles me, so I hunt for an excuse. “Lilly, I'll take care of this, you should probably take a look at Slinks.”

  Eyes widening, Lilly drops her blade abruptly and runs over to Slinks, who seems to be stirring with weak mewling sounds.

  I walk over cautiously to the Calamity, gesturing for Ayre to step back. “I'm gonna check something out. Just give me a second.” Rolling my shoulders and planting a foot on the side of her neck to hold her steady, I reach for the side of her head.

  “Uh, should you really do that, Olly?” Ayre asks. Her voice is strained and makes me question this myself. Should I be doing this? I stand to gain a lot by doing it. Both in terms of power and knowledge.

  “I’m hedging my bets that since she’s dead, there’ll be less risk. Everything else I've tried to absorb was still thinking and awake, so it's as much an experiment as anything else. I’m going to grab on for just a second. Just…knock me back if something weird happens.” She nods, moving closer on my left in preparation. Lilly, on the other hand, looks over briefly, deeply worried, before returning to incanting at the wounded weasel. It’s a much better look than the one that she had when we parted yesterday, but it’s definitely belying the need for a conversation.

  Ayre in position, I gently touch a finger to the Calamity. A tiny trickle of power and information, barely perceptible and largely useless. It’s no more dense than what I get while walking around in a breeze. With an audible swallow, I hold my hand over her head, building up a bit of bravery.

  I make contact and feel my mind flooded with information. Very similar to when I consumed the crystal lizard. It’s different in a couple specific ways, though. One: I don’t feel the mind trying to assert itself over mine. Two: the information flows readily and clearly.

  Despite those things, however, it’s still altogether too much information to make any sense of. No single memory manages to resolve itself into anything usable. I feel an acute disappointment at that. Maybe if I try harder, I’ll be able to glean something useful?

  I grip her carapace as I close my eyes and try to pull with everything I can. Trying to will a specific memory or ability to the surface. I don’t really care what it is. I just want to do something for once, rather than having things happen to me. I’m tired of failing at things. I’m tired of struggling and fighting. And, above all else, I’m tired of what these things did to me and I want some amount of payback.

  Thinking about it makes me feel angry. It reminds me of the well and how I felt when I couldn’t light that stupid lantern. How hard it was to help Ayre — and how I hurt Ayre in the first place by just touching her. Why should this thing be exempt? Everything should be able to be understood. It’s just the way the world should work.

  I feel a thrum in my arm. A pulse of something that’s hard to classify in a clear way. But it feels familiar, warm, welcoming, and gentle.

  I reach for it and take hold in my minds eye, and when I do, I feel a connection form. A fundamental link. And with that linkage I feel memories resolve into clarity but do so at a disorienting speed. It feels excellent, though. Like something I should have been doing my entire life.

  Memories of something other than death. Memories of a life. A long one, even. All of them appear to be from this specific Calamity’s viewpoint, but I cannot meaningfully separate any of them from others right now. I’ll unpack them later. For now, I’ll take and take until I can’t.

  "Wonderful, Allanius. How does it feel?"

  When it comes, the voice isn’t cloying like last time. It’s not trying to wrench its way into my mind by force. It feels conversational. Because of that, I relax and decide to engage.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be dead? Your body is breaking down.”

  "You, more than anyone here, should understand that we are very difficult to actually kill. I saw those memories. You’ve experienced it plenty of times. How does it feel to take? Do you feel more in control of it?"

  The question unnerves me in the extreme. I did just do it without really thinking of repercussions. But she’s ultimately right. “Yes, I do. And I’m sure that you know full well how it feels.” I feel an almost melodic chuckle alongside the feminine voice that’s pleasant to hear, calming. Like there’s no stress or malice in the world for her. The juxtaposition of what I know is lying in front of me and the tone of the voice and conversation is disarming.

  "I most definitely do. Tell me, Allanius. I'm wondering, do you think that makes you a monster?"

  “I… That’s something I’m still wrestling with. All signs indicate that I am, but I don’t feel like what a monster should feel like. Based on what I've gleaned from the couple that I've… absorbed. Most of the time, anyways.” Intellectually, I know I probably shouldn’t be having this conversation. She tried to kill me and my friends, but…if I don’t have this conversation now, when will I ever get the chance again? That thought hurts to even think about.

  "You’re aware that part of the reason those urges are coming on so strongly is because you aren’t taking care of yourself? It’s not something that ever goes away. The need to take essence, knowledge, memories, power. The urge to be prepared. But it’s something manageable. Your circumstances might render you less stable than one of us who have fully Become, though."

  The words make perfect sense and come alongside an emotional sensation of honest pity. “Nothing I consume ever feels satiating. At least, not without going to great lengths to find large quantities of essence rich materials. I guess I’m not surprised that they’re related. How do you manage it?” It feels somewhat validating to hear talked about. And similarly if it can be mitigated, then that’s a boon of knowledge as well.

  "I…have perhaps less than fantastic news for you on that front, given your predilections against harming kyn. Kyn, of all kinds, are the most essence dense things in the Material World. Consume a single experienced individual, and you’ll be sated for weeks, months. Your next best option would be monsters and monster cores. With those you're looking at days at best, though. As to how I manage it? I do what you would find distasteful. I take from those weaker than me to reduce the number of those stronger than me. Simple survival."

  “Why are you telling me this? Why are you helping me after you tried to kill me?”

  "I never tried to kill you. Once you were disabled, I left you somewhere you could be found. If I had wanted you dead, I could have easily done it in at any point in these fights. Either by taking your essential self into me, or more crude methods. I consider you to be something akin to a child of mine. Though that doesn’t quite explain the connection accurately. Simply put, I wish to see our kind succeed, and you are a unique case.

  "As I’m sure you’ve come to know, unique knowledge is the most satisfying knowledge. And if you die in a ditch somewhere after being stabbed with pitchforks by ignorant farmers who see your arm and declare you an unstable monster I would be denied that knowledge. I can't guarantee another like you will ever come around again, thus, I want you to survive. To hopefully thrive.

  "If you wish to become a monster, you need only let go. But with effort you could become like me instead."

  “What does ‘like you’ mean?”

  "Many of our kind lose themselves in the Becoming. Preciously few retain enough cognizance to be called sapient. That’s the other reason, beyond kinship. I know how lonely you feel and it’s something I’ve shared at times. Being a singularity can be that way. Monsters don’t possess this level of thought. It’s why I don’t consider myself a monster, in spite of what a technical classification says.

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  That makes perfect sense to me. All of her answers do, really. But there is one discrepancy. “Then why did you come back and attack Ayre? That seems to conflict with leaving me be.”

  "That, I must admit, was a moment of weakness. The girl possesses incredible essence density and after our fight I was left feeling more than drained. I made a poor judgement call that would have seen me killed if not for your intervention here at the end. Let that be a lesson, even for one as old as I, I was one poor judgement call away from being killed by foes that I should have taken seriously from the outset and killed immediately. Fight mercilessly against kyn, Allanius, they won't hesitate to do the same to you.

  "Us 'monsters' don’t get second chances. I think you know that."

  A tick of time passes before she speaks again.

  "What is that girl you’re traveling with? I’m entirely unfamiliar with her magic and essential composition."

  That question carries a very different emotional resonance. It’s something much more bitter, but laced with curiosity and hunger. If I had to guess, resentment towards Lilly for landing the final blow. But I know how I feel whenever there’s something I can’t understand, and what it makes me want to do, so I decide to answer evasively. “She’s not of the kyn. Specifically what? I’m not one hundred percent certain. When I’ve tried to read her like I have other things, all I get is garbled nonsense.” It’s almost entirely truth, but after a pause, the next exchange feels apprehensive.

  "Speculate? If you give me something, then it’ll sate my curiosity and I won’t feel as inclined to come take her later to find out in detail. You must have ideas."

  “For her safety, I’m not going to be doing that.” I firm my resolve and prepare to pull back from this connection.

  "You know it’s not malicious, right, Allanius? We just need to know things. Humans aren’t malicious when they slaughter a cow for meat. They do it out of equal parts perceived necessity and preference. But nobody would accuse the act of being malicious despite the fact that they can easily eat without killing another living creature. We don't have that leniency. As you've found out, nothing is essence rich enough to sate you. Kyn are our food source. We don't have a choice. Not a real, practical one anyways.

  "For most of our kind, that choice is easy. They don't have sapience or morals or any such like. They want to know, and that's all that matters. Only things like you and I are saddled with such thoughts as these."

  "Irrespective, though. My time is nearing its end and I must be on my way. We’ll meet again. I should like to talk to you as equals someday. Just without your meddling companions. If you wanted, you could stay with me instead. I could teach you how to thrive and get to the bottom of what has left you malformed."

  “What do you mean you have to be on your way? You don’t seem at all capable of moving.” I try to pull away but feel my consciousness held fast in the connection.

  "I never do anything for just one single reason. This was giving me time to recover from the damage your rapier-wielding friend inflicted atop satisfying my curiosities about your mind. It’s been delightful, Allanius. Enjoy the repaired mind I've given you, and take care of yourself."

  I manage to break the link and open my eyes with every piece of willpower I have, immediately raising my fist and pulling every spell and ability at the forefront of my mind into it and slam it down as hard as I can. But it’s too late. The body of Calamity merely "falls" into the ground, leaving behind a scattering of essence motes in its place like any other monster dissipating. I find myself punching solid stone without any reinforcement magic and feel a couple of my knuckles crack at the impact. But when the myriad spell effects and dust clears, she’s entirely gone, and my friends are standing and staring at me in surprise.

  “Well, that didn’t take long. What just happened Olly? You went quiet for maybe a minute and then punched the ground. Are you okay?” Lilly runs over and starts fussing over me, which brings a blush to my cheeks that dispels my momentary anger at being tricked.

  “A lot happened, but I’m okay. Just very tired.” I rise and look around at the area. There’s still smoldering trees and blackened sections of grass, and that building Ayre brought me to is utterly wrecked. It still has three sides of its walls standing, but part of the roof has collapsed in. It’s still usable as a shelter, and it’ll serve for that once we clean it out a bit.

  Ayre chimes in as I look around. “Your arm looks much better. Evidently you took everything you need to get back to where you were originally. I’m glad we got something out of this whole thing.” She sounds bitter but relieved all the same. I can’t really fault her.

  Can I tell them about my discussion with the Calamity? Thinking on it, I almost feel like I shouldn’t even say that she escaped.

  Why am I even considering that? Our problems came from not sharing information. She is not my friend. Lilly and Ayre are.

  “I think that was given freely, actually. I’ll tell you about the rest, but I desperately need to sit down. I feel the worst I think I ever have.”

  Having failed to find a decent rock in a short distance, I opt to plop down in the grass, holding my head in my hands with my elbows braced on my raised knees. My head is killing me and seems to be getting worse.

  “You sure you’re okay?” A warm hand drops on my shoulder a moment before I hear Ayre drop to the ground next to me. Lilly joins us after a few moments with Slinks in her arms, held on his back like an oversized dog. A somber look rests on her face and the stoat doesn’t seem to be moving much.

  “Not really, if I’m going to be honest. What happened there was that when I tried to draw essence and knowledge from the Calamity she talked back at me. We wound up having a conversation before she made it clear she was just distracting me to buy time to recover.”

  Both of the others — Lilly now sitting — look shocked. I continue, “I…shouldn’t have talked to her… I think. She answered a lot of my questions and didn’t seem to bear me any malice or anything, but she made it clear that she’ll be checking up on me in the future.” I hang my head. “I just felt like I couldn’t miss that opportunity to find out something because she seems to know a lot and might even know about me specifically. Claimed to give me some “gifts” too.”

  Lilly reaches over and pats my knee. “It’s fine, Olly. I don’t think we can really fault you for wanting to find information about what’s going on. Least of all me. We beat her once, we can do it again. And if she doesn’t seem to wish anything ill on you, then so much better.”

  Our dragon companion scoffs as she pulls her wing forward — it’s pretty grim. Her right wing is burned almost all the way to the point that that one is without any of the leathery membrane anymore. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t buy that that thing doesn’t “bear us any malice”. You do remember that she jumped you, beat the hell out of me, and showed no signs of stopping either of those things until Lilly poked a couple holes in her brain, right? How do you even know it’s a “she” anyways?” She reaches for a healing phial, but finds none. Instead she reaches into a pouch and pulls out a salve and works to spread it onto the scales surrounding the blackened parts and I see some of the membrane regrow ever so slowly. She watches with rapt attention but frowns.

  “I’m not about to tell you that you shouldn’t feel that way, but what I’ll say is that what drove her to do it is something I’m at least a little sympathetic to. Lilly, can you help with her wing?”

  “Lay here a moment, Slinks, I’ll be right back.” I hear a petulant sigh from the weasel — a decent indicator that he’s not dying, probably. “Let me see the wing Ayre, I’ll see what I can do. I need to try something before the wound starts to reflect on your shade, even if only to buy time until I have more energy to do it.” Her hands land gently on Ayre’s extended wing, beginning to emit the golden glow I’ve come to associate with her spellcasting.

  [[Dragon, bold, with eyes of flame]

  [Courage, true, through ash and pain]

  [With tattered wing and wounded pride]

  [Heal these wounds so she may thrive]

  Ayre closes her eyes, wincing as the material starts to grow more quickly. “Breath Divine, that itches! It doesn’t hurt anymore, but By Khana Herself, it itches.” By the end of the spell, barely a half inch of material has come back and the rest of the wing is looking more lustrous. Lilly, on the other hand, staggers backwards from Ayre after releasing her wing, planting backwards onto her butt in the grass, looking dazed.

  “Best I can do for now, Ayre. I need to reserve something in case Slinks has any internal damage. Sorry.” She carefully picks herself up off the ground and returns to my and Slinks’s sides.

  “It’s alright, Lil, I think we all need to actually set up camp. We’ve got another couple hours of daylight. The shelter should be salvageable, I think. I’ll go and gather some firewood to last the night. If it’s already this cold out I don’t want to be trying to get more in the middle of the night.”

  “I don’t think I’m any use for the physical stuff, but I can start fixing things up in the shelter, maybe?” Lilly offers.

  “Do you think you could repair my sleeve, Lilly? It…got damaged while I was fighting that thing the first time. In the meantime I’ll move all of the big stuff and start trying to fix up the wall as much as I can.”

  I know the conversation will be coming. It can’t not. Not after what happened, but I’m relieved to see us together again and working as one. I think everyone is well aware of it, but it can wait until we’ve relaxed a bit.

  As we all set off to take care of our respective tasks, I keep running the seemingly recovered memories through my mind, trying to refresh them as well as I can without using my journal. It’s definitely the case that it’s not a solved problem, but after I use a couple as a test, I don’t suffer the distracting fatigue and disorientation of losing those memories when I use them.

  What's more, they don't go away. They get hazy, and I can't really use the same one back to back, but after a brief break of maybe ten or so minutes those memories seem to return or resolidify.

  It leaves me smiling and feeling a bit more hopeful as the time to rest comes.

  Maybe meeting that calamity will be a net gain for me. If she can mend my mind like this, maybe she could do more.

  Maybe.