Eventually, finally we start moving again. I swear, it’s like they forgot that we just got confirmation from a royal spy that people are hunting for Olly. No haste whatsoever. What’s worse is that Olly wants to go talk to that Sidhe again.

  I don’t want to. I want to leave. The fact that they’re gorgeous and apparently Olly wants to talk to them has nothing to do with it. No.

  But we head to the grove with the helpful Sidhe and I watch as Olly tries to apologize for getting kidnapped. Again, even worse, the grovetender starts doting on him! They get in close to him, being all flirty and touching his arm, leaving me standing here (with Ayre, I guess) to watch as the two of them walk around the grove and chatter.

  The Sidhe is tall. Maybe that’s it. I see Olly looking at Ayre and they're tall. So Olly must just like tall types. He’s kinda short for most guys I’ve met and looking around town to compare, so maybe that’s related?

  He does seem happy, though. His side of our connection feels buoyant and light. Warm and friendly. So, I guess I can abide this druid monopolizing Olly’s limited time and keeping us here in danger.

  “You okay, Lil?” Ayre waves a hand in front of me, bringing me back to the present and out of my head.

  “Yeah, why?” At some point, I started tapping my foot and crossed my arms across my chest. I do not remember doing that.

  “Because you look really mad? You’re just oozing jealousy right no-”

  “It’s not jealousy! I want to leave this place and the last thing we need is a tricksy half-fae trying to keep Olly here longer for whatever clearly nefarious purpose. Maybe they were the person who told the goons where Olly was? They did apparently show up right after the grovetender left.”

  Ayre just fixes me with a wry smile and gosh it makes me want to slap her. Only a little. Gently, but hard enough to make a point. Compounding it, the sidhe looks over here with a cheery smile and waves. They wave at us while walking holding Olly’s elbow talking about flowers and fruits and ferns.

  “So, I don’t necessarily disagree with…some of that, but let him be. This is the first person he’s talked to by himself since waking up who isn’t us, and they seem to like him pretty well.” Ayre steps directly between me and the pair. In her glamour she’s much more unassuming but still carries herself like she’s waving around wings and a big tail. And being taller and broader than me anyways, she still very effectively blocks my line of sight. “Why does this bother you so much?”

  I close my eyes and let out a slow sigh, hesitating for a while. Unsure how much of what to say and how to frame it properly. Her question is pretty open-ended, at least, so I’ll just answer a different question within that question. “I’m just scared, Ayre. That hellion girl — the way you described her fighting, her abilities and the way she acted — she sounds like she could roundly put any of us down if she shows up. I’m good with a sword, but nothing like you, and if I’m being frank, Olly isn’t a fighter in the slightest. You’re the only one of us who might be able to go toe to toe with someone like that.”

  “Olly did get the upper hand on her, remember?” Ayre offers, searching my eyes.

  “She was badly wounded, had a broken and unsplinted arm, was in bog-standard basic armor, and apparently her essence is some sort of super poison for him. Olly got lucky, Ayre.” That makes me think, actually. I go quiet for a little bit, contemplating. Ayre waits patiently until I speak again. “Have you ever thought about how lucky Olly is and how often he is?”

  Ayre takes on a contemplative pose, scratching at her soft human skin with the same scratchy rasp it always does when she scratches at her scales. The dissonant sight and sound throw me for a second. “I guess, but it’s not like he’s not due it. I don’t know what put him in this condition, but it’s not like his luck is doing him many favors in a big way, right? He’s still suffering other people’s memories, destroys anything he touches, and…ya know, has no memories of his own.”

  I dismiss the points with a wave, thinking bigger than Ayre, evidently. “Sure, those are all bad things, but they almost certainly stem from one bad event. But since whatever happened, he ran into someone who could have easily killed him in a position where he was all but guaranteed to escape. He drifted down a river for who knows how long before happening upon us. We’re two people who are pretty well-equipped to help him. And now he’s lucked into…” I gesture behind her and see the Sidhe leaning in close to Olly and whispering with a giggle they both share. “That.”

  “Sure, but all of those are also things that had to happen for us to be where we are right now. It seems convenient, sure, but that’s just how cause and effect works. Besides inbetween those events, he almost accidentally killed me, has had maybe ten emotional breakdowns, nearly got killed by that crystal lizard, and got brutally beaten up and kidnapped. It’s not like it’s all roses and rainbows.” While she’s giving me counterpoints, her tone isn’t ultimately combative. She’s giving it serious thought at least.

  “I suppose you’re right. I’m just trying to think of what’s next. I’ve read more stories than I can count and told just as many— Do you think Olly likes the sidhe?”

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Ayre shakes her head, getting whiplash from my apparent nonsequitor. I honestly surprised myself with the question. But it’s in the air now so… “Lilly, do you think I’m any better at reading the mortal kyn than you are? I have even less experience dealing with people than you do. They both seem happy and Olly looks calm. That’s good enough for me.” The look she gives me afterwards almost feels accusatory…but maybe that’s just me.

  I’m supposed to back off from things. Let the mortals tell their story and help where I’m needed. I’m not needed here. If Olly met the love interest of his story in a flowery grove in a small town shortly after getting hurt, it’s not like that’s not a good story. Who am I to say otherwise?

  “And now you’re frowning. I know I didn’t ask a specific question, but I kind of expected you to continue with what you were thinking.” Ayre makes a display of looking in my eyes, leaning close and clocking her head to the left and right like a curious cat. “Do you need a hug, Lil? You’ve been out of sorts since we made it to town.” She spreads her arms wide — wider than a mortal normally would — and I feel a small gust come from her currently hidden wings and have to smile.

  “I would never turn down a hug, Ayre. Besides, while I’m big like this, your hugs are great.” Obliging, she steps forward and gives me one of the things she does best. Her hugs always come with a sort of special warmth. It’s difficult to explain and put into words, but she’s explained it to me that it’s something that her kind do subconsciously generally and can do on purpose if they’re feeling more…affectionate. They pass essence between one another when sharing contact. Being basically an elemental, the act of sharing essence with someone is almost literally giving a piece of themselves to the recipient.

  It’s all very lovey-dovey, but she’s always refused to admit to the more amorous potential for it, no matter how much I prod. It all seems very obvious to me that she could do it deliberately to tell someone she’s interested, maybe? But she’s always just said that it would never happen anyways, so she never saw the point in thinking about it.

  We separate, and I feel warm and fuzzy inside. A feeling that I realize… I look up and see Olly looking directly at me with a huge toothy grin before he’s distracted again by the Sidhe.

  Rolling my eyes with a small smile, I loose a small sigh. “Answering your actual question. Ayre: I've shown you the connections that form between us, right?”

  “Yeah, though I've never really understood how and why they form. I get the idea, but they just feel very ephemeral compared to how most magic works.” She shrugs and I hear the muted creak of her wings. I've never been able to explain a lot about my magic. Father says that much of what the fae know isn't for the mortal kyn; that it could lead to problems if people find out. So I've always had to be very indirect about it.

  “Well, for the whole time I've known Olly I feel like I've done nothing but upset, confound, or depress him.” Ayre opens her mouth to speak. I'd expected her to, so I hold up a hand. “Point being, the connection between Olly and I has been about as diffuse as those he has with people from before he got cursed and lost his memories.” It stings to say out loud. One of those painful thoughts that you avoid even thinking, let alone giving life by releasing it into the world. “You, on the other hand, formed a strong connection with Olly right away. It's about as strong, coherent, and mutual as the ones between us.”

  A dawning realization washes over Ayre's face: understanding above and beyond what assumptions she's been making. “Look, Lilly…” she seems to hesitate, searching for words. “I said it before, but I'm not the best person for gauging that stuff with people. I literally grew up basically alone in a cave since I was a child, but I think you might be putting too much weight behind the appearance of those connections. Especially with Olly, who is a veritable nexus of exceptions to most rules. I've never even heard of those essence types and their apparent behaviors seem too broad to make sense to me.” A firm, scaled hand falls on my shoulder as she leans down and gives me a small smile, “Despite all that, I think whatever you're feeling about Olly is fine, myself. Despite any mistakes you've made, you've shown him that you're someone who's not going to abandon him like he seems to want us to do sometimes.”

  I know what she's trying to say. I know what she means by it. And I know she means well. But I just don't know how to get it through to her that these things aren't really up to interpretation like that. It awakens a bit of uncharacteristic anger that I have to fight down to try to explain better, “I can see our bonds, Ayre! I know what they mean! It's objective information, no differently than what Olly seems to get from what he has going on. It’s just emotional rather than being data like he gets. I can't just ignore it, it's how the fae work. This stuff is what we are. And what I am tells me that I keep making stupid mistakes, hurting Olly, and driving him away because I'm not thinking or trying hard enough. Look at how easily that sidhe has done it. They've made Olly happier in the span of ten minutes when he came to apologize for getting beaten up in their presence than I have in the weeks we've known one another!”

  I feel myself coming near a realization of some kind. A particular thought on the edge of my emotional awareness that I think I'm terrified of giving life to with my thoughts or words.

  I just have to leave for a bit. That's all. If watching this is making it hard to support my friend, then I need to get some distance and do something else for a little bit. Because I know that Olly has to be feeling my strife right now, and that will also be hurting him, even if indirectly.

  “I'll be by the gate we'll need to leave by. I just need a little space for a little while.” Ayre reaches out again, starting to say something, but I shy away from her touch. Stay aloof, stop meddling, Lilly. “Sorry, Ayre, it's nothing you did wrong. Olly either.”

  Before anything else can happen, I turn and head down the path into the alleyways. Before I round the corner I feel something cold in my heart and turn around to see Ayre looking concerned but Olly farther back looking worried and at me directly.

  I try to give him as warm a smile as I can muster and hope he really can't make out any other details on my face. If he knew I was crying, that would probably just make it worse. To avoid that. I turn and leave, heading into the alleys to make my way to the gate. They'll all be along before too long, and the distance probably won't make me feel worse.

  Probably.