A month passed. Virtus had barely spoken to me. When he stayed in Medolina, he still let me sit next to him in the Great Hall. Perhaps that was partly because of Agatha’s needle, I didn’t dare ask her. He rarely stayed in Medolina though. He did much of his ruling from the beautiful vineyards of Aloria, with the duchess by his side. I let him. What else could I do?

  One evening when he was getting better he let me expin the whole story from my point of view. I made absolutely sure that no-one else could hear us, then I told him everything truthfully, from my very first night with Alvar until the fateful night when Alvar stabbed him. He didn’t say much in return. I think in part Lady Agatha’s magic prevented him from doing so.

  No-one knew exactly what had happened. But it was clear to the whole court that I had lost the king’s favour. Although I was not left completely friendless. My dies-in-waiting from Havermark still stayed by my side, as did Lady Ilene. I became reserved, and focused on my embroidery and reading.

  Summer was slowly arriving, each day a little warmer and sunnier than the one before. Even in spring it was warmer than the summer in Havermark. I wondered how Medoran people survived the hottest months of the year.

  One night I was sitting at the centre of the big table with Virtus, Duchess Karina sat at his side and Duchess Erina at mine. My husband and Duchess Karina were chatting away cheerfully, Duchess Erina and I sat in uncomfortable silence. She had been even more cantankerous than usually since her wishes for her son to ascend to the throne had been thwarted by Virtus’s miraculous recovery. Then they brought in the food. It was a fish dish in a spiced sauce according to Medoran custom. As they put the pte in front of me at the table I only had a few seconds to turn to the side and throw up.

  The vomit spilled on Duchess Erina’s dress, who shrieked in dismay. Servants came to the sides and helped me to my room. I y in bed wondering what I could have eaten or what infection I could have contracted to have such a violent reaction. I already felt a bit better, and was able to eat a little bread that the servants brought.

  Then there was a knock on my door. It was Priestess Unata.

  “Hi, Priestess,” I said cheerfully. “I don’t think there is a need for you to check up on me. I don’t think I’m very ill after all.”

  “I’m sure, Your Majesty,” she said calmly. “I’m just here to ask a couple of questions.”

  “All right, go ahead,” I told her.

  “What was it that made you throw up earlier this evening?”

  “It was the smell of the fish,” I told her. “It was unusually potent somehow and I guess it just came as a surprise to me so I accidentally vomited.”

  “Right, so you smelled it more intensely than usually?”

  “Yes, I guess so.”

  “And when was the st time you had your monthly bleeding?” she asked carefully.

  I paused.

  “About six weeks ago.”

  “Right,” she nodded sympathetically.

  Oh no.

  ***

  The pregnancy was retively easy, although such a thing is never truly easy. The hot summer didn’t help either. The Medoran people went through it retively easily. I felt like I was a lobster being boiled alive.

  Virtus became more cordial with me, although we still never shared a bed. I missed him so terribly I would probably even have conceded to share him with the Duchess, although I would never have been happy about such an arrangement. But he talked to me again, went on walks with me, at one point when I was particurly emotional because of the pregnancy he even gave me a hug. I savoured that moment for weeks, to feel his warm body against mine again.

  Thankfully he never seriously doubted that the baby was his. It was probably because I had told him so many terrible truths that he didn’t suspect me of lying.

  The child was born on the first day of winter. There was a terrible storm all night and the bour was long and difficult. He was finally born at the first light of day. Our beautiful son Cato.

  Virtus came in with tears in his eyes once the birth was finally done. I y in the bed with the slimy infant pressed flush against my chest.

  He hugged us both gently and kissed the baby a hundred times. He ughed when I told him that he was getting slime from the baby on his lips. He told me he didn’t mind, he was just so happy that we had both survived.

  ***

  It was a beautiful day in the pace garden. Cato was running around, trying to catch butterflies with his chubby hands. His little bare feet pattered on the small patch of grass and wildflowers that the gardener had made just for him. I thought back to my own childhood in Havermark, where I had been able to run across fields and forests with my siblings. Cato was so small now that the patch of grass sufficed, but soon he would need bigger fields to py in. Perhaps I could find a small pace somewhere in the mountains where we could go for part of the year.

  I was sitting on a bench with my embroidery hoop. It was now four years since that fateful spring when everything had gone wrong. Now it felt like the distant past. We had never seen hide nor hair of Alvar or Adora since that fateful night. There had been rumours of Titius in the city, but he had never come to bother us again. Perhaps rumours had all been fantasy.

  “Daddy!”

  Cato’s face lit up, as he saw Virtus’s figure appear in the doorway facing the garden. He ran towards him, with small clumsy steps, as is father walked in his direction with outstretched arms. Then the little feet faltered and slipped on the rocks. Cato started crying and before I could get to him Virtus had already picked him up.

  “Oh my sweet boy let me look at your hands,” he said with his soft deep voice.

  My heart skipped a beat every time I met him after his long trips to Aloria. I always forgot just how badly I wanted him, but as soon as I saw him again I remembered.

  He was almost the same, after his injury, except he got winded a little quicker when walking up the stairs or running. The medics said it was a miracle that he healed so well, I knew it was all thanks to Agatha. She was my most beloved friend and trusted advisor and a wonderful grandmother figure to Cato. She herself was getting up in years, but still seemed hale and hearty for her age.

  Virtus softly held our son’s hands as he examined the red scrapes on them. I came up to him too.

  “Oh no, Cato,” I said calmly. “We’re going to have to wash these.”

  Virtus’s deep brown eyes met mine. I looked away quickly and blushed. I was sure he would never be interested in me again, but still I couldn't help my heart from fluttering every time we were together.

  “Welcome back, Virtus,” I said.

  “Thank you, Talia,” he said politely.

  I walked over to one of the guards in the garden.

  “Could you get some clean water from the kitchen please?”

  “Of course, Your Majesty.”

  Virtus and I sat down together on the bench. Cato sat in his arms, calmed by his father’s presence. He was a real whirlwind of a child. He only ever sat still when his father held him.

  “How have things been at home,” Virtus asked me.

  “They have been very good, thank you. Cato has learned how to do basic addition.”

  “Really, is this true?”

  Virtus acted very impressed and looked earnestly at Cato, who nodded enthusiastically. He was a spitting image of his father, with the same sparkling deep eyes, curly hair and rose petal lips.

  “What is two plus three?” Virtus asked Cato, with a reverent tone.

  Cato furrowed his brow and lifted up two pudgy little fingers on one hand. Then three on the other. He looked at them very seriously for a moment before he replied.

  “Five.”

  “Very good!” Virtus said cheerfully. “Could you also calcute five plus seven?”

  Cato furrowed his brow again, and lifted five fingers on both hands. He stared at them for a while before shaking his head fitfully.

  “I donno.”

  “That’s that’s an advanced method,” I ughed. “But he’s very good for his age to even be able to do these smaller numbers.”

  “I’m sure,” Virtus said smiling to Cato. “You’re a very smart boy.”

  Cato beamed proudly at his father.

  The guard came back with the water, and as soon as we had washed the scrapes Cato could get back to running around after the butterflies. Virtus turned to me.

  “He’s growing up so quickly,” he said softly, his dark eyes sparkling in the afternoon sun.

  “Yes, soon he’ll be too rge for this little garden,” I told Virtus. “I was thinking maybe we could go to the mountains some time, let him run around real fields and valleys.”

  “That sounds good, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go too far away from the capital for too long,” Virtus said thoughtfully.

  “Oh that’s fine,” I told him. “I thought maybe it would be fine if I would go with him for a couple of months over the summer. Then we wouldn’t have to suffer from the heat either. You wouldn’t have to come any more than you want to.”

  “Of course,” he looked down.

  He sounded a little hurt.

  “Or if you don’t want that I could even take him to Aloria,” I added defensively. “I wouldn’t really like to stay in the duchesses castle but perhaps in a small manor nearby. Then he could sometimes py with his… With the young duke. If the duke wants.”

  Virtus didn’t look any happier.

  “Whatever you think is best, Talia.”

  “We can also talk about it ter,” I added, trying to sound cheerful.

  “Yes,” he said softly, giving me a sad little smile.

  We sat for a while, making polite conversation. Cato would come from time to time, handing us wildflowers or rocks that he found interesting. When the time to go to dinner was nearing Virtus turned to me, suddenly very serious.

  He put his hand on mine, as it sat on my p. His touch sent shivers up my arm, and his hand was as warm and comforting as I remembered it. I let my hand sit still, hoping that if I did not move it he would be less likely to let it go. He looked deeply into my eyes, and I almost felt like I could lean in and kiss him, just as I had done years ago.

  “Talia,” he asked. “Are you happy?”

  “Sure I am,” I answered. “Is everything all right?”

  “No, I mean, with your life. With everything, are you fine with it being like this?”

  Was I happy? I was happy with Cato, my perfect little boy. I was happy with my dies-in-waiting, and with Medora. I was very grateful that Virtus had forgiven my transgressions enough to be polite, and accepted me as part of his life and the mother of his child. Of course I missed him terribly. I missed him every day and every night even when he was right beside me. I missed him most of all now when his touch made me remember everything I had lost with my own foolishness. But I was happy enough.

  “Yes, I’m happy,” I told him gently.

  He looked me in the eyes as if searching for something. I smiled back politely. I hoped he wasn’t too worried about me.

  He let go of my hand, leaving it to feel cold where his warm hand had been. He stood up and smiled sadly.

  “Well if you’re happy that’s good.”

  We went in to prepare for dinner. Cato’s nanny cleaned him up as Lady Ilene helped me get dressed. I went down to the great hall where Virtus was already sitting with a gss of wine in his hands. He seemed to be deep in thought.

  One of the positive changes Virtus had instated in the castle was that the children now always ate in view of their parents in the great hall, at the end of the dais with their nannies. As we ate I could look at Cato sitting next to his young aunts and uncles. He was a great favourite of Anna and Agrippa. Etus was looking forward to being allowed to sit at the grown-ups table in a few months. He would sit in Plinius’s old pce.

  I waved at Cato as I sat down next to Virtus.

  “Good evening,” I said.

  “Good evening,” he replied gently.

  The evening went along nicely, but Virtus’s mood kept souring at random times. I would say something I knew he would think was funny, and he would ugh a little and then frown even harder. I would tell him an interesting story that had happened at court while he was away, and he would seem invested but then trail off into thought.

  The harder I tried to please him, the more annoyed he seemed to get.

  After dinner I read for a while in my room. Then I went to give little Cato a st kiss good night before getting ready for bed myself. As I looked at him lying in his bed, gazing at me with such love and trust that I thought: Yes, in spite of everything, I really am happy. Then I kissed him gently on his soft little cheek.

  I walked out of the room to find Virtus in the hallway.

  “I’m not sure it’s a good idea if you say good night to Cato,” I told him, smiling. “He’ll get too excited and want to talk to you all night.”

  “All right,” he said. “Whatever you say, Talia.”

  There was a tense silence. He looked at me with a fire in his eyes. I stood petrified in anticipation.

  Then he kissed me.