For once, the dorm 7 girls all felt in sync. Lauren, Lucy, Grace, and Harper all returned home together. They showered in their private baths, changed into more comfortable clothes, and spent the rest of the day being lumps together in the living room. Lucy made them a snack platter, and they caught up on episodes of Killer High. They didn’t talk about the rebellion, or BASTION’s temporary occupation, or anything related to school. They talked about small things. The one interruption in the afternoon was Thalia coming over. She paced around their dorm for a while. She fretted about Adam now that there was time to fret. He was out there all by himself. They had a brief call earlier. He was glad to hear about their victory over Dodds, and was still set on heading east to find his family. Lauren and Lucy did their best to reassure her that he’d be fine. She clearly wanted to go after him. She left again without resolution or ease.

  Lauren went to bed early. She still felt generally fried from her journey into the atmosphere. And she was eager to follow up on Weiss’ invitation. She wanted to hear what Dodds had to say. The mole had to know something, or work for someone who knew something.

  Her ride came just after breakfast on Tuesday. There was a knock on the door. Lauren answered it to find two suits waiting for her. They led her to the tarmac. They took a craft back up to The Nest.

  Back on the floating island, Lauren was shepherded to a network of hallways and rooms underground. They passed more agents, assistants, and guards, all on their own business. Her head was on a swivel during the walk. Something about the coordinated movement of it all was strangely fascinating. She barely noticed when they stopped her in front of a secure door that looked like all the others in the clean hallway. Lauren followed the silent invitation in.

  She knew in theory what she was getting into, but the reality caught her off guard. She was in an interrogation room. The other side of an interrogation room, the part behind the window where you view the interrogation happening. She stepped forward toward the window. On the other side of it, unable to see her, Dodds was sat in a chair, wrists handcuffed to a chain anchored to the ground.

  What a strange turn of events.

  She was almost unrecognizable. Lauren had never seen her in such disarray. She had been stripped of her dark pantsuit, which at that point had almost seemed like a crucial part of her identity, like she would cease to exist without it. But she didn’t. She sat there in the chair, head slumped forward, dressed in a grey prisoner’s jumpsuit, auburn hair disheveled. Any sense of power and superiority she may have once commanded had deflated out of her. All her authority stripped. Lauren leaned in. From what she could see of her face, it was brimming with stress and fear. The lack of makeup enhanced the effect. Lauren could now see her flaws.

  The former agent remained half-slumped, silent and unmoving. Staring at nothing on the floor. She realized the gravity of her failure even more than Lauren did.

  Another silent minute passed. The door on Dodd’s side of the room opened.

  Weiss stalked in. She was dressed in the same gray bodysuit as yesterday. Where Dodds had shrunk to a pathetic shell of herself, Weiss exuded quiet natural power. She entered alone, the door shutting behind her.

  Dodds did not look up or react as the head of BASTION entered. If nothing else, she seemed to know how this would go. Or not care.

  Weiss walked in and stood behind Dodds. She glanced up at the mirror. She knew Lauren was there. Her chin dipped slightly in acknowledgement.

  “Ten years,” the director began. Her voice easily filled the space. It came clearly through whatever setup connected one side of the mirror to the other. “Ten years you’ve existed among us. Ten years of dependable work, professionalism. A bit cutthroat, a bit self-serving, but what woman in this line of work can afford not to be? I admired your drive. Enough to give you this pet project.”

  Weiss came to stand beside Dodds. She had still hardly moved in her chair. Lauren hadn’t even seen her blink yet.

  “Why?” Weiss asked. “Who is Cyrus Null to you?”

  That finally caused Dodds to animate. She stirred in her seat, vaguely troubled. Still, she declined to answer yet.

  Weiss bent. “That’s right. We know he’s the head of all this. And we’ll know more. Ten years. That’s long enough to know our methods by now.” She traced a gloved finger down the center of Dodds’ scalp. “We don’t need you to talk. We have mind-readers. Drugs.” She removed her finger and stood. “Of course, if you do want to talk, our touch can be light.”

  Dodds’ lips finally parted. Her voice came out halting and hollow.

  “You don’t know anything.”

  A smile tugged at the edges of Weiss’ lips. Lauren watched the interrogation with rapt attention. She wanted to know more about Weiss’ methods. She wanted to know everything Dodds knew. But she watched patiently.

  “Illuminate me,” Weiss said.

  “My father isn’t the power operating this. I wish he was, but he’s only a vessel.”

  Weiss had walked forward toward the glass. This got her to turn around.

  “Cyrus Null is your father?”

  Dodds blinked slowly. “Yes.”

  Weiss tilted her head like a predatory bird inspecting something trapped under its claw. “Funny. You don’t look like his daughter to my memory.”

  Dodds finally looked up at her captor. Her eyes were empty of any emotion, resigned to her fate.

  “I was the one he kept behind. I was the one bred to be his silent weapon. I would be the one to deliver the coup de grace.”

  “But you failed.”

  “I failed,” Dodds echoed. “How?”

  Weiss exhaled. “Embarrassingly, through no work of my people. Never once did you trip a flag in our system. Not when you stacked your personal legion with your own loyal agents. They’re all in custody now, by the way. Not when you let those damn New Lords into the Atlas Foundation.” She clicked her tongue. “Y’know, it’s funny, we installed those back doors to feel more secure. To keep an eye on those crazy inventors. Our paranoia was used against us. You didn’t have to install anything yourself. You used the systems we put in place to fuck us.”

  “Who was it?” Dodds asked again.

  “Scavenger. Infiltrated the school, as if we weren’t already insecure enough. Master hacker, by all accounts. Didn’t help we didn’t know what she looked like, or that she was so young. She had her own eyes on the foundation. She watched you work. Foiled your heist.” Weiss put her hands on the back of Dodds’ chair. “And she got away with WATERSHED. But I’m sure you knew that. What exactly were you going to use the Invader for, anyway?”

  It was Dodds’ turn to smile slightly. Still no light or expression in her eyes, making her whole demeanor eerie.

  “It doesn’t matter. Things are in place that you can’t undo. Even without me. The dominoes are falling. This city is going to change. Your students will die. Your rule will end.”

  Weiss scoffed. “My rule. I’m a civil servant. I keep psychopaths like you from destroying everything. Now, how about you tell me where to start unraveling this mess, and I won’t have to carve it out of you?”

  Lauren scrutinized Dodds’ face. She had a plan to destroy the city and the school. Something picked at Lauren. She knew something about the plan. What did she know? She ran through the chaotic mess of the past few days in her head.

  Before her mask had slipped, Dodds hadn’t wanted them to go after the subterrans. Dodds was surprised about Lauren and Mara’s wandering through the Warrens. Displeased. Lauren was arrested right after.

  Lauren had asked Lilith about the subterrans. What had she said?

  Don’t worry about them. They’ll be gone soon.

  Why would they be gone soon? Why did Lilith know that?

  We’re on the same network. In the same employ, you could say.

  Dodds and Lilith had the same boss. The New Lords’ arena was underground.

  There’s a second pulse, Lauren. It’s getting faster.

  The subterrans invaded the Warrens because of the other pulse. It drew them to the surface. Lilith knew about the pulse. Knew what was causing it. She knew it would be over soon.

  It hit her.

  There was a microphone with a button on the counter in front of the window. Lauren leaned down and pressed it. She assumed it was a way to speak into the room.

  “There’s some kind of weapon underground. It’s sending out pulses. It must be charging up or something. It’s in the Warrens.”

  Her voice didn’t carry into the interrogation room. Instead, Weiss glanced towards her on the other side of the window. The microphone must have gone to an earpiece she wore.

  Weiss put her hand on Dodds’ shoulder. “Ms. Null… is your method of destroying Pacific City and Rosewell a weapon hidden underground? An earthquake generator, perhaps?”

  The serene, empty smile that had been plastered on Dodds’ face curdled. Her eyes went up to the mirror. Even though Lauren knew she shouldn’t have been able to see her, it still felt like Dodds’ intense eyes were seeing through the barrier.

  “Is that Lauren you have back there?” Dodds asked. “Nosy girl, always going where she doesn’t belong. Might as well put that to use, I suppose. I certainly tried to.”

  Weiss crossed her arms behind her back. The curtains were closing on this particular conversation. And Lauren had helped. After all Dodds had put her through, it felt immensely good to ruin her plans.

  “You understand, it won’t be hard for me to find this weapon,” Weiss said with finality. “We’ll dismantle it. And your organization. This is what we do.”

  Though she wasn’t smiling anymore, Dodds shook her head.

  “You won’t stop what’s coming. The world is different. You’re too weak to stop this. It doesn’t matter. You won’t change what’s coming.”

  Weiss wore a grim smile as she walked to the door. “You’re boring me. You zealous revolutionaries all start to sound the same.” The door opened for her. “We’ll talk again in the coming days and weeks. Get comfortable here. You won’t be seeing much else.”

  When the door closed and sealed Dodds in alone, she sunk back into her own private stupor.

  . . .

  Lauren and Weiss debriefed in a nearby meeting room. Weiss crossed her feet on the surface of the wide table between them. Her hands rested behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling.

  Alone with her, Weiss didn’t seem like some imperious politician in charge of the most powerful agency in the world to Lauren. She got the vibe she was practical, focused, dedicated to her work. Similar traits Lauren had admired in Hogan. But Weiss didn’t seem to hold anything back from her. She felt like a peer, sitting at this table debriefing with her.

  “You knew about the weapon from your time underground?” Weiss asked. It wasn’t an accusation, just an honest question.

  Lauren nodded. She felt shifty, still hiding what she planned with Lilith from everyone. Weiss surely had a practiced sense for lying. Maybe she should just come clean here and now.

  “I… put together clues,” Lauren told her. “My classmate Cleo can sense… seismic stuff? I don’t really know how it works. But if you put her on it, she’ll be able to find it.”

  Weiss worked her jaw as she nodded. “Do you want to be on the team to find it?” she asked.

  Lauren was certainly willing. But another idea came forward. A way to get what she wanted, and for the city to be saved with less risk.

  “This weapon… it’s going to be guarded, right?”

  “Oh, sure,” Weiss said. “Traps, safeguards, probably Null’s New Lords. That’s just the risk we’ll have to take.”

  “What if there was a way to reduce the risk?” Lauren tried.

  Weiss raised her eyebrow, looking at Lauren intently.

  “Then I’d say we should certainly take it.”

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  Lauren forced what she was thinking the rest of the way out. If she was going to trust any authority figure with this, trust them to not stop her, it was going to be Weiss here and now. She had a feeling she’d understand better than anyone else.

  “…I encountered the New Lords the other day, underground. They’re expecting something of me. On Saturday. It’s going to be a big event. They might leave the weapon unguarded. Or less guarded. Maybe we should wait until then.”

  Interest flashed in Weiss’ eyes. It gave Lauren the sense she was yet again in trouble. She had said too much.

  Weiss slowly put her feet down and leaned forward. “You have plans with the New Lords?”

  “They like me for some reason,” Lauren rushed to explain. “Or, their leader does. They’re dangling information over my head. They want to play me. We can turn it around on them. I didn’t have much choice but to hear them out. I wasn’t going to accept.” Lauren improvised the lie to cushion the blow of her words.

  Weiss’ eyes slid off Lauren and became distant again. She nodded. “Good. That could work, actually. I’m assuming you can’t bring backup?”

  Lauren shook her head.

  “And do you feel confident you’ll be able to leave again in one piece?”

  No. Not at all. A fight against Usagi, surrounded by the entire class of young supervillains, alone underground… it wasn’t good odds. She didn’t even know if Lilith had anything to do with Dr. Smythe or Rachel. But she had to try. It was her only shot in the dark. And it would make her classmates safer. Lauren could make up for some of the harm she’d done. The rest of them could be heroes and save the day. Lauren just wanted some answers finally.

  She swallowed down her doubts and nodded.

  “That’s a hard thing to ask you to do, going down there alone,” Weiss said. “There’s no glory in it. But we’re not here for the glory, are we?”

  Lauren shook her head.

  “Let’s get you home,” Weiss concluded. “We’ll make a plan. You’ll be involved soon. Thank you for coming up here today. You just might have saved the city.”

  Lauren stood with the director and shook her hand.

  “I just want the people I care about to be safe.”

  Weiss smiled. Everything above her lips remained firm. Lauren got the feeling, really had the feeling since she first met the director, that she was being measured.

  “That’s what BASTION is here for.”

  . . .

  Lucy was there to meet her at the school’s landing zone right as Lauren disembarked. She was bundled in a plum coat, her brunette hair tumbling in the wind of the landing. They walked together.

  “You sure are going places,” Lucy said. “Director Weiss seems to like you.”

  “Yeah.” Lauren was taking a quick liking to her as well. Maybe it was just too long being under Dodds’ thumb, but Lauren was finally starting to feel heard. It helped that her plan wasn’t immediately rejected.

  “How was the interrogation?” Lucy asked. “I can’t believe she was a spy this whole time. It’s scary to think about. Abigail might have betrayed us, but I think she saved our lives too.”

  “Cyrus Null and the New Lords have a weapon underground that’s charging up to destroy the city,” Lauren reported. “We’re going to put together a team and stop it on Saturday.”

  “Wow, I guess you got a lot out of her,” Lucy said.

  Less than Lucy probably thought. Lauren stopped walking and turned toward her friend. Always sensitive to her moods, Lucy immediately stopped and gave Lauren her full attention.

  “Lucy, we need to talk soon.”

  Lucy offered a probing smile. “Okay. We are talking.”

  Lauren looked away first, her eyes going to the pines beyond the fence.

  “I mean, talk seriously for real. Talk about things that are going to happen.”

  “Okaaaay. Why does it feel like you’re going to do something stupid without me?” Lucy asked.

  Because I’m going to do something stupid without you.

  Lauren pinched the bridge of her nose. She wasn’t good at hard talks. She was never good at opening up. But they had to do this, because she didn’t know what was coming next.

  “Let’s just go home,” Lauren said for now.

  They kept walking. When they came near the dorms, someone started jogging toward them. It was Terry. Lauren was immediately on guard. He was one of Dodds’ favorite pets. Just yesterday he was standing over Lauren’s friends brought down to the mud. It might not have been his fault, but that didn’t mean Lauren had to like him.

  Terry already had the build of a superhero, with a strong chin, sharp eyes, and athletic form. His light powers made him quick and dangerous. He was easily the fastest in gym, and able to keep everyone on their toes with his bursts of light energy. Lauren had always given him a wide berth.

  Terry wore a conciliatory expression as he came up. His palms faced out. Normally that would be a sign of no harm intended, but Terry could certainly harm with his palms.

  “Lauren, Lucy,” he said on approach. He slowed as he caught up. He flipped his locks of dark hair. “I wanted to apologize.”

  Lauren and Lucy glanced at each other, then back at him. They both waited to hear him out.

  “I’m sorry for siding with Dodds, and getting my friends to,” Terry said. “I should have listened. Hell, I should have gone with you to rescue Mara.” He pursed his lips. He seemed genuinely regretful, or at least was a hell of an actor. “I thought we needed stability. I know now I should be more willing to take risks.” He looked between them. “Can you… forgive me?”

  Lucy nodded graciously. “I forgive you, Terry.”

  He looked at Lauren, waiting.

  Lauren rolled her eyes. “I forgive you too. But you better be on board for what’s happening next.”

  “Of course,” he said immediately. “…What’s happening next?”

  “An important plan to save the city,” Lauren said. She kept walking, Lucy following. “Be ready.”

  The rest of Tuesday and Wednesday passed without much excitement. Lauren went to check on Mara in the medical ward. Her friend rested in bed, having been cleaned up. The cap had been removed from her right elbow, and the grisly stump had been taken care of to heal properly.

  “Thanks for coming to visit,” Mara said. Her voice was still weak, and her eyes still haunted. Lauren squeezed her remaining hand. She was close to tears with guilt. Mara saw them welling in her eyes and shook her head.

  “Hey, don’t pity me. I didn’t need any before and I don’t need it now.”

  Lauren smiled sadly at her friend’s bravery. She didn’t know what the tears were for. Maybe her arm wouldn’t be missing if Lauren hadn’t lost time underground. Maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference. Lauren still carried guilt for it.

  She hugged Mara’s fragile body.

  “I’m gonna get a sick-ass robot arm.”

  Danielle was also holed up in a bed. Lauren drifted over and opened her curtain before leaving. Danielle breathed steadily, her eyes closed. Only her arms and head rested over her blankets. She looked pale. Lauren had to imagine her whole torso was bandaged. Reuben had shrunk to be only a few inches tall and was lying on his girlfriend’s forehead like a heating pack, also asleep.

  On Thursday, the class was called together midday to meet in the gym. Everyone was there, minus those few injured or missing. Lauren sat in the middle of a cluster made up of Lucy, Thalia, Maggie-Lou, Anika, Edward, and Ike. Despite the reconciliation, the seating was a gradient of those who had rebelled to those who hadn’t. Tension still thickened the air over it. Lauren wasn’t too concerned over it. There were bigger things on her mind.

  Knapp, Ms. Almstead, and Coach Dixon waited for everyone to settle in. Their lineup felt strangely empty without Dodds’ icy presence. But she was the reason they all had to meet in the first place. It was time to clean up her mess.

  “Thank you all for coming,” Knapp started the meeting in her usual way. She laced her hands, looking very serious and somber. “Again, I want to apologize for the events of the past few days. Dodds’ betrayal has taken us all by surprise. It’s my responsibility to protect each of you in my care, and I failed egregiously. All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness, and work with you moving forward to make this campus a safe haven for you all. Unfortunately, I must now also ask you to risk yourselves on a mission that affects us all, and the people living in Pacific City below. Dodds may have failed her plans for us, but she still has a plot in place to cause mass destruction.”

  Ms. Almstead was next to speak up. “The danger that we face cannot be overstated. We wish it wasn’t the time to ask this of you, but the truth about being superheroes is that we don’t get to choose when the time comes to make a difference. I believe each and every one of you is ready. You’ve each faced danger, and you’ve grown stronger for it. I believe in you all. We’ll face this trouble together.”

  Murmurs built up. Dixon, the mountain of a former supervillain turned super gym-coach, stepped forward and waved them away before they could crescendo.

  “Alright, time to cut the sappy shit,” Dixon ordered. “So Dodds was a mole, we’ll get over it. What matters now is preventing the total destruction of Pacific City, assuming you lot still want a place to have an embarrassing early career in on your way to becoming the nation’s best and brightest. Assuming you do, let’s talk details: Cleo has been leading scouting teams underground for the past few days. We’ve triangulated where the seismic disturbances that indicate an earthquake generator originate from. It’s dug deep under the surface, like a stuck-in tick. Weighs tons, and is likely built to be ultra-durable to survive its own shockwaves. We estimate it’s powerful enough to destroy the entire metro area once it’s up and running. Might even cause Rosewell to slide right off this mountain. On Saturday a strike team will follow Cleo’s lead, guarding a team of engineers to disable the device. We need to put together that team.”

  Terry stood immediately. “I volunteer.”

  His troop of boys all nodded.

  “That’s very noble of you,” Dixon drawled. “Everyone here is going to have a role to play. Some of you will be on the strike team. Some will be guarding Rosewell in case this is some sort of diversion. Some will be guarding key points around the city particularly vulnerable to collapse or sabotage.”

  Marcellus, sat near Terry, rose to ask a question. “Why wait till Saturday? Why not do this now?”

  Coach Dixon sighed as soon as he saw his most inquisitive student rise.

  “There’s going to come times as a hero when you have to learn to shut up and follow the orders of the powers that be. This is one of those times. Trust that thought has been put into the decision, and we won’t be too late to the party.”

  Yeah. The party for Lauren. Lilith wouldn’t host an arena fight on the same night or after her arena was due to collapse. Not a satisfying answer for anyone else.

  Dixon began assigning students to their different teams based on their role. Names were called. Lucy was on home defense. She looked privately relieved, even if she didn’t want anyone to tell. Thalia was on strike team. So was Ike. Terry got his wish to be on strike team. Edward on home defense. Sola, Mary, and Annabelle were among those put on flex positions in the city.

  More and more students stood. After not too long, Lauren was the only one left sitting on the bleachers. Dixon stopped his role.

  Faces glanced back at her sitting alone. Lauren did her best to ignore them.

  “What’s Lauren’s role?” Thalia was the one to ask.

  “Lauren has a special role in this,” Dixon said. “You won’t see her, but she’ll be putting in work. If she wants to discuss it, you can ask her.”

  Lucy gave Lauren a puzzled look. Lauren stood up and left while the rest of them planned. She knew well enough what she had to do.

  She crossed campus and in two strong leaps pulled herself up to the roof of the dorm building. She had barely been paying attention to her progress, but her standing leap had to be something like eight feet now. The power of her body was quiet outside of combat.

  She sat where she had first talked to Mara, facing Pacific City with her legs dangling off the edge. She rubbed her two new fingers, having fully grown back days ago. What a cosmic joke, for her to be the only one who could walk away from these sorts of things again and again. They should take the power out of her and put it in Danielle. Mara. Give it to Reagan so she wouldn’t be so angry all the time. Hell, put it in all of them. Why her, of all people? Why not Rachel?

  What was so special about Lauren? Rosewell, BASTION, the New Lords… none of these were her worlds, but they all pulled at her. They didn’t understand she didn’t have anything to give. She wasn’t a hero or a villain. Just a survivor.

  Maybe that’s what Weiss meant. Maybe she was the end result of this world getting hold of survivors and never letting them go.

  She sat for who knows how long, watching the sun sink lower early in the evening. Winter was setting in. Here by the ocean that seemed to mean cold, soggy, and salty.

  Something creaked and groaned behind her. She turned to see Lucy stepping onto the roof. A tree had bent to deposit her. She stepped off gracefully like an animated princess. She walked over and took a seat beside Lauren.

  She didn’t pressure Lauren to talk. They sat in silence for a while.

  “This is where I first talked to Mara,” Lauren said. “Me and her have a lot in common. Except she had rats instead of a sister.”

  “You did the best you could with her.”

  Lauren drew her knees up to her chest. She could feel the question building. It was time for the conversation.

  “What are you doing on Saturday?” Lucy finally asked. “Some secret mission from Weiss? You shouldn’t have to do that alone—”

  “It’s not from Weiss,” Lauren said bluntly. “It’s my mission.”

  “…What are you talking about?”

  Lauren’s throat tightened. Still, she got it out. “On Saturday, after Mara was taken… the New Lords found me. I met with them. With Lilith.” She kept her eyes forward. Lucy’s face was a shadow in the dusk at the edge of her vision. “I was alone, I was hurt, I was afraid… and I wanted answers. Lilith is having me come alone on Saturday. Her whole class will be there. Their weapon will be unguarded. I’m going to go to keep you safe.”

  She waited, tensed. Afraid even twitching would break the moment. Lucy remained still and silent. She waited for her to speak. To say something, anything.

  “Lauren…”

  Lauren would rather have been kicked in the gut by Usagi again that hear that tone ever come out of Lucy towards her. Pure disappointment.

  “Oh, Lauren…”

  Lucy’s tone plummeted with despair. She put her face in her hands and groaned. Lauren waited to see how bad Lucy’s admonishment would be. She didn’t expect the words that came out of her friend next.

  “Why can’t you just do this right?”

  Lauren gaped like a fish out of water.

  “…What?”

  Lucy faced her full on. Her face was… upset. Genuinely upset. She flailed like she was trying to catch the words to express herself out of the air.

  “Why can’t you just do this right?” Lucy repeated. “Why can’t you just follow orders? Escaping off campus by yourself? Fine. It was your first week. You were freaked out. You didn’t know the danger out there. You thought you had a lead. Fine. The museum? You were in charge of a team. The other students—”

  “Lucy,” Lauren reached out to try to soothe her friend.

  “Just let me get this out!” Lucy snapped. Lauren reeled back, afraid of her usually tranquil friend’s sudden mood.

  “They depended on you to lead them. You almost got them killed. And for what?” Lucy searched Lauren’s face, genuinely looking for an answer. Trying to understand. “For revenge? Because you thought they had Rachel tied up in there somewhere? I mean, what was the point of that fight? I was on my way to help. We were all on our way. Mary had to be repaired. Reagan is still in physical therapy. You risked their lives for your vendetta.”

  Lauren trembled. Her vision grew blurry with tears. Lucy, of all people, spewing this all back out at her. How long had she been keeping this in for?

  Lucy put her fingers on her temples. “A-a-and now after Mara gets kidnapped, while you two were monster hunting behind everyone else’s backs, which I just swallowed down to help you get her back, you’re telling me you talked to the New Lords? Making plans with them, while Mara was getting dragged down some dark tunnel? And now Mara is missing an arm, Danielle has a hole in her stomach, we have to live with executing enemies, when it all could have gone down differently if you had come right back?”

  Lauren was openly sobbing. She couldn’t stop the hot tears running down her face. She hiccuped. She had already beaten herself up for these terrible decisions. She didn’t think they could hurt her again. But it coming from herself was nothing like it coming from Lucy.

  “…it wouldn’t have happened differently,” Lauren begged weakly. “Dodds didn’t want us to go.”

  Lucy barreled through. “And now, fucking now, you want to go keep your appointment with them? And you want to say it’s to protect us?”

  Lauren looked down in shame. She watched the tears fall and stain her lap.

  Realization grew in Lucy’s voice as she talked. “Everything you’ve done here… everything… it’s just for you. Going alone, dragging us with you… it’s just been for you. I’ve been on your team since day one. I’ve been telling you I’ll help get Rachel back since the moment you told me about her. So why can’t you do this right?! Because you just heal back from your bad decisions? We don’t! No one’s going to save her if no one comes back from going out there!”

  Lauren took the pummeling. Internally she sunk lower and lower. Lucy was right. Every last word was true. Just like Dodds had spoken the truth. Lauren was selfish. She was no hero. She never would be.

  Lucy stood. She huffed out of her nose. It seemed fundamentally wrong that someone like Lucy would be this upset. Like pulling the wings off a butterfly.

  “Go to your meeting with the New Lords. But don’t say it’s for us. I’d tell you I hope you survive it, but I know you will. So, I’ll say I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  Lucy walked away.

  Lauren remained still in the darkness. She willed that if she didn’t move, her heart couldn’t ache, and she could just dissolve into nothing and blow away. And maybe if she just disappeared hard enough, she’d retroactively disappear from this place. And Lucy wouldn’t have any bad memories or thoughts of her. And every wound that was her fault would be healed. And every ripple that she had made that had made people’s lives worse would be undone.

  But life didn’t work that way. So she could only continue remaining still.

  Her phone buzzed against her thigh. She opened her eyes. She took her phone out of her pocket and answered it.

  “Yeah?”

  “Lauren.” It was Hogan. “It’s time for us to meet. I want to tell you everything I have so far.”