The door to the Chrysoti lair slid smoothly open and the day went downhill from there. After Jeremy pushed the door open, some twenty invisible spiders, each the size of his neighbor's Doberman, came pouring through the doorway and attacked.

  He almost died. He frantically tried to pull the door closed again but was unable to do so. He slashed the barely visible spiders with his sword. A few spiders he could handle. Too many would tear him apart. The spiders came at him from every side. His spider silk cloak protected him from the spider's poison, but not from the pain of their bites.

  He stabbed one as it bit down on his wrist, missing the bare skin of his hand by a fraction of an inch. He felt his sword go in. Green ichor squirted out, covering his hand.

  Spider webbing glued his eyes shut and covered his face and mouth, making it impossible to see and difficult for him to breathe.

  “Run!” Flint shouted.

  Jeremy ran, his internal map preventing him from getting lost or falling into dungeon traps despite his inability to see.

  The spiders tailed him, biting him multiple times, following him until he slammed the Fun House door behind him.

  “Three of them got inside!” Flint shouted. “Move to your left and get into that corner! Wait for them to attack and stab them with your sword!”

  Jeremy ran to the corner, unable to see and barely able to breathe. He lashed out ineffectually with his sword, trying not to panic, only receiving painful bites for his trouble.

  “Reach out with your senses, Jeremy,” came Flint's calming voice. “Feel them approach. Don't move until you sense where they are.”

  The spiders were almost as hard to hear as they were to see, but with difficulty, he could feel a faint vibration from their movement. He felt one drop down on him from above. He stabbed upward, his sword held in a hand he'd wrapped in his spider-silk cloak. He connected and stabbed again, catching the spider on his sword and flinging it away as hard as he could. The next came at him from the side while the third attacked from the front. He stabbed out again and again, missing more often than he hit, but slowly wearing them down until there were none.

  By the time it was finally over, he had more bruised skin from spider bites than not, and he was so exhausted he could barely move.

  With a groan, he used his knife to carefully cut away the webbing on his head and face, cutting off a lot of hair and a small amount of skin in the process. By the time he could see again, the torches had dimmed for the dungeon night.

  He'd been poisoned from the webbing and the spiders biting his cloak, but his Level 6 Poison Resistance was more than enough to handle it.

  On a less positive note, he'd left his pack and bow next to the spider entrance.

  In front of him stood an angry Flint. Next to Flint was another whiteboard graph. The bar on the left was labeled. “Intelligence needed to survive in the dungeon,” with the bar going to the top of the whiteboard. Next to this bar was a thin line at the bottom of the whiteboard labeled. “Jeremy's intelligence.”

  “Not another graph,” Jeremy groaned.

  “Now, if you look carefully at this graph, you will notice a slight discrepancy between your intelligence and the intelligence needed to survive and navigate this dungeon.”

  “Why don't you just call me stupid like normal beings?”

  “Because that would be an insult to stupid adventurers! When you encounter an entrance that you know leads to some very dangerous monsters, you do not open it without being prepared for what might come out!”

  Jeremy stumbled across the room and slumped down on some clown clothes and blankets he'd piled into a makeshift cushion. “You're right. I just wanted to peek inside. I didn't realize they were waiting at the entrance. I'm sorry.”

  “Considering the fate of the universe rests on you successfully navigating this dungeon, you should be so infinitely far beyond sorry!”

  A long moment passed. Flint released his nonexistent breath in a non-sigh. “However,” he continued, “what's done is done. Many dangerous spiders wait outside the door to this room. What do you propose we do?”

  Jeremy shrugged. “We're safe in here for now. Do you have any ideas?”

  “I do, but I'm trying to make you into a stronger, more capable adventurer. And I would be doing you a disservice if I told you what to do.”

  “You just don't know, do you,” Jeremy said.

  Flint chose to ignore his remark. “What do you propose to do about this?”

  Jeremy gave it some thought. “I'm completely exhausted. I propose to barricade the doorway and get some rest.”

  “An excellent idea, Jeremy. When fighting these spiders, you will need every advantage you can get, and that includes being well rested. I will keep watch while you sleep.”

  Jeremy went up to the loft and curled up in a blanket. He wished his healing potions weren't in his pack next to the spider entrance.

  He woke up to a scratching sound. He was hungry and thirsty, with little he could do about it for the time being.

  “The spiders are in the process of burrowing into the room,” Flint said. “I, of course, have a brilliant idea that would save us, but I would rather see what you have in mind.”

  Jeremy snorted. “I'll bet you don't even.” He looked around the large room filled with odds and ends. He needed a way to attack them without them being able to attack him.

  His answer was the large cage. He didn't know what the clowns had used it for, but the bars were wide enough to put his hand through, while being too narrow for a giant spider to enter.

  His plan was simple. He removed the barricade from the door and pushed the cage to the middle of the room. After some thought, he placed a large tarp sized cloth under the cage so the spiders' webbing couldn't stick the cage to the floor. He tied an old rope to The Fun House door handle and stepped into the cage, tipping the cage over so the door to the cage lay against the cloth. Then he pulled on the rope, opening the door to The Fun House.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  Invisible spiders poured into the room en masse. They saw Jeremy and attacked, swarming all over his cage, trying unsuccessfully to get inside.

  This was Jeremy's chance. He used the spear he'd received as monster loot and his sword to stab the spiders through the cage. The spiders chittered and screeched, and he was soon covered with green ichor. He lost count of the number of spiders he'd killed.

  The spiders backed up and shot their webbing at his cage, turning it into a cocoon.

  “So, Jeremy, now what do we do?” Flint asked, appearing next to him in the cocooned cage.

  “How many are left?” Jeremy asked.

  “I didn't get an exact count. Nine or ten.”

  “I'll have to go out and fight them.” Jeremy used his sword to slice through the cloth around the door to his cage, then, after preparing himself, he tipped over the cage and exited. As he expected, the large cloth stuck to the webbing around the cage, but not to the floor underneath. He ran to his corner of The Fun House, hacking at anything in his way while holding a cloaked arm over his face and eyes.

  After that, it became a repeat of yesterday, with more spiders. But at least today he could see and breathe. He held one arm in front of his face for protection and swung the sword with the other. He was getting better at sensing the spiders' presence, as well as killing them.

  By the time he'd killed the last spider, he was exhausted. He slammed shut the door to The Fun House and collapsed.

  “Very good, Jeremy,” Flint said. “My plan would have gone more smoothly, but you managed to kill the monster spiders without dying. Good work.”

  Jeremy glared at him while collecting his monster loot. “How about telling me your brilliant plan for killing the rest of the spiders?”

  “Considering how well you've done so far, I'm thinking I'll let you plan the next attack,” Flint responded.

  “I figured as much,” Jeremy said with a sigh. “I can't believe I didn't get another level for that.” He was close, though.

  In addition to over a thousand dungeon coin, he'd gained 7 healing potions and two flasks of green fluid. Using Identify he got.

  Flask of poison antidote. This potion will protect you from poison.

  That could come in handy.

  He put another Attribute point into Strength and grabbed a rope, a spear, and a footstool. With difficulty, he picked up Clown Lord's axe. Finding it too awkward to carry all these items at once, he used the rope to tie his stuff in a bundle and dragged it behind him.

  The charmed axe was too heavy for him to fight with, but he had an idea for using it.

  When he arrived at the spider's entrance, moving slowly and watching for the slightest movement, he was surprised to see no monsters waiting for him. The doorway beckoned, a black pit resembling an open mouth.

  He pulled it shut.

  His pack and bow and arrows were sitting where he'd left them. He dug food and water from his pack and ate a quick breakfast.

  “Okay, Flint. Here's the plan. I'm going to open the door again and lure out the spiders. You stand in the doorway and kill them with the axe. I'll cover you with my bow and arrows.”

  “I see,” Flint responded. “On the surface, your plan is sound, but there's one small problem in that I lack a body and am unable to hold the axe.”

  “Oh, yeah,” Jeremy said, smacking his head with his hand, pretending to look surprised. “I forgot about that. So what's the deal with this no-body issue? Are you sure you're not some kind of soul parasite?”

  “I am most assuredly not a soul parasite or any other kind of dungeon resident. And I can tell you with certainty that there are no soul parasites in the lower parts of this dungeon.”

  “But if you were a soul parasite, that's probably what you'd say,” Jeremy said.

  Flint didn't respond.

  “I was thinking I'd use the charmed axe to set a trap,” Jeremy continued. “It's too heavy for me to swing, but that won't matter if I can get it to drop on something from sufficient height.”

  “I have heard worse ideas, from you in particular,” Flint said. “The question is, how do you set up this trap?”

  There was a narrow ledge above the doorway. Jeremy tied the rope around the axe handle as close to the blade as possible, then stood on the footstool and with great difficulty, raised the axe to the ledge, only to have it slip from his hands and crash down, embedding itself in the dungeon floor.

  After three more tries, he finally balanced the axe handle on the ledge so the axe should come crashing down, hopefully blade first on the monster that bumped it.

  Then, weapons in hand, he pushed open the door and crept into the monster's lair. Sneak and Detect Trap activated, he held very still until his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

  He found himself in a dimly lit tunnel. He crept forward, careful to avoid the many almost invisible strands of webbing that glowed red when he used Detect Trap on them.

  He backed towards the entrance. What would happen if he set them off? He extended his spear and cut one of the threads.

  The door slammed shut—or tried to. Jeremy had had the foresight to use his footstool as a doorstop.

  A net dropped from the ceiling, clinging to everything it touched, just missing Jeremy, but wrapping around his spear, making it unusable.

  Jeremy waited next to the doorway.

  A timid, spider-shaped distortion appeared in one of the tunnels, but seeing no trapped adventurer, it vanished again. The net wrapped around Jeremy's spear vanished as well, leaving his spear unharmed.

  This posed a problem. Jeremy could navigate the tunnels, avoiding the many traps, but if one of the spiders pursued him, a rapid retreat would be impossible.

  “I believe you should familiarize yourself with the traps before you venture deeper into the lair,” Flint said.

  “Any chance you could scout ahead?” Jeremy asked. “The traps won't affect you.”

  “Unfortunately, I cannot move more than ten paces away from you before I lose the ability to sense my surroundings,” Flint said.

  “Figures,” Jeremy said.

  He tossed his spear into the tunnel, setting off another trap.

  This time, he waited by the entrance, bow drawn.

  As soon as a spider-shaped mirage appeared, he fired. He missed, and once again, the mirage vanished. This happened twice more before the mirage quit showing up.

  He walked around the tunnel, learning to avoid the spider traps. This involved a lot of body contorting on his part, being extra careful to avoid brushing his cloak against anything that might set off a trap. Then he moved deeper into the spider lair.

  Jeremy ignored the tomb-like cold and darkness and mapped out the labyrinth of tunnels. Though many led to dead ends, he discovered a series of smaller caverns that he suspected led to the large cavern where he'd stolen the spider queen's silk.

  In one of the smaller caverns, he spotted two horse-sized spiders.

  Backing away, carefully, he retreated to the entrance and retrieved his axe.

  In one of the tunnels leading to the smaller caverns, he'd spotted a ledge that should be the perfect place for a trap. Putting another point into Strength, he climbed the tunnel wall.

  He slipped on the smooth stone and waited a tense minute to be discovered. When nothing happened, he tried again. This time, he somehow climbed the tunnel wall with the axe on his back and carefully balanced the axe on the ledge.

  Creeping forward until he saw the spiders, he grabbed his bow and arrows and started shooting.