Chapter 27: Hyper-sonic the hedgehog!

  “I don’t know which idiotic samurai was dumb enough to give video-game characters sentient AIs, but that’s understandable. Big fan, wants to talk to the real characters, I get that. Making them bodies though?

  The body count was just ridiculous… I still have nightmares about Sonic you know? I have no idea how they created Kirby, but no one should have thought that was a good idea…”

  – Interview with anonymous MaxTac officer for the cancelled corporate sponsored documentary ‘The Horrors Of Samurais’, 2043

  ***

  I hoped that Altany was right, since I felt pretty… murderous, at the moment.

  As my new goat fucking god forsaken fuzzy tail literally pulped some aliens behind me, I got ready to fire the supposedly awesome shot.

  Hypersonic round version 2.42 loaded, brace.

  The new upgrades to my railgun included some extra capacitors. I could now charge up for stronger shots! The barrel also became thicker and longer. That was a bit… concerning.

  Bend forward slightly.

  As I did, another upgrade showed itself. My railgun grew more bracing struts to be more secure against my chest. I already had whatever spike I could manage in the ground. That apparently wasn’t enough?

  A bracing strut now extended perfectly diagonally down my back and planted itself in the ground! It connected well with my damn ass plates, like I had a seat behind me. Some kind of shock absorbing piston?

  Altany chose a calm moment behind me to fire since my tail ate up too much power to use at the same time.

  “What kind of ammo is this?” I asked with quite a lot of apprehension. I still wanted to shoot it, of course! It sounded fucking awesome now!

  Self-Accelerating Anti-Friction Coated Mach 6 Compressed Core Grape Shot. It cost you 80 points.

  “Holy…”

  Engage your core muscles. Correcting orientation, Firing.

  The air ignited! I was glad Altany told me to engage my core muscles! I might have been thrown way back otherwise!

  I pushed back with my right leg and abs. Even with my stupidly boosted strength, all the anchors I had in the ground and the bracing struts all over the damn place, it pushed me back almost twenty cow fucking centimeters! Those struts and spikes didn’t move, so I created long furrows in the damn concrete!

  Even with my neural coprocessor active I barely saw what happened! Thankfully, Altany had sensors and cameras and shit all over my helmet. She showed me a slightly slowed down version right after.

  Apparently, the anti-friction coating was, in part, to prevent destroying the eardrums of everyone in this section of the building. It still created a pretty si- I mean, overly loud supersonic ‘crack’!

  It had been moving fast when it exited the barrel, but in slow motion I could see the rather massive projectile for this kind of speed burning fuel behind itself so fast it might as well be an explosion channeled through a nozzle. A powerful one at that, especially for the size of the fuel!

  It looked like a multi-stage rocket, each stage falling off and later going through a few aliens. When those were spent and the long cone head had reached ‘fuck you’ speed, it broke apart and a lot of smaller cone projectiles appeared.

  With the number and size, those made up the ‘compressed’ and ‘grape-shot’ parts of that stupidly long name.

  The projectiles went through aliens so quickly that they’d pierce five before the first one started to get thrown back. Actually, no, they didn’t get thrown back. The kinetic energy delivered was so violent they just… broke apart at the seams…

  It was a long corridor. There were a lot of aliens in it.

  Welp, not anymore! The wall at the other end looked kind of… super fucked? Yeah, that described it well. Most projectiles actually hit the ground or stopped after a certain number of aliens.

  I couldn’t do another or I’d poke a hole in my building, probably open another entrance for the aliens!

  That shot honestly left me a bit shell-shocked– maybe even aroused?-- Enough so that a small model three jumped on my back and bit me!

  With my armor it really wasn’t much of an issue but I had to refocus!

  The tip of my tail poked it in the side and I paid attention to echolocation again. There were a few of the fuckers still alive up front. Although, they were kind of buried in… green mist with chunks?

  Behind me, I started getting less activity. Did that mean my enforcers secured the other entrance?

  “Huh… alright, thank you Altany, that was… beautiful.” I said with an odd tone in my voice. “Send that footage to Robin and Lila? Think they’d like it?”

  It is my pleasure, and yes, I believe they will enjoy the show.

  “Alright! Refocusing!” I mentally slapped myself since my hands were slightly busy. “How’s securing the entrance going?”

  Very well. Other enforcers are arriving, they should have it fully contained in two minutes and thirty-seven seconds in my opinion. It could be left to the militia and two enforcers in roughly a minute after that.

  “How’s Francis doing?” I switched to my conventional long range slugs as I picked off survivors. I had to boost the propellant a bit but it worked well, even at this kind of range. My shotgun didn’t excel much at long precision shots…

  My tail still took out infrequent assholes that made it past the turrets. I let my railgun take care of those that turned the far corner with less… unholy fuckballs crazy ammo.

  He is recovering well. I estimate Francis should be combat capable in three minutes if you replace his mechanical limbs and give him a weapon. I should mention, the nurse you contracted is currently deaf.

  I suggest giving her a class one nano-regenerative. It should help with any other issue she has and serve as good compensation. The civilians inside the freezer should only have been startled.

  “Oh, fuck, yeah, tell her I’m sorry? Is she suffering any more issues than that?” I asked, wincing.

  Slight bleeding from the ears, nothing else. I sent her the video… She appears to be laughing, I am giving her the nano-regenerative suite and explaining… She is now extremely happy you will cure her cancer.

  “Huh, well, that’s settled!” I said with a smile. Given what my mom went through, I was pretty damn happy about it!

  “Quick to roll with the punches that one. I think I like her. Oh! Can you ask for access to Johnny’s catalogues for Francis’s prosthetics?” I didn’t really have a prosthetics catalogue, even though Mole-Bear Technologies probably had something…

  “Get him something decent, a bit stronger and faster than his last ones but better looking? Make sure he knows HMG is an option for weapons, if it’s more I don’t mind. I’d love to have him defend a position. Oh, and the whole enforcer kit, of course.”

  I got a bit distracted by the increasing swarm coming my way. Nothing from behind me anymore, at least, but the hive was moving this way apparently. Switching focus because of the other exit?

  “Wait… we don’t have medical personnel to check over the survivors, do we?” I asked, pensive.

  No, she is the first survivor with medical experience recovered aside from an ex-paramedic and an ex-lab technician. The paramedic is making the rounds, but he isn’t trained to treat people medically, only stabilize them.

  “Ask her…” I stopped myself as an idea came to mind. I’d lost… too many people. My cold and calculating part reminded me that they were very useful people… that I lost… Fight now, grieve later…

  Anyway! I had to rebuild, train new people, change how things were done and recruit new enforcers! This… could be a chance for something new… A good something new.

  “I’m thinking of asking her if she’d be interested in being hired as a medical enforcer.” My voice steadied as I made the choice to try. I wouldn’t force her, god no, but if she was willing…

  Medical enforcer?

  “Look, I know the name isn’t perfect and doesn’t make that much sense but… I just want to give her the rank and responsibilities. Add her to the… I guess you could call it the enforcer net? Whatever, give her access to points if needed to keep people alive and well and all that shit. She’s in the militia so I guess she can fight –in an emergency– but that’s not really the role I want for her?” I was making shit up on the spot hard.

  “Maybe I could just load her up with generic samurai grade meds? I’m not sure I’m making sense? She could be part of emergency response? You know what, could you float the idea to the others? Ask them what they think, if they’re ok with it? I might be the boss but I don’t want to force something they’d hate…”

  They’re all in favor.

  I blinked. I only had to focus up front finally! With the right rounds, I could hold them back without too many issues.

  That meant I had time to wonder how the fuck she got so many responses that quick!? “How the hell do you know?”

  Your home is full of people in desperate need of medical care of many kinds. There is no doctor in this building. The nurse you are speaking of is well known by certain portions of your community for caring for the ill with homemade remedies. You already hired her as a militia member years ago and forgot since no one in your family is ill.

  She is liked and respected by all who know her. The discussion was rather quick, especially since I started it early since I predicted you would ask. Most of your enforcers are enthused by the idea. They all know people in need of her care. The others are in combat. I did not wish to distract them.

  “Huh… Well, that settles it, I guess? We’re moving super fucking fast since it’s an emergency situation so no time to figure shit out. Give her… a cheap side-arm, still the armor, the augs to link her into the enforcer net for sure and… a hundred and fifty points of decent generic meds? Or medical equipment? Whatever you can fit in a big backpack? You know what, just give her the budget and let her decide?” I just muttered to myself at this point.

  I was bullshiting my way through massive societal changes for my community and it felt just a bit fucking terrifying! Would all the needs bottom out my points? Would that end up creating a drug problem?

  Probably not, couldn’t really create habits since you couldn’t find more but… Fuck me, this was too much right now… Maybe-

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  “Heya, new boss!” I jumped slightly.

  “Hey–!”

  Carol Lajeunesse.

  “Nice to have you with us Carol! I’m pulling a lot out of my ass right now, I’d love your opinion!” I might have been pleading a bit.

  “Yeah, I can understand that. Medicine is complex. If I get the meaning, we’re basically trying to treat as many people as possible as well as possible while using the lowest amount of points, right? The triangle problem basically?”

  Her voice sounded a bit scratchy, gruff. It made her come across as experienced, smart and quick. Someone who’d worked in the field for a good long while and knew more than the new doctors.

  Oh sweet mother of cats, thank you! “Yeah, I tend to use quick disposable, powerful stuff but, you know, if I use that for everybody…”

  “You won’t have shit to fight the aliens or make this place better etc…” I winced.

  “Yeah…” I’d love to cure everybody in the building of everything but that wasn’t really an option. Even if I spent all my points it wouldn’t be enough…

  “I get it, used to do the same, but with credits! Don’t worry. There’s tons of stuff I just need bandages and reusable equipment as long as I have something to disinfect them. A sterilizing box might be a good idea! Hell, that was without samurai grade shit! I’ll coordinate with Altany.”

  “I’m guessing since you’re a samurai now, we can buy some cures for credits later, save on points. The budget you gave me is a bit overkill, I’ll see what I can do with her for getting bottles of meds instead of just single cures and stuff. Thanks for curing my cancer by the way! Won’t let you down, new boss!” She spoke very fast, and with a lot of pep!

  The call disconnected and I blinked dumbly for a second. “She was enthusiastic…” Maybe if I just let good, smart, capable people handle shit, things might turn out alright?

  “I’m leaving all the decisions to her. If she needs a bigger budget just tell me? Unless it’s an emergency then just… I’ll trust your judgement? Hum… Do you think that’s the right move?”.

  Yes. You are uninformed of her needs and the proper approaches to the problems she is recruited to handle, nor should you be. Leaving her to make informed decisions instead of micro-managing her is the most efficient way of handling this situation.

  Also, I believe the nano-regenerative suite is fixing quite a few issues beyond the tumors she had to endure. This woman probably feels better than she has in over a decade.

  I suspect part of the enthusiasm stems from the ability to help a lot of people she has been treating ineffectively for a long time. This lack of effectiveness came from a lack of proper tools, to be clear.

  She is currently helping install Francis’s new limbs, Johnny Law agreed to share his catalogues and decided to pay for them. They are a significant upgrade.

  “Well, shit, thank him for me, would you?”

  Done.

  ***

  Francis felt… so fucking confused!

  He’d been about to die In an awesome last stand against the aliens! The classic blaze of glory! Some samurai would have found him next to a pile of dead xenos with a ton of civvies still alive in the freezer and been impressed or some shit like that!

  Francis had waited to come out until they broke down the front door. He’d crawled his way to a firing position with one arm! Took out a bunch of them with that piece of shit obsolete LMG.

  The damn gun had too much recoil for the caliber, it made his god damn side bleed more! He’d wondered if his ammo would last longer than his blood…

  Then, his boss arrived in comms range! The mad bastard’d made it! He’d heard of the plan, how the fuck did Panda survive that!? Francis had begged him to help the people in the freezer. Even with a doc and meds, he’d be a goner, shouldn’t waste the resources.

  Then, something had broken down the door in one shot and on instinct, the enforcer fired! The horror that came with realizing what just got LMG shots to the legs?

  Jesus. Francis feared he’d killed the civilians' only chance but all of his rounds just pushed the samurai back. Damn!

  There was a real samurai there now. Francis had done his job. He could die in peace…

  Then a sonic boom rattled the fucking store and woke him up! His ears bled, the world went silent, but in a moment, sound came back! That nice nurse was there, clearly deaf but trying to get him to lie down!

  He was alive? Why the fuck didn’t his side hurt? Then someone talked to him… Was he on a call? That wasn’t Panda…

  Good, you are awake. I apologize for the noise. Are you feeling well?

  “Huh? Uh, yeah, just… What the fuck? Also, who are you?” Francis asked, hoping beyond hope for things to start making sense! Then the memory of his boss resurfaced!

  “Fuck, is Panda alright!?”

  “I can’t hear anything, buddy, sorry.” The nurse said with an apologetic smile. Damn, tough woman! deaf and bleeding, yet still focused on him!

  Louis is well. You can see him if you look out of the front door. He is currently defending this position until you get better.

  Alright, good! Francis raised his head, not feeling too shitty!

  Then he stared. Hard.

  An armored figure took a knee outside. He could recognize the boss in the shape of the armor maybe?

  What really sold it? That ass. The boss had a damn nice ass. He’d even gotten to play with it a couple times when Robin invited him.

  It was clearly the same one he got to bite into! Well, shiny and metal, but still definitely his ass!

  Ok, so… the boss became a samurai… Actually he could buy that!

  But why the mother fucking tail? The FUZZY tail? The fuzzy tail that just turned a model three’s throat into gory slush…

  Suddenly, the nurse received something from nowhere. It confused her for a second until someone clearly sent a text message and she brought the weird mask to her face before inhaling.

  Then the woman got super excited and shouted “Yes! Suck my dick, cancer!”

  So. Fucking. Confused.

  You must be confused. Let me help. As a member of the Bear-Yakuza’s enforcers, vanguard Mad Panda wishes to grant you equipment and limited access to his points in order to safeguard the lives of the innocent.

  That did not help!

  That did not help at fucking all!

  “What?” Might not be his best comeback but fuck it, what the fucking fuck was fucking going the fuck on!?

  He heard the sound of a sigh. It was the sigh of a professional, unable to do their job because of the ignorance of philistines. Francis didn’t fucking appreciate it, but at this point? He also didn’t really give a flying fuck!

  Louis Larose, aka Panda, became a ‘samurai’ and was named Mad Panda. He is trying to save as many as he can. As part of that effort, he is arming the enforcers so they can save people. Now, would you like ‘samurai’ grade prosthetics and a heavy machine-gun you can fire from the hip with super ammunition so you can kill a lot of aliens?

  The tone didn’t feel great, pretty damn condescending! As a matter of fact, he really didn’t enjoy being talked down to like an idiot.

  Still, now he knew what the fuck was going on… mostly. “Yes. Yes, I think I’d like that… The tail?”

  There was a bet with someone that will remain confidential.

  “Ah! Alright, I won’t tell him it's Lila. Prosthetics?”

  Do you object to a better neural link being installed in your brain?

  Why try to make sense of shit at this point? “Fuck it, why not…” And just like that everything went fuzzy for a second before boxes started appearing!

  The nurse talked really fast to someone and he really didn’t pay attention. She seemed a bit too old to be that energetic… good for her?

  He opened one of the boxes and just stared. It was one thing to hear ‘samurai grade prosthetics’, but a whole other thing to see it.

  His own arms appeared brutalist as hell! He didn’t like them but hey, real looking prosthetics were fucking expensive!

  These, however… fucking shined! Black Damascus steel in the shape of the arms he used to have! He’d lost some members by choice, others… not so much. Did Altany find an old picture? “Hey, want some help with that new coworker?”

  He almost, almost asked before remembering not to fucking try and make sense of things! Nop, he had shit to do, people to save, aliens to kill!

  “Sure thing! More info while we’re working…” The nurse or… enforcer? Whatever, she helped him remove his fucked up, destroyed prosthetics while the boss protected them. Nothing new there!

  “So, new enforcer?” He asked while she worked on his arm. That way he could help with the next one.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he just made up a new thing on the spot. I’m a medical enforcer! He gave me a point budget to buy equipment, still thinking on what to get!”

  She looked excited. Francis was remembering he’d get points… Actually, knowing Louis, it fucking made sense. Dude just could not get the concept of implied debts! It was nice but a bit annoying sometimes.

  “Do hum… do you know the boss well?” Her excitement became tinged with a bit of apprehension.

  At the same time, his destroyed arm fell off. “Gimme a sec…”

  He grabbed the fucking beautiful new one! Super robot arms had always appealed to him on a deep, primal level, especially with his love of fighting! On his PMC salary and with his CO’s help, he’d gotten a pretty good pair. Tactile might not’ve been the best but they’d been much stronger! His company’d even paid for part of it. Mercs with awesomer gear often became more profitable, after all.

  After getting addicted to pain meds, he’d had trouble keeping up with the subscriptions, then got discharged and on and on the shit went downhill.

  Then, Panda’d helped him get sober. He barely remembered most of those years, although partially because he didn’t want to. They’d both been working for the Kais, out of necessity and out of options. However, his current boss had seen something in him.

  A good man trapped in the fog, he’d called it. That’d hit him hard. Then? His friends had helped him get out of that fog. Louis and a bunch of the other enforcers.

  So many didn’t make it. How many would be left after this incursion? Well, Francis would fight to keep that number as high as possible! To do that, he needed arms and legs. He’d just have to pay Panda back with dead aliens.

  He connected the arm and it clicked perfectly into place on the shoulder’s multi-mount. Oddly, it then whirred! Did that prosthetic fuck with his mount?

  Actually… It felt more solid? No wiggling or give like he got sometimes and–

  He gasped! His… his whole arm felt tingly and cold and… just fucking felt! He had real feeling in his arm for the first time in… what, a fucking decade!? “Fuck me…”

  “Are you alright? Are you experiencing any pain? Pinching? A headache?" The nurse asked him, all professional now.

  “No, no, I’m fine it’s just… I haven’t felt that in a long fucking time…” She smiled at him.

  “It’s good?”

  “That’s a god damn understatement but yeah…” He moved his arm to test it out and went through some classic diagnostics.

  Touched the center of his palm with all his fingers, did a few quick jerky movements to get a feeling for the lag, checked flexibility.

  No lag, perfect flexibility and dexterity. “Fucking hell…”

  It also looked awesome! Almost like a real arm, all while sporting black steel with some slightly glowing red RGB lighting at the seams.

  They switched out the rest a lot quicker now that he had a proper arm to make it work! Also, proper fucking fingers! The claw grip looked cool sometimes but fuck was it impractical…

  “Shit, yeah, sorry, the boss. If I had to describe him in one sentence? He’s, by far, the most caring man I’ve ever met. It takes a while for people to understand after they meet him, because it looks suspicious without feeling suspicious. You think, mentally, that no one cares that much and you feel like you should be suspicious.”

  “Yet, you aren’t, because he feels genuine. That’s because he is. Panda doesn’t bullshit. He’s not a liar, loves protecting people, helping people. That’s just the kind of person that man tries to be.” The second arm felt very much like the first. He opened the box with his legs and they were… legs.

  Same thing as his arms! Still amazeballs!

  “Honestly, Louis cares too much, should’ve gotten him killed a while ago, but that dude’s one deadly mother fucker...” The medical enforcer looked at him. She’d been pretty glad to hear the description until that.

  In their situation, being deadly was a plus, but it came with some apprehension. “So… The stories?”

  “A lot is true but there’s a ton of bullshit in there. I’ve seen him fight many, many times and he just won’t quit. No matter the pain, the injuries, if it’s necessary, he’ll fight and he’ll like it. It’s not the drugs mind you, no, it’s just… Actually, I don’t know.” The first leg went on and the feeling of… feeling for the first time was almost as overwhelming as for his arms.

  “My advice? Remember one thing. The dude cares, and that’s why he kills people. I can tell you’re post-purge. Believe me, you don’t know how fucking horrible it was. I did things I’m not proud of for drugs. I hurt people that didn’t deserve it, but I never used the brothels, not even if I was high as balls.”

  “They were… hell. You don’t want to know. Those were the pit of a long, dark well of misery. It was awful for all involved. This building is a better place because of the massacre he committed. I’m proud to have participated in it.” His eyes were shadowed, reliving horrible memories.

  They brightened quickly though as he remembered: The boss was a fucking samurai now! The kais were so fucked!

  He slowly started to get up, trying to get a feel for having real feet again! Actually… Holy shit, he could switch to clawed feet!? Awesome! Francis chose that since, at this point, he had more experience with those than ‘real’ feet.

  “Sorry! Went on a tangent there. Quick info you need! The boss is nice, he’ll never force you to do anything. If you aren’t comfortable doing something, just tell him and it’ll be fine. If you need anything for that matter, just tell him, the man loves helping. Don’t be afraid of him, seriously. Oh, also, that guy really loves cock. Seriously, the hungriest blowjobs of my life. Whatever you’re packing down there, if you’re interested, talk to Robin, that’s his husband.”

  “I’m sorry, what was that?” The nurse asked wide eyed.

  “Hm? Oh, yeah, Robin’s his husband. He’s the more outgoing, less monogamous type, he does the invites in general. Although… You know, Lila tells me he’s damn good with his tongue for either sex, maybe he just has an oral fixation or something? Although, if you want to fuck him, you’ll have to take both. They only have sex together, it’s cute! Altany, you said something about a heavy machine-gun?”