“I’m really done this time, Cameraperson. This is insane! Ludicrous even!” I threw my hands up in frustration. “Pretty sure retribution in the workplace is illegal.”

  I grinned. “Let’s sue Thomason, CP! Me n’ you versus the corporate overlord. Maybe River and Morgan could help with their glorious superpowers. Scottie can hook us up with Captain California. We’d have the world flat on its ass in no time!”

  Cameraperson smirked and shook their head.

  “Come on CP. Ever hear of venting?”

  They reclined in their beach chair and pulled out a book: Gorgon and Sasquatch: Love Under the Pines.

  “Really?! You’re going to lay back and read smut at a time like this.” I paced, scowling. “Traitor.”

  Cameraperson rolled their eyes.

  “Vacation is a conspiracy. Thomason wants us here to sabotage all our hard work— or worse, steal our office!”

  “Here.” A neon-colored drink with pineapples and umbrellas appeared.

  “Drink. Lots.”

  “Thanks, Morgan,” I muttered.

  “I would totally help you take down the oligarchy,” River said, sitting as close to Cameraperson as possible.

  “That’s why I love you.”

  River stuck out his tongue. “I’m her favorite now, Morgan.”

  Cameraperson continued reading.

  “You’re right, CP,” Morgan said. “I’m much cuter than River.”

  Cameraperson raised an eyebrow at River.

  River grinned. “They only have eyes for me.”

  Cameraperson jumped up. I looked over just as River grabbed Morgan and shot into the air.

  A giant craft emerged from the ocean, lumbered onto the beach, and stopped right in front of Cameraperson and me. A hatch opened. Four anthropomorphic shapes walked towards them.

  “Jnou bleg Alison Alistair? Ykno snsnl Cray-Dent wlop[d?”

  The group stared.

  “Is that a snlorgant and three shlovers?” I asked.

  Cameraperson nodded.

  The snlorgant cleared their throat, then twisted an ear. “You are Alison Alistair? Ender of the Cray-Dent war?”

  This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

  I nodded, taken aback by the smooth Irish accent.

  “You breached the law when you illegally served Eggos. You never got corporate permission to distribute their product at a diplomatic summit.”

  The other three stepped forward, cuffs, rope, and superglue in hand.

  “What kind of backwards bullshit is this?” I yelled. “I ended a centuries-long war and you're arresting me?”

  Cameraperson pulled out a battle axe and napalm launcher.

  Morgan cracked his knuckles and picked up a giant boulder.

  River looked uncomfortable.

  I literally steamed.

  The snlorgant sighed. “Please come quietly, and I won’t have to use my snobbles. I loathe making them work—they’re so precious and cute.”

  Morgan hurled the boulder. The three shlovers caught it midair, smirking, and flung it straight back at him.

  River grabbed Morgan, and shot into the air. The boulder shattered where he’d stood.

  “These jerks mean business. How’re we gonna handle this?” River panted, hovering above the chaos.

  Cameraperson charged, napalm spraying, battle axe raised. The shlovers aflame but unphased, caught the axe mid-swing. They ripped the axe from their hands and swung it at Cameraperson.

  “Nooooo!” River yelled, diving to intercept, losing a foot in the process.

  “Fuck,” River muttered, losing altitude. He dropped Morgan, then tumbled head over heels, slamming into the craft’s leg—knocking him out cold.

  “River!” Morgan yelled, rushing toward his husband.

  A snobble appeared in front of him, wiggled its dingle, and Morgan flung into the air, landing squarely on River.

  Cameraperson sat up, shaking their head.

  The shlovers had surrounded me. My arsenal of pencils strewn about.

  “This will all be over quickly if you would just accompany us,” the alien said. “Your friends will suffer no more harm. Our hippodocs will print a new foot for that one.” They pointed at River. “This is unnecessary.”

  “I hate you, Thomason,” I muttered, holding out my arms.

  “No need. You may accompany me onto the Loyal Lab unrestrained.”

  I followed.

  Once in the ship, the snlorgant gestured towards a large round table with two chairs.

  I sat in one, glaring at my host.

  “Now, Miss Alistair.” The snlorgant said. “My name is Klink. I am one of billions in the bureaucrat pool of the intergalactic arm of the Eggo Corporation. Had your friends not so callously attacked my retinue, I could have simply explained that all I need is a signature on this page.”

  He pulled out a sheet and slid it toward me.

  “And to pay the fine of thirty-five IDCaps.”

  I stared. “That’s it? All this pomp and circumstance for this?”

  “I created neither pomp nor circumstance. I am just doing my job.”

  Sighing, I picked up a pen and signed.

  “This is a good pen. Mind if I… ” I added, slipping it into my pocket.

  “That will be sixty IDCaps if you wish to keep the pen,”

  I tossed the pen and thirty-five IDCaps toward him. “We’re done here?”

  “Once your friends are—”

  “Family.” I corrected

  “Strange. You share no DNA traits. Once your family has been seen by our docs, we’re done.”

  “There’s no ‘fine’ or ‘paperwork’?”

  “Of course there’s paperwork. There’s always paperwork.”

  Klink waved her off and walked away.

  Back outside, I found my family sitting in front of the door, waiting. I walked over, sat down, and rested my head on Cameraperson’s shoulder.

  “I’m going to castrate Thomason,” I muttered with a smile. “Still, this is the best vacation I’ve ever had.”

  River and the Bug, River and Friends Part 2 - The Beagle and the Robin, and The Reaper Wears a Scarf on my page.