My imaginary friend is a liar.

  I didn’t actually believe her when she said she made me coffee, for obvious reasons, but I at least expected her to have some follow up planned for her little charade.

  I even briefly considered the horrifying possibility that she figured out how to produce imaginary objects, but found it unlikely to be true since I wasn’t immediately surrounded by life size sculptures of her likeness.

  Ami doesn’t have the self control to avoid abusing such skills to feed her ever growing narcissism.

  “I can’t believe that was what got you out of bed in the end.”

  What can I say, coffee is a great motivator and her very obvious lie just made me want to make some.

  I also haven’t eaten anything for over twenty-four hours so my stomach sided with her in an epic act of betrayal.

  “I-i was hungry.”

  Don’t fool yourself into thinking I am gullible enough for such low effort ploys to fool me, my reasons for getting out of bed transcend your understanding, mostly because imaginary people don’t eat.

  “Are we going to act like yesterday never happened?”

  If you stop bringing it up we will..

  “Y-yes.”

  “Should we cook breakfast then?”

  Of course we shouldn’t, it’s like she never met me.

  Cooking and hunger have nothing to do with each other, and why would I even want to appease this treacherous body part of mine?

  Before Ami made her grand entrance in to my life, as she likes to call it, not eating for a day or two was no big deal.

  My stomach has grown soft from Ami’s constant attempts to feed it, just not in the physical sense.

  “N-no.”

  “I want to make pancakes.”

  No, you want me to make pancakes and for me to eat them.

  I might be willing to make the noble sacrifice of eating them, but making them is too much to ask.

  “I’ll even do it like you and stuff a bunch of unrelated things inside. I already have a bunch of brilliant additions to the mix.”

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  Incredible, she’s learning, I only wish she learned something else.

  But her confidence that she can imitate my cooking style is the height of arrogance, and should not be allowed to pass with silence.

  Well, I like silence so I will let her off with just a scandalized look.

  “I wasn’t planning on using snake eggs this time, but we can try next time we make them.”

  I think I missed something here.

  “W-what?”

  “I was trying to guess what was going through your head for you to make that face. I nailed it didn’t I?”

  You hammered the wrong side of the nail into the wall with that one.

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed Mai, it just means I know you better now.”

  “W-wrong.”

  “Impossible, I’m never wrong. You are probably just misremembering your thought process.”

  I know a lost battle when I see one, and Ami will fight to the bitter end to avoid admitting she made a mistake, so I’ll just let her have this one.

  “Fine, you can have the first round, but no more cheating.”

  How did it turn into a game exactly?

  I should play along if it gets her to drop the whole pancake thing.

  “You are thinking how did I turn it into a game, kinda boring for the first guess Mai, you can do better. You usually have much weirder thoughts going around in there.”

  My thoughts aren’t weird, they are delightfully eccentric.

  I can’t believe she actually got one right.

  “C-correct.”

  “Obviously, see it's much more fun when you’re honest. So what are you planning to do about breakfast if you refuse to make pancakes?”

  The only sensible thing, make what I was planning to eat for lunch just earlier.

  “H-hotdogs.”

  “I didn’t want to guess that since it was too obvious, do you never get tired of eating those so much?”

  I am extremely tired of them, but that has nothing to do with anything, I just don’t want to cook anything else.

  It’s all about choosing the lowest effort and barely getting out of bed.

  “You were thinking that making anything else just makes you too sad because I can’t taste your cooking.”

  “W-wrong.”

  “We said no more cheating Mai, play the game properly.”

  Who is the one cheating here exactly?

  “S-still wrong.”

  “You just don’t want to let me know I’m right because you are scared I’ll be able to tell when you have dirty thoughts about me.”

  I’m not even going to try to understand her logic on this one.

  “E-extra wrong.”

  “Cheater, I know everything about you except for what you do in the bath since you won’t let me join you, and I can’t think of any other reason why.”

  Try thinking about something other than yourself for once and you might be able to find other reasons.

  I will never let Ami join me in the bath, but my reasoning is completely pure hearted , It’s for her own protection.

  I don't know if imaginary people are water resistant and Ami will never recover once she finds out she can’t see herself in the mirror because of the steam.

  “You are thinking that It will be too exciting if I join you in the bath because I’m too beautiful.”

  This girl is hopeless, but I can’t really argue the beautiful part.

  I shake my head with a sigh and Ami mumbles something about how i’m cheating again.

  Ami seems to be toying with more awful ideas for the future, but at least things are getting back to normal.

  Maybe it will be a good day today…