PART TWO g – the Bad Thing

  "I don't know what I did, but I must have put some really bad karma out. Cause I got a lot of bad karma came in."

  "No. You're not a bad person, Light. When I decided I wanted a sports girl? You were one of the first girls I kept asking out for coffee. In fact, I kept asking you more times than any of the others."

  "Why?"

  "Why you, or why more times."

  "Both. I guess."

  He winked at me.

  "Because. I saw you standing, where you sports girls all stand, before you go to css? At that long railing."

  "Yeah…"

  "I'd see you, and always go… wow. Just look at that. Those incredible legs, that pretty face. That tight tummy. So, I got the nerve up to ask. And I kept asking, for a long time. You always said no? But… you were one of the only ones that were nice about it. You had this little smile. Like a Mona Lisa smile. And you'd have nice excuses. You weren't mean about it, like almost all the others. And… a lot of the others? They weren't happy just saying no. Or even saying it rude. They went out of their way, to make fun of me, just for being nice. Horrible people. I can't believe they look so pretty, because they're ugly, really. But, seeing you smile? Getting to talk to you? Really made my day. Every time."

  "Really?"

  "Definitely."

  He winked again, then twice more.

  "You know, if Hurry wasn't around? Say something happened to her."

  "Hey!"

  "You stay out of this, something happened to you."

  "Hmm. What happened to me?"

  "I don't know. Say you got ran over by a truck tomorrow."

  "Great day I'm having tomorrow. Thanks. But go ahead…"

  "Anyways, you know what I would do? When I was done, mourning and all."

  "What."

  "I'd come right to you. Because you? Are just like Hurry. You're tall, and strong. Really pretty. And you're just all good karma. I've never seen you be mean or bad. I'd want you, if she was gone."

  "Really?"

  "Definitely."

  "What would you do with me, then. You don't have a pn."

  "I know exactly what I'd do."

  "What…"

  "I'd finish my undergrad degree. Then? grad school. They'd pay me to teach computer csses. They'd give me a townhouse. Then? I'd move you in. No rent, no electric. My paycheck? I'd take you out for a fancy dinner, I guess once a week."

  "Aw. No one's ever done anything like that for me. I'm… just not worth all that."

  "Well. That's what I'd do."

  "You'd be ashamed of me. You know what people would say."

  "I don't care. I'd feel like the luckiest guy in the world. And? You'd deserve it."

  "For what?"

  "For being a good person. It would be your good karma coming back to you, twice over. Your good karma? Is overdue."

  "My karma? Seems to be in the… no zip sorting bin at the post office. For a while."

  "Yeah. You'll get that good karma, eventually. And? I'm certain the universe will do its thing. See? The thing about karma. Good or bad, whatever you got coming. The longer it takes to come in? The stronger it is. Now. Take your good karma… its gonna be huge good karma one day. I'm just sure of it. And theirs? I bet its huge bad karma. Its overdue. Karma? Collects interest, daily. It adds up over time. So don't worry. One day, they'll manage to piss off just the right person, and the universe will mop the floor with them. You just keep being a good person like you are, and you'll end up fine. I'm sure of it."

  "Hurry?"

  "Yeah, hun."

  "Am I really allowed to get a… rubdown, next to you?"

  "Yeah, Light. Just like on TV. We'll gossip. And, have a snack? And tell him where to rub next. Its what he does for me after I work out. And I'm going to share it with you."

  "Wow."

  "Wow what?"

  "Well… two wow. Wow one? Just thinking about being rubbed down, after workouts? Makes me want to… moan. In a good way. And wow two… I feel better. Not like, completely regur, but…"

  "Well. That's good. So… do you just feel better, as in you don't feel sick any more? Or, do you feel better… meaning by that… you feel a tiny bit less…"

  She looked down, spoke quiet. Really quiet.

  "Dirty? Like I'm, some kind of… human garbage? Human garbage can…"

  "If that's what… it… feel's like? Okay. Do you feel a little bit less like, some kind of human garbage can?"

  She thought about it. Wouldn't look up.

  "Uh, yeah. Maybe a tiny bit… less."

  "I'm not an expert with a doctor in front of my name. I just have csses, and read textbooks. I'm being taught, and I'm learning. But… what you just did. What just happened. Its supposed to get a little bit better, every time. You've been scared to py a certain game, and you just pyed it. You get less butterflies before every game. Eventually, the butterflies will turn into excitement. Then every game, you'll be a little bit more excited."

  He weighed in.

  "You're not garbage, Light. Far from it. You're not some garbage can, either. Your mother? She's garbage. Not you."

  She looked up. Spoke more normal.

  "I feel a little bit, yeah, less bad. But, its repced by something else, I think. I feel… guilty."

  I kept quiet, he does fine at this, I'm surprised.

  "What do you have to be guilty about?"

  "I… just do. I feel like, I don't deserve to have good things. Hell. You two? Should have kissed and made out in bed. You're a couple. You love each other. Instead? You had to have a sleepover, with your fucked up 14 year old daughter, basically. I feel guilty. Ashamed. Hurry says she's going to… share her boyfriend with me. So, I can see what a good retionship is supposed to look like. Sound like. Feel like. I feel like I don't deserve that."

  He had her sit in the chair, and stood behind her.

  "Do I have your permission. To touch you."

  "Sure. Look, I don't have that, thing I guess. Someone like me, wouldn't want touched? I get that. I don't have that. Its fine."

  He rubbed her shoulders. Light at first, then gradually harder. Then her neck. He worked it up harder and harder, until he was being forceful. Making the skin red, bringing blood into the skin and muscles. She said it felt good. From her reaction and expressions and body nguage, it not only felt good physically, she also liked it in some other obvious way. In between light "ooh" and "aah" anyone gives off for a good, hard massage that hits the spot… she tried to tell him that it felt good, that she appreciated it. That she would try to pay him back, make him feel good. That she was looking forward to it. He kept trying to shush her.

  "You don't… owe me. You don't have to pay me back."

  "But… I want to."

  "Light? You don't always have to… pay, or trade? To get things. Do I look forward to… after a third date with you? Yeah. Physically, very much. A girl that looked a lot like you? Was on my calendar for years. Obviously, I can't wait, that way."

  "Good."

  "Another part of me? Feels bad. Doesn't want to."

  "I don't… bme you. Your friend. I dated a little. He got to think of me as… garbage. Real quick. Some people? Good people, I guess. Its like they can smell it on me. Or, sense it. I understand that."

  He kept the massage up, which kept her going and didn't allow her to shrink down. It kept her in the conversation, and active.

  "That's not it with me. Not at all."

  "If you say so. Then how is it, with you then. If its not like that. It might be like that, and you just don't realize it. That you can't smell garbage, but… you sense it."

  "No. I know better. Its not that. And I know what it is."

  "So? Tell me."

  "I feel… guilty. Like, I'm… creepy. Taking advantage. There's something about… I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. The way? You know how a 20 year old boy, dating a 14 year old? Most boys couldn't wait to get a young, cute girl. They follow them around, they're… easier to impress. I always felt… guilty doing that. I feel like, I'm vioting them somehow. Like, I'm taking advantage of someone who doesn't know any better yet."

  "Wow. Every guy likes to date teenyboppers. And the girls? Hell, young girls love older guys. We get this silly smile on our faces. You have a car, and you can get beer. Wow. Our friends? All impressed. We? Can score, with older boys. Yeah, baby. You weren't taking advantage. You were giving the girl what she wanted. Don't feel guilty. Just enjoy it. Wow. You passed up more teenyboppers than you could have had? You missed out, Wizzy."

  "Well. I was in high school. You know I was the show boyfriend. Those girls were using me. All the girls seemed to do that then. The young girls? It was like they hadn't figured out how to do it right, like the older girls did. So, I felt like I was taking advantage of them. It felt creepy."

  "Hmm. I get it. You feel creepy. Because now you know I'm a young girl inside an older girl's body, is that it? You're not taking advantage of me."

  "Well. I always saw… life's little games. For what they are. To me? That game seemed to boil down into this. I'm older, I got a car, I can get beer. You want to be seen by your young friends? With an older guy, in a car? Impress them? Well… you know what you have to do to get it. Get in little girl. I can get beer. Then? No one says it, but the girl just knows. She's expected to put out. To get rode around, to be able to impress the other girls. To get the six pack when he drops her back off. On some level? Its just wrong."

  "Hmm. You really are a nice guy. Most guys don't feel guilty. They feel lucky when they find one. Not guilty. Wizzy? This is where that too nice thing comes in. I don't mean it as the shot most people mean it as. But, when you were too nice like that? You missed out. On what everyone else gets. And you know you wanted that cute 14 year old girl to come with you. Make you feel like a big man. Right?"

  "Sure. That's where the… guilt creeps in."

  "Don't feel guilt for that. I was that 14 year old girl. When we can get an older boy? God, we feel ten feet tall. We just brag, our girl friends are all jealous, and all impressed. You weren't stopping us from getting taken advantage of, because we weren't old enough to know better, Wizzy. You were actually? Making a 14 year old girl feel rejected. Left out. Shit, I ain't cute enough for him. Damn. I thought he was nice, thought he'd appreciate it? He's all stuck up, and wants better. Fuck."

  He kept up the massage.

  "So, that's it then? Its not that you smell garbage on me… you feel like you're taking advantage."

  "Yeah."

  "Well, that makes me feel better. Thanks."

  More massage, and little punches to the back of the neck.

  "You don't have to put out, to get beer. You can get all the beer you want."

  "Hurry? I guess you're going to have to yell at him, to sit still. So I can get my hands on him, and get started. I figure once he starts liking it, that'll go away."

  I winked at him. She had her eyes closed, rolling her head around, enjoying her neck time.

  "We'll tie him down, if we have to."

  She giggled.

  "This is a new one for me. I never had to tie one down, to let me get my hands on him."

  He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and blushed.

  "So, don't feel bad Wizzy. You're the one doing me the favor, really. You know what's really funny?"

  "Hmm."

  "Like your friend. Came time for, you know, the fun part. I try to be good at it. Hell, for me that's all I know about how to make the guy happy. The happier I tried to make him? The more he thought I was… garbage. Which is where its funny. You know the real story, Wizzy. All that? Didn't make me… better at making a guy feel good. Young girl, out with older boys. Just kind of… id there. And they liked it, I guess. Then… I definitely just id there. Out of it, drunk. No… I had to teach myself, learn how to make a guy feel good, like I do now. Its not a sign of me being… dirt. Its actually, in my case? A sign that I try not to be dirt anymore."

  "I guess that actually makes sense."

  "If anyone got anything out of all that, Wiz? I never saw a dime of it. Mom did. I guess I just id there. Maybe that's why, now, here? I wanna do it right, do it better. For free. They do say, you only get what you pay for. Nope. My idea, like I told phone whore's boy. 900 dolr phone, for what was probably a weak ass blowjob? Pffft. Go around the world twice and then some. You try to buy me a drink for it, I'll throw it in your face. Maybe for girls like her, like lots of girls that use it to get stuff? They're the whores. Its their job. That's their paycheck. Bunch of maids, and they can't even clean the house. I'll clean your house spic and span, for free. Won't even take payment if you offered it, I'm offended."

  "Light? That's the part where I like you more. That's real morality. If they knew, they'd think they're so much better. Really, they ain't. I meant what I said. If Hurry was gone, I wouldn't be the least bit ashamed, to do what I said."

  She tapped his wrist, to thank him.

  "Plus? You're a cheap date. There's that."

  I shot him a look, but it got her ughing. It showed she really had fully "returned". She was feeling more of herself. When her neck massage was done, she looked better.

  "Mm. Thanks, Wizzy. Feels great. Honestly? I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. Can't think of a single time I ever got my neck rubbed, it wasn't just leading to something. I feel like a cat on a hot tin roof."

  "Cold shower?"

  She ughed again.

  "Make my nipples hard. Defeats the whole purpose."

  We all ughed.

  "Wizzy. You want the truth? As I see it."

  "Sure."

  "The whole too nice thing. Look. Here's how it breaks down. A guy that's, nice. Or, raised to be nice. He's taught to be polite, say this and that. You know what I mean. It's been drilled into his head."

  "Sure."

  "Yeah. I think the problem is. They finally nd a girl, thinks his shy routine is cute. And it is cute, it really can be. Girl gets alone with him. I been with these guys. Lots of guys I thought we're gonna… you know, go to fun time? Some didn't, they stand there. I'm like… all that talk, all that game they had. Where is it? Poof, gone."

  She had his attention.

  "What did you do about it."

  "I ended up leaving. Then? I went back. I realized, all the other girls just leave. Not his fault. He doesn't know. So? I sat him down. We talked. Turns out? His buddies had been… you know, educating him. How to… score. I found out, talking. Which was a new thing for me, alone in a boy's room, trust me here. He had a couple girls in high school, he was no virgin. But, he didn't know. No one told him. Or, he thought they were just bragging, or pying big man. I don't know. I expined to him. We came from cavemen. I'm? The cave-woman. You drag me onto that bed by my hair? And you do it. You don't take no for an answer. Girls like it."

  "What did he say."

  "Oh. He was fed full of all that… stuff you hear and read these days. You need permission, you need consent. He was taught in health css. You stop. Before every single thing you do, you stop and you make sure you have her consent. Before moving on. Christ almighty. I don't know what girls like that, I don't. Talked to plenty of girls, none of them wanted that either. In fact, none of us girls? Can figure out where that shit came from. Sure wasn't any regur girl made it up. We figure, had to be some… 88 year old nun somewhere."

  "Girls want caveman."

  "Yeah. Now, being nice up until… game time? Fine. But when the game starts? Py ball, py hard. I expined it to him. He was… it wasn't working."

  "You left?"

  "Oh. No. I got on top of him. I started smacking him around. I was ughing. I told him… wrestle me down, hold me down… and go caveman. He finally did. Actually great, once I gave him the idea. Next time I stopped over? Whole different guy. His balls dropped, he had confidence… or whatever you call it. Fixed him. Kid gets id now."

  "And… what do you think other girls do in that situation."

  "I think some leave. I think… others have learned that this? Is the perfect show boyfriend. Then, I think… well, I know… he pays for dates, loans money, buys presents. That's what they use him for… and they go out…"

  "Tee hee! I like bad boys. Tee hee!"

  She ughed.

  "Yeah. Hurry here? She thinks that's just wrong. I do too. Look. Most kids, you tell them they aren't allowed to drink a beer. They know adults drink beer, they can't wait. Now, most kids will have a beer, first time some kid snags a case off a stack of cases from a party, and the adults don't miss it. But? Always some that won't. This? Is no different. I think most girls, most boys… understand. This? Is just another beer is bad lecture. They know to snicker, and run out and do it. But, I think people like Hurry? People like you? For some reason, you don't get the memo all the other kids got."

  "What do you mean."

  "Well. You were the show boyfriend, in high school. Anything sound familiar, that kid I talked about?"

  "Yeah."

  "There you go. That's how you got sent down that road. Now. In the service. The cute Latinas, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "How did that change."

  "Well. First one? I was… nice. We were done. She asked. Now do I get the good stuff? She made a motion with her fist… I uh, I got the idea."

  "Oh. Better from then on, huh?"

  "I felt funny at first. I was always waiting for that… shit, I'm in trouble this time. Too rough… but? They never said anything, they just seemed happier. So. I learned."

  "Good. And now Hurry. Raised the good girl."

  "Yeah."

  "You don't have to run around with a different guy every month. But… fun to be a bad girl with your guy, right?"

  "Yeah. It is."

  "Christ I felt bad. You… did what you did for me. Saved me from going back. I felt guilty. Going out, you're at home all the time. You finally found a guy? And Miss Moody sport-fucked him. Like you deserved that."

  "Thanks for telling me."

  "Sorry. If it didn't come up, happen again. I'd of let it go. But… after he was gone, and she got the nerve up to tell you she sport-fucked him? I realized. You… saved my life, basically. And you sit at home all year, waiting for the right guy, that you really like. I just didn't want it happening again. And Wizzy?"

  "Yeah."

  "I knew who you were. I knew this one here, little miss goody two shoes farm girl… had her eye on you for a while. I would have gone out for coffee. And if you ended up being too nice? I know how to fix that. I'm just telling you. I didn't squirm out of coffee, because I didn't like you. Wizzy? I already knew."

  "About what?"

  "About… you just py nice. I mean. I didn't know exactly what, but… I knew something weird was going on. I was at that party. I saw that football pyer messing with you. You pyed it off. Nice, too nice, whatever we call it. But… I also saw you go up to him ter, and pull him off to the side? And say something. Pointed at Bubbly. Then? A whole different football pyer after that. Now. I naturally thought, Bubbly was sticking up for you. Hey, go talk to Bubbly, and he set the asshole straight. I mentioned something like that to Bubbly? He ughed, he was all drunk. He said? It ain't like that at all. So, I knew something was up. I just didn't know what. But… if Bubbly didn't stick up for you, and it ain't like that? What was left."

  "Honey? Lightning…"

  "Yeah. I know. I get it."

  I sighed.

  "Light?"

  "Yeah Hurry."

  "I'm realizing something."

  "What's that. How fucked up I really am? You need another couple years, to get my shit together?"

  "No. When the other girls. Call me Mizz Two Parents, they mean it as a cut."

  "Oh, that. Fuck that. They're just cunts."

  "I know that. But… in some way? They're right."

  "How?"

  "I… you know I grew up on a farm. You think, I'm just a farmer's daughter. I wear jeans and T shirts. I get my hands dirty. I clean up horse shit for my horse. I carry hay bales with the guys. Remember that one girl, called me a farm slut?"

  "Yeah. We should have beat up her boyfriend. He was a sissy-pants."

  "Well. I never realized it. Wizzy here? He expined it to me. I never knew. There's a lot of acres. We move a lot of animals in and out. Daddy had farmhands. I never knew. I'm… some kind of… farm princess. I grew up thinking. I'm this down to earth, feet on the ground, head screwed on right… farmer's daughter. I'm not one of those other girls. Some spoiled princess. But… I am. I feel guilty."

  "What's there to feel guilty about? You grew up doing work. So you didn't grow up a spoiled brat. It worked."

  "I guess. I feel spoiled right now, though."

  "Why?"

  "I had a… daddy. A good mom. And… if anyone would have ever tried, to… oh god. My dad would have went nuts. I was starting to, not hate him, but… the whole thing. Where he has to mess with Wizzy. And if Wizzy takes it? He looks like a wuss, and my dad talks more shit. And if Wizzy doesn't take it? Then he's an asshole. And if dad smacks him around? That ain't right. And if Wiz smacks him around, like he might be able to? Once again, Wiz's an asshole to my dad. It ain't fair to Wiz. But… my daddy being like that? It ain't a bad thing. It… there's a reason for it. To prevent…"

  "Yeah. Hurry? Wiz? You both had a mom, and a dad. I mean, those are the two people that actually made you, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "Sure."

  "I think you're the only two in this townhouse. My mom got rid of my dad, and went through more. And she's shit as far as being a mother goes. You can see where that got me. Now… Miss Moody? She only got a single mom. She ain't no prize. But at least her mom wasn't half as bad as mine. At least she had something. That leaves Right. She has a dad now, but… it's not her real dad, its the second or third one."

  "So what's the point."

  "Decent mom, the real dad. Both of you. And? You're the only two in this damn townhouse, that's got your feet on the ground and your head screwed on right. Getting your education, only dating enough to find the right person. I guess that's how its supposed to be. Then, going down the line. I'm actually the worst, because of… well, we know why now. But… Miss Moody? No dad. And she's a piece of work. Then Right. Half decent mom, third guy pying dad. She ain't perfect, but doing better next to you. Hell. If I owned a company, and wanted to know what my employees would really act like? I don't need their background, I wanna know about the parents. All I'd wanna know, if the mom was half decent, and that was the real dad. Probably be a better indicator of a good person, than their own background check. Maybe we should start doing background checks on the parents, not on the people."

  Wiz piped up.

  "Honey?"

  "Yeah."

  "I don't hate your dad. I just don't wanna go through the shit-show, and there's nothing good coming out of it. I'm honestly, trying to keep from… being put into a situation where I might have to put my hands on him. But… big bully dad or not? He kept bad things away from you. I don't hate him. I don't wanna be around him or anything, but… if I had extra money. I'd send him a bottle of expensive jack or whatever he likes to drink, then he can walk around like a big man. He did his job. In the service? You don't have to like a guy, to respect him."

  We sat around for a little while before he asked her something else.