PART TWO d – the Bad Thing

  "He's so safe? Not weak, just safe. You know how you have to watch out for strong men? Bad boys… if you argue and sp one, what might happen, Light."

  "Oh. They introduce you to the back of their hand."

  "Wow. Big strong man. Bad boy… so tough, they can hit a little girl. This… stupid bad boy bullshit? Has you dippy girls so snow jobbed, that when some skinny little shit that can't fight his way out of a wet paper bag? Hits them across the face, they get turned on. Oh! Bad boy! Tee hee! Its pure bullshit, Light. Want me to prove it?"

  "Okay. How."

  "You're sitting on a real man. They way they used to make a lot of them. Very few left. These polite, strong, silent types? Have a built in protection mechanism. They're safe around women, children and small animals. They're very dangerous, and they're very good at protecting women and children… but they have a safety mechanism built in. They won't beat the little dy. And abuse children. They can't. This? Is the top of the line guy you can get. He comes? With air bags built in. In the event of a wreck? Say, you get drunk and get emotional, and smack him. Or the little dog you bring home scratches his ankle. Or… the baby won't stop screaming. Whatever. Doesn't matter what it is. He won't turn on you. You can't do any better than that."

  "He…"

  "What, Light."

  "He… he can't… hurt me. Like… that."

  "No, Lightning. He can't. Men like him? Those are the rare guys you read about once in a while. Some woman, getting hurt. Everyone walks by, none of my business. Men like him? They don't even have to know you? Or even like you, for that matter. They see women in trouble? Little kids in danger? They jump in, and risk their lives to help. Your skinny snotty bad boys just walk on by."

  "He… I can… I can, get in a car with him. He's… safe."

  "Yes, Light. Very safe. Not only will this rare type of guy never hurt you that way? He'll get killed trying to prevent it. Almost all men used to be like this at one time. We've managed to just about breed them out."

  "But… why… I don't, understand."

  "I don't understand why either, Lightning. Natural selection. When women started selecting men to breed with. Based on height only. Muscles only. Size of their paycheck only. Dick size only… we began to breed out these men. We're ruining the breeding stock. Do you understand now, why I treasure him so much? This is worth more than gold to me, Lightning."

  "Hmm."

  "Now. I'll show you. I'm not whistling Dixie. Lightning?"

  "Yes."

  "You will never do this. Ever. One time demonstration. Do you hear me? If I ever see you showing this trick off? I will smack the shit out of you. Not kidding."

  "I promise."

  "I want you to hit him. Smack him right across the face. Do it hard. You're drunk, you're emotional. You're acting like a spoiled cunt. Do it."

  She gave him a little sp across the face.

  "I said hit him."

  She gave him a harder sp.

  "Now. Wind up and really light him up good. Make it a nice, hard backhand. You know. You're asking for it. You're one of those spoiled cunts, trying to get smacked back."

  "Okay…"

  She hauled off, and backhanded the taste right out of his mouth, off the other side of his face. Not a goddamn thing happened.

  "Is he giving you that… rattlesnake look, guys give you when a girl sps them? Hmm?"

  "No…"

  "That's because, most men think it makes them look like a big man, to smack a girl across the mouth. They secretly like it. The rattlesnake look? That says… if there wasn't a w against hitting women? You'd have a split lip right now. Laws can't protect you, Light. Not from men that are weak inside. They'll do it, when they think they can get away with it. He won't."

  She wound up and really pasted a wicked forehand one on him. Again, nothing.

  "Wow…"

  "Lightning? Show's over. Stop."

  "Oh. Sorry…"

  "Lightning. How are all the girls rating men these days. Whats the new joke online. Repeat it."

  "Oh. Six six six."

  "Yeah. At least six in all categories. What are those categories? Tell me."

  She giggled.

  "At least six foot tall…"

  "Yes."

  "At least six inches…"

  "And?"

  "Six figures, or over."

  "I got lucky. He's two out of three."

  "Hmm. Which two…"

  "Well. I'm a hair under 6 foot even myself. And he's taller than me. You know he's not rich, so… you do the math."

  "Oh, he's over 6…"

  "Yeah. I'm no size queen, but… trust me. Its fine."

  She giggled and reached back, through the covers.

  "Hmm. Fun size… and I can still have children… nice."

  "Now. None of that shit? Gets you one of these quality men. Six six six? Is made up bullshit, that sounds good. Its retarded."

  "Really?"

  "Sure. All those short, skinny wrestlers, boxers out there… very tough. They can beat up the big boys, too. That little. Height is nothing but genetics."

  "Yeah…"

  "Dick size? Medical average in America? Just under 5 and a half."

  "Hmm."

  "And 100 grand a year, as a minimum requirement to date a guy? The average, is something like 45."

  "Did not know that."

  "Most don't. Idiot girls on the internet? Talk like 125, 150 is average. It isn't. You silly girls?"

  "Yeah…"

  "Men that are over 6 foot tall, are less then ten percent of the men in America. Just on height alone, 90 percent of the girls, are chasing 10 percent of the men. Less than ten, in his case. He's a little over 6 foot one inch. Which means? All you girls are running around giving and getting herpes, off of a few guys, who are mostly worthless losers who happen to have tall parents. Its fucking retarded."

  "100 grand?"

  "Low percentage. Very low. Ten percent or under."

  "And… fun size?"

  "Not quite as bad, but…"

  "Hmm. You've done even better than I gave you credit for, Hurry. I want one."

  "Figured you would. Now Lightning."

  "Hmm."

  "You smacked your guard dog. For no reason. Show him nice… give him some kisses…"

  She leaned down, and gave him some slow, but very unsubtle wet lips and wet tongue.

  "Now. Ask him nice. Don't demand it, like you hear girls bragging and showing off. Ask him nice. For your eggs the way you want them."

  She made a little show, of more kisses and whispering sweetly, to ask for eggs how Hurry got them, instead of scrambled like the other girls got.

  He looked at me. I nodded. So, he nodded and smiled to her.

  "And before you think he's… what… whipped? Because he listens, and he's a joy to have around the house."

  "Yeah…"

  "Isn't that a great thing? And you already know he's not… too nice… don't you."

  She sat up, and I could see the cogs turning. She looked at him, and tapped her finger on her lips. Like a 14 year old girl, deciding something would do it.

  "Hmm. It is a neat trick. So… where do I get one of these again? I want to go shopping. Try… one… on."

  "Good luck, Little Lightning. Like I said. All the bad boy, 666 bullshit you idiot girls got going on? You dip-shits are breeding these superior men, out of existence. Congratutions, girls. You're ruining the future of the human race. You got evolution? Working backwards. Another couple generations, we'll be up to our neck in assholes that ain't worth half a limp fuck. Bang up job, girl power. Bang up job."

  "So. This, is what you were looking for. Waiting. Doing without."

  "Exactly. I'd rather take a cold shower, than rock some loser's world. Just because I got an itch. Now Light?"

  "Hmm."

  "How are you doing over there. You know…"

  "Oh. A little… tingly… that way. If you know what I mean."

  "There you go. You're waiting. Anticipating. Something of quality. Because he's loyal to a fault? Once he likes you, just for you? He's willing to wait a while. To show he really likes you. Not just your tits."

  "Do I really get to… py? After our third date… this isn't some kind of con job."

  "No, Lightning. That? Is my low mileage dirt bike I waited until I could get it. I won't let just anyone ride it. But, I grew up riding dirt bikes with the boys, they all had them. If you don't let your friend see what its like, to get a quality dirt bike? They don't understand. I want you to understand, what a quality bike is. So… when you finally get one of your own? You'll appreciate it, and treat it good."

  She bent down, pying kisses and sweet nothings.

  "I'm a good girl now. I have to wait, until after our third time out, Wizzy. Then? I'm gonna get… to ride you… and I can't wait…"

  "That anticipation you feel right now, Light?"

  "Uh huh."

  "That goes both ways. He really likes you. Sure, you're pretty to him. You're one of his… calendar girls, in real life. But… he didn't show much interest in you, until you talked deep to him, remember?"

  "Hmm."

  "When you ostrich kicked that boy st night on his behalf? Loyalty. He looked at you funny. I saw it. You impressed him again."

  "Yeah?"

  "Its not just sex. Its something extra."

  "What?"

  "No one knows, but its there. We don't know exactly? But its something. We know, because sex without it, is a little less. So, we invented a word for it."

  "That's… love?"

  "Yeah. See… if you just rock their world and leave? And do it all over again. You're never getting to the best part. You, are… eating doughnuts? Good. But with no creme filling. It makes the doughnut better. It makes sex, which is good? Into love. Which is great. Its a little better."

  I got some of her best dead pan. I know her. I know a good one's coming.

  "You, are accusing me, of not getting any creme filling, huh. Funny."

  "Now, Lightning?"

  "Hmm."

  "After you get to py, and it happens a while… you can get more than a couple weeks, can't you? If you like it, once you get to taste test it."

  "If I like it, and you… let me? Yeah, I guess."

  "You. Are going to get to experience, you're first real boyfriend. For the first time in your life. Its… going to be a little magical, a lot of fun… pretty exciting. And if you like it, and if you're a good girl… I'll let it go for a while. I want you to see what a quality retionship really is. Okay? You missed out on this growing up. Because of what happened. Because your mom has a screw loose. You? Are at a make or break point in your life, and this is probably the only time and way you get to see how its supposed to be. You? Also get to see how we are with each other. You live here, so its all the time. You even get a little peek into our bedroom."

  I could really see her cogs turning now.

  "Hurry?"

  "Mm…"

  "Why are you… doing this for me…"

  "Different reasons. One of the most important reasons, though? Is I'm your best friend, and I want to try to help you. Okay?"

  She nodded yes.

  "Now. I promise, to keep your secrets, okay?"

  "Thank you."

  "When I say the… boot secret, you know what I mean, right?"

  She puckered up for a second, then recovered quick.

  "I already keep that secret, don't I?"

  "Yes."

  "I know you're embarrassed. I don't tell, do I?"

  She shook her head no, the prospect of me telling was a scary one.

  "I keep the new secret you shared st night, too. You trust me, because I did so good with the boot secret, yes?"

  "Uh huh."

  "So. Me, you, him. This little arrangement? Is going to be… our secret. Understand?"

  "Yes."

  "You keep this one, I promise I'll keep the other two. We have a deal?"

  She nodded.

  "Now. People will know something's up. They'll suspect it. We'll make jokes about sharing. But… we don't give out any details. You? Might notice some things between us. But… if you tell? What do you think happens then."

  "Please, don't tell. I promise. Please, I promise…"

  "All right."

  "Hurry?"

  "Yes, dear."

  "Am I allowed to… tell him… that I…"

  "What, hun."

  "Do I get in trouble, if… maybe while pying, say that I… you know. Love him."

  "Do you mean it?"

  "I don't know. I mean, maybe."

  "Then wait. People have sex, before they fall in love sometimes. You don't just say it, if you don't mean it. But… if you ever think you really feel it? And you think you're sure. Then yeah, you're allowed. I won't be mad."

  "If… this works. When does it…"

  "End?"

  "Yeah."

  "I don't know. It'll probably end, at some point in time. You, will then have to go through…"

  "A… broken heart."

  "Have you ever had that?"

  She shook her head no.

  "That, is because this whole… sex only, no strings, fuck-buddy bullshit all the girls preach today? Doesn't account for love. You can repce sex, with other sex. Love? Isn't easily repceable. When its gone? You… feel like your favorite dog died. Or even worse."

  "It seems bad…"

  "Its how you know it was real. If you don't feel pain losing it, throwing it away, fucking it over and moving on? It wasn't. Honey? You have an idea what real love is already, you just don't know it."

  "How…"

  "If, you ever were close with a dog, you feel horrible when its gone? That's the same thing I feel with Wiz. The dog you don't have sex with it, right? At least I hope not."

  She ughed and shook her head no.

  "Well. There's more proof. Love is very real. Its actually separate from sex. If you have real love? It sts… forever. Until you die. It sts even past death, and beyond. A couple married young, their whole lives. When one dies? The other, still loves them until they pass away, too. I’ve seen it, with older members of my family. Its… very sweet."

  She's emotionally immature, but still streetwise.

  "What am I doing for all of this again? Nothing… weird, right?"

  "Well. What exactly, don't you do with a boy already. Around the world, plus one. That's everything from your hand to your ass and everything in between, right?"

  "Mm hmm."

  "I promise you. We don't want choo-choo. We don't want to make you perform for anyone else, either. We don't want to punch you, kick you, or mark your face up. What else is there."

  "No selling pictures… movies…"

  "Never. We have pictures and movies. Its for private viewing only."

  "Hmm. I did that. Fun. You know, you make a little movie? Then… you watch it ter. Fun."

  "Are there boys running around with your movies dear? What if you make it to the Olympics one day, you don't want that being leaked then when they recognize you on TV."

  "I thought of that. I'm not dumb. My phone. Then I erased it. Duh."

  He spoke.

  "See? She's not dumb."

  She was sitting up on him, and it was like watching myself do it. She sat up, and faked a mean voice. Pointing and shaking her finger in his face.

  "You better not be making fun of me."

  "I'm not. I promise. I really do think you're… wonderful. You don't deserve to be called a whore. Its not fair. You're right about that. Any girl, who refuses being bought a hot dog, because she doesn't want to be anything like her gold digger mom? That's not a whore."

  "Exactly. I'm a slut, not a whore. You remember that."

  "Hmm. You're really not a slut. Not exactly."

  She got quiet.