Chapter 2: Sassy and Classy

  Ok so… clearly I’ve been isekai’d. Unless of course I’m dreaming or dead, but I don’t feel like either of those is true, and I don’t really want to overthink it, so for now I’m just going to assume I’m alive and in a world outside of my own. There are thousands of these floating blue windows that I can only assume are system messages in front of me, and I am entirely too lazy to read all of them, so taking a stab in the dark, I say the words, “Dismiss all notifications,” and to my eternal relief, all of the blue windows disappear. Ok, that’s a good start. I’ve read enough isekai stories to know what comes next.

  “Status.”

  Sure enough, a blue floating window pops up in front of me.

  Now I’m not great at math, but my basic stats seem a tad bit high. Also, what is up with these skills? I don’t remember meditating even once in my entire life, much less cultivating. I poke around the interface a bit until I find a description of the skills.

  Wait… there’s no way right? [Cultivation] can’t possibly be the reason for my inflated stats. If it is, and assuming each cultivation follows the same linear upgrade path, I would’ve been in a meditative state for thousands of years! Ok, I said I’m not great at math, but even I can figure out that there are a fuck ton of 25s in 140 million. Well, I haven't been reduced to dust and atoms, so either my aging has been entirely halted for some reason, or I’m wrong about cultivation being the sole reason for my stats. Hmmm, maybe the system has a way to confirm it.

  “Today’s Date”

  Nothing.

  “Clock”

  Nothing.

  “Timer”

  Suddenly, a blue window pops up in front of me.

  “Well shit.”

  I can’t stop myself as the thoughts drive themselves into my head, like harpoons digging into the side of a whale as it slows and then finally stops. Everyone I know is probably dead. The only hope I have is that this tutorial world I am in has some sort of time dilation, and that when I return (if I return) to Earth it will still be the same time period that I left. If the worst is true, and the world I return to is eons away from everything familiar, do I even want to go back? What is the point of life if there is nobody to live it with? Maybe it would be better to die in the comfortable familiarity of memory. Each time this thought rears its ugly head, I smash it down. While hope remains, even just a glimmer, I will not– I can not, give up. Finally, after hours of sitting here, attempting to confront the possibilities hidden in the sickening unknown, I turn from confrontation to distraction, and force myself to go back over my status again. I suppose I should pick a class. Maybe there will be one that can time travel? It is worth a shot I suppose. I mentally ask the system to show me the classes available to me.

  Oh hell no I ain’t reading all that. I fiddle around with the system until I manage to filter the list to only classes of the highest rarity, cause I ain’t no common pleb. Yeah, that’s right, I’m a legendary pleb.

  My eye is immediately drawn to the bottom of the list. I love cooking, and so the prospect of being some sort of super chef is deeply enticing. But I will do my due diligence and look through them all just in case there is something better. I will start at the bottom though, and nobody can stop me.

  That sounds fucking awesome, I ain’t going to lie. Being able to cook for things that don’t even eat sounds incredibly stupid but also a hell of a good time! Begrudgingly though, I look at the rest.

  So they stab things real good. Cool. Obviously, there is a lot that can be accomplished with sufficient stabbing power, but something tells me that this class is one of focus upon a single powerful thing (the sword) and has very little ability to do anything outside of that single focus. Basically, it’s a one trick pony. Not interested.

  Oh fuck no I’m not going anywhere near that class. This shit absolutely SCREAMS villain, and not the mustache twirling kind, but the kind that rips away your free will and expects you to thank them for it. Hard pass.

  See, this one is interesting, but feels a little too god-complex-y to me. As cool as it would be to make a world of penis people and watch what they get up to, I’m gonna have to pass on this one too. Besides, I already have a world that needs work.

  Ok so this seems pretty much identical in theme to the [Sword Saint], except they use unarmed combat. Another one trick pony, and another class I will pass up on without remorse.

  The remnants of my teenage edgelord phase rears its head as I fantasize about being a black clad assassin, hunting the corrupt from the shadows. Then I imagine myself in black eye shadow, and quickly come back down to earth. Not my look. I’m gonna move on before I start down the rabbit hole again.

  They had me in the first half, but the prospect of losing myself just to make a weapon someone else will wield just doesn’t sit right with me. Besides, I would hate working in a forge that’s all hot and sweaty and filled with soot. No thank you. Moving on! Oh, the divinity one is next.

  Nope. Just nope. Hard to argue that gods are real now, but just ‘cause they exist doesn’t mean I’m obligated to die for one of them. I feel like throwing up at just the thought of abandoning my ability to live, love, laugh, and cry, just for a god I’ve never met. Just like the [Singer of Souls], this is a pass.

  Now this… this is tempting. The ability to wield magic, actual magic, is deeply enticing. Especially when I imagine slinging fireball after fireball and blasting everyone I don’t like into a fiery oblivion, I feel an almost primal elation. Still, this seems a little too focused on murder for my tastes, so for now I’m still leaning the way of the chef, but perhaps the next one will change my mind.

  Ok, that one sounds pretty damn cool. Maybe a little too on the side of goody-two-shoes-pacifist-only-see-the-beauty-in-everything, but that can be worked around. Honestly, I think I would probably pick this over the chef, but there is one more to look at, and it seems interesting based on the name. Fingers crossed it’s a good one.

  Without a moment of hesitation, I choose [Arcane Innovator].