Let me at them! I'll chew their faces off!! I'll slime their mothers! I'll... I'll...

  I tuned out Richard. I was too tired to give a shit about his antics. Larri and I had made it to the maganical carriage, but just barely. The man was old and had terrible breath. That was always a sign in our sheep that they probably would not make it through the winter.

  Tandy and Meredeath had wedged our makeshift shield against the carriage wheels, relieving some of the burden.

  "Open up, or you're all going to die!" Tandy shouted. I think the original idea was that a woman would be less intimidating, but in hindsight, Tandy was probably the worst choice for communicating with the wealthy inhabitants.

  The inhabitants muttered at each other than gave an aristocratic, "Fuck off!"

  "I like your girl," the old man whispered.

  "She's not my girl--" I looked down at his lecherous smile. "--and that's just gross."

  I shuffled around Argin, waving at her grandfather. She can deal with him.

  "Tandy, threatening them isn't going to solve anything." I grabbed her corner of our shield, causing her to sag against the carriage wheel.

  "If you've got some better ideas, I'm all for it." She was tired; her sliced hair stuck out oddly as the ends were still in her braid. Tandy looked like she'd gone to hell, and the experience had changed her. Besides, I'm not lying. That funnel cloud is closer, and this carriage will not stand up to its full strength. The carriage shimmered in the wind, little aspen leaves stuck on its walls as the sandy wind triggered its defenses.

  There wasn't much cover by the carriage. We might wedge under, but the vehicle had very low ground clearance. We'd be lying almost flat, and I wasn't sure any of us would get up at that point. My [Concussed] state had thankfully vanished between picking up the old man and stumbling to a halt. My stamina bar had drained to almost a quarter, and it was refilling at a tenth of the normal speed.

  "I'll take care of it. Can you hold Richard?"

  I refused to be handed off like a piece of luggage.

  "Sure, Cole. Whatever you need." I'd never known my friend to just fold and hand off a situation with so little care.

  It must have shocked Richard too, because he forgot to bite me as I slid my hands under his foot to hand him off.

  I took a deep breath, looking at my timer until [Heat Stroke] it read [45] minutes. It was time to take some risks, because chances were, I would not make it out of this desert anyway. Might as well get some use out of [Gelatinous Absorption].

  Before anyone could stop me, I was out from under our cover.

  Only stones hit me at first, small pebbles, sand flying in my eyes. The first slice hit my calf. It was painful, and for a moment I worried it'd sliced through my muscle, but [Gelatinous Absorption] sealed me right up. My health only dropped a point.

  I'd started climbing the front cab of the wagon when the second leaf hit me in the back. It ripped a hole through my pack, my shirt, and my shoulder, coming out the other side. Shockingly, only five health points dropped. The pain was excruciating, but I could feel my chest close up, my lung self-heal. I clung to the grab bar, waiting it out. Another leaf hit my arm, sticking out of the meaty part of my tendon.

  I took another step. This would not get better.

  I'd tuned out the gasps and shouts from my teammates.

  The cab had the remains of its driver. I didn't know the guy. The wealthy stayed apart, but I remembered his iron gray mustache that upturned and his black top hat. Neither was present as his headless corpse slumped over, a hand on the controls. I sat next to him and unceremoniously shoved his body off the far side of the carriage.

  He deserved better, but I didn’t have the time to set him down gently.

  "Is that Otis?" came an outraged cry from the interior.

  I looked down at the maganical control board. Another leaf slashed across my face as I plucked one from my arm. Blinking the grit out of my eyes, I saw that there were a hundred buttons I could hit. None of them had labels I recognized.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

  A leaf hit my bicep, cutting off the remaining tatters of my sleeve.

  Maganical carriages were rare, and I only remembered one instance of one rolling through Woodsten. It'd been a summer solstice parade. The district fair had moved up to Woodsten because Dusridge was dealing with flooding. I was fascinated, but the driver sneered at me when I tried to hop up to get a better look.

  "No country bumpkin is going to touch my carriage with their grubby little fingers," he'd said, smacking my hand away with his cane.

  I blinked; blood had leaked into my eye.

  Focus, Cole, you've got to figure it out.

  The carriage shimmered blue. Maybe the blue buttons were for the shield? Brakes could be red? The yellow buttons flashed, demanding attention. Those were probably damage indicators?

  Fuck, I was just making it up.

  Hit the purple buttons, and if there's something yellow.

  I stared at the control panel, not sure if I should trust Richard's advice. Another leaf came right at my head. I ducked, and it skimmed my back, slicing off a layer of skin.

  Screw waiting. I started hitting the purple and yellow buttons.

  The shield around the carriage turned off, and an audible click sounded on the side of the carriage while two barrels moved forward along the seat.

  I could hear yelling as my team forced entry into the carriage. There was one more yellow button, and I toyed with waiting since we'd accomplished most of our goals. Fuck it. I hit the button, and the two barrels to the right and left of my seat aimed up and then shot giant glowing fireballs into the sky.

  A flap of my remaining sleeve caught fire as I watched the fireballs expand and slam into one of the sandy dunes in front of the caravan. As I patted out my sleeve, I was at once grateful that the mechanism hadn't been pointed at the funnel behind me. The last thing we needed was a whirlwind of fire.

  The slat separating the cab from the coach opened, and Ash's face popped into the frame.

  "Hey," he said, scanning the control board.

  "Everything okay in there?" I asked, hearing some squabbling behind him.

  "Meredeath's taking care of it. Can you move your leg? I need to see that panel." I scooted to the edge of the bench. "Alright, if you hit the blue button with the three on it, that should protect us all for a bit." His eyes had gained a silvery tint to them as though he were using some sort of skill.

  I dutifully hit the blue button, praying it would not launch a blue fireball or chop me in half with a half-formed shield.

  A mechanical clicking sounded as metal struts clicked out so that the expanding fabric canopy covered the cab to protect the driver from the sun. An aspen leaf hit, slicing right through the fabric.

  "Uh, Ash, I don't think that's going to protect me."

  "Just click the big blue button. That'll activate the shield," he said calmly, as though I should have known this was a two-step process.

  I hit the button.

  Nothing happened.

  The wind had picked up, sending debris almost sideways. Leaves on the ground started moving, and I spotted a large dark spot headed our way.

  Ash ducked back into the coach. I kept my eyes on the sky, watching for more leaves. Thankfully, they seemed to have dropped off.

  "Ash, hurry." The words were for me. Ash worked his magic in the coach, but when I focused on the floating blob, I knew we were in trouble.

  Richard had squeezed through the pass-through. He sat on the bench next to me, tentacles extended as he took in the scene.

  Is that what I think it is?

  "Unfortunately, yes, if you think that's a whole fucking tree." And there's only one type of leaf we'd been seeing since the wind kicked up.

  The tree fluttered in the air like one of its saw-blade leaves. It must have been caught by a powerful gust of wind.

  Tell Ash to hurry.

  "You tell him."

  The slug looked at me with wild eyes.

  "Ash, Richard says you should hurry." My health had dropped to less than fifty percent; my heat timer was ticking down to my death. Who cared if it came just a little early?

  "If you don't hand him the core, I'm going to stitch your eyebrows to your lips!" Tandy threatened. I blinked, the resignation fading away. Tandy needed me to fight.

  I slapped the side of the cab hard.

  "If we don't figure this out, there's a sixty-foot tree about to smash into the carriage."

  The scuffling stopped. An unfamiliar face popped into my view, and I watched as their eyes widened.

  With a loud click, Ash shouted through the pass-through, "I got it, try again!"

  I slammed my hand down on the big blue button, and a shimmering blue shield popped up around the wagon and cab. The tree was only thirty yards away. Richard was sitting on the dash, staring at the buttons upside down.

  Hit this one. His tentacles pointed to a black button.

  "What does it do?" I moved my hand towards the button, eyes on the tree.

  It'll roll coal.

  My finger depressed the button, not knowing what he was talking about.

  Many things could have happened. We could have leaped forward, pulled by magical horses. The shield could have gotten a boost, making us impervious to all damage. Hell, I'd have taken another giant fireball aimed at the incoming tree.

  Instead, the carriage belched a giant cloud of noxious black gas that enveloped the wagon and the three adjacent.

  I couldn't even see Richard to chastise him.

  Hell yes!

  He sounded much too optimistic as the tree hit.

  For the latest slug-related updates - follow me on:

  Facebook -

  Instagram -

  Patreon - - free tiers grant access to the discord

  Podcast as a frequent guest host-

  Podcast who every other Tuesday talking about LitRPG and Progession fiction-

  Thanks for reading!