"Fascinating crime-fighting technique," Ultimate Bruce Wayne muttered as Universe 47-X Batman returned to the cave. "Please, have a seat," the older Batman said, gesturing to the chair across from them. "We'd like to discuss your performance." Universe 47-X Batman sat down, removing his cowl to reveal a stern, weathered face. "First off," Ultimate Bruce Wayne began, consulting his notes, "I liked how you handled Louis the Lic. Straight to the point, got the job done efficiently." "But," the older Batman interjected gently, "this killing business... why do you have such a problem with our traditional methods?" Universe 47-X Batman leaned back. "Your traditional methods don't work. Criminals escape, repeat their crimes, kill more innocents. The cycle never ends." "Well, you see, chum," the older Batman expined earnestly, "we don't really do that sort of thing. We prefer good old-fashioned fisticuffs, then off to jail, where they can think about the errors of their ways. Deep down, everyone has good in them." "How na?ve. I used to believe the same thing until reality opened my eyes. I might be dressed like a bat, but I'm not blind," Universe 47-X Batman replied. "I've heard that crap before. Some people can be reformed, but some people just need to die." The older Batman and Ultimate Bruce Wayne exchanged gnces. "Okay, well..." Ultimate Bruce Wayne said slowly. "We'll get back to you on this." Universe 47-X Batman stood and repced his cowl. "Fine." Ultimate Bruce Wayne opened a dimensional portal with a gesture. "Thank you for your time." Universe 47-X Batman stepped through the gateway without another word. The portal shimmered closed behind him. The older Batman turned to Ultimate Bruce Wayne. "Well, chum, that was... intense." "Definitely effective," Ultimate Bruce Wayne mused, reviewing his notes. "But maybe a little too intense for this Gotham." "Indeed. Shall we interview the next candidate?" *What an absolutely riveting first interview! Will the next candidate prove to be a better fit for our Gotham City? The suspense continues to build, dear viewers!* Ultimate Bruce Wayne looked around the cave again. "Seriously, do you not hear that voice?" "Not a thing, old chum. Not a thing." "Well, old chum, all this interdimensional interviewing has worked up quite an appetite," the older Batman said, stretching and wincing slightly. "How about we grab some sustenance before we continue?" Ultimate Bruce Wayne looked up from his notes. "Sure, I could eat." "Splendid! I know just the pce," Batman said enthusiastically, leading the way to the Batmobile. As they settled into the iconic vehicle, Ultimate Bruce Wayne behind the wheel, Batman directed him through the winding streets of Gotham. "Take a left here, chum. Pat's Diner has the best Bat-burgers in all of Gotham City!" Ultimate Bruce Wayne raised an eyebrow but said nothing, following the directions until they pulled up in front of a modest diner with a neon sign reading "Pat's Diner - Home of the Bat-Burger!" They parked the Batmobile right out front, its distinctive fins gleaming under the streetlights. As they entered, the entire diner erupted in cheerful greetings. "Batman!" called out an elderly man from behind the counter. "Your usual table is ready!" "Evening, Pat!" Batman replied with a wave, leading Ultimate Bruce Wayne to a corner booth with a small pque reading "Reserved for Batman." A young, somewhat nerdy-looking waiter of about eighteen hurried over, his face lighting up with genuine excitement. "Batman! Great to see you again! Who's your friend?" "Stevie, my boy, I'd like you to meet a colleague of mine," Batman said warmly. "And might I say, you're looking well! How's that correspondence course going?" "Really great, Batman! Thanks for asking!" Stevie beamed as he pulled out his notepad. "The usual for you?" "Actually, make it two Bat-burgers tonight, chum. And tell me, how's your mother's leg doing?" As Stevie rattled off updates about his family, Ultimate Bruce Wayne watched with fascination. This version of Batman genuinely cared about everyone he encountered. "You know," Batman said to Ultimate Bruce Wayne after Stevie left, "that young man is the finest waiter in all of Gotham. Why, just st month I was here after a particurly grueling encounter with the Riddler—my cape was singed and I was covered in question mark-shaped confetti—and Stevie brought my food right out to the Batmobile without me even asking! Now that's what I call service above and beyond the call of duty!" Batman paused, his eyes twinkling with admiration. "And his timing is absolutely perfect, old chum. Never gets an order wrong—not once! Even when Bruce Wayne orders delivery to the manor, Stevie always arrives right on time with exactly what was requested. It's almost like he has a gift for knowing exactly what people need and when they need it. His timing is simply impeccable!" Ultimate Bruce Wayne smiled. "He seems like a good kid." "The absolute best! Always has a kind word and never asks for anything in return." Batman leaned back in the booth. "So, what do you think about this second Batman candidate?" "Well, let's call him in for the interview and see what we've got," Ultimate Bruce Wayne replied, taking a sip of his Bat-Co. "Sounds good to me, chum! How do you want to handle this one?" *As the two Batmen discussed their interview strategy over delicious Bat-burgers, little did they know that a certain green-haired, white-faced clown prince of chaos was at that very moment making off with their jet powered vehicle!* Ultimate Bruce Wayne's head snapped up. "There it is again! That voice! It's telling me about some green-haired guy stealing—" He paused, looking directly upward. "Hey, mysterious voice! I can hear you! I want to ask you some questions! Who are you?" *Oh my! It seems our multiversal visitor has detected my presence! How fascinating!* "It's ignoring me," Ultimate Bruce Wayne muttered. Batman looked concerned. "That voice again, old chum?" "Yes, and it just said something about someone stealing the—" The distinctive sound of the Batmobile's engine roared to life outside the diner. Both men rushed to the window just in time to see a familiar purple-suited figure with green hair cackling maniacally as he drove off in the Batmobile. "The Joker just stole your car." Ultimate Bruce Wayne's eyes lit up. "You know what? This is perfect timing. Let's see how our second Batman candidate handles this." "BC," Ultimate Bruce Wayne said aloud, "call in the second Batman candidate." "Establishing contact now, Mr. Wayne," BC responded. A dimensional portal shimmered open in the middle of the diner, causing the other patrons to gasp and appud—apparently, they were used to Batman-reted spectacles. Through the portal stepped a tall, imposing figure cd in dark, tactical armor. His cape was shorter and more practical. When he spoke, his voice was a deep growl that made it hard to understand him. "WHAT'S THE SITUATION?" he demanded in his distinctive rasp. "The Joker stole the Batmobile," Ultimate Bruce Wayne expined. "Can you get him?" "UNDERSTOOD. I NEED TO GET SOMETHING." The tactical Batman turned and stepped back through the portal. "Mr. Wayne," BC's voice chimed in Ultimate Bruce Wayne's mind, "this Batman wants me to open a portal outside of the restaurant. He has something he needs to bring through." "What is it?" Ultimate Bruce Wayne asked aloud. "He says it's his ride, Mr. Wayne." Ultimate Bruce Wayne looked at the older Batman and shrugged. "Sure thing, BC." Through the diner's rge front window, they watched as another portal opened in the street. What emerged made every patron in the diner gasp in amazement. A massive, tank-like vehicle that looked more like military equipment than a car roared through the portal. The tactical Batman was behind the wheel, and he immediately gave chase to the stolen Batmobile. The chase that followed was unlike anything Gotham City had ever seen. The Joker, cackling with glee, activated every gadget the cssic Batmobile had to offer. Smoke screens billowed behind him, oil slicks caused pursuing police cars to spin out, and the Bat-ser carved "HA HA HA" into the side of buildings. But the Tumbler was relentless. It drove over police cars, jumped between rooftops, and seemed to ignore the ws of physics entirely. Citizens of Gotham scattered as the two vehicles tore through the streets at breakneck speed. Back at the diner, Batman's Bat-phone began ringing. He answered it formally. "Batman here." "Batman!" Commissioner Gordon's voice crackled through the speaker. "I'm very confused! Are you the one in the Batmobile being chased by that... tank thing?" "No, Commissioner. The Joker stole the Batmobile. The tank is... well, it's a long story. I'm in pursuit." "You're causing massive property damage across the city!" "Sorry about that, old chum. If there are any damages, my friend Bruce Wayne will cover the bill." "Well, just catch that maniac! The Joker is tearing up half of downtown!" Batman hung up and continued watching the chase on Ultimate Bruce Wayne's portable drone dispy. On the screen, they could see Batgirl had joined the pursuit on her motorcycle, trying to intercept the stolen Batmobile. But the Joker activated the vehicle's nail-spreader, causing her bike to spin out of control. She managed to leap to safety. The tactical Batman in the Tumbler was firing what appeared to be non-lethal rounds at the Batmobile, but his driving was... aggressive. He leaped over buses, caused a city bus to swerve (though no one was hurt), and generally drove as if traffic ws were merely suggestions. The chase reached its climax when the Joker, still cackling, headed for the Gotham River Bridge. Taking the turn too fast, the Batmobile skidded sideways and crashed through the bridge's railing, tumbling toward the water below. The Joker was catapulted out of the vehicle and nded safely in the river with a tremendous spsh. Without hesitation, the tactical Batman leaped from the Tumbler, diving off the bridge in a perfect arc. He grabbed the sputtering Joker and then swam powerfully to shore, dragging the vilin behind him. "LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE YOU COULD HAVE HURT," the tactical Batman growled, delivering a single punch that left the Joker dazed. "Wow!" the Joker wheezed, spitting out river water. "Cool vehicle you've got there, Bats! You drive just as recklessly as me! I love the new look!" The tactical Batman punched him again, knocking him unconscious. Batgirl approached, having caught up on foot. "Batman? You caught him! Wait... are you Batman?" "I AM BATMAN." "Well... good job, I guess?" Commissioner Gordon arrived with several police cars. "Batman! Another new costume?" "SOMETHING LIKE THAT." "Well, we'll take the Joker from here," Gordon said as the officers loaded the unconscious vilin into a patrol car. The tactical Batman returned to his vehicle and drove back to Pat's Diner, where he parked outside and walked in, sitting down heavily beside Ultimate Bruce Wayne and the older Batman. Ultimate Bruce Wayne nodded approvingly. "I liked the car." "IT'S PRACTICAL," the tactical Batman replied in his gravelly voice. The older Batman looked troubled. "Well, chum, I have to say... the damage you caused! The people you almost ran over! You didn't even wait for red lights!" "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" "I said you ignored traffic ws, old chum." "I WAS CHASING A CRIMINAL. THE JOKER. NO ONE GOT HURT. YOU WANT ME TO WAIT AT RED LIGHTS?" Batman blinked. "Yes! In Gotham City, following the w is paramount! If we don't follow the rules, we're no better than the criminals we fight!" The tactical Batman stared at him for a long moment. "NO." "I beg your pardon?" "NO. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO? I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND YOU ANYWAY." "Did you just say no to following the w?" "YES. NO IS WHAT I SAID. I DON'T LIKE YOUR RULES." Batman looked aghast. "But... but chum..." "NOT INTERESTED IN THE JOB," the tactical Batman announced, standing up. Ultimate Bruce Wayne quickly opened a portal outside. "Uh... thanks for your time." The tactical Batman walked out of the diner, climbed into his Batmobile, and drove through the portal, which closed behind him with a shimmer. Batman turned to Ultimate Bruce Wayne, looking bewildered. "Well, I liked his gear, but goodness gracious! What was wrong with his voice? I could barely understand him!" Ultimate Bruce Wayne chuckled. "Yeah, he definitely wasn't a good fit for this universe." *And so our second candidate proves incompatible with the moral standards and driving ws of our Gotham! But fear not, dear viewers—one more candidate awaits! Will the third Batman prove to be the perfect fit for our aging hero's city?*