--

  I woke up again as if I were dead before. My minds at peace from something I can't recall. Can't remember any of it. I've done this before, and after my rest I don't wanna be seen doing it again. I'm stuck in thought of what to show of myself, my diary is me in my weakest and I have a chance at starting from zero knowing I have shown none of me out to the world. Even if I have shown the world a bit of me, the world won't know which part was me and which part was fiction. I lied a bit in my diary, the world moved on as I dreamt dreams. I had the money to sleep a little more, and I had the time to read and look out for things I missed. Feels like a second chance, as if I got the worst of me out of my system.

  I don't wanna write

  I don't wanna move

  No matter how hard I try there is always something to blame

  Either I do it

  Or people do it for me, I'm tired of that

  I tried talking to people, as if I were the one always on the run after them and their many phases and faces

  I repent by committing to my own sin, not a religious one

  As if nobody offers me the chance to change for I must keep running to the many faces of those same people

  Nobody would care if I died of sleep today

  Just another mans corpse without anyone to grieve of you

  I hate everybody, and I love noone, I hate myself and I know it, nobody else will

  How could I love someone if that person can't even love me, and if I were to live in duality of my own life as if two versions of me at the same time, nothing would change

  Why should I try harder than the rest and sometimes I wish friendship was magic, but I change and I lose and I sin and then regret and so I notice life doesn't let me change

  I was never searching for who I am for who I am was never enough for people, you must learn psychology and nobody has any time

  Two words that sting and then one more why not

  People love people who talk, people love people with shared interests, how much of an interesting man can a lonely one be and so I give up

  As if I were the villain in my own story, but to many I was, to others I was a hero ... often to the rich slobs that hired me

  My eyes tired because I woke up again, my mind tires because I had a dumb thought again, my dreams were more a nightmare but it felt nice dying but even my religion wouldn't let me do that peacefully

  The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

  It's as if I were trying my hardest to hear the church bells that I rang, but I was forcing everything

  Everything's hypocrisy and all everyone ever is is someone who wants to point the blame on something else

  How can I live in a world without anybody's truest form of love, someone who is waiting on me and me waiting on them

  I don't know, but I'm too much of a coward to die a second time and knowing what can kill me and what can't I hate those odds against me

  I don't wanna die, I don't wanna try, no matter what words I say the me tomorrow is the me I spoke of just now

  Nobody can change that fast and stick the landing

  It's not impossible but I've tried, and tried for far too long and I had no results then and I am too tired to get them now

  I give up

  There is meaning in nothingness, I choose to sleep

  Five more minutes.

  --

  I woke up again as if I were dead before. My minds at peace from something I can't recall. Can't remember any of it. I've done this before, and after my rest I don't wanna be seen doing it again. I'm stuck in thought of what to show of myself, my diary is me in my weakest and I have a chance at starting from zero knowing I have shown none of me out to the world. Even if I have shown the world a bit of me, the world won't know which part was me and which part was fiction. I lied a bit in my diary, the world moved on as I dreamt dreams. I had the money to sleep a little more, and I had the time to read and look out for things I missed. Feels like a second chance, as if I got the worst of me out of my system.

  I don't wanna write

  I don't wanna move

  No matter how hard I try there is always something to blame

  Either I do it

  Or people do it for me, I'm tired of that

  I tried talking to people, as if I were the one always on the run after them and their many phases and faces

  I repent by committing to my own sin, not a religious one

  As if nobody offers me the chance to change for I must keep running to the many faces of those same people

  Nobody would care if I died of sleep today

  Just another mans corpse without anyone to grieve of you

  I hate everybody, and I love noone, I hate myself and I know it, nobody else will

  How could I love someone if that person can't even love me, and if I were to live in duality of my own life as if two versions of me at the same time, nothing would change

  Why should I try harder than the rest and sometimes I wish friendship was magic, but I change and I lose and I sin and then regret and so I notice life doesn't let me change

  I was never searching for who I am for who I am was never enough for people, you must learn psychology and nobody has any time

  Two words that sting and then one more why not

  People love people who talk, people love people with shared interests, how much of an interesting man can a lonely one be and so I give up

  As if I were the villain in my own story, but to many I was, to others I was a hero ... often to the rich slobs that hired me

  My eyes tired because I woke up again, my mind tires because I had a dumb thought again, my dreams were more a nightmare but it felt nice dying but even my religion wouldn't let me do that peacefully

  It's as if I were trying my hardest to hear the church bells that I rang, but I was forcing everything

  Everything's hypocrisy and all everyone ever is is someone who wants to point the blame on something else

  How can I live in a world without anybody's truest form of love, someone who is waiting on me and me waiting on them

  I don't know, but I'm too much of a coward to die a second time and knowing what can kill me and what can't I hate those odds against me

  I don't wanna die, I don't wanna try, no matter what words I say the me tomorrow is the me I spoke of just now

  Nobody can change that fast and stick the landing

  It's not impossible but I've tried, and tried for far too long and I had no results then and I am too tired to get them now

  I give up

  There is meaning in nothingness, I choose to sleep

  Five more minutes. Fin.