“Song?”

  “This year has been difficult. And it is only halfway through.”

  “The epidemics should end soon. New research has been completed. Dust waves are still expected, but after three more repetitions, they should be over.”

  “Three more times I will need to project and mass heal. Good.”

  “This is one thing. The other thing that happened, I haven’t told you yet. I had to think about it.”

  “I am ready now.”

  “Song? I used your weapons. And I used my own; imagine that.”

  “Weapons. I used the one you created to destroy cartels. I damaged Crystals remotely; in this case, I needed to track those people who had more than one within their body.”

  “Song, it was the same as in our times. I mean, the morphing was the same. This time it was done not deliberately but accidentally. Because they saved on the trials. How unnecessary, how tragic…”

  “The company that designed these new Crystals should be punished severely. Lukai is investigating. I need to give him time.”

  “I destroyed Crystals, then I took their life energy. Song. I killed all of them. All of them…”

  “I know. They wouldn’t survive; there was no way to cure them. And they were killing those that were not affected. I know. But, Song, I killed them all. I did it.”

  “I closed the eyes of one of the people. I did it in the arenas back then, out of respect. You once told me that you even knew about it.”

  “I did it this time too.”

  “Song, I think you would be intrigued. I used my skill to track down which bodies were mutated. It helped me to save those who could be cured. Imagine they are healthy and well. At least there’s that.”

  “I used my split on all of those I killed. Song, for the first time, I used it. I created something new out of their bodies. I first changed their structure, evaporated their bodies, and what couldn’t be evaporated was left on the ground. No one noticed. I used energy to change the structure. My biology studies are helpful, no? And then, Song, I used my split. I used it consciously for the first time, only a tiny drop.”

  “O, no. Not even a drop, it was.”

  “I created rain. I paid my respects. I think about it like this. I did it; it helped; it cleaned all the traces of transformed people. It also cleaned the dust that was causing the illness in the first place. Two planets were purified.”

  “Song?”

  “I am aware I will pay for that. I am paying my whole life for my decisions, so for this one I also will. I feel I should pay for this, as what I did—and that I can do something like that—is not human.”

  “I see it like that.”

  “I can even hear what you would say to that. And I even understand that you could be right. I am certain you would say that I saved many more by my action, and instead of being punished, I should be rewarded.”

  “I can hear your voice, calmly saying it to me.”

  “Song, but you are not here anymore, so you won’t say a word. And there is no one to tell me what you would tell me.”

  “In my head—it is a mess. As it was before I met you. Song? I am drowning, no?”

  “I am.”

  “Thinking about the reality I need to be involved in now. I understand that I finally need to learn how to use my three energies, separately and combined.”

  If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  “I can see your look; hear your question.”

  “Correct. I projected myself from the time I was sick and couldn’t walk. I could hardly breathe. I did it; I felt I was more in charge of the split in this version. Thinking about it, I am sure it can’t be this way. I must use the split without a special projection. I shouldn’t burden those around me with the view, with the responsibility—because what if I failed?”

  “I will learn. I will use the creation split. I will do it, Song.”

  “… Song? I can feel your gaze, so yes. Correct.”

  “I was in my sleeping robes, with my hair not tied, yes. Only two people saw me. O, you wouldn’t like it. I would sweat, explaining it, if my body was projected. Quite amusing, as you would say. Or you wouldn’t. I will learn; no more of this projection, I promise. Too disturbing.”

  “Song? Because of all of this, I didn’t celebrate our wedding anniversary. I apologize.”

  “The political situation is complicated. I was thinking… and I told Si that. I told him he would become a tyrant, just like Lukai almost already is. Si would be a tyrant of a different kind. Song, as a side note, Si is open to talking, even if the topic is uncomfortable. That’s good, no?”

  “Lukai wants the weapons. Yours, especially. He craves power; he wants to live long and rule long. I don’t understand. At his age, he has ahead of him around a hundred years of healthy life. The current world is so much better than it was in our times. Yet, Lukai, he needs to be certain he will live longer, and he needs to be certain of it now.”

  “He wants more, but once he obtains it, his desire only grows. It has no end.”

  “I cannot fulfill his wishes.”

  “Lukai must control everything and everyone. For that, he thinks he needs weapons and vast energy to scare people.”

  “I told you about it. Am I complaining? I am.”

  “You would rather work with Si. He also would be a tyrant, but of a different kind. He would be the one that no one would even notice he is. Si doesn’t want to change things that matter to people in their everyday lives. No touching of their day-to-day freedom.”

  “What Si wants to do is to organize and align, unify, and have under control matters that are quite transparent for people, but critical for the ruler. Data. Logistics. Manufacturing. Detectors. I am listing these randomly; you see the point.”

  “Lukai wants to control people. Si intends to control the reality around people, so then people align naturally with the reality. Both want to rule completely. But the ways—different.”

  “Song?”

  “About Lukai—you wouldn’t appreciate it. What he sent me, I had to digest. It took me a few days, I admit.”

  “I needed the time.”

  “Song, it was not your fault. I fear it might have been the reason you decided to die with me. I will never know. How bad. I am not sure if you saw these documents, but it is clear that you were informed about who cooperated with the lab that captured me. I know that you knew about this.”

  “Your former teacher.”

  “I told you, Song, I didn’t read the files from the Sect. I didn’t.”

  “Lukai, however, sent me something I didn’t know still existed. I thought it was destroyed; Lan said she took care of it. In Gates I found no traces of it; I was certain it was nowhere to be found. Lukai, however, found it somewhere. I will check—where and how.”

  “Your teacher, Song. It is mentioned in these papers that he observed you and admired you. He called you his best student. And his best lover… but Song? Weren’t you fifteen or sixteen at the time? I checked that, the dates of the Sect trial. It couldn’t have been an equal relationship.”

  “I won’t read the files, but Song, I started to suspect that there was something tragic about this teacher. You didn’t tell me, I didn’t insist, and now I regret that I didn’t. I should have helped you with it, no? If you were abused… I should have insisted.”

  “Song.”

  “About your past, in general. I told you more than once that your past was your past. I didn’t judge, never, and I had no complaints about your experiences.”

  “I shouldn’t be jealous of it, no?”

  “I sometimes was, like when we once met Alex, and it turned out… never mind, Song, what I am saying here is, you were more worried about your past than I was.”

  “You know that I was scared. When we met, when we started being together, I feared that I also would be… how to say it? Brief for you? Correct, this is the word. Brief. You explained to me very explicitly, and many times, that it was not the case.”

  “Song? That was not the reason I—why am I thinking about it all now?”

  “These documents were truly disturbing to read. Not because I am not trusting you or doubting something. No, Song. I am disturbed because I think you had to suffer; in your past, you had to be unhappy. This makes me even more sad. I can’t console you. And it is you who died; it should be me.”

  “… Here I am again, thinking it should have been me… because it should be me. I should be dead, not you.”

  “If this teacher aimed at me because of your shared past, then I can also see—it could have been the reason for you to decide to die with me. Out of guilt.”

  “The worst.”

  “Song?”

  “What I did on these planets; did I amend something through it, or did I add to my sins…”

  “Both cases, whether I amended or added more, what do you think? Could I be rewarded, or could I be punished—could I die finally? Song, could I join you?”

  “I have a thought. Training my split, my energies better. What if I could find a way to destroy myself without bothering others? It was not possible before. After I transferred to Gates, I did some trials and didn’t succeed. But I was then only recognizing what was possible.”

  “I am now more aware of what I can do. With time and learning, I should be able to achieve it. Let’s talk about it more.”

  “Song, help me. Help me join you.”