"You mean him, huh?" Sylvester said, leaning back from the wooden game board and crossing his arms, "Yeah. He smells really wrong, like a funeral that never stops, and on top of that... Ash."
I listened as the other children chipped in with their thoughts, my ears twitching with excitement.
"You can't even go near anywhere he's at! The smell will kill you!" Another said.
We were sitting on a large platform up in the trees talking about the two newcomers in our village, till we completely forgot about the congkak board and the riverstones we were so busy capturing just a moment ago.
"He lives just below your hut, right, Natalie?" Moy asked, her wide amber eyes blinking, "Did the smell reach you?"
My nose wrinkled, memories of the strong burnt, ashen stench coming back. "Yeah. I had to bury my face in my pillow just to sleep. But it was only a few nights, after that, he'd gone to sit on that boulder."
Moy glanced around again, ears pricking searching for specifically one eavesdropper. When she saw the coast was clear, she leaned forward, shielding her lips with her hand.
"And the man with him," Moy whispered, her voice dropping even lower now, "he's scary. All sharp eyes and no tail. He doesn't have ears, but he can hear you no matter where you hide!"
Another kid said, "And he has a sword, he might kill you if you get close."
Another fidgeting girl leaned forward, "Do you remember the night they appeared? That... Howling?"
A shiver went down our spines. The smooth grey pebble slipped from my hand and hit the wooden floor with a clack. For a moment, only the rolling of the pebble could be heard.
Everyone remembered that night, when a loud howling tore through the quiet. I was dreaming of chasing butterflies when suddenly there was this noise like a dying wolf or something and I began to panic. Luckily, Mommy woke me up and said it was coming from outside.
Daddy went out with Elder Rentaka and other daddies to see what was going on. And when he came back, he was quiet, like he'd seen a ghost. Next morning, Mommy told me the Elder and Juno had let them stay in the small, empty hut at the base of our tree. Mommy smelled... Sad, yet glad. I don't know why.
It reminded me of the smell in our hut two years ago. When my brother Nathan got sick. He went to sleep... And never woke up. Mommy said Nathan had returned to the jungle. And after that, Mommy didn't cook for a long time. Daddy was sad, sitting in the porch all day staring at nothing. And I cried, and cried, and cried, hoping that one day my brother would come back and play with me.
Sylvester scoffed, "Well, I don't like em, they stink, they don't have tails and ears," then twisted his lips in annoyance, "but my dad let's them stay. Since they don't bother us, let's just leave them alone."
With that, our future elder put a stop to our conspiratorial discussion---not that we're planning anything. But now, I was even more curious about the boy who sits on the rock all day, not moving, rain or shine, and smelling bad.
Something strong stirred inside me. Daddy's and Mommy's face, their smell that reminded me of the smell that hung in our hut two years ago when my brother Nathan---
I have to go and see this boy!
The sunlight began to slant from the canop, it would be evening soon. Sylvester and Moy hopped from the ledge and latched onto the vines, swinging across the distance to their home. The others climbed down the big trunks and leapt, landing before starting into a game of race. The congkak board forgotten on the flat, pebbles lay scattered.
I stood facing the direction of the clearing, where the boy on the boulder was supposed to be. My heart was pounding. Will that man kill me if I got close? I shook my head. The Elder let them stay. And I'd seen them from my hut before. They smelled... Sad. They're not bad.
I hopped from the ledge and slid down the twisting, mossy bough, the wind howling against my ears.
A curve ahead coming in fast. A scary one. Many of us get flung off and crash into the undergrowth below.
My senses were burning from my desire to see the boy. I ducked, shifted a little to the side and moved my tail for balance.
Swoosh---!
And I'm past.
The twisting bough continued on, curving here and there, but I didn't need to go the whole way. Almost there! The hanging vine that I needed to catch came into view.
A powerful push from my clawed feet launched me onto the vine. My sharp nails latched onto its fiberous body as I curved through the air.
I jumped from across two more vines. The sunlight got brighter and the trees became further apart. I'm near the clearing. I slid down the last vine and landed quietly at the edge of the plains, just behind the treeline.
The air here was drier, smelled more like grass than wood and moss. It was hotter here too. Birds sang overhead, and the buzzing of insects had faded away. I could see the blue sky and white puffy clouds here.
I turned my gaze straight into the clearing.
There was the boulder. A big, grey rock covered with green moss that is flat on top. Some ferns are growing beside it, and a few mushrooms under its shades.
And there he was.
The boy.
Slumped on the rock, his face covered by his messy hair.
He had no ears---Wait, he had. It was just round and furless, and on the side of his head, not like ours. No tail too.
His clothes were strange, blue like the sky and covering his whole body. They looked dirty. Brown, but it's not dirt.
The air smelled of metal, sharp. Then came the horrifying stench, like what you smell after a big forest fire, when there were animals that couldn't escape in time.
I looked around.
Nothing. The man wasn't here.
But I smelled him.
Again I looked.
And there he was, hidden in the branches across the clearing from the boy. He was far enough. If he tried to hurt me, I would be able to run in time.
My feet padded slowly through the jungle floor, carefully not stepping on fallen twigs. I kept my eyes on the man.
He didn't move.
The smell got stronger, thicker.
The man still didn't move.
The boy too.
Uwah!
The smell hit me like a punch when I got really close. My whole body jerked, ears flattening. I grit my teeth.
Strange. I should run. But no! Something tells me I need to see him. Why did Mommy and Daddy become strange after that night?
I stood in front of him.
I wondered if he even knows I'm here.
"Hello?" I said, trying to sound cheerful despite the shouting inside me.
Silence. Only the distant chirping of birds answered me.
I bent down to look at his face.
His drooping hair made if difficult to see clearly.
I lowered myself.
And---
!!!
Everything fell away. The rock was gone. The trees behind him were gone.
Only the boy stayed.
The pounding in my ears became very loud.
I stared.
Nathan?
No... He can't be! He has no ears! No tail! It couldn't be him!
Daddy and Mommy buried him!
But he has Nathan's eyes. His nose. His face!
My chest felt like it was about to explode. My breath escaped me in gasps. And my hands were shaking.
I didn't know how long I stood there.
Slowly, the trees came back. Then the boulder. The sound of the birds and insects. The cool breeze brushed my ears.
My chest didn't feel so tight now. But the pain stayed.
I looked at him. Really looked.
And he's sad. Really sad.
"Always stay by someone's side whenever they're sad," Mommy's voice spoke in my head.
I blinked away the blur in my eyes--something warm went down my face--and climbed onto the rock, sitting beside him.
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Silence.
The smell coming from him lightened. I turned to him, but he kept his eyes on the ground. The man in the trees didn't move either.
We sat together quietly a very long time. Our only company was the singing of birds and the occasional buzz of a grasshopper passing by. And the heavy gaze of the man in the trees, which slowly softened as the sun went down.
I couldn't sit still long. One moment I was on his right, then I moved to sit against the rock by his legs, then I shifted to his left, then I sprawled over the rock behind him, my tail sometimes brushing his arms.
Moy wasn't bluffing. He doesn't move at all.
The skies turned orange and purple.
"Natalie~! Time to come home!" Mommy's voice rang like a bell through the treeline. And a strange weight lifted from my chest.
"Okay, Mom!" I called back.
As I headed home, I took one last look at the boy who looked like Nathan.
The jungle was really strange. But one thing was sure now.
I'm coming back!
The sunlight snuck past the dense, green ceiling of our jungle. It was morning after a night of rain. The air was clean and fresh with the smell of wet grass. The jungle sang her songs. I stretched on the porch just outside my hut, loosening my body.
I couldn't really sleep, my mind kept wandering back to the boy that looked like Nathan.
Was he still on the boulder? Did he go home? I don't think so. I would've caught the smell in my room if he did.
It rained heavily last night with thunder and lightning.
He slept on the boulder? In that rain?
I looked up to the sunlight, a butterfly fluttered by my eyes.
The thought of him on the rock, curled up, beaten by rain---
Agh!
The inside of my chest twisted. My body hunched as I clutched myself.
What happened to him? Well, I'm going back today! I'm going to see what I can do for him.
My hands curled into fists.
If I can get him to smile!
"Natalie~! Breakfast's ready." Mommy's voice came from the window behind me.
"Coming, Mom!"
I joined Mommy and Daddy inside our hut. They're already seated on the thick mat we use for eating. Three clay plates with egg rolls and a large bowl of curry with meat. My favourite. The eggs are done like nets, then rolled. And you dip them into that thick, rich, red-brown sauce.
Stars! I love them.
As usual, I curled into my Daddy's lap. He's big and I fitted just right there, and he'd feed me there. It was a habit that I didn't kick. And Daddy let me. And Mommy would always look at me there with those gentle eyes of hers.
"Natalie dear, did you go to see the boy?" Mommy began.
"Yes, Mom." My ears flattened as I looked between Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy glanced at Daddy, who gave a low rumble.
"He looks just like," Mommy's throat worked, "Him, doesn't he?"
Him. Nathan's name was a difficult thing to say for us. Especially Daddy. After Nathan went back to the jungle, Daddy became sad and quiet. And after they came, he became worse. Just last night, Daddy sat alone on the porch again, watching the rain.
I nodded weakly, afraid if I might have done something wrong, like if I offended the jungle spirits. "He smelled really sad... Mommy."
Mommy nodded, but said nothing.
We ate our breakfast quietly. Daddy still fed me the netty egg-rolls. A drop of sauce splattered on my dark green dress.
Oops. But before Daddy could clean it, I quickly swiped it with my finger and ate it.
Such good food can't be wasted.
Daddy smiled, and I giggled back, wriggling in my daddy-nest.
"Are you going to him today?" Mum asked.
Ack! Are they going to stop me? But I really need to go!
I nodded weakly.
Mommy looked at Daddy. He closed his eyes, then nodded, though he didn't seem happy.
"Okay. Just be careful, dear." Mommy said, smiling weakly.
"Don't go near the big man, Nat." Daddy said, finally. I thought he was going to keep quiet all morning.
My face broke into a wide smile, "Okay! I'll be careful! Thanks, Mommy! Thanks, Daddy!"
I went outside our hut after breakfast. Mommy was cleaning up and Daddy was mending his harpoon for fishing. My heart---Mommy told me that was the thing inside my chest---was punching me hard. I was going to see him again!
My trusty nose caught a familiar, lovely scent. My ears perked up, and I flicked my tail excitedly.
The blue flowers are blooming again! My favorite color!
*Hey! Maybe those will make him happy too!
I darted out of our porch and crossed a few trees. Then down the trunk to the river below.
*There they are! The blue flowers! Lots of them grow in the bushes by the river of our village.
They're so beautiful and they smell so nice, so sweet. Daddy smiled when I brought him some. Mommy used them to make blue rice. Juno told me, in our old tongue, they're called Bunga Telang. Juno used them for medicine too.
I plucked as much as I could carry in my little dress pouch and took one last, long look at the last flower in my hand. This one, I kept it in my hand.
"Okay! Let's go!" I said to the air.
The leaves shook as I launched myself from branch to branch, my nose and ears perked for danger. Today, I didn't smell the big man. But I smelled him. The smell was not as strong as yesterday.
And there he was, on the boulder. Did he move away when it rained? As I got closer, I found he didn't. His hair and clothes were wet.
He really slept in the rain...
My throat was stuck.
But I'm going to put a stop to that!
I took one last glance at the trees. Sniff. Sniff. Clear! No big man.
I walked over to him, that strong power inside me winning against the awful smell. I climbed onto the rock and sat beside him. Closer this time. And brushed his back with a gentle wave of my tail.
I bent down and looked at him. His eyes were still fixed straight ahead. They're... Blank. Like... He's not there.
"Hello?" I tried again.
Nothing. His body rose and fell faintly.
Then I took out some of the blue flowers and held them in front of his eyes.
"Look, the blue flowers are blooming. They're beautiful." I said with a smile, "Looking at them makes me happy. Like, there's this nice feeling inside me."
He didn't move.
The flowers weren’t working.
Um...
I remembered how Mommy would cheer Daddy up whenever he's sad. She'd rub her cheeks against him, purring.
Maybe...?
I leaned in and rubbed my cheeks against his shoulders. Gently, nudging him.
His smell changed a little, there was a new faint scent of morning grass after rain.
It was working!
I pushed a little more, rubbing my cheeks against his chest, then nuzzled the nook of his neck.
"Ugh!"
The boy recoiled.
"You stink! Go away!"
His voice was hoarse, raspy.
I flinched and froze.
Now I was really looking at him. He really did have Nathan's face, even when angry. He was leaning away from me, his arm held up across him.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Mommy said to always stay by someone's side when they're sad." I stated.
"I'm not like you all! Get lost!" His voice rose to a shout, but it came out broken. His eyes suddenly squeezed shut in pain, and his hand clutched his throat.
His voice was hurt from all the howling a few nights ago.
My ears flattened. It... It hurt. Nathan would never say something like that to me. But... But he's not Nathan... Was he?
My eyes began to blur, warm. I bit my lips and quietly slid off the boulder. But as I padded away, I caught a change in his scent.
The same scent that clung to Daddy for a very long time after Nathan left us: the "what-if" smell.
I looked over my shoulder. He looked away when he saw me.
I didn't go home. I couldn't.
After the trees had hidden me, I went up into the branches and quietly went back, and watched him from behind the leaves.
Now alone, he curled back up into a small ball. And his shoulders jerked. Once. Twice. A broken sob. And he began to cry.
"Mama... Papa... Don't leave me alone..."
Another big lump stuck in my throat. I can't see with all the water in my eyes. And his smell. Strong. Choking. The same one in our hut after Nathan died.
No!
Something really bad must've happened to him.
I had moved away from my hiding place and sat at another branch, my feet dangling in the air. I didn't know what to do. I tried to make him happy, but I didn't expect him to hate me.
Who could help? Mommy and Daddy didn't really want me near him. Even though they let me.
Oh! That's right!
Grandma Juno, our village wise woman and healer!
Juno was really nice, gentle like Mommy. She and Daddy worked really hard when Nathan was sick. She didn't go home to sleep, but kept going back and forth between our hut and hers, bringing more and more things. And Daddy would go out with other daddies to bring back herbs for her. She was the nicest person I know, other than Mommy, Daddy, and Sylvester's daddy.
Her hut was a little far away from the village. It was inside the base of a giant banyan tree, not like the others that were up there. Around the base was a low wooden fence filled with climbing plants. The garden was full of plants that Juno uses for her medicine and alchemy. And in the center, between the gate and her hut, was a well where I'd help her draw water.
The wooden gate creaked as I pushed it open, crossed the garden and through the beaded curtains of her hut's entrance.
She was seated by the big cauldron she uses for brewing potions, her gnarled staff resting in the crook of her arm. Her long silver hair was tied at the end, with two braids hanging down from the sides of her head. Her rough, brown robe was full of pockets she'd use to keep just about anything.
"Juno! I'm here." I called as I padded over the thick rug.
"Ah, Natalie, my dear child. You're just in time," She turned to me with a smile, her shiny green eyes dancing from the fire of the pot
I padded over and peered into the pot. A green liquid streaked with blue was simmering inside. It had a sweet, minty scent with a hint of bitterness. The blue was definitely from the Bunga Telang.
"What are you making, Juno?" I asked.
Juno lifted the ladle and tilted it, squinting her eyes at the dribbling, shimmering liquid.
"A medicine for a broken voice, my dear."
"Huh?"
A broken voice? Did she know what happened?
She looked at me with her gentle smile. Her hands rumpled my hair. "His voice was broken, wasn't it? It was he who wailed that night."
I nodded. His angry face flashed in my thoughts. How did Juno know? The grown-ups seemed to know everything.
With a gentle tap of her staff, the fires under the cauldron became embers. We sat down at the pillow mound on one corner of her hut. Juno set her staff against the wall, and I leaned against her. And my alchemy teacher put an arm around me.
"H-he yelled at me... Juno," I began. He was a stranger, but his face, Nathan's face, made it hurt so much. "Said I stink. I was just trying to cheer him up."
"The boy carries a grief no boy his age should ever carry," Juno said.
She ran her hands over the ground and lifted some dust. Then, she let them fall, "A grief so heavy it has crushed him completely. His spirit is now like dust."
"Is he... Gone forever? Juno?" I asked. Nathan... Gone. Twice. I cannot take it. My shoulders shook, my voice too. "He looks so much like Nathan. I really thought he came back."
"My dear child, the jungle works in mysterious ways," Juno said, "He does look like Nathan. But he isn't Nathan."
I curled smaller against her, and my eyes began to water, "But... But..."
Her hand rested on my head tenderly. "He is not gone, Natalie. You've been the rain that he hasn't had since he arrived."
"Really? But he told me to go away."
"Sometimes, pain causes us to react to love differently. Afraid that by accepting, whatever peace they had left will be taken away."
Suddenly, a hope rose inside my chest. I looked up to Juno, "So, can I go back and try again?"
"Yes, dear child," Slowly, she rose, aided by her staff. She fetched a small glass flask from the shelves and padded to the cauldron and ladled the medicine into it.
I took the potion from her hands and watched the shimmering green swirling with streaks of blue dancing in the glass. "Take this to the boy, my dear."
"Yes, Juno!"
I returned to the clearing, holding the precious bottle close to my chest. He was right there, his head buried in his knees.
I approached slowly, my heart going between him not noticing me and afraid he might snap again. But before I got even close, he lifted his head slowly.
And gave me a faint smile!
A faint smile!
My heart leapt!
My steps quickened, my tail twitched eagerly. I hugged the potion tighter. If I dropped it... he would disappear.
We looked at each other.
His eyes were brown. Nathan's was blue. But, they were his eyes.
"S-sorry... The others hated me... So I..." He rasped, looking away.
"I don't." I said simply. Then I climbed onto the rock beside him.
I held out the potion to him. "Here, this will make your voice feel better."
He looked at the potion. Then at me.
"It's from our village healer," I said.
He looked around, probably for the big man. He wasn't around. Then, hesitantly, he reached out and took the potion. He uncorked it, smelled it. His face made something that told me he liked the smell.
Then he took a sip. And blinked.
The look in his eyes changed. A sweet scent of wildflowers bloomed from him. His smile widened and he drank the whole potion.
He gave me the empty glass. "Th-thank you."
His voice was restored, now a tender, boyish voice. Even his voice was the same.
Joy washed over me, my tail curling upwards. I just leaned in and rubbed my cheek against his.
"H-huh?"
I didn't say anything, just smiled, a giggle left me before I knew it. And his face turned a little red.
Then, I didn't understand what I did, but I just did it. I burrowed into his lap, the same way I'd burrow into my Daddy's or Nathan's.
"Ah! H-hey! Wha?"
I looked up at him. For a brief moment, I thought I saw Nathan, my Nathan with his Felid ears and markings on his cheeks. Then it returned to the boy.
And he just stared at me, not moving. The sunlight behind his head casts him in a soft shadow.
"I'm Natalie. What's your name?"
A pause. A grasshopper buzzed by in the silence.
Then, he opened his mouth.
"Herald."
I reached up and touched his face, careful not to scratch him with my claws. Even his cheeks felt soft like Nathan's.
"Play with me, Herald."
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