Lorelei is pissed at me already, so I may as well give her a solid reason to be. Once I free myself from the squid, I quickly get to carving. I don’t know if this thing can still float when it’s dead, but I can’t swim for shit and I can’t physically see the shoreline. I make a six foot incision in the head? Of the squid leading towards the floppy bits. Then I take out the cutting board and wedge it side to side to preserve the opening. I take off my shirt and create a pseudo bag. My feet can touch the bottom of the squid, and the top side of the hole is about shoulder height for me. So I use my impromptu bag and scoop. This squid is going to be my canoe. Luke Skywalker would be so proud of me.

  I scoop out as much goop as I can, but the thing is massive and the endeavor is Herculean. But with the air flowing into the squid and its lighter weight, it now buoys effortlessly. Now the question is, how do I steer it? The coastline is still on my minimap, but I’ve always been bad at measuring distance without a tool. Thankfully Lorelei isn’t pissed enough to send raging storms after me. The poor people still stuck at the party were keeping her entertained, I guess. Poor things. I push the images of people being devoured by their own mouths out of my mind as much as possible. I don’t have much in the way of stuff, but I potentially have earned skills that can help me…I hope.

  In normal Lethe, a skill notification appears once you’ve gained a skill with basic information about it. Once you read through the notification, you’d be able to use it immediately. Because I’ve been running for my literal life, there hasn’t been any time to read through the notifications, I have no idea what all I’ve acquired. As I open the notification hub, my entire field of vision explodes with text. This is why we wait to open notifications.

  [[Congratulations! You have leveled up! Cucuphas is now Level 2]]

  [[Congratulations! You have acquired new skills!

  Improvised Weaponry: Level 1

  Cooking: Level 1

  Anatomy: Level 1

  Trap Detection: Level 1

  Hold breath: Level 1

  Stamina: Level 1

  Investigation: Level 1]]

  [[Congratulations! You have leveled up your skills!

  Anatomy: Level 2

  Hold Breath: Level 2

  Stamina: Level 2

  Investigation: Level 2]]

  Aaaaand all of these skills are passives–skills I don’t have to think about using. They’ll just kind of always be doing their thing. *sigh* But A skill is a skill, and all skills in Lethe are useful. You just need to be clever. But I was hoping to have something that could help me right now. Not in the long run.

  I do have those treasure chests…

  I pull the gold one from my inventory. It’s roughly one foot by one foot, an ornate cube of a golden chest with oceanic filigree. It’s cute. Honestly I’m loath to use it. But–not for that reason. Gold and platinum chests are the highest tier of chests, and, better yet, the rarity reflects the level of the opener. Opening this at character level 5 would be way better than opening it now…But there’s no guarantee I can even make it that far without whatever is in this chest. I stare at it for another minute. Then I ride on a wave of impulsivity and push the lid open with ease. A bright light pops like a flashbulb.

  Can the AI just, like, leave my face alone for a second? My ears are still ringing from the foghorn. I smell like calamari. My mouth still tastes like viscera and sadness. But, thankfully, my vision returns as quickly as it left.

  It’s a metal tin with the picture of a tent plastered onto it.

  “Are you kidding me?”

  I want to chuck it into the ocean. I imagine it bobbing out of sight. A soldier lost at sea.

  I need a jet ski. A swimming mount. A not squid based flotation device! I put it in my inventory before my impulses win. My impulses and logic are always, seemingly, in an on again off again relationship fighting for custody of my sanity. A real all American family, me, myself and I.

  I take a deep breath and release it.

  Okay. Jet ski is out.

  I look at the squid around me.

  My anatomy skill is already at work. When I look at a specific body part, it’s outlined in green and has a little label next to it that explains what it is. I slowly scan the carcass, looking for a pair of lungs or something. If I can’t paddle out, I’ll have to swim to land. If squids have lungs, maybe I can use it as a boogie board or something and doggy paddle my way to dry land.

  I take in the mantle, which is the hat, I learn, of the squid and all of the pieces within it. Apparently the donut I’d cut through was the brain. Oof. I’d be pissed at me, too, if I were Lorelei. I’d accidentally lobotomized her pet. But near the donut brain, I notice something else. There is a vacuous tube at the top of the mantle and a nameless opening that I am about 20% sure is not the butt. Because what kind of backwards design would put the butt in the head? After another minute or two of inspection, I'm greeted with unfortunate words.

  [Giant Squid Anus]

  Lovely.

  Anus aside, I remember seeing pictures of a flying squid once on social media. The secret is that their mantle sucks in water and ejects it at a high speed to make it “fly”. If a small flying squid could propel itself a fair distance, then a squid this size must practically be an airplane. I grab my knives from my inventory and get to work.

  I start to carve a way to the sac through the mantle. I’m hoping my extra weight will cause it to keep its ass dipped in the water. One eye on my minimap, one eye on my task, I start to pump. I can feel the squid start to inch, then lurch with every fill push. I feel like I’m steering a mustard bottle. But I’m going at a wonky angle, and it’ll be hours before I’ll reach land this way. I walk to the other end of the squid and grab one of the tentacles. I attempt to lift it--attempt, being the operative word here, and almost fall in the water. Thankfully my foot snags on something and I'm able to catch myself before I go in. I miss my old character. She was the definition of buff. She had a body built by the gods. This level one body is a body built by Doritos. I locate a smaller tentacle floating away from the body. If I can't even pull one of the big tentacles out, then I'll have to make do. The story of my life. Sighing for what feels like the 80th time in 20 minutes, Ibegin to swing it through the water in a circle. I don’t have an oar, but I think this should work.

  Stolen story; please report.

  It does not.

  Or, well, it kind of does.

  While it doesn't propel me, I can use it to help me steer.

  So, it's back to squirting. It's a stupid joke, but I need these stupid little jokes to keep me sane.

  Another 20 minutes of pumping and flopping like the world’s unsexiest baby making animal documentary and I am on dry land. Sweet, sweet dry land. My stomach, despite the viscera, is violently empty. I drag the squid onto the shore and cut off all of the tentacles, storing them in my inventory. I don’t like being out in the open. I feel vulnerable, and I’m too close to the water for my own comfort. Unsure if I can eat the rest of the squid, I take the parts I know can be useful. Along with the chopped tentacles, I grab an eye, the ink sac, the beak, and the tip of the mantle that contains the water sac and put all of them in my inventory. As of right now, I have almost 80 empty spots in my inventory, and I intend to fill every single one.

  [[Congratulations! You’ve leveled up your skill! Anatomy level: 3.]]

  Not necessarily what I want, but I’ll take it.

  My minimap isn’t showing me much sans the gold star, so I pull up the world map. Apparently the squid overshot Pandemonia, so I’ll be coming to the city from the Northwest. That concerns me. Pandemonia is considered the starter zone, with every few miles outside of that marking a more dangerous, higher level area in a wide arc. I’m in a zone for players around level 6 or 7. Despite all of my passive skills, I’m still level 2. While skills level up by using them, combat is the only thing that can raise a character's actual level--and I'm hoping that I won't see combat until I'm near Pandemonia. While I can’t see anything through the fog of war, the gray stuff that covers undiscovered parts of game maps, I know the world map pretty well. I think if I went in a direct line to Pandemonia, I would pass through Dis, the walled city–which was where our rival guild and number 1 guild in America, Elysium, is headquartered. Typically, I would need permission from someone in the guild to enter their city. Despite guild differences, the system should still let me in. Should.

  Private Message incoming from: Herald

  -[Herald: Hey Cucuphas! I’m on a ferry right now heading to Pandemonia. You still alive?]-

  -[Cucuphas: Holy shit–Herald! You made it off the island! How’d you manage that? I’m alive. I’m near Dis.]-

  -[Herlad: Holy toledo kiddo. You trying to make it to World’s End? I teamed up with a couple of rankers. They…persuaded…Lorelei.]-

  -[Cucuphas: Do I want to know what that means?]-

  -[Herald: Probably not. You gonna make it okay? I might be able to swing north to get you.]-

  -[Cucuphas: Nah, I’ll be alright old man. If you have anyone in Elysium in your party, though, ask them if it’s cool if I enter Dis. If I enter with a blessing I might not die outright.]-

  -[Herald: Ask yourself. Jokez’s the only Eysian I saw at the party. Everyone in red should’ve been added to your socials.]-

  -[Cucuphas: You’re a real one. Stay alive, Herald.]-

  -[Herald: you too Cucu.]-

  I close the messaging box. Then I pull up my social menu. I hate Jokez. He’s an ass. But Herald was right. Everyone who was in red at the party is in my contacts list. Some are listed under “Alive” while a handful of names are listed under “Dead”. I quickly toggle the dead so I can’t read their names. This is still not the time to mourn or freak out. My plan was anything but foolproof, but getting to Dis was my best chance of staying alive.

  I chew on calamari as I walk inland, keeping my reputation menu next to my minimap. I don't know if it's being on dry land or having food in my stomach, but my headache is starting to subside and my stomach is starting to settle. I shoot Jokez a quick message.

  -[Cucuphas: Hey Jokez. You probably don’t remember me. I got you all that stone for your base upgrade that one time?]-

  The message said read, but there was no response. He was listening.

  -[Cucuphas: I’m near the city of Dis. I…hitched a ride. Can you send a message to the guards not to shoot me on site?]-

  -[Jokez: What’s in it for me?]-

  I hate this guy.

  -[Cucuphas: I don’t know what I could offer someone like you…]-

  I'm as hammy as a hog, but I have to be. If it were literally anyone else in Elysium, I'm pretty sure that they'd let me in given the fact that this was a god damned death game. But Jokez isn't like other boys. Jokez is, and always has been, a disgusting little bastard. While I haven’t had the displeasure of meeting him face to face, I’d fulfilled a few of his orders before his reputation began to precede him. Hell, I knew several women who turned down invitations to Elysium solely because Jokez is in it.

  In the main playthrough, he was the best bombardier in the game. He made and lobbed bombs from his flying mounts during battles and eviscerated everything from safety in the sky. But he is also a disgusting human being, and despite dozens of women reporting him for sexual harassment or worse, nothing ever seemed to happen. Some suspect that he has connections to Acheron, and that’s why he’s seemingly untouchable.

  -[Jokez: Why don’t I make my way to Dis and you can suck Dis nuts while the guards watch? I’ve never been blown by a dyke before.]-

  Considering how much he plays, I highly doubt he’s ever been blown by anyone before.

  -[Cucuphas: Give the guards the order and I’ll consider it.]-

  With a quickness, the notification popped up.

  Cucuphas has been granted entry to Dis by Elysian, Jokez.

  -[Jokez: See you in Dis, slut.]-

  I felt angry. Dirty. Was kowtowing to him worth it? I couldn't be sure.

  But my reputation screen reflected my permission to enter Dis, and that, I knew, would only be beneficial.

  —-----------

  Reports are coming in across the world about the WARP VR system’s hit game, Lethe–

  *static*

  Medical professionals heed against removing players from their WARP VR as deaths spike–

  *static*

  Chippy chips! The saltiest chips on this side of the Mississips!

  *static*

  Ten thousand channels and nothing of substance. The Game Master flipped to the Acheron Network instead.

  Most of the 5000 invites they’d sent out to players and guilds had been accepted, though not all of them had actually shown up to the event. In one fell swoop, with peppering of human error, hundreds were already dead and gone. Just over 4000 of the invitees had survived Kore. It was lower than they’d hoped. Perhaps having Lorelei host the opening ceremonies had been overkill. She had reason more than most to hate players, seeing as they were always sacking her temples and killing her progeny. She'd been so eager, and they had already spent most of their time and effort on the finale. It had felt like the right choice at the time, but the casualties were too high. Maybe they’d go easy on them for the next trial.

  The Game Master saw flashes of different groups escaping the island by boat, ferry, or, oddly enough, by asking Lorelei for safe passage. They’d watched as Lorelei made a deal with her new acolytes, though the details were imperceivable to those viewing the Network. But the Game Master knew, because it was all a part of the plan.

  A lone woman stood in the body of a squid. She was massaging the mantle to propel herself through the water and closer to land. Then using a tentacle to slap the water to safety. It was inelegant, but effective–the Game Master would give her that. Hopefully she’d stay on land. Lorelei was not the forgiving type, and there was only so much they could do to control her. They finished clipping their World Message and hit enter.

  Let the second day…begin.