—Sally—
I was still struggling to get the Raven Mocker's words out of my head, even hours after it'd happened, its whispers just refused to leave my mind. Insistent brain-worms that just tunnelled deeper into my psyche every time I tried to pry them out. I felt like I could still hear the insidious whispers, even if the bird that had spat them out was very dead.
'Don't you know that he'll be disgusted? Just like they were?' That comment alone was enough to dredge up some very miserable memories.
In an effort to distract myself, I focused on the good things I'd gotten from my interaction with it. I'd levelled up, and from the growth my body had undertaken, my [Strength] stat had finally improved—by 50% as well! Which sounded much better than a single point increase.
But the real star of the show was my newly acquired [Talent], the notification still sitting unopened and blinking at the corner of my vision. I'd been putting off the anxiety-inducing action, unable to bring myself to open it over fears that it may not be what I want. It felt extremely important to my future.
"Orion, Wha-at's a [Talent]?" I eventually asked, the ranger pausing his skinning as he thought up an answer.
"It is an extremely powerful set of skills. Unique to you, and you only get one." He replied as he resumed processing the small mammal he'd shot earlier. The meat from it was barely enough to feed the both of us, let alone a town of starving villagers.
"What wh-as yours?"
"[Heart of Vitality]. It heals me very fast. It is much worse than what the others received." Orion said, his short succinct sentences leaving me to wonder if I'd annoyed him. Though he does talk like that most of the time, so it's hard to tell.
Though I'm surprised that Orion's high [HP] and X-men levels of regeneration was considered 'bad', how strong must've everyone else's been?
In the end, I decided to open it, mildly reassured by the fact that Orion's strong skill was one of the worst outcomes I could receive.
[Congratulations! You've reached Level 5, and with this historic milestone, your [Talent] has been unlocked. A [Talent] is an extreme boon, and the contents of the essences in your soul decide its form.
[Finding Talent...]
[.][..][...]
I watched the notification spawn another box, containing a list of rapidly moving words flying from the top of the screen to the bottom. I could barely read most of them, but some of them were coloured, purples, reds, and rainbow coloured, making them easier to read than the plain ones surrounding them. It reminded me of a Gacha game or slot machine, and that only added to my stress.
[River of the Rainbow feathers], [Devourer of the Dead], and [The Emperor's New Scales] were just a few of the many impressive sounding options whizzing by. I waited for something interesting to happen, but the spinning wheel just kept on turning, giving me gambler’s anxiety as I waited for it to show me what I wanted.
[….][…..][……]
[Talent Found!]
Only after a minute of painfully forced patience, did it begin to slow down, the parallel between it and a gacha game becoming clear. Did the Moon god really base the mechanism behind one of the most important level-ups off of wheel-of-fortune? I can't tell if I hate or admire their sick sense of humour.
[Your Talent is: [Tail of the Ouroboros]]
[The Ouroboros represents the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth, the circle that never ends. Your [Soul] is blessed with the tail end of this order of nature, the first and only eternal rule of reality, that everything will die.
Nothing lasts forever.
Your [Talent] allows you to see the end of one's cycle, and appraise the many paths that could lead to its end.]
[Reason for [Talent]]
[You were given this [Talent] over all of the alternatives because of its resonance with your rebirth. A rich plethora of options were available, but [Tail of the Ouroboros] had drunk in the energy of death as you slipped by the Ouroboros itself unharmed. If it was the concept-given-consciousness’s tacit approval, or a once-in-eternity coincidence, you were spared, and this inherent trait swelled instead of the others.
From something insignificant, it grew to be reminiscent of the real thing. A facsimile of the real eternal serpent's tail, and-]
[Your [Talent] is resonating with the outer essences of your [Soul]!]
A bright flashing message interrupted my excited reading of the new skill, a surprised yelp slipping out as I was jump-scared by the notification.
[Outer [Soul] Essence from [Soul Bond], [Sally’s pendant and collar] are interacting with [Tail of the Ouroboros], and causing unpredictable changes to all three!]
[Warning: BRACE!]
"Orion! Some-Thi-ng is-s hap-en-ing!" I cried out. The ranger paused his butchering and leapt towards me, immediately concerned for my safety. The System had never bothered to warn me about anything before, so how dire must the situation be for it to send a message to brace?
"What's happening?" Orion asked by my side. His face as impassive and stoic as ever.
"[Talent] Do-hing stuff wi-eth [Soul Bond]." I explained as I waited for the executioner's axe to fall. But after panickily waiting a minute for something to happen, nothing did, and I cautiously unclenched my every muscle.
"Are you okay?" Orion eventually said, and all I could do was shrug in response.
And as far as I could tell, nothing had happened, my body was still intact, no headaches or other anomalous effects. Apart from the slight pins-and-needles sensation coming from the centre of my chest, I was the exact same as before getting my [Talent].
Wait. When did my heart start feeling tingly?
Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, the moment I asked myself that question, it tripled in intensity, causing me to stumble as it messed with my muscles. Orion shouted in surprise when it doubled again, my entire lower body went limp as my body was reduced to an uncontrollable twitching mess.
"Sally?" I faintly heard Orion shout, but it all sounded so far away.
I found it hard to care about my sudden loss of bodily functions, my mind drifting off somewhere, a place where I couldn't even think properly. The last thing I could bring myself to notice was my eyes slipping shut, my awareness dragged to a place that didn't exist in the waking world.
"Sally?!"
***
I was flying. Free of thought and mind as I surveyed the land kilometres below me, the endless expanse of trees forming a green ocean.
Though my favourite activity was interrupted as I felt it.
I was dreaming. I unconsciously realised it as I was forced to break the well-worn path I always followed in my dream, my eyes were dragged upwards. I never looked up in this dream.
Above me, the atmosphere wasn't blue like it should be, instead there was an endless expanse of black, filled with stars. The night's sky had broken through the wall of my dream, the cloudy day was paradoxically invaded by a moonless-midnight expanse.
Then, the stars began to move.
They were connected to something bigger than conceptualisation, yet small enough to see the entirety of, like the Himalayas viewed from space. As they flowed, I realised that whatever it was, formed a circle.
My mind could not comprehend it all, because it was simply too much. In the circle, I saw a river, a trillion grains of sand flowing endlessly.
I saw despots die, kingdoms crack.
I saw a dying mother in a mansion, a babe birthed in boundless blood.
I saw fealties fail, rivers, and royalty floating in wicker weaves.
I saw greenery climb through cracks, the mighty castles crumbling.
I saw teenagers explore ruins, loot legacies of lauded lords.
I saw cruel children grow into apathetic adults.
I saw the purging of a people, and the cycle continued in the cosmos.
I saw it again, in a sandy kingdom.
I saw it again, ended by a man, his suit, and a red button.
I saw it again, at the beginning of time.
A gaping maw borne of void, clashing with a white light-
My focus was snatched by an unseen force. My eyes were pulled onto the fattest section of the circle, my choice in the matter swept aside as I saw a head clutching a tail.
I saw it force its own body down its throat, but it grew faster than it could eat itself.
I saw it pause its movements, ceasing the eternal self-devouring cycle.
I felt it smile, and the star serpent's eye opened.
I saw something new… It opened its mouth, and let go.
***
[The Tremors of Your [Soul] Have Ceased.]
[Your [Talent] has evolved into [Heart of The Ouroboros]!]
[[Soul Bond] Has become impossibly intertwined with [Heart of The Ouroboros]!]
[[Sally’s Pendant and Collar] Protected itself from the storm, but has absorbed some residual essences!]
[[Sally’s pendant and collar] -> [Mark of the Dragon, pendant]]
[[Mental-Framework (89%)] Suffered damage.]
[Assessing damage and attempting repairs.]
[.][..][...]
[The Interconnected sections of: Memories, Superego, and Learnt Behaviours have been damaged.]
[Attempting repairs to damage: Memories (9% Damaged), Superego (23% Damaged), Learnt Behaviours (34% Damaged)]
[.][..][...][….][…..][……]
[Full restoration: failed]
[Retrying]
[.][..][...][….][…..][……]
[Partial restoration: failed]
[Requesting Assistance]
[.][..][…]
[[^@#% - Admin] has accepted the request, control sequestered to manual operation.]
[Creating new custom input code: 24$1231]
[.][..]
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
[Accepting Custom input code: 24$1231]
[Custom Commands: [De—then—Re-entanglement of Memories, Superego, Learnt Behaviours]]
[Creating new custom input code: 24$1232]
[.][..][...]
[Accepting Custom input code: 24$1232]
[Custom Commands: [Implant Memories], [Partial Implant of Superego]]
[Accepting Custom input code: 01$1002]
[Custom Commands: [JUST FUCKING D%LETE #HEM ^@#%]]
[Re-Attempting]
[.][..][...][….][…..][……]
[Partial repair to [Mental-Framework (89%)]: possible]
[Forced implantation of Recovered segments: possible]
[Discarding unusable fragments: possible]
[[Mental-Framework (89%)] -> [Mental-Framework (73%)]]
[[Heart of The Ouroboros] has taken inspiration from [Mental-Framework (73%)], absorbing the leftovers that were too damaged to repair to use for itself!]
[Beginning Repair]
[.][..][...][….][…..][……]
[Repairing: [2.31%]]
[.][..][…]
[Repairing: [6.82%]]
[Beginning Implementation of: [24$1231], [24$1232], [01$1002]]
[.][..][…]
[Repairing: [7.53%]]
***
[Repairing: [89.13%]]
[Error #001 – Out of Disk Space]
[Please delete existing files and then try operation again.]
[[^@#% - Admin] has intervened]
[Accepting Custom input code: 01$1001]
[Custom Commands: [Override]]
[[Error #001] has been Ignored]
[Proceeding with Custom Commands: [24$1231], [24$1232], [01$1002]]
[.][..][...]
I awoke with a desperate gasp, my body trying—and failing—to force enough air into my lungs to make me function properly.
"Sally?" I heard a voice ask, but all I could do was flail, not awake enough to think about what was going on, not asleep enough to relax.
"Sally!" The voice insisted as a hand nudged my side, but I slapped the limb away with a wing. It felt too much like a nudge from my past to tolerate. Everything felt like things I knew I’d forgotten.
In the moment, I could not think, my brain was swollen, feverishly forced full of things that I hadn't thought of in years. The Raven Mocker's insults the closest I'd come to thinking of them in a long time. But now, my mind was trapped with them, and forced to re-experience events that I’d happily buried.
Like a passenger trapped in a drunk driver's speeding car, like the unwitting participant of a nightmare, I watched it happen all over again.
I remembered telling my once-best-friend a stray thought. A wish, a desire, a want, a need. Assumed to be shared by all.
I felt the rejection, the pain, the separation, the bullying, the loneliness.
The desperation to be whole. Wanting to cast off all shackles of maleness. Needing a taste of… of… freedom, elegance, sensuality, and of something else too.
The strange hatred of my acne-ridden skin. Of constantly reminding myself who the stranger in the mirror was.
Choosing the greater want for connection—for friends—over myself.
The dissection of my soul, the masks, and the practiced performance of a well-adjusted teenager. Burying what did not fit, ignoring the welling ache of my psyche.
Ignoring the urge to scratch off my flesh, and find the real me beneath the greasy skin.
Ignoring the desire to cut open my disgusting outer layer again, and show everyone the scales-
My body curled up, a cry of pain and suffering loudly ringing out. It acted without my permission, calling for a parent who could not answer, for consolation no one could give. The knowledge that I could not accept offered comfort was almost as painful as its absence.
"I'm sorry Sally." The blanket I was lying on shifted, lifted up and placed down elsewhere.
A noise slipped out of my mouth, a pathetic, animalistic whimper. My body sought the warmth it could sense nearby, I needed—no, it needed—I…
It was so much harder to call it something separate, to say that my mind and body were separate. With the memories of when I started culling the undesired parts of my nature so prevalent in my mind, I struggled to keep it and myself apart.
"I have to help. I…"
A finger trailed the length of my spine, and I—my body loved it. The reassuring rub against the central ridge of my back enough untense some locked muscles, relaxing me—my body's spine.
As the hand began to leave, I growled, demanding the worshiping continue.
No! My body wanted-
Why was I denying myself this?
Because it's wrong.
The hand returned, cupping my head and rubbing the top with a thumb, a deep rumble forming in my chest, and my body—I let out a purr. The incredible sensation beginning to chase off the nightmare, my enjoyment reason enough to continue.
We have to stop! Before we freak him out. Before you-know-what!
The memories of solitude and aching mental wounds that kept me up at night returned. Trying to remind me of why I acted how I did, and the very good reasons for it.
Stop, or It'll happen all over again!
Why should I? He started it. So I'll enjoy it.
Orion tried to retract his hand, but I wrapped a talon around the retreating hand, irritated that he dare stop without my say-so.
"Continue." I half-growled, half-mumbled. When he hesitated, I moved myself towards the sensations I desired. Without opening my eyes, I sleepily rolled onto his hand, placing my chin on a fingertip. While I had grown, his hand was still enough to support the front half of my body, the rest laying on his forearm.
He resumed, hesitantly at first, but was eventually enthusiastically scratching my chin, a mellow and warm sensation filling me. I made sure that he knew I was enjoying it, loudly purring with each stroke. My half-awake limbs moved by themselves—I lazily wrapped myself around his forearm, my lower claws grasping flesh as my tail tightly spiralled down the limb's length.
I had never felt anything like it. It felt like freedom, comfort, trust, over-reliance, surrender and control all at once. I was unsure if I could ever give it up, and I didn't think I could ever want it to stop.
Why deny us—me, this pleasure? What's wrong with enjoying this?
Because he will hate us for being weird.
What's so weird about being authentically me?
Liking this is weird. And If I'm weird, then I DESERVE to be punished for it.
It's simple, I want it.
But it's not righ-I want it.
That's not-I want it. Why deny me?
Stop inter-I want it, what more is there to discuss?
It's unnatural? It just is, okay?
Beg, plead, it will not change the facts. I desire this. Therefore, I do.
But-I. Want. This. To be served. Adored.
Okay, fine. I know we're one and the same. But wanting it is still...
Still 'what'? Say it, say exactly what 'what' is.
Fine! I'll admit I want it, but it's—it's disgusting, weird, f-f-a-aggy, speaking like that. Like Orion's our slave. I can't do that. It's-s—no!
Fine, hide. Again. But I'll be waiting.
Because, this part of me that I find so shameful, I refuse to let it stay buried forever.
[Forced implantation: partial success (55%)]
[Implant of Superego: failed (0%)] [74% of Superego fragments destroyed.]
[Implant of Memories: partial success (65%)] [14% of memory fragments destroyed.]
[Re-implementing viable shattered Superego fragments to reinforce [Mental-Framework (73%)].]
[Discarding unusable components.]
[Generating Diagnostics]
[.][..][…]
[17.02% of total Superego lost.]
[1.26% of total Memories lost.]
[34.56% of total Learnt Behaviours lost.]
[.][..][…]
[Generating Diagnostics Report: Case 01$0001]
[.][..]
[Core personality: Unchanged]
[Memories: Quality reduced, quantity unchanged]
[Superego: Core Facets unchanged, Control Weakened, Doubts Introduced]
[Learnt Behaviours: Damaged, but similarly to the effects of therapy or drugs]
[Submitting Diagnostics Report: Case 01$0001]
[.][..][…]
[Submitted for review]
One less piece of that homunculus I called 'me'.
Good. Fucking. Riddance.
The pressure behind my eyes receded, my brain no longer forced to stay awake through pain and sickness. I let out a sigh of relief as the torment finally ended. The memories remained, but the horrible experiences had lost their bite. The pain, the demands for normalcy, the aches and slow-acting-rust it caused me mentally, were gone.
The chains I’d willingly donned, the separations of self I’d undergone to be able to fit in, I found it harder to bring myself to care for them. The dissociation had been resolved by purging the weights that'd kept me earth-bound. They were burdens, made necessary by the memories of what'd happened if I didn't conform. But the biting anxieties and internalised caution no longer had the same bite, the pain I’d grown so used to, and felt so intensely just now, were gone. Cured, by refusing to care.
The fever had abated, purged by shedding the armour needed for human sensibilities. I realised that such things were no longer needed. I was adorned with scales now, like I’d always wanted.
I felt drowsy again when the war fought behind my eyelids finally ended, leaving me to enjoy Orion's ministrations. His other hand began to work on my back, and I welcomed the addition to the choir of sensations. I even moved my wings out of the way so he could access all of my back.
Sleep returned as I purred my way into an oblivious slumber.
***
When I opened my eyes, I saw the late-afternoon light filter through the shutters, and found myself staring at the window of my current hovel. It looked as if the day was already almost over. As I shifted I realised that I was lying between Orion's hands, his palms being used as both a blanket and a bed.
I peeked at his face, and relaxed when I saw that he was taking a nap as well.
But as I moved to return to my previous place, it struck me as odd. Why was I so unbothered by my current predicament?
I would usually be trying to escape such a position, but I was finding myself oddly at peace with the whole scenario, like there was nothing wrong with it. My indignant anger was nowhere to be found, the usual inferno extinguished, and completely lacking the sparks needed to restart the blaze.
My pride for independence? Not completely gone, but showing weakness to Orion no longer stirred it as vigorously as before.
I carefully extracted myself from his hands, and jumped up onto the table, shaking off the last vestiges of sleep as I tried to remember what'd happened.
I could recall the level up, the new [Talent] and then… a warning that led into a…
Did I have a bad drug trip? I hadn't ever tried anything beyond some sips of alcohol before, but that dream felt like an acid trip from a TV show.
I could barely piece it together but I could remember a… snake in the stars?
After that… I was in pain and the system told me that I’d—oh shit, was I fucking purring at some point?
The more important thing was that had been Orion petting me, touching my head, and when he stopped, I demanded he kept going.
What the fuck happened to me? Was still happening to me?
I quickly willed the system to show me the past notifications, and I read through them all with a growing sense of horror.
Okay, first order of business, finding out what this [Mental-Framework] was. I could recall the Moon god bringing it up, but I'd forgotten about it after that.
[Mental-Framework (73%) - Level ??? Condition]
[A masterwork of magical engineering, allowing the soul to host the mind instead of the body.]
[Typically a Soul would lose all memories and personality of a past life, as how could it retain such physical characteristics without a brain to host them? The strange magic cast upon your mind is the only thing stopping you from devolving back into a new-born.
However, as your synchronicity with your body increases, and as your body matures and becomes capable of hosting your mind, this enchantment will slowly fade as you physical brain inherits (most) of the characteristics of the mind kept alive in the magical medium.]
[Default setting for [Mental-Framework (73%)] integration is: [Automatic]]
Oh… Shit. It getting damaged was very bad. Very. Very. Very-very, fucking bad. Did I get the magical equivalent of brain damage?
A glance at the long notification log hinted that it wasn't extensive. As far as I could tell, I lost… nine percent of my memories, with them being… semi-successfully inserted into my physical brain. But I lost much more of my 'Superego'?—which sounded like a forgettable one-episode batman villain. Also a third of my 'Learnt Behaviours' got flushed away. Which I could guess contained some pretty important things.
I did my best to sort through my memories to see if that 1.26% contained anything important, and after confirming that all of the important ones were still intact, I moved onto the more abstract, and damaged, concepts of my consciousness.
I could at least make the educated guess that 'Superego', had something to do with self-control. From what I could remember of the feverish scene in which my body had—no. I had… wanted it.
It was that separation I had insisted on between me and my new bodies desires, the need to conform to human sensibilities. Which felt so stupid now, why would I ever want to act like a human? Wait, wasn't there bullying?
It makes perfect sense to hide—I suppose it wasn't that big of a loss.
No it's important to hide-
I looked over at Orion, feeling a fleeting pang of sympathy at seeing his sleeping position in the chair. I suppose his [Talent] would make it risk-free though. He looked peaceful, free from stress.
Stop ignoring the obvious-
At least I think he was? It was hard to tell… I investigated his body closer, trying to find out why I was struggling to piece together what I could usually instinctively glean from a glance. It took a second longer than it usually would, my mind jumping at conclusions I knew were wrong. I knew the exposed teeth weren't a threat, and his belly being exposed to the air instead of touching the floor wasn't an invitation to… attack. It felt like the chunk of my brain that would've made these deductions for me had been partially replaced.
I was losing myself. The loss of some of the [Mental-Framework] meant I was missing a part of myself. I started to panic as I fully came to the realisation that I wasn't the same person as before the [Talent], I’d been changed, reduced, partially stripped of what made me, me.
It scared me how much I liked it. Not the chunk of my conscious existence going missing part, but the freedom. The freedom to do what I wanted, freedom from that so very human part of myself. I loved that it was being replaced by a draconic alternative.
It terrified me that I could no longer easily tell what was 'right' and 'wrong'. That part of me was numbed and I felt nothing but faint memories where my emotional, moralreactions used to come from.
I knew that I had to care, that appearing normal was important, especially if I wanted Orion to be comfortable around me. But I just didn't care anymore. I only felt like indulging in the impulses, engaging in the draconic desires whenever I pleased. It would be nice to get Orion to slave away on my head and back. Only when I wanted it, however.
The cognitive dissonance slapped me in the face as I reared back in shock. I had barely noticed myself slipping back into that mindset, a dangerous one—that wasn't entirely new to me. I just had been ignoring it for so long that I’d forgotten about it. It annoyed me.
No, it pissed me off. I despised losing control of myself, especially when I'd spent so long pruning my personality, and lost all of that progress in an instant. It irked me that my feelings, my very sense of self, had slipped their reigns because of some stupid accident. I refuse to be controlled or influenced by… whatever the fuck happened to me.
I decided to at the very least attempt to maintain myself, how I acted, and how I treated others. I wouldn't lose, because I'd won this battle before, and I'm not letting a stupid magical accident rewrite my personality.
I know I wanted it, but, I'm not letting it win.
[[Wisdom] + 1]
***
[Automatic Diagnostic Report: Case 01$0001]
[Re-entanglement: Partial success (53%)]
[Code 24$1231: Failed]
[Code 24$1232: Success]
[Code 01$1002: Success]
[Full summary sent to Designated Safety Officer: [Moon god - Admin].]
The floating mask and cloak paused their painting of the cave wall with a mundane paintbrush, the wooden face blank.
'Hmm… It's not a good sign that we didn't know of this.'
I don't know how it came to be. Fate is as lost as us. It will need some time to re-align.
'The real question is, why would the Ouroboros do this? It isn't even alive. Just a concept given form, it has no mind nor will, nothing to make it move on its own.'
Perhaps… that was an incorrect assumption.
'The Primordial Things being able to think… How many of them did they dump in Brekun without bindings?'
… All the ones they could find, and deemed non-destructive.
The Moon god went back to painting, as the discussion was finished.
'I suppose I will simply be glad it is no longer my issue to deal with.' They mused, both entities ignored the echoing sound of dripping water landing in the centre of their prison-cavern.
