The Selection is well underway, and the minor introductions of the bronze-tier indie kingdoms have finally finished. The announcer then starts mouthing off some honorary mentions.

  Announcer: “NOOOOOWWWW everyone, some honorary mentions that didn’t get the opportunity to participate in this year's Selection!!!”

  He then says after a dramatic pause: “The Kingdom of Turnitopy, with their fledgling princess taking her first steps toward building a fandom!”

  They then display an ad of a baby turnip girl getting her first subscription from her parents.

  The crowd collectively awws and immediately clicks on the ad to donate to the fledgling princess.

  In the background, some suspicious people are sneaking backstage, bribing their way past the guards. Totally normal behavior in this city.

  -Sussy Femboy Infiltrators

  A group of over ten infiltrators, cosplaying as band groupies, roam around the backstage. Their leader says with passion:

  “We’re in, boys—now prepare the surprise.”

  Skillfully, the group takes out bags of flyers promoting a decadent event. They read as:

  “STARDOOM SPECIAL!!! An event to DIE for!!! Reserve now for a chance at winning premium waist and tail pics!”

  There’s a blue-haired androgynous entity doing a peace sign over its eye on the poster.

  The leader then says:

  “Plaster them all over the place!!! Do it quickly!!!”

  The infiltrators scatter like roaches and start replacing the innocent decorative ads with this horrible slop. The corruption begins to spread, and the guards—unluckily—are far too distracted with Hajime’s cow to notice the euphoric and seductive transformation of this once-pristine room.

  Back to the Announcer

  “All of our talents are ready!!! Nowwwww advertise the day awaayyyy girllssss!!!!!!!”

  Gladiatorial music drowns the venue as the stadium begins to transform with advanced ad-magic. Hajime’s seat rises high like a pyramid, and Hajime, bewildered, shouts to no one:

  “What the hell?! I don’t like heights!!! Get me down!!!”

  His voice is muffled out by the cheering masses and the distressed moos of a close friend.

  The gigantic divine stage opens like a convertible, letting sunlight flood the venue. It takes a few minutes for everything to assemble…

  A few minutes later…

  The stage has changed; it now resembles corrupted parody of Roman architecture. Hajime is so high in the sky that his voice no longer reaches the crowd.

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Valiant says:

  “Just don’t move Hero… you wouldn’t want to become modern art, would you now?”

  Hajime: “I hate heights—get me down NOW!!!!”

  Valiant: “I feel you Hero… I really do. But I’m afraid this is beyond my abilities.”

  Hajime: “Useless GPSSSS!!!”

  Valiant goes quiet, clearly hurt. She is NEVER useless.

  Hajime: “GPS? Are you there???”

  Valiant stays silent.

  Hajime: “Please talk to me!!! This is really scary!”

  Valiant sighs:

  “Yes, I’m still here… I was just buffering. The curse affects me too.”

  Hajime: “Then what am I supposed to do?!”

  Valiant: “There’s a handle to your right. Why don’t you try it?”

  Hajime pulls the handle and the seat reclines backward.

  Hajime: “It’s a damned recliner!!! That doesn’t help!!!”

  Valiant: “Then just look up and count the clouds.”

  Hajime looks up at the sky and begins counting clouds… coping the best way he can.

  Announcer-san:

  “Our first fighters are here!!! The Strawberry Shortstacks versus the Ecomancers!”

  The arena erupts in excitement as the two groups ceremoniously begin the traditional shit talk before battle.

  Narratorlore-kun with some context:

  Short, bearded, and plump, the Strawberry Shortstacks fight with dwarven spirits crafted in the deepest of breweries. Popular in their homeland, they’ve made their wealth by stacking odds and shorting businesses in trades. This powerful team of crony capitalists has dominated the dwarven popularity contests and earned the love of the most desperate of investors.

  The Ecomancers, on the other hand, are legendary skeptics who gamble on future profits, willing their investments into reality by publishing bullshit predictions that somehow succeed.

  These groups will now battle to nominate their respective leaders as the next prospective Saintess.

  Shortstack Leader:

  “I, Grunhildad, will be this century’s Saintess!!! Not a lousy con-artist like you!”

  Ecomancer Leader:

  “Tough talk, shorty!!! I, Esmeralad, will be the one who will stomp you OUT!!!”

  Grunhildad: “Say it to my eye, you eco-scammer!!!”

  Esmeralad: “Gladly! Now en garde and be witness to my beautiful statistical attacks!!!”

  They both begin leveling up their ad attacks by sending prompts to their viewers. Whoever gets more clicks will obviously win!!!

  RPG battle music starts playing.

  Esmeralad has the initiative:

  “Take THIS, shorty!”

  An ad predicting the Shortstacks’ stock value crashing appears for all to see.

  The crowd panics:

  “Nooo, my investments!!!”

  “Nooo!!! The experts have spoken!!!”

  “SELL THE STOCKS!!!”

  The Shortstacks recoil.

  Grunhildad:

  “How could you…? that was a perfectly profitable business, you eco bitch!!!”

  Ecomancers:

  “WAHAHAHAHA!!! You haven’t even attacked yet!!! Give it up!!!”

  The Shortstacks then start laughing like maniacs… It’s unnerving this change.

  Esmeralad:

  “Why are you laughing?! What’s so funny?!”

  An Ecomancer member yells:

  “Boss!!! This is bad!!! Someone has bought us!!! We’ve been acquired!!!”

  Esmeralad:

  “WHAT??? By who?!”

  She looks at Grunhildad with horror.

  Grunhildad (talking like a classic underdog villain):

  “It’s simple… I predicted you would try to bankrupt my company. Knowing that is enough to piece together what I would do if you did your homework.”

  Esmeralad:

  “You shorted your OWN company?! How is that even permitted?!”

  Grunhildad:

  “I didn’t just short it you simpleton… I bet on it failing in predictive gambling. At this very day. At this exact hour.”

  Esmeralad turns pale.

  “You BET on your own company losing value?! You’re CRAZY!!!”

  Grunhildad:

  “I’m not crazy… I’m just drunk.”

  She then advertises her crafted beer:

  “Don’t worry—we’ll be back soon. Rebranded with less quality guaranteed.”

  Crestfallen, the Ecomancers lose to the wits of a crafty business drunk.

  Back in the Dungeon

  The corrupting influence is now terraforming the jail cells. The bars dissolve and the Adless start swarming toward their master.

  Caladblock screams:

  “I’m almost out!!! Hajime, I’m coming!!! We will NEVER be apart!!!”

  The divine seal breaks—

  and the Adless swarm toward their master.