Achoo!!
Is someone thinking of me?
Hajime is petting Zeus inside a makeshift pen made of miasma. He has long since decided not to touch the elevator again for today—but hunger finally defeats pride. Just as he is about to leave the room, he hears a polite knock on the door.
Hajime: “Who is it?”
Voice: “It’s Chun Bu. We need to talk…”
Hajime opens the door, and Chun Bu—like a true friend—arrives carrying takeout boxes decorated with gacha advertisements.
Hajime: “Welcome in my friend.”
They sit on the floor, Chun Bu entering a lotus position while Hajime immediately begins inhaling noodles and marinated chicken.
Hajime (slurping): “So, slurp, what do you need to talk about friend?”
Chun Bu: “I’ve been thinking about what you said… about my enemy being a woman… and about my death.”
Hajime: “Yeah that's an understandable stress factor. Let me take a wild guess—is your system trying to entice you to kill me?”
Chun Bu swallows hard.
Chun Bu: “Yes. And it’s rather tempting—the rewards are truly insane…”
His hand slowly moves toward his sword.
Hajime: “I know cultivators are murder-hobos, but can you not and stop to think for a second?”
Chun Bu slaps his own hand away.
Chun Bu: “You’re right but after a thousand years of insanity, I can’t promise I’m mentally stable.”
Hajime: “Let me explain what’s happening Chun Bu. Your Goddess contacted the main Goddess of this world to put a leash on me.”
Chun Bu leaps to his feet, gripping his sword and gathering Qi.
Chun Bu: “You heard her?! Where is she!?”
Hajime: “Calm down—they spoke through an orb.”
Chun Bu instantly deflates.
Chun Bu: “…Damn it.”
Hajime: “Don’t you think it’s strange that your Goddess is going so far out of her way to mess with me?”
Chun Bu pauses and realizes it.
Chun Bu: “Now that you mention it… she’s never been this direct.”
Hajime: “Exactly. My interference is breaking her script. Your little snitch is just trying to trick you into killing me.”
Chun Bu: “That explains the rewards… They’re increasing exponentially as we speak.”
Hajime: “Sooo what’s my bounty?”
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Chun Bu: “Two million years of cultivation progress. It would push me straight to Great Emperor Realm.”
Hajime: “Wow… she really must hates me. I haven’t done anything to deserve that yet.”
Chun Bu bites his lip, crying.
Chun Bu: “I won’t kill my friend! I won’t you stinking Goddess!”
His cultivation suddenly explodes—his aura erupts, and he breaks through a realm right before Hajime’s eyes.
Hajime: “Congrats on the breakthrough.”
Chun Bu: “Why?! It doesn’t make sense…”
The Empress (from the ring): “This is strange. You shouldn’t be able to break through for at least fifty years.”
Hajime: “I think I understand.”
Chun Bu: “Explain.”
Hajime clears his throat, speaking like a teacher.
Hajime: “The purpose of cultivation is to defy Heaven and Earth to achieve immortality.”
Chun Bu: “Correct.”
Hajime: “Heaven wants you to kill me. If you don’t, you’re defying Heaven—so your cultivation speeds up.”
Chun Bu: “But where does Earth come in?”
Hajime: “Maybe my hatred for this world is so intense that the Earth reciprocates and hates me back?”
The world trembles for a moment.
Hajime: “Did I nail it?!”
Chun Bu immediately kneels in front of Hajime.
Chun Bu: “Let me stay by your side until I’m strong enough to face my foe!”
Hajime: “Sure—but keep your harem thirty paces away from me.”
Valiant: “Wow. No one has ever earned the actual ire of the world before.”
Caladblock: “That bitch has hated me for centuries. Maybe she finally noticed I escaped.”
Hajime: “So your baggage dragged me into a war with the planet?!”
Caladblock: “Till death do us part hon.”
Hajime: “I already hated this world before meeting you anyway.”
The floor trembles again—slightly.
Chun Bu’s harem cleans the room to imperial standards and Hajime is extremely pleased.
Chun Bu: “About the cold beauty… I haven’t been fully honest.”
Hajime: “She’s your ex-fiancée, right?”
Chun Bu: “…Yes.”
Hajime: “Yeah… you’re screwed.”
Chun Bu: “I hope you’re wrong.”
Hajime: “Let’s hope she’s the forgiving, easy-going type.”
Chun Bu: “She isn’t. She’s been cold since the womb.”
Hajime: “Extreme Yin cultivation?”
Chun Bu: “STOP SCREAMING AT ME, SYSTEM!”
Hajime: “…Interesting reaction Chun Bu”
Chun Bu: “What did you deduce, wise one?”
Hajime: “Is she an only child?”
Chun Bu: “…I don’t know. She has a twin frozen spiritual root?”
Hajime: “Oh boy.”
Chun Bu (stressed): “Say it!”
Hajime: “Your foe is either your ex or a close family member.”
The system shrieks so loudly Hajime hears it externally.
Hajime: “Oh great, another voice in my skull.”
Chun Bu: “You can hear her?!”
Hajime: “Probably. I’m so brain-damaged I’ve hallucinated incorporeal objects .”
Valiant: “I resent that. I have a gorgeous body.”
Caladblock: “Ara ara, don’t forget my outfits and this figure hon.”
Whalescalibur: “No one should forget my cuteness.”
Hajime rubs his forehead, hearing an angry voice:
System: “You filthy demonic cultivator! Stop corrupting my Chun Bu!”
Hajime ignoring the voice: “Chun Bu, listen. It’s just a theory, but tropes speak the truth. This is your fate.”
Chun Bu: “I have to seduce my foe? That’s too much!”
Hajime: “It might not be her. But you accepted the quest—so follow through.”
System: “DON’T IGNORE ME, DEMON!”
Hajime: “I’m not a demon—I’m human with a demonic heart.”
System: “THAT’S WORSE!”
Hajime: “Caladblock, block her voice for the night.”
Caladblock: “Easy. Block.”
Instant silence.
Chun Bu: “Can you do it for me too?”
Caladblock: “Done.”
Miasma spreads, sealing the system’s voice.
Hajime: “Didn’t know you could do that, luv.”
Caladblock: “Valiant and I complement each other. Consider it an upgrade.”
Hajime hugs his sword and necklace.
Hajime: “Truly, you two are the best loot I’ve ever found…”
He falls asleep, preparing for the chaos of tomorrow.
