Hajime-kun heads outside the Adspital with Merryad in tow. He sees the changes to the town and scowls with visible annoyance.

  "What the hell happened to my paradise?! What have you two done?!"

  He looks up and sees a banner of the Saintess proudly holding up his underwear.

  "She stole my undies?! The depths of her depravity know no bounds!"

  Then he spots an ad for a portal.

  "She’s adding fast travel to this place? What the hell did I miss?"

  Merryad answers proudly:

  "We were doing good work—heroic party-level stuff! It all turned out for the best in the end. Look at the smiles!"

  Hajime looks at the smiling citizens.

  "It’d all be so touching… if they weren’t worshiping a banner of my underwear."

  Whalescalibur comments:

  "Wow, the Saintess was always such a fast worker."

  Hajime growls:

  "Got a question. How come you’re so familiar with that hag of an elf?"

  Whalescalibur replies:

  "I don’t see why you’d insult her age, Hajime-kun. I’m older than her!"

  Black lines form on Hajime’s forehead.

  "Should I demote you to rusted stick?"

  Whalescalibur panics.

  "Hey! Age doesn’t matter when love is mutual!"

  Hajime smirks.

  "I don’t love you, though."

  She stutters:

  "No fair! I want a redo! Let’s spin a new hero!"

  Caladblock adds calmly:

  "I’m just as old as Whalescalibur, hero."

  Hajime, sweating:

  "That… doesn’t mean the same thing for you..." He mumbles under his breath: "I love you after all. Age doesn’t matter with mutual love."

  Whalescalibur screeches:

  "Hypocrite!!!"

  Hajime shrugs.

  "I regret nothing."

  Valiant chimes in with a chuckle:

  "Such a smooth talker aren’t you?"

  Hajime grins:

  "Always."

  Suddenly, someone interrupts the banter.

  "I’m Moderator A-kun from Saintess Elnora-san’s 3rd Bathrobe Division!"

  Hajime mumbles:

  "Great…" Then sighs in clear disappointment. "Continue."

  A-kun salutes with reverence.

  "I’m ordered to transport you to Adportal Alpha-Epsilon Omega for immediate evacuation. An emergency has occurred!"

  This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  Hajime groans in clear displeassure.

  "What now?"

  A-kun explains:

  "We are currently under siege by heretical feet-ad fanatics. The Saintess wishes to ensure your safety. Please follow me!"

  Hajime, surprisingly obedient, accepts and follows him without protest.

  Whalescalibur blinks:

  "I’ve never seen him follow orders so readily. This is very strange..."

  Caladblock nods:

  "When he’s acting unusual, it usually means he’s picked up on something really important."

  Valiant scribbles in her notebook:

  "Any variation means..."

  She stands menacingly atop the wall, awaiting the approaching messenger. A corpulent pay pig, long since forsaken his humanity, snorts ad-dust and snivels:

  "Rejoice, you heathens! Our mistress will grace you with her presence this day! Rejoice, sinners! You may still be saved by the magnanimity of the feet! Surrender now and you may be spared the sweat and scat of the Honorable Pay Pig!"

  Elnora points her staff at him and proclaims:

  "Look upon this abomination, Adlantians! These are the creatures that threaten your home. These are the minions of ruination, of clickbait, of corrupted banners and paywalls! Spawn of the Feet, your desecration ends here! Your bank accounts will run dry, and your mistress will be shadow-banned back to whatever corrupted pit she spawend from!"

  The paypig laughs:

  "As if you’re any better, spawn of the Holy Ad! We’ve tasted the forbidden Tub! You claim purity, but you are no different!"

  The Saintess raises her staff.

  "The Holy Algorithm has blessed my Tub, spawn of the Feet! Your words hold no power here!"

  She manifests holy water, splashing it on the pig. His war paint sizzles and melts.

  "Then it’s war!" he screeches in indignation.

  He posts an ad in the sky:

  "? Special Edition Nocture-san vs. Saintess Showdown — Starts in 30 Min! ?

  Who will win this legendary encounter?

  Like, share, and subscribe for behind-the-scenes commentary — sponsored by PayPig.ad.orb"

  The die has been cast. The depraved siege shall begin!

  Watching the ad, she snarls:

  "As expected of that bitch… aura farming like crazy, using those fools to boost morale."

  She taps the Tub handle on her throne.

  "Doesn’t matter how much she tries. It always works out in my favor at the end..."

  She stands and prepares for battle.

  "What should I wear for this special event?"

  She eyes a piece of lingerie with ominous runes.

  "Is this one too flashy for my first time with the hero?"

  She tosses it aside and grabs her regular wargear.

  "My mother always said to never go full power on our first encounter. She then fits and models infront of the mirror. "She is rights, men should love me no matter what I wear."

  Narrator-kun:

  I don’t think mom meant it that way…

  She admires her legs:

  "Shaved to perfection. No blemishes. Lotioned up with DemonCream XL. Everything is ready."

  She takes a few glamor shots, then dials Melissa-san.

  "That damn bitch is still ghosting me. I’m definitely killing her later!"

  Just then, a pay pig knocks at the door.

  "Everything is ready Mistress Nocture. We await your command!"

  She scowls.

  "It’s about time you scum. Work harder you pig!"

  The pig squeals with joy:

  "Yes, mommy!!!"

  Contemplating in her lair, Walletbreaker scrolls through Melissa-san’s dream-pics.

  "I always suspected she admired me a lot. Who else visits their boss on a sick day for ‘quality time’?"

  She flips through more photos.

  "She really is pretty. Such a shame to leave her rotting at a desk."

  She then taps her desk. An orange idea bubble appears.

  "Let’s show these to the Director!"

  She grins with expectations.

  She’s going to snitch so hard on Melissa-san...