"It's about time to face my hardest trial yet..."
He continues muttering to himself:
"Sometimes we have to take the plunge to progress one’s path..."
He takes a deep breath and shouts.
"Awaken!"
The dream world's features begins to fade into obscurity. Blinding light pierces the dreamscape.
Hajime opens his eyes, he sees a giant Premium Button directly on his face.
He blinks slowly, getting pissed.
Then he notices that there are five mini Premium Buttons on each of his fingers.
Also—he spots a sleeping princess that's holding down his legs.
"What new-age torture is this?" he growls with scorn on his voice.
"I’m so damned stiff!"
He tries to move, but his legs won’t budge. A tick mark forms on his forehead.
"Merry! Get the hell off me!"
The princess bolts upright.
"Kyaaahhh! Hero-kun, it's too soon for the 200$ Premium Special!"
She springs off his legs and lands nearby, she begins giggling with a blocky happy expression.
"You're awake Hero-kun!" she shouts, rushing to hug his head with passion.
Hajime-san squints.
"I’m seriously going to lose vision if I have to stare at this level of mosaic censorship any longer!"
Merry giggles, pressing her cheeks against him.
"If you don’t like it, just press the button already!"
"If you don’t get off me right now," Hajime threatens, "I’ll cut off my own hands and never push a damn button again!"
She bolts back instantly, saluting.
"Acknowledged, Customer-kun," she shouts, aggrieved at his decisiveness.
The buttons vanish, freeing Hajime from his confinement. He sits up and scans the entirety of the room.
"Where the hell is my underwear?! Do you know how comfortable those were?! It’s the only thing I have left to remember my mom!"
Five-second flashback:
Hajime's 18th birthday.
"Hey Mom, I really want an XL-AnomalyWare PC!"
"Sure thing, hon!"
On his birthday:
"Mom... it's underwear again."
"It's the thought that counts son."
"...Thanks, Mom."
Back in the present, Hajime wipes away a tear.
"Those where happier times..."
He sighs and puts on his pants, hoping his elephant doesn't get caught in the zipper.
He may develop a rash later—but that's a future Hajime problem...
Suddenly, a nurse opens the door.
"Ah! The heroic patient is awake! Excellent!"
She rushes out, and moments later, a doctor enters.
"Good to see you walking around young man. You really gave us a scare!"
"Was it that serious Doc?"
Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.
"Indeed. You were rejecting all of our proven Ad treatments. First case I’ve seen like it. Truly strange constitution—as expected of a Hero!"
"Yes... quite."
"As for the matter of payment, don't worry. You're covered. You may leave whenever you wish."
Hajime blinks.
"How is that possible?"
"The Holy Union Congregation Group paid in full. They said, and I quote: 'It is our duty to cover for the Hero.'"
"Sweet. Free healthcare!," Hajime thinks.
"Now then, a quick physical check-up before discharge. Please follow me!"
Trusting the doctor, Hajime follows him out… immediately regretting not bringing his Ad-blocker.
Saintess Elnora, standing tall, preaches passionately to a crowd in Adlantis:
"Loyal citizens! By the grace of the Holy Ad, we must unite!
The Predatoriad Kingdom will exploit your weakness for profit...
But not us!
We will exploit your strength for the betterment of all!"
The city erupts in cheers.
Ad-confetti rains down.
Pop-up ads are clicked with glee by the most vulnerable of demographics.
"Join us for today's much-anticipated Holy Heroic Relic Stream!"
Just as she finishes.
A messenger rushes up and hands her an Ad-scroll.
She opens it in a rush.
"The Hero has awakened."
She gives a thumbs-up and heads down toward the Adspital.
But just before reaching the door of the building, a pop-up blocks her path:
"How to Prepare for Demonic Incursion 101"
"Feeling safe? That’s a lie. Prepare now!"
She clicks.
Her mood sours.
"A divine message..."
A ship crashes outside Adlantis due to mysterious weather.
Nocture-san is livid at this result.
She tosses the captain into the brig as a reward for his efforts.
"You useless idiots!!! If I lose my chance, you’re ALL getting banned!"
The trembling pay pigs scramble, cannibalizing the wrecked ship into weapons and armor.
Her voice echoes like thunder:
"The daily reports have gone quiet.
The damn Saintess purge's too efficiently.
PREPARE TO SIEGE YOU DAMNED SWINE!!!"
Despite exhaustion and madness, her army smiles—devoted beyond reason.
She tries to orb-calls Melissa again.
"Pick up the orb, you damned bitch."
Melissa answers sweetly:
"Ahhh, yes, Nocture-san~ What do I owe the pleasure of your esteemed voice?"
"You bitch who plays hooky, I’ll be meeting you later. Something urgent came up."
"Do you need assistance?"
"No. Mind your own business.
Status of the city?"
"Heavily fortified. The Holy Union controls everything. Military presence is increasing by the second."
"And the portal?"
"Estimated six hours."
"Is the Hero still in the city?"
Melissa hesitates.
"... ..."
She hangs up quickly.
Nocture dials again.
"The number you are trying to call is currently unavailable."
"That bitch HUNG UP on me!!! Something’s off!!!"
She rages, whips the nearest pay pig.
"OINNNNNKKKK!"
The doctor smiles.
"Just a few tests to assess your health Hero-kun."
He flashes two ads.
"Between this blurry eye-care ad, and this clear affordable pricing ad, which looks better?"
Annoyed, Hajime grumbles.
"The blurry one."
The doctor jots it down in his record.
"Now this one: Cancer Patient Donation Extravaganza... or Free Healthcare Promo?"
"Blurry one still looks better."