Cracking and rumbles echo across the dreamscape. The sound of shattered glass bursts out in a cacophony of suffering, reminiscent to the tragedy of expensive fine china accidentally falling. Our hero’s cocoon begins to crack slowly. Red mist leaks into the dreamscape, and a steady heartbeat resonates across the world.
Three female items have been rather meddlesome in the absence of their master. They’ve built the beginnings of a neighborhood—three houses, each distinct in appearance—and through careful zoning negotiations, came to a fair agreement, harmonizing their lives inside Hajime-kun’s consciousness.
Valiant-san, in her newly built countryside home, wields a lumberjack axe, chopping wood for the hell of it.
“Ahhhh, the host finally got his shit together. Time for the welcoming party!”
She heads inside and starts baking her special cookies to earn non existent brownie points.
Caladblock, on the other side of the fence, sits silently with her tea set, staring at Hajime-kun’s cocoon with hollow eyes.
“Ara ara… you’re finally back...”
She heads into her pirate-themed house to retrieve her “disciplinary instrument,” like the good wife she imagines herself to be. Shudder...
Whalescalibur’s home is aglow with the TV playing her favorite show: 50 Shades of Ads—a beautiful collection of color variations for the same ad type, usually with risqué palettes that may not be suitable for younger audiences…
A few hours later…
The cocoon finally bursts open. A reborn hero emerges, his body has changed markedly—gone is the weak and enfeebled form of a salaryman. In its place stands a toned and muscular figure. He has definitely powered up, he can finally go up the dreaded stairs without an ounce of fatigue...
Does he deserve it? Probably not.
In any other world, you’d assume he took performance-enhancing juice's, but our hero has transcended such pedestrian means with the power of cheer mentality.
He bursts out naked for the whole world to see, reborn like a baby chick who is about to be sent to the nugget factory!!!
Valiant-san, finishing her cookies, sets them out on the window to cool. Modestly dressed in a white skirt with flowing hair—epitomizing the innocent girl-next-door—she opens the door and, with closed eyes, says:
“Welcome back, Hajime-kun. Did everything go well?”
She opens her eyes…
...and sees a very naked man, elephant trunk and all.
Valiant: “……………”
She closes the door and stays inside... Truly the worst welcoming she’s ever experienced.
Caladblock, on the other hand, flings her door open with a bang, dressed in a classical housewife outfit, dual-wielding sandals of pure miasma.
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
“Finally, you show your face!! How could you leave me for so long without saying a thing?!”
She stops to take a good look at Hajime…
Her face reddens, her knees go weak…
She faints from overstimulation!!!
Whalescalibur, irritated:
“What is the commotion?! Can’t you see I’m busy?!”
She then rapidly walks over, sets a business card on the semi-conscious Hajime hands, she says:
“If you’re going to do a PG-18+ ad in the future, please do it through the Heroic Sword Companionship Association.”
A shrewd sword, ever ready to monetize opportunity. Morality is relative. Monetization is eternal!
Elnora-san and Merryad visit Hajime-kun together. Elnora prays for a miracle ad to rouse the hero up from his coma, while Merry tries desperately to pry open his fist to slip in a Premium Sub.
It will never work...
Suddenly, Hajime’s body convulses. Snarling like a beast, his muscles begin to swell and tone rapidly. His body reflects the internal changes he’s undergone.
Elnora, falling to her knees:
“Deus has blessed this hero!!! Our prayers and wishes have empowered him to new heights!”
She is totally surprised by this development and dutifully improvises to maximize the eternal livestream clout.
Merryad, now with bloodshot blocky features, redoubles her efforts to open that damned fist!!!
Inside the Dreamscape
Hajime-kun regaining consciousness:
“Snarl, grrrrr, growl…”
He needs to stops speaking beast and slaps himself a few times.
“Ahhh, that’s better.”
He checks out his new body and whistles in pure narcissism.
“Look at that! I always knew I had it in me.”
He begins flexing in bizarre poses…
Narrator-kun: "You all know the reference"
On the ground, he spots a business card he accidentally dropped.
“What the hell is this trash doing here?”
He burns it out of existence without remorse.
Whalescalibur, suddenly in serious tone:
“I’d like to hire you for the Hero x Sword Partnership Program. We offer raging benefits from blacksmith training to...—”
blah blah blah
Hajime tunes her out from his neurons. His ears are strangely enhanced—he can now mute white noise in real time.
Caladblock is still unconscious. He gently picks her up and imagines a hospital bed, laying her down softly. Then he conjures a mirror.
“I look better than expected!”
He flexes for a solid five minutes. Then he snaps his fingers, and clothes appear to match his new, buff appearance.
“Now… should I wake up, or should I deal with the issues at home first?”
He glances around the dreamscape.
“…Yeah. Let’s take care of the pressing issues first.”
He cracks his neck and heads toward Valiant’s door.
Suddenly, Elnora receives an orb call.
Caller ID: "Deus"
“Good day to you, Boss.”
The boss speaks in an ancient, long-dead language:
“Yesss, the miracle has taken effect—but we still have an issue: the hero hasn’t awakened yet.”
She assures her the miracle is absolute—just give it some time.
“Yes, thank you for your help. What it did to his body was truly… unexpected.”
The boss, confused, asks her to elaborate.
“His muscles unnaturally expanded! It’s the perfect body to advertise our holy cause! Your insight is… all-knowing!”
Awkward silence. Then the boss sagely says:
“Trust in the process.”
Clearly bullshitting her way into looking divine.
“He should awaken soon. Please finish the transfer gate. More personnel will be sent to aid you.”
“Thank you for your hard work,” she says, with pride in her voice.
The call ends.
She gazes out the window with slight resentment towards a distant land away from Sub.
“I always thank you for bringing me into existence Mother… I just hope—”
She glances at a pair of Hajime-kun’s underwear she secretly pilfered and sighs with some subtle happiness.
“...Never mind that, I will succeed soon.”
She closes the window with a small smile.