The cultists are all collectively watching an ad, a very long one. Lucky for me you crazy fucks!
I'm almost there, suddenly a few of them throw themselves at me, creating some kind of Ad Barrier to protect the mages in the back. I glance at the ad and—boom—first thing I see are gigantic bazonkadonks on horned demonic women. Honestly? I don't want to break that one. It is a mighty tempting picture.
Another one plays—some overly feminine blue haired creature with a suspicious bulge. Yeah, that one’s gotta go. I swing Caladblock at him.
SHIIINNNGGG—SPLAT!
A bloodcurdling scream pierces the air. The cultist gouges his own eyes out and yells, "Noooo, my Alphonso-sama!"
The others stare in horror, trembling. He killed the ad... He definitely killed it!
Morale plummets to the ground. Some of them scatter like roaches at the wind. The Demonic Big Boobed women ads scatter at the wind.
"Be free, my bitties. Be free to be admired."
Hey, I hate ads, but I won’t complain if there's something actually worth watching. But pop-ups? They all can die in a ditch.
Another scream in the distance is heard. I guess they ran into something worse than me. Womp, whatever...
Some cultists are still holding the tied-up woman. The leader’s knees are visibly shaking as a leaf.
I’m dragging Whalescalibur behind me like a menacing lawnmower towards fresh grass.
"Heeeyyy, don’t drag me! I’m getting really dirtyyy!"
Tsk. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t with this one.
Caladblock is resting on my shoulder.
"Darling, let me help with that shoulder fatigue."
Miasma oozes out and relieves my muscles. Damn, that feels really good, thanks Luv.
After four years... we finally succeeded. We’ve captured the most worthy sacrifice to extend our warranty!
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
Lady Nocture will be extremely pleased! Betting on the Saintess sneaking off to find the hero was a genius investment! It was worth the ten years of collective ad power we dumped into the gacha to get that 50% Lucky Rise Coupon!
Now we sneak through the woods stealthily—
Wait... Why does the Saintess look hopeful at that direction?
Oh no, oh no, oh no....
I shout: “THE HERO! GET HIM!!!”
The HERO is charging at us!... Slowly. So very slowly... why is he so slow?
"Defensive formation! Ad shield—activate! Use Ad Charm magic epsilon boob mega!"
He’s stopped and he’s looking at it with extreme interest. The power of the XXX Demon Girl Party Trailer should never be underestimated!"
This is our hard earned chance!
Deploy the absolute charm of Alphonso-sama!
Look at his face—he’s grimacing. We’re winning this engagement!
WAIT—
He just used the black sword... He doing the unthinkable!!!!
He is killing the absolute charm ad...
My legs... they’re shaking and I'm 100% sure someone’s is peeing.... my feet are soo wet.
Brother Eustace screams, “NOOO, my Alphonso-sama!!!” while gouging out his eyes. Respect at his conviction my brother.
The rest scatter into the woods, understandably soo.
I’m just alone now, loosing my chance to escape and HE is getting closer... very menacingly...
Dragging an expensive-looking sword and a dark ominous one glowing with dreadful miasma...
Mommy... please save your wayward son.
The cult leader is now groveling before me, in fear—and... possibly piss. Gross...
"Please, Hero! Have mercy! I’ll give you my Nocture Premium account! Spare me of this fate!"
A massive ding rings through the forest.
“Nooo! Lady Nocture, I didn’t betray you!”
A floating dark screen appears:
Account Terminated: Password sharing detected.
He lets out a banshee scream, foams at the mouth, and passes out in an instant.
A pop-up materializes in my face.
A sensual, dark-haired demon girl appears—obviously idol-tier simp bait.
“Special Hero Benefit: Betray Humanity and Become the Fallen Hero!”
I scroll down. And yep—this thing has all the signs of a shitty scam.
No unsubscribe option
Monthly payment equal to a mortgage
No guarantee of meeting Nocture
Feet pics
Simp-tier gacha requirements
It’s basically an OnlyFools Simp Contract.
I swing Caladblock with justifiable prejudice.
SSSHHHRRRRIIIPPPP
A female voice screams in the distance:
“You’ll regret this, my hero!!!”
I mutter, "The fuck? I'm not yours..."
Nocture sits on a throne surrounded by chained simps in ball gags, all licking feet pics on the floor.
Whipping the air, she snarls, “SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT YOU CONTEMPTABLE PAYPIGS!”
She runs a hand through her hair and dials on a crystal orb.
"Hey bitch... I have a task for you."
So... now I'm staring at the tied-up woman on the stick.
She looks at me with eyes that say “I'm going to bring you more problems than every cultist combined.”
Great.
Just great.