“Awaken this day, to the air of a fresh new day! All heroes, please subscribe to the Summoned Hero Adventure Club! Free for the first year—do it now and get the Nooby Adventure Pack absolutely FREE!”

  He groaned. "The fuck? An ad this early in the morning? Did I just crash after a long day at work and forget to turn of the pc...?"

  Rubbing his groggy eyes, he took a look around. He was in a magnificent castle, surrounded by people silently urging him to click a glowing Subscribe button floating in the air. Their eyes were wide, intense and eerily hopeful.

  At the far end, the king sat on a velvet throne, offering a benevolent—or was it desperate?—smile. Beside him stood a princess with a beautiful body but a weird, blocky, censored-looking face.

  “The hell is this? Some kind of VR prank?” Hajime muttered. “Yeah no, I’m out.”

  He turned and casually started walking toward the grand castle gates. The crowd's silence turned to panic. As he reached for the obviously expensive handle—

  

  “HOLD IT!!! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE HERO-SAMA!!!”

  The voice boomed across the hall. It was the blocky princess.

  

  “Don’t you want the Premium Package? It comes with a Limited Edition Prestige Mage, 25% improved gacha chances, guaranteed 3 legendary/rare gacha companions, a harem, AND marriage to a princess! All for just $20/month!”

  Her voice was feminine but unnervingly powerful. Hajime turned to look at her, veins bulging, rage building up.

  “What the hell kind of scam is this? I have no money and I just wanna go back home!!!”

  The crowd gasped in horror. Murmurs broke out.

  

  “A hero… not subscribing?”

  “Is this blasphemy?”

  “Didn’t we send the ad that explained he’d be summoned for a new chance at life, riches, and beauties?”

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “You’re the ones who sent that pop-up ad?! DAMN YOU, I was so close!”

  A single tear slipped down Hajime’s face.

  The king stepped forward. “Young hero, you seem overwhelmed. Please, take a breather at our accommodations. Let us walk you through our Terms of Service.”

  “…Terms of service…” Hajime mumbled. “Nobody reads those…”

  Another tear slid down.

  They led him into a luxurious room with velvet curtains and ornate gold trim. A sign above the door read:

  

  SPECIAL ADMIN PERMISSION – Preview of Premium Subscription

  The princess opened the door for him.

  “I think they’re trying to honeytrap me…” he muttered.

  Inside, she sat gracefully and presented him with a massive stack of papers—the Terms of Service. Her blocky features glowed pink, like she was trying to blush.

  Hajime took one look at the stack and stood up slowly. “Nope.”

  “Wait!” she yelled, grabbing his hand. “You haven’t even read it!”

  “NOBODY NORMAL READS THIS CRAP!!!”

  “You’re the abnormal one!” she cried. “Who doesn’t subscribe for free stuff?!”

  “…Fine,” Hajime said, relenting. “As long as I can unsubscribe before the first payment, it should be okay. So… how do I unsubscribe?”

  The princess froze. Her pixelated face twitched.

  “There’s… no unsubscribe option for the free version…”

  “God DAMN it, it’s a scam!!”

  He flipped the terms off the table and stormed to the window. Outside, the castle town sparkled in the morning sun. Colorful banners waved. Giant holographic ads played from towers. Animated mascots danced in the sky.

  It looked like hell.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” the princess said, appearing beside him.

  Hajime muttered:“…Lady, I don’t think you understand my heart at all.”

  After a pause: “Yes,” Hajime lied flatly.

  She continued, her voice hopeful, “All of this is in danger of being destroyed. We need a hero to save us.”

  “I wouldn’t mind it if it was destroyed,” Hajime muttered.

  She pressed on. “Our enemies, the Demon Kingdom of Predatoriad, want to corrupt all ads for their dastardly ends!”

  Her blocky face glowed red with passion.

  “…I honestly don’t care.”

  She pointed dramatically toward the wall. “The only way to defeat the Demon King is to wield the Holy Sword—only a hero can use it! Please subscribe and give a like to the sword!”

  “…The fuck? It’s still a marketing pitch?”

  He turned to the door. It didn’t budge in any meaningful way.

  Then came her final gambit.

  From her ample bosom, she pulled out a sparkly golden scroll.

  “For a limited time only—Face Reveal of Influencer Princess Meryad… and the lewd act of… holding hands…”

  Gasp.

  She stepped closer, her voice softer now.

  “Hero-tier exclusive… comes with a peeping DLC and a guidebook to romance the princess…”

  “She’s really desperate!” Hajime thought.

  He bashed the door. “HELP!!! LET ME OUT!!!”

  No one came.

  From behind, the princess whispered one last time:

  “…Subscribe. And give a thumbs up.”

  Hajime fainted—out of fear, rage, and sheer exhaustion.