We’ve left the town behind and the damned window still has a pop-up ad blocking my view. I can’t even look outside with peace…
For some reason, Caladblock feels weaker. Maybe it’s the Saintess’s aura. I need to get away from her as soon as an opportunity arises.
She’s sitting right in front of me, trying to look all mysterious and holy—but when I check the Cheapo Hero feed, I see:
“Hero-san and Saintess-san passionately stare at each other for the entire journey. The forbidden passion of a martyr and a lady of the cloth. A love that should never be… but maybe, this time, they’ll break the chains of fate!”
There’s a new icon flashing on the screen…
It’s a damned livestream.
She’s livestreaming this boring five-hour trek to the port, doing nothing but staring at me.
I scroll through the comments.
Superchat: 500 adpoints
“Keep fighting, Elnora-sama! LOVE ??”
Then a scheduled ad pops onto my feed. I hiss like a deranged cat and slap it away with prejudice.
Damn it. Such a sin to have mid-livestream ads.
I glance back at the window... Fine. Ill give in just this once.... I need to look at something to escape this.
I tap “OK” for a 1-minute landscaping ad.
“Introducing the Magical Consortium’s newest eco-solution: Weed Be-Ad! Turns unwanted weeds into friendly flying ads that inform the citizenry about environmental awareness!”
I cringe so hard I pull a facial muscle.
I’m a raging industrialist at heart and this is cancer!
People should know that this is a problem for the next generation, not mine!
My eye twitches as the ad ends with the jingle:
If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
“We’re always wrong… until we’re not.”
They know they’re wrong—and still keep pestering for this crap!
But finally, I see the outside world for the first time in a while. We’re trekking along the blue coastline.
The damned sea looks like Ad-water from the river.
There’s a whale with glowing golden ads in its belly and a sword in its mouth doing a backflip in my direction. Seagulls dive into the sea and come back with email and data-fish flopping in their beaks.
Airships with steampunk décor fly overhead, trailing giant beer ads featuring dwarves slapping each other’s butts in jolly combat.
...That actually looks like a pretty good beer, dwarves are cool.
Just as I’m about to see the city—
Another ad blocks my view.
No, I will not watch another one, bite me.
I sigh and look back at the feed.
“Did you see the hero looking at the environmental ad?! He’s soooo dreamy and collectively aware!”
There’s a picture of the Saintess hugging my arm while I was watching the ad.
WHAT?!
How the hell did she grab my arm and pose for a photo without me remotely noticing?
She’s still sitting on the other side of the carriage, hands folded in a prayer pose, eyes closed, like nothing happened.
I look over at Merry, still somehow sleeping like a log.
She suddenly wakes up, her blocky bubble bursting with a crunch:
“Kyaaaa!!!”
She grabs my shoulders and exclaims:
“In my dream, you didn’t just premium me—you premiumed the Saintess, a thief, and a demoness too! It was such a beautiful dream...”
WHAT?!
That sounds horrifying—and way too plausible.
I shove her into the corner and curl up, hugging myself while making a cross sign to ward off demons.
It doesn’t work.
She just taps the window ad and starts watching gleefully, humming a merry tune.
I look at the Saintess again.
She hasn’t moved… but just to be sure, I check the feed.
While I was doing the cross sign, a holy halo materialized behind me.
The Saintess was holding her chest like she was having a heart attack, one eye glistening with a tear.
“A prophetic dream has blessed the princess of a righteous kingdom. Our hero bestows upon her the Cross of the Adredemptor, affirming their destined romance in this great and sacred journey!”
HOW THE HELL DOES SHE DO THIS?!
She opens her eyes and gently asks:
“Is something wrong Hero?”
I force a smile.
“No… Everything’s fine.”
Seconds later, the feed updates:
“Hero declares his love for the Saintess, reassuring her with a direct quote: ‘Everything is fine,’ confirming the prophecy!”
FAKE NEWSSSSSS!!!
I scream internally.
Then I realize something odd—the swords are very quiet.
Caladblock looks tired, her miasma looks low.
Whalescalibur is shivering a storm.
And when she shivers, it surely means…
Something good is nearby.
Just as I finish that thought, the carriage screeches to a halt.
We’ve arrived at the port city of Micro.