Song vibe: First love - BTS (Suga)

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  SAPHIRA

  Sevenson Farm, The Lowlands

  Saphira awoke to the smell of fresh bread. Sunlight warmed her cheeks, golden light spilling through the cotton curtains.

  Below, she heard the bustle of Tullia and Livia in the kitchen, pots clanging, voices rising and falling in cheerful argument. Outside, Dacian and his sons hammered wood, the rhythm of nails driving into timber somehow reassuring.

  Footsteps creaked on the stairs.

  Nocturne appeared, carrying a plate of sliced, buttered bread and a steaming mug. He looked freshly shaven, the wild edges of his beard trimmed to a neat shadow. His clean clothes clung to his frame, and his long dark hair—grown to his shoulders since their wedding—was tied back in a warrior’s knot. One damp strand hung loose across his brow.

  He’s even more handsome with longer hair. Saphira bit her lip.

  “You bathed again?” she asked, voice husky from sleep.

  “The mountain water helps draw out the corruption,” he said, setting the tray beside her. “After half a year in the shadowlands, I’ll need time in the Firestone hot springs.” He paused, then added with a wink, “I’ve heard they help with pregnancy aches—so you can join me.”

  The wink made her tense. He’s been gone so long… and he's a man, after all. Her gut twisted. Some camp wife, probably, to warm his bed in the darkness of a war campaign.

  She glanced down, suddenly aware of how she looked. Her fingers smoothed her nightdress. “You missed a lot,” she whispered.

  He looked at her, but said nothing.

  A silence stretched. She did not know what made her do it—shame, longing, fear of being unwanted—but she shifted, slowly, drawing one leg back. Just enough to communicate the unspoken offer.

  His eyes dropped. His hands came to rest gently on her knees.

  “Saphira…” His voice was a murmur, thick with restraint. “No. You don’t owe me anything.”

  She looked away, heat flooding her face.

  “You should know… after a spawnpit, a spawnslayer must wait to lay with a woman. It can make her sick. It can harm the baby.”

  “How long?” Her breath hitched.

  “For us?” He let go of her hand. “Just to be safe—until after the birth.”

  “But I’m only halfway through.”

  “All the more reason to rest, little vila." He leaned in, brushing a soft kiss against her forehead. "When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”

  Above: "When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”

  He was so eager on our wedding night. And now… nothing. Saphira opened her mouth to speak—then stopped. He must have other women. She bit the inside of her lip hard, willing the thought away. Most lords do, she reminded herself bitterly.

  “You sleep some more,” he murmured, tucking the blanket around her. “I’ll get the horses ready. Take your time. Eat."

  Saphira nodded, her gaze avoiding his as he left the room.

  After eating, Saphira got up from the bed and stretched, massaging the aches in her shoulders and legs. Despite a night in a proper bed, she felt stiff and uncomfortable. She slipped into her clean boots and wriggled her toes. She wore her freshly cleaned dress and clipped her crystalith necklace on, before heading outside. She smiled as she saw the sun shining in the cloudless blue. The heat of the daybreak touched the morning frost, leaving puddles of melted water over the muddied ground.

  An old chestnut mare, harnessed to a small wooden cart, chewed on hay as it waited by the barn. Nocturne patted the beast’s neck, gently running his hand down her forequarters. As his gloved hands checked the horse, he nodded at Saphira.

  Babe on her hip, Tullia said, “The break in weather will be enough to see you to Firestone.” She placed a wicker basket in Saphira’s hands and said, “Lunch. This one's yours."

  "Am I a puppy?" Saphira pulled the cloth back and laughed when she saw a bone among the lunch.

  “You suck the marrow out; it's good for you." She ran her finger down Saphira’s braid, eyeing her purple hair. “You’re a Firestone woman now. For some—” she glanced at Nocturne, “—our ways come naturally.” She arranged Saphira’s braid, so it sat over her shoulder. “For others, it’ll take some learning.”

  “I’m a fast learner,” Saphira said, rubbing her lower back. “I feel so sore; I’ll have to toughen up.”

  “You’re doing well.” Tullia squeezed Saphira’s arm as she hugged her, saying, “You’re not too bad—for a Renatii.”

  From the house, Livia came running, holding something in her hands. Her thin fingers were stained with fresh paint, and she gave Saphira a thick piece of paper. “It’s not my best work, but I wanted to give it to you before you left!”

  "Stop wasting your time drawing!" Tullia scolded.

  Livia smiled sheepishly and hugged Saphira goodbye.

  “Best get moving,” Nocturne declared, lifting Saphira into the back of the cart and taking the driver's seat.

  As the chestnut plodded away from the farm, two dogs followed, barking and nipping at the wheels.

  Saphira opened the paper Livia had given her. Livia’s watercolour painting of her and Nocturne. She held the picture to her chest and thought, Livia managed to capture my personality better than all the court painters of Renatus. I will always treasure this.

  Soon, they found Haven Highway and followed the open road as it wended around the rolling hills of the Firestone Valley. In the deepest parts of the valley, pine trees amassed, filling the crisp winter’s air with the fresh scent of pine. From within the pine forest, Saphira saw a dark shadow. She exclaimed, “Stop!”

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  Yanking on the reins, Nocturne’s dominant hand fell to the hilt of his sword. His umber eyes narrowed as he scented the air. He released his hand from his sword, and demanded, “There’s nothing out there.”

  “Nothing you can sense!” Saphira held out the bone from her lunch.

  With a puff of smoke, Dusty slunk into the cart and seized the bone. A loud crack followed as she bit clean through, sucking out the marrow.

  “You know you can’t have that thing running at your heels in Firestone," Nocturne said.

  “I’ll keep her out of sight. She doesn’t like strangers anyway.”

  “I’m not sharing my bed with a hell-leopard,” Nocturne stated, “When she’s full-grown, she won’t even fit onto a bed—hell, she won’t fit through the stable doorway.” He sighed, “And will you teach her to hunt?"

  “You’re just jealous that I have hell-leopard and you don’t.”

  Pausing, Nocturne admitted, “A little. I’d love a two-thousand-pound monster-killer. I’ve seen them hunt ‘spawn out of pure spite.”

  “She’ll grow that big?”

  Shaking his head and muttering, Nocturne turned his attention back towards the winding road. He rolled the cotton sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows. He leaned back, holding the reins with one arm, and with the other, resting it on the edge of the seat rail.

  She gazed at the muscles on his forearm, wanting to reach out and touch him, and to have that arm slung around her.

  “Just wait till you see the hot springs,” Nocturne said, “It’s called Firestone for a reason.”

  “Oh,” Saphira breathed with relief. “I suppose there should be a reason Edwin built a castle on the edge of nowhere.”

  “Before he was crown prince, he was a ‘spawn slayer—and a good one too. The mountains here—” he inhaled the air, almost smiling “—the waters, the air…are known to be incredibly good at drawing out the corruption of the shadowlands. And it suited Edwin to be as far away from Court as possible. When Prince Barden died, Wyatt suddenly cared again. Edwin was dragged back to Lux.” He said, “I respect Edwin, but to go from being a ‘spawn slayer to sitting on a cushioned throne and listening to nobles whine all day?” He shook his head.

  “There are worse fates,” Saphira said quietly.

  “Aye,” Nocturne agreed, his gaze growing distant.

  Turning around, Saphira rested her elbows on the side of the cart and watched the countryside pass.

  Despite the sunshine, her back throbbed worse with every jostle. If not for the pain, it would have been the perfect journey.

  I wish I had my medicine kit with me—I hope Helena or Ginny burns it before Father finds it. Guilt hit her, and she thought, I hope they don’t get in trouble because of me.

  “Why the frown?” He said, almost self-consciously, “Are these lands not to your liking?”

  “It's not the scenery," Saphira admitted quietly, “I was thinking of home. I had to hide my pregnancy—from everyone—even my maids.” Her voice quivered. “I’m worried about what father will do to them.”

  “They would not be in this position if I had been more…careful with you.” Nocturne reassured, “Tell me their names and I will have my people find them."

  With relief, Saphira gave their names—Ginny, Helena, and their families. Then, she eased into the journey.

  Soon, Saphira took out her lunch and munched, feeding bits of the salted meat to Dusty. She rummaged around the hay and found Nocturne’s travel pouch. Inside, she found gold coins, medicinal herbs and vials, and Nocturne’s lunch and waterskin. Together they ate their food, enjoying the noon sun on their faces.

  As the cart jostled along the uneven path, Saphira shifted in her nest of hay, her back pain flaring with every bump.

  “Celestine was so angry with me when I was chosen. If you ever see her, she won’t forgive you.”

  The chestnut’s hooves plodded along at a slow, steady pace. Nocturne broke the rhythm, saying, “How well do you know your sister?”

  “She’s my closest friend." She stretched out over the hay, gaining comfort in the new position and the warmth of the sun. Saphira bit her lip as she felt a jolt of pain through her lower back. She continued, “Since Father sent her to King Edwin’s court, I didn’t see much of her. I’m told she was quite popular with the poets and knights.”

  “Popular indeed,” Nocturne said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “When I visited Court, I met your sister. Valentino introduced us." Grimacing, Nocturne said, "Many knights are in love with her, but he is the only knight who spends time alone with her.”

  “Alone?”

  “Alone,” Nocturne clarified, his voice heavy with implication.

  “But... if it were Sir Valentino in the wedding chamber, then he was the one who got Daisy pregnant!"

  “Val said he didn’t touch her," Nocturne said evasively.

  “I don’t understand how Celestine could be happy marrying you if she was in love with Sir Valentino." She moved closer, leaning over the driver's seat. "She was so upset when you chose me instead.”

  “Your father thought I would marry Celestine, too—he summoned her from Lux in anticipation." He chuckled. "I don’t think he ever thought I’d have the gall to ask for your hand. Any other knight would have known you were off-limits. Celestine also assumed I would marry her too—but only in name, so she could be with Val in the mountains.” Nocturne’s shrug was casual, but his eyes were sharp. “But, I was never good at doing what I was told.”

  Saphira raised an eyebrow, her voice laced with curiosity. She climbed into the seat beside him and said simply, “Oh?”

  His gaze darkened as he continued, the words almost clipped with restrained anger. “I wasn’t supposed to climb your tower. But it was one of the few times in my life I was genuinely insulted—” His voice rose slightly, frustration creeping in “—my men would die to defeat Golgog, and Crassus would be so brazen to switch you. Did he think I wouldn’t notice?”

  Saphira’s face flushed, heat rising to her cheeks. “Well... under the veil…”

  “You sound different,” he interrupted, his voice softer, but no less piercing. “Your walk. Your voice. Even your scent—” He leaned in just a fraction, his voice dropping to a whisper. “—I could tell it’s you without looking.”

  “You're right." Saphira admitted, "I never thought about how deeply insulting it was.”

  A silence stretched between them before he spoke again, his voice darkening.

  “So, you understand why I climbed your tower? It was to send a message to Crassus. That I could've hurt you if I wanted to, but I was the better man. It…wasn’t pleasant, but these things rarely are. What I didn’t expect…was you.” His tone was sharp, but a playful edge lingered beneath. “You seducing me.”

  “You think I seduced you?” Saphira huffed in disbelief and slapped his arm playfully.

  “Well, you did try to kill me first with lightning.” Nocturne let out a low chuckle.

  “What was I supposed to do?" She rolled her eyes. "A strange man broke into my tower!”

  “I hope you don’t offer your body to every man who sneaks into your bedroom." His smirk softened into something unreadable. "But I'm not complaining."

  Then, quieter, his expression turning serious, he admitted, “I didn’t know if you were in on Crassus’ plan. That’s why I’ve been… guarded with you.”

  “If you thought I was my father’s pawn, why did you—?” She bit her lip, hesitating. "—why did you spend the night with me?"

  “When I saw how your father treated you…” He shook his head, his voice filled with quiet intensity. “Your life… it was suffocating. Everyone was using you, without you knowing. I couldn't take you away from there, so I gave you the next thing you asked for.”

  “You… pitied me." Her bitter smile barely touched her lips. "That’s why you lay with me.”

  “No.” Nocturne's voice cut through the air like a blade. “I don’t share my bed out of pity, Saphira.” His eyes narrowed, the storm in them darkening, his voice growing rough. “It was…” He paused, the words escaping with a quiet violence, as if admitting them pained him. “—me. I wanted you. To make you mine. Not because I felt sorry for you, but because I didn’t want to stop once I started.”

  Silence stretched between them, heavy and charged as their horse plodded down the road.

  “You regret it,” she murmured.

  “I wasn’t fully present with you.” His voice dropped. “You deserve more than that—a real husband. Not just a moment’s escape.” He met her eyes then, a flicker of regret in his own.

  “We remember that night so differently. For me… it was perfect.” Saphira took a shaky breath, her voice soft but clear. “Maybe you think I’m foolish—that I don’t know better. But you made me happy, Nocturne. And if I could, I’d do it all again.”

  “Saphira…” he began, his voice rough. “Stay by my side, okay?”

  She parted her lips to speak, but the intensity in his eyes stole her breath.

  “Edwin expects me to discard you when you are no longer useful.”

  Saphira flinched.

  His eyes flickered over her face, something dangerously possessive in how he studied her. His eyes darkened, his voice nearly lost to the wind. “And now, I’m not going to let anyone take you from me.”

  Saphira reached out, brushing the back of his hand. Then, slowly, deliberately, Nocturne turned his palm upward, letting her hand settle against his. His fingers curled around hers, as if he would never let go.

  Above: Nocturne holds her hand.