Soda Olheiser and Dr. Lubricious Slugg slept that night in the brown log chateau of the Robotic Emperor of Mukus Quadrant and found their dead fleshwooden beds- with their mattresses stuffed with yak hair- quite comfortable. Chunks stayed up all night in the home theater watching feature film motion pictures with Cydroidobot and his son. They sat on recliners, she laid on a couch, and they watched two kung-fu movies (one Schlingian about a phglegmony mime troupe and one Plotzian about subterranean furnace maintenance), then switched to horror and watched a nihilistic dystopian mummified shark-vs-interdimensional voodoo-zombies fantasy called "The Prongs of the Cannibal’s Fork”, followed by it’s twenty-years-too-late sequel "Prong Squared”.

  After a breakfast of poached terds (terds where what they called eggs on Sifillis Planet) and alien feces sorbet smothered in juicy puckberry jam the slight tween and chunky gastropod went into the chateau’s home theater, where the robotic emperor was having his molybdenum joints carefully oiled by an intern while a sleepwalking samurai movie played, muted, on the giant T.V. set. Chunks and Cydroidobot’s son looked on, having not moved from their respective seats for hours.

  "Who will govern Mukusquad during your absence?" Soda asked the robotic ruler.

  "Why, the quadrant will run itself," answered the emperor. "As a matter of fact, my subjects do not need an emperor at all, for Titiana watches over the welfare of all her subjects, including the Mukuses. Like a good many kings and tremorroids and queens and emperors and kweens and presidents and potentates and dictators and comptrollers and governors and commune leaders and mayors and monarchs, I have a grand title, but very little real power, which allows me time to act in plays and go on movie dates.”

  Dr. Slugg gave serious thought to a career in politics.

  “Now,” the metal monarch continued, “it is the time for it to be the time for us to be off in the search for Big Fat Fanny.” Chunks sprung up and stood next to Soda. Cy’s Son used his extending tube-legs to get out of his recliner.

  “Good luck on your quest, daddy-o,” Cydroidobot’s son said to his progenitor. They hugged goodbye, Cy’s Schlingian molybdenum frame clunking against his son’s Mukusian plastic one.

  “I suppose that that poor Big Fat Fanny is anxiously awaiting my coming," Cy said as the party of four left the grounds of the chateau and followed a path that led eastward.

  "She's waited a long time already, seems to me," remarked Chunks.

  "True," replied Cydroidobot; "but I've noticed that the last end of a wait, however long it has been, is the hardest to endure; so I must try to make Big Fat Fanny happy as soon as possible."

  "Are we going to Schlingquad by way of Schmegma City?" inquired Soda.

  "I think not," was the robotic reply. "We are engaged upon a rather delicate adventure. It will be rather hard for me, you must admit, when I confess to Big Fat Fanny that I have come to marry her because it is my duty to do so, and therefore the fewer witnesses there are to our meeting the better for both of us. After I have found Fanny and she has managed to control her joy at our reunion, I shall take her to Schmegma City and introduce her to Titiana and Mono and all our other friends and acquaintances; but, if I remember rightly, poor Big Fat Fanny has a sharp tongue when angry, and she may be a trifle ticked-off at me."

  "I can understand that," said Soda. "But how can we get to that part of the Schling Quadrant where you once lived without passing through Schmegma City?"

  "Why, that is easy," Cydroidobot assured her. "We shall go north-by-northeast, first of all, into the Plotz Quadrant, and so pass around Schmegma by heading through Spew Spew Forest.”

  "That may prove a dangerous journey," said Dr. Slugg. "I have been told that in this two Spews Forest are many wild humanoids, yokai and robots whom it is not pleasant to meet.”

  "A wanderer should have no fear," observed Chunks.

  "Fear does not make one a coward," said Dr. Slugg.

  "The safest way is the best way, even for one who is brave and determined,” said Soda, farting decidedly.

  "Do not worry, for we shall not go far to the forest," said Cydroidobot. "My one idea is to avoid Schmegma City without going out of our way more than is necessary. Once around Schmegma City we will turn south into Schling Quadrant."

  So they left the path they had been following and began to travel toward north-by-northeast, and all that day they were in the pleasant Mukus Quadrant, with its pale blonde hairgrass and nut-bearing hairbushes and softly humming, throbbing fleshtrees, and all the Mukusians they met saluted the metal monarch with great respect and wished him good luck on his journey. At night they stopped at a hostel where they were well entertained and where Soda and Slugg were given comfortable hammocks to sleep in. Cydroidobot and Chunks went to a videodrome to watch part of the 24-hour "2070s Comedies of Soupy "Soup Suds” Soapingsud” marathon.

  Soda slept soundly until morning, when she and Dr. Slugg were given a good breakfast, smoking hot iguana sausage smothered in bachelor butter, with steaming hot, thick, chunky wobbegong milk.

  All that second day they traveled steadily, and for much of the way Soda rode on the almost seven-foot-tall (if you include the eye-stalks) Dr. Slugg’s shoulders. They entertained one another talking about feature film motion pictures and the history of Sifillis Planet. Much time was spent listening to Chunks free style rap. Of course Soda, Slugg and Cydroidobot listened politely, because they could not do otherwise- unless they rudely ran away from their crazy-quilt comrade.

  Toward evening, the travelers found there was no longer a path to guide them, and the dark purple hues of the gristlenut hairbushes and quivering lavender fleshtrees warned them that they were now in Spew Spew Forest, where strange and wild beings dwelt in places that were quite unknown to the other inhabitants of Bonertania. The fleshwoods were wild and uncultivated and there were no homes or farms or feature film motion picture theaters or video stores of any sort to be seen. But our friends kept on walking and eventually found a path with a sign on it.

  "It says that 'All Strangers are Warned not to Follow this Path to Balzville,'" read Soda.

  "Let’s go see what Balzville looks like!” exclaimed Chunks.

  "Few things can injure molybdenum, and my machete extension is a powerful weapon to use against a foe.” said Cydroidobot. "I have escaped so many dangers, during my lifetime, that I am not much afraid of anything that can happen."

  "Nor am I!" exclaimed Dr. Slugg. His companions didn’t know it, but he had obtained a flash of Psoriasian Gunge that could grant him near-unimaginable strength. He was saving it for a jam.

  “But our young friend," Dr. Slugg continued, looking solemnly at Soda, "might perhaps be injured if the citizens of Balzville are really dangerous."

  "Don't worry about me," advised Soda, calmly. "Wherever you wish to go, I will go, and share your dangers.”

  "Works for me,” said Cydroidobot.

  So they all set out along the path that led to Balzville.

  The path led into the forest, but the big fleshtrees- ranging in color from purplish-violet to purplish-pink- grew so closely together and the thick veiny vines and greasy underbrush were so thick and matted that they had to clear a path at each step in order to proceed. In one or two places the molybdenum man cut the branches with a blow of his machete extension.

  Presently Cydroidobot pushed his way through some especially curly hair, and almost tumbled headlong into a vast cleared space in the forest. The clearing was circular, big and roomy, the soft pink ground speckled with zits and pimples. The top branches of the tall gammon-colored fleshtrees sported nuts of many shapes and varieties, as well as thick bushels of greasy black hair, and the hair reached over the clearing and formed a complete dome-like roof for it. Strangely enough, it was not dark in this immense natural chamber, for the place glowed with a soft, pinkish light that seemed to come from some unseen source.

  In the chamber were grouped dozens of queer creatures, and these so astonished the molybdenum man that Dr. Slugg had to push his metal body aside, that he might see, too. And Chunks pushed the slug aside, and then Soda pushed her aside, so that the four travelers stood in a row, staring with all their eyes.

  The yokai they beheld dangled down from the hairtops, like fleshy socks filled with large spherical lumpy terds. The sacks were wrinkly; with thin spindly arms and no legs. They wore no clothes. Their pockmarked skin was all of a pinkish grey color, with long thin undulating hairs sparsely distributed over it. Their eyes were mere purple smudges, and their noses were two slits above their wide, moist lips which they wet constantly with thick, black tongues.

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  The dangling Balz- for so this race of folks were called Balz- had been doing many things, some playing together, some doing their taxes and some gathered in groups to gossip; but at the sound of strange voices, which echoed rather loudly through the clearing, all rotated in the direction of the intruders. Then, in a body, they all stretched forward, rushing at our friends with tremendous speed.

  And then the Balz were upon them. The creatures swung their tiny hands and pounded the four travelers as hard as they could, on all sides. The blows were quite soft and did not hurt our friends at all, but the onslaught quite bewildered them, so that in a brief period all four were knocked over and fell flat upon the ground. Once down, many of the Balz held them, to prevent their getting up again, while others wound long tendrils of fleshy, moist, pulsating intestines about Soda, Chunks, and Dr. Slugg, rendering them helpless and unable to speak. Cydroidobot sprung out his machete extension but it clattered to the ground out of his reach as they draped him with heavy chains.

  "Aha!" cried the biggest Balz of all; "They’re unarmed! We've got 'em safe as outhouses; so let's carry 'em to King Testy and have 'em tried, and condemned and perforated!"

  They had to drag their captives to the center of the domed chamber. Finally the party halted before a raised platform, on which stood a sort of throne, consisting of a big, wide, old-timey fleshwood rocking chair with a long small intestine tied to one arm of it. This intestine led upward to through the hairy roof of the nut-tree dome.

  Arranged before the platform, the prisoners were allowed to sit up, facing the empty seat.

  "Good!" said the big Balz who had commanded the party. "Now to get his majesty to judge these terrible creatures we have so bravely captured."

  As he spoke he took hold of the intestine and began to pull as hard as he could. One or two of the others helped him and pretty soon, as they drew in the cord, the hair and nut-bearing branches above them parted and a large Balz appeared at the top end of the intestine. It didn't take long to stretch him down to the chair, above which he dangled. When he was in place the Balz tied the intestine to the rocking chair so the king could not retract. As well as being the largest Balz the king had a bronze, pink dusted diamond encrusted crown clipped around his flesh tube so it rested upon his wrinkled sphere.

  "Hello," said Testy, rubbing his purple smear eyes, which somehow made them smearier, "how’s it hanging?"

  "Strangers, your highness- strangers and captives," replied the biggest of the Balz, pompously.

  "Dear me! I see 'em. I see 'em very plainly," exclaimed the King of the Balz, his purple smears squinting as he looked at the four prisoners. "What curious creatures! Non-danglers. Legs make me nauseous. Are they dangerous, do you think, my good Harry?"

  "I'm afraid so, your highness. Of course, they may not be dangerous, but we mustn't take chances. You’d be wise to follow my observations: Enough accidents happen to us poor Balz as it is. When I challenge you for re-election next season I will be running on a strict war-on-strangers platform. You are so out of touch with what the Balz want, what the Balz need, which is a leader who will take action right now, and that action should be and my advice is to condemn and perforate 'em as quickly as possible!”

  Suddenly there came a sharp report and Harry Balz exploded to the great astonishment of Chunks, Dr. Slugg, Cydroidobot and Soda. They saw the dangling fleshy tube now ended in shreds. On the ground below was a little heap of flabby, wrinkled skin that looked like a collapsed balloon, two arms, and gore.

  "There!" exclaimed the king; "I expected that would happen. The conceited cretin wanted to puff himself up until he was bigger than the rest of us, and this is the result of his folly. Somebody, go fetch the janitor and have Harry cleaned up and taken to the re-animating chamber.”

  One or two Balz swung away into the forest and presently returned, followed by an ornery-looking Balz.

  "Get to work, Daniel Glee Balz," commanded King Testy, spitting out each syllable. "Scrape up Harry." He moistened his lips.

  Daniel fetched a shovel and garbage pail and scooped what was left of Harry into it. He was about to swing away with Harry Balz’s limp flesthtube in one hand when he noticed the prisoners and stopped to inspect them.

  "Dear me!" said Mr. Glee; "what dreadful creatures. Where did they come from?"

  "We captured them," replied one of the Balz.

  "And what are we going to do with them?" inquired the janitor.

  "Perhaps we'll condemn 'em and puncture 'em," answered King Testy.

  "Well," said Dan, still eyeing the captives, "I'm not sure they'll puncture. Let's try it, and see."

  One of the Balz- a surprisingly un-wrinkled one- pulled out a glittery knitting needle. He glanced at the king, who nodded his head in assent, and then he rushed forward and stuck the needle into the leg of Chunks. Chunks merely smiled and said nothing, for, being a golem, the prick didn't hurt her at all.

  Then the smooth Balz tried to prick Cydroidobot's leg, but the molybdenum only blunted the point of the needle.

  "Just as I thought," said Daniel Glee, blinking his purple smears. When the Balz stuck the needle into the leg of Soda, while it had been blunted somewhat, it was still sharp enough to hurt.

  "Ouch-a-ma-gouch-ah!" yelled Soda (muffled beneath her mouthful of intestine), and instinctively kicked out her leg with so much energy that the intestines that tied her burst apart. Her foot caught the smooth Balz- who was leaning over her- full on his puffy bottom seam, and sent him bounding up into the air with a high-pitched squeal. When he was high over their heads he exploded with a loud "pop" and his skin, arms, and insides (and the glittery knitting needle) fell to the ground.

  "She’s going nuts!," yelled the king, rolling his smear eyes in a frightened way.

  Soda had now completely freed herself, and the needle which the smooth Balz had pricked into her leg was lying unnoticed on the ground, where the creature had dropped it when he exploded. Soda ripped the intestine off her face and threw it way, then leaned forward and picked up the knitting needle, and suddenly rushed upon the group.

  "Pop"- "pop"- "pop!" went three of the Balz when she pricked them with the glimmering needle, and at the sounds the others looked around and saw their gore and dangling, empty flesh tubes. With yells of fear they bounded in all directions, trying to pull themselves up into the trees but only succeeding in getting tangled with one another. Soda she managed to catch several and prick them before they escaped by launching themselves up into the tops of the hairy nut trees and ascending out of the range of the needle.

  "It is evident that we need fear these puffed-up creatures no longer,” said Cydroidobot as Soda ungagged and unchained him. Dr. Slugg had seen by Soda’s example how flimsy the intestines were and freed themselves.

  "Well, I can’t say I approved of that," said Dr. Slugg, throwing the small instestines to the pink floor of the chamber.

  "Sorry, I kind of got carried away,” said Soda, standing ankle deep in Balz gore.

  "Eh, they can re-animate themselves,” said Chunks.

  Looking around them, they saw that the only Balz now remaining within reach was the king, who had remained dangling above his rocking chair, frantically trying to untie the intestine that tethered him to the dead-fleshwooden rocking chair.

  "Shall I puncture the king?" asked the Schling tween, who was angry because her leg still hurt her.

  King Testy must have overheard the question, for he finally leaned down and bit through the intestine. Then his sack body was pulled upwards until he reached the hairy dome, and parting the nut-tree branches he disappeared from sight.

  "After we are gone, the Balz will have something of a job to reanimate up all Balz those whom Soda has punctured,” said Chunks.

  "They were quite right to capture us,” said Dr. Slugg, "because we had no business to intrude here, having been warned to keep away from Balzville.”

  "Well said, my friend," agreed Cydroidobot. "We really had no right to disturb their peace and comfort; so let us go away."

  “I am going to stay behind,” said Dr. Slugg, “and see what I can do to help. Plus I’m curious to see what this re-animation process consists of.”

  So the friends decided to split up. Soda, Chunks, and Cydroidobot headed deeper into Spew Spew Forest, while Slugg turned to return to the heart of Balzville.

  The second the parties were out of sight of each other a non-tufted titmouse swope out of the sky and plucked up Dr. Slugg in its ravenous maw, flying away with the giant gastropod struggling in its beak.