A gentle off-white paints the room as the light switch is flicked on, causing Joab to squint for a moment while his eyes adjust.
"Home sweet home." Izzy states in more of a tired sigh than anything else. No doubt, her living situation wasn't much of an improvement upon anyone else's...regardless, she didn't seem the type to often complain.
Joab takes a quick gander at the new surroundings as the two slip off their shoes in the entryway; the resemblance to his own place is almost uncanny...almost. When housing is built en masse for sheer efficiency, aesthetics often take a backseat.
"Are you, uh...one of them 'green thumbs'?" He asks, taking notice to the many potted plants decorating the apartment.
"A little," Izzy replies, draping her coat across a nearby chair as she turns on additional lights, "Picked it up from my mom; it really helps keep me calm...lavender has such a soothing aroma to it."
...nowhere near as wonderful as your aroma, you alluring little tease.
Joab wishes he could slap his mental self, silently resenting his lasciviousness.
For crying out loud, that's someone's daughter, man...keep it in your pants. We're trying NOT to be a horrible human being, remember?
He suddenly notices his reflection as he passes by a wide mirror positioned up behind the sink. Self-consciousness flares up as he takes note of his slightly unkempt look...an odd departure from what was normally vanity.
...sheesh. It isn't bad enough that I feel like a loser, I have to look like one too, apparently. Kind of amazing that I didn't get more side-eye from the people at the church...
As quickly as possible, he tries to smooth out his complexion, adjusting his hair, shaping his mustache, bringing his beard back into as much of a controlled state as he reasonably can. The hue of the room's lights didn't do him many favors, though it did seem to highlight his dirty blonde appearance more than it did the acne scars...for now, it would have to do.
"Don't worry, you're gorgeous."
The young man notices Izzy smiling at him from the far end of the kitchen and hastily backs away from the mirror, equally embarrassed to have been caught fixing himself as he was bashful.
...gorgeous...?
He knows her remark was likely tongue-in-cheek, but he chooses to believe she meant it,
"Sorry, I was just, uh..."
A cute little chuckle escapes Izzy's rosy lips,
"It's okay, that's what the mirror's for! That said, is there anything I can get you?"
"Nah, I'm good for now...thanks, though."
"Of course!" She seems ever so slightly hesitant, "So, uh...shall we?"
"Lead the way."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ * _ _ * _ _ * _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Joab shifts as he tries to get comfortable on the couch, laying back in the relaxed position that was common for patients of psychiatrists...or, at least that's what Izzy had told him.
He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about going through with all of this; it seemed, at the very least, a little suspect, what with Izzy lacking professional credentials and all...even so, he reasons with himself, figuring that it couldn't hurt to at least give her idea a try, outlandish as it was.
...what's the the worst that can happen?
"So," Izzy begins, taking a seat beside him, "before we do anything, I do think it's important for me to go over exactly what it is that we're trying to do here."
Joab gives a half-hearted shrug,
"That seems fair."
"Do you know what a mindscape is?"
"...no."
"Put simply, it's essentially a world that exists in your subconsciousness, one that reflects and represents you, your life, your experiences, your memories, that kinda thing. What we're aiming to do here is access it."
"...and this is supposed to be a spiritual thing?"
"The method is more psychological than not, but the goal is ultimately spiritual. Similar to how one might practice fasting in order to commune with our Heavenly Father; a physical practice with a spiritual endgame."
Joab's eyes narrow ever so slightly,
"So, let me get this straight: basically, you want me to go into my own head and literally seek out my problems in order to deal with them?"
Izzy's smile turns a little awkward,
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up."
"Not that I think you're leading me astray or anything, but...is this, y'know...safe?"
"Of course!" She replies, a hint of guilt deflating her complexion, "...at least, as far as I know."
A pregnant silence follows.
"You don't sound entirely confident."
"Well, I'm not an expert on this stuff, but, if it helps, I've tried it on more than one occasion and had amazing results. I feel closer to God, more confident, more aware of my sinful nature but without feeling burdened by it...and I now know exactly where I'm weakest and why."
"...and you're sure you didn't just get lucky with all this?
"If you endeavor to better yourself with the Lord's guidance and protection, if you truly wish to become a greater individual and to rise above your sin as much as possible and live a holier existence, the Creator will be there to guide you. We don't have to do any of this if you don't want to...it is ultimately your choice."
Joab takes a moment to ponder, reasoning with himself one final time before arriving at a decision,
"Well...I've come this far, haven't I?"
"That's the spirit!" Izzy beams before giving way to a brief pause, "...there is one caveat, however..."
"Oh, what now?" Joab groans, trying and failing to hide his slipping patience.
"Depending on how your mindscape manifests, there is a small chance that you may just have to face your problems...face-to-face...literally."
Joab blinks,
"...I'm sorry, what?"
"Once you're inside, there is a distinct possibility that...you may not be alone. At the end of the day, they're nothing more than just manifestations from your subconsciousness, but it can be a little unsettling at first...I just think it's important for you to know."
"...and just what on God's green Earth am I supposed to do then...talk them into submission? Reason them into leaving me alone?"
"I wish I could give you a satisfying answer, but everyone's experience is different, and solutions to issues will vary wildly from person to person...it's not an exact science. Again, we don't have to do any of this if you aren't feeling up to it."
Joab takes another turn in silence. He draws in a deep breath, composing himself,
"Screw it, let's give it a shot."
"Amazing! Now just lay back; I'll get the lights and the lavender."
"...lavender?"
"Soothing aroma; remember?"
"Oh...right."
He watches as Izzy moves over to the switch and dims the lights, anxiety building a little in anticipation. She then walks off, only to return a moment later, kneeling by his head with a gorgeous pot of gentle purple flowers,
"Are you ready?"
He takes in another deep breath,
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Close your eyes." The young woman lowers her voice, gently placing a hand on Joab's forehead, "I want you to keep your breathing slow and steady...try to lower your heart rate...and allow yourself to drift calmly. I'll be with you the whole way."
He does as is instructed and slowly starts to feel himself relax. With each slow intake of the lavender-rich air, with every passing of the smooth aroma through the lungs, he can feel his body releasing the tension it had long and stubbornly held onto. Izzy continues, her tone like drifting silk,
"...breathe in...breathe out. Dear Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, may your Holy Spirit guide us and give us strength as we work to better ourselves, as we seek to root out that which afflicts us. May we learn to recognize the sin that infects our very being, but without allowing it to fill our hearts with shame, as by your grace and perfect sacrifice are we forgiven..."
As the Lord's Prayer proceeds from her lips, Joab starts to feel himself become less and less weighty, accompanied by the odd sense that he is sinking, or even falling away. He then notices Izzy's slowly retreating tone, her voice becoming softer and almost quieter as his awareness slips from the tangible world.
...ohhh, jeez...what have I gotten myself-
Before he can even finish the thought, his vision, even through closed eyes, begins shift. His heart accelerates as slates of light begin to drift in and out from behind his eyelids, bombarding him with ever-increasing visuals he can barely decipher.
Then, suddenly...stillness.
He slowly opens his eyes, squinting as he struggles against the harsh glare of the unexpected white light flooding in. It takes a moment for his vision to adjust properly, but once it does...
...why am I so cold...?
He looks down, shocked to find his ankles deep in...snow? His eyes widen considerably as his head snaps up to look around, taking in the gorgeous but unfamiliar sights surrounding and stretching on indefinitely. Mountains, steep, sharp and snow-capped, reaching high and dipping low stand on all sides, their dark faces and icy peaks contrasting beautifully with the clear blue skies above.
Slowly, Joab begins to turn around, coming face-to-face with a gargantuan building, topped with snow and standing proud, almost arrogantly, on beautiful tree trunk pillars. Bearing a resemblance to the classic lodges common to ski resorts, it stands enormous, tall and imposingly before him, interior lights glowing with a gentle amber, smoke billowing from a massive chimney near the roof center.
...what...the...
He can hardly believe what his gaze seems to be insisting upon. Curiosity gets the better of him as he kneels and scoops up a handful of the icy powder, watching in awe as it tumbles between his fingers, chilling them to the bone.
...how is it so...real?
With no clear point of origin, Izzy's voice suddenly comes about, faint and hollow but distinctive amongst the chilly tranquility.
"What do you see?"
It takes Joab a moment to find his voice,
"...I...I think I'm outside of some kind of...ski resort...or something? There's no one here but me..."
The young woman's voice is low and soothing, "Seeing your mindscape for the first time is often jarring, but I need you to control your breathing; take a moment to concentrate on staying calm. You can do this."
"...I don't know, I...I don't know if I like this." He replies, plagued by a familiar, rapidly increasing anxiety, "This is seriously freaking me out."
"We can stop any time if it's too much."
The young man wastes no time in choosing,
"...yeah, no, screw it, screw this, I can't do it; I'm out."
Mustering all the strength he can, he closes his eyes once more and begins willing himself out of the frozen mindscape. A few rather long moments pass by before anything of substance happens, but his relentless desire to escape this strange internal world eventually triumphs as he feels his body start to lift back up again while paradoxically feeling as if gaining weight.
Without any kind of transition or segue, his eyes shoot open and his lungs suck in a desperate, raspy breath. Immediately he sits up, gasping, relieved to find himself back within Izzy's apartment.
"...a- are you alright?" Izzy asks, an obvious air of worry to her tone.
He sits wide-eyed, chest heaving,
"...yeah, I just...didn't expect getting out of there to be so difficult...for a second it was like I was paralyzed; is that normal?"
Embarrassment flashes across her features,
"Oh...yeah...I forgot to mention that this whole process involves what is essentially an active sleep paralysis...sorry."
"...good to know."
"I'm sorry...I know this is a lot."
"It's alright..." Joab waves a hand dismissively, his breathing slowly falling back into a controlled state, "I appreciate the effort, but I think I'm just gonna go."
An aura of barely suppressed disappointment takes over the young woman as she stands up, giving her guest some space as he rises from the couch,
"O-okay, um...well, if you ever decide you wanna try it again, give me a shout!"
"Yeah, will do."
Izzy watches with a muted sadness as Joab grabs up his things and promptly makes his way towards the door, abandoning her to quiet solitude as he leaves without another word.
