Their happiness was often attained in nature, ordinarily achieving peace through hunting, listening to the birds sing, enjoying the sun's warmth, and thanking whatever animal crossed their path. However, Leisha's lack of experience and requirement of lessons made skin distribution the easiest part of their day.

  “Knot it just like this and be sure to conceal it.” Kiara deliberately shrouded the snare with snow. “I’ll help you make a bow tonight, and I’ll shoot today, but I want you to do at least one.”

  Seeing how useless she is? Ty smirked.

  “Like this.” Kiara displayed the proper way to aim. “Now, you try.”

  Leisha clumsily notched an arrow and drew.

  “Hold,” Kiara instructed. “May I?” She gestured toward Leisha’s hand.

  “Yeah.” Leisha approved.

  Kiara positioned behind her. “Lower here,” they lowered her elbow. “Higher here,” they raised her aim. Leisha rested against Kiara; their heart raced with the brush of her soft hair.

  “Stand tall.” Ty urged them back. “And never release your bow before you’re ready to kill or with it empty.”

  “Okay.” Leisha complied.

  “Good.” Kiara studied Leisha’s stance. “Breathe in as you aim; hold your breath until you’re locked on your target. When you’re ready, slowly exhale while you shoot.”

  “I’ll try.” Leisha nodded. Her chest rose, her eyes narrowed, and she shakily breathed. Then she released an arrow, which wedged into the side of the tree.

  “Not bad.” Kiara nodded, genuinely impressed. “I’ll help ya practice more once your bow is made. Let’s go.”

  She’s so tiny. How can she make this much noise?

  It’s like she doesn’t see our footprints. Didn’t we specifically tell her to follow our footsteps? Ty groaned. She’s going to scare everything away. It’s gonna be a bad week.

  We’ll make do. Obviously, Nahara left her with us so we could get her ready for the mission. Rin stated. We should be honored to be given this much responsibility over someone new.

  And Nahara knows what unnecessary stress can do to us. Ty countered.

  Maybe we wouldn’t get so worked up if you talked about it. Rin argued. But you won’t let us talk about anything to anyone. You make it like we’re without a past. And you won’t even let us get close to other people. You flipped the fuck out when we became friends with Nova!

  Were they even real? Ty’s anger subsided for a moment. How do we know they weren’t just in our head? Not like we can’t create people out of thin air. It’s all just stress, that’s why we don’t need friends. We’d worry too much about them. People just make us worse.

  Their body numbed.

  Stop it. You know that isn’t how this works. Jayce interjected.

  Do you even know how this works? Ty countered. All you know is that drive to protect us from being vulnerable. Zara’s a child, Rin’s a flirt whenever she can be, I crave destructive justice, and Kiara just exists as the default user we’re supposed to care for.

  Um…

  Their chest tightened.

  No one is like us at all. Our friends may have known, doesn’t mean they understood. And look how long it took us to even let them in, just for them to fucking leave us.

  Ty, Kiara collapsed against a tree. Please.

  Rin said we should talk about it, so let’s talk about it. Ty fulminated. Should we talk about Jade’s screaming? Or the silence and stench? The image of Jade’s singed body emerged from its usual veil. And what did we return to? Zech and Larkins’ bluish-gray, vomit-covered faces materialized clearly. Kiara hurled in the bushes, grasping the tree for stabilization.

  “Bolidac!” Leisha gasped.

  What the fuck, Ty. Jayce stumbled, unable to fight the pulsating pain in their head. If we go out in front of her, I will find a way to kill you.

  This is why we shouldn’t talk about it. Some of you foolishly believe we’ve gotten better. There’s a reminder.

  Jayce squinted through the pain. Struggled for breath, incapable of dispelling the swirl of their mind.

  Get the fuck off of me! Their body recalled his weight and unwanted touch.

  Jade! No! Children’s agonized screams filled their mind.

  Not them, too! Cold, grayish-blue faces; waxy, stiff. Stop it!

  Why can’t we just forget? Flies buzzed over black, rotted, decayed flesh.

  “Kiara,” Leisha’s hand squeezed their shoulder. “Hey, you alright?”

  Jayce focused on the pressure of her hand. A grounding point for their swirling mind. In one. Out two. In three. Out four. Purposeful, deep breaths eased distress: something Nahara encouraged them to attempt, an old Meyat technique.

  However, they could seldom form cohesive thoughts through the episodes.

  “Sorry,” Jayce whispered. “I’m just suddenly not feeling so good. Let’s rest a moment, check the traps, and return tomorrow. We still have to get some regular work done.”

  “I can do the reward tasks so you can rest.” Leisha offered, placing the back of her hand on their forehead. “You feel a little warm, and you’re very flush.”

  “I just threw up, of course, I’m flush.” Jayce tenderly removed her hand. “I just got a little dizzy from a bad night’s sleep. I’m fine.”

  Kiara, can you hear me? It became problematic when they involuntarily lost control, let alone sentience. It hadn’t occurred for a while; agreement to share experiences lessened solitary control, unless the situation posed a risk of worsening them. However, their attacks resulted in distortion and vulnerability. Kiara was usually the first unconscious, mostly the first to reemerge.

  I’m here. Kiara murmured. Stop it?

  I’ve got us. We’ll be okay. If it hurts, you can sleep. It was better for Kiara to relent voluntarily. Obligating herself to remain alert resulted in far worse attacks, unequipped to stop the flood of charged memories that accompanied them. Their body always seized in defense when Jayce or Ty failed at keeping them secure and tranquil.

  Just don’t let Leisha find out. Jayce chilled with the void of her absence.

  He rested against the tree, eyes closed, head bowed. “I just need a moment. Blinding headaches run in my family.”

  This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

  “Is this why you were so against me training with you?” Leisha’s voice was sullen. “Is this my fault?”

  “Not your fault.” Jayce patted her hand. “I don’t like people seeing me like this. If people see me falter, they might think I’m possessed and report me. I’d be picked up by the Ketigaj, and Nahara doesn't need that.”

  Leisha sat beside them. “It’s okay. I get bad headaches, too.” She rested her head on their shoulder. “A nap always helps me.”

  “I don’t have time to nap.” Jayce politely nudged her off. “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

  “I can handle it.” Leisha insisted. “It’s just taking jobs from the board. I can do that. Nahara said I should help you, so let me help you.”

  “You don’t know the assembly well enough.” Jayce refused, utilizing the tree to stand. “I’ll be fine. We’ll go slow, okay?”

  “If you’re sure.” Leisha huffed, dusting snow from her dress.

  “Oh, don’t walk with your heel.” Jayce offered his best advice. “Quieter that way.”

  *

  Jayce persevered for most of the day despite lingering aches. However, by the end of the day, their body was ready to crumble, and consciousness contorted to an indistinguishable operator.

  They clumsily removed their snow-covered clothing, ignoring Leihsa’s beet-red face and overly long gaze. “Ingredients above the hearth,” they mumbled, dressing themselves and crawling into bed. “Bright and early,”

  Are we going to have an attack? Zara voiced concern.

  No, I don’t think the pressure is bad enough. Jayce reassured her. It’s alright. We just need sleep.

  *

  No, no! Damn it, cut! Jade, I’m coming!

  Stop touching me!

  They can’t be!

  Stop!

  “Kiara, wake up.”

  Sweat chilled them, and blurred vision materialized Leisha; her engaged eyes reflected their pale face.

  Sounds were heightened echoes. Early workers trotted through the snow outside. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Sizzle. Pop. Fire’s dying. Their heart thundered with each gulp of air. Every unique tone bombarded their already overly stimulated body.

  We can’t ground. Getting dizzy.

  Can anyone get control?

  We’re so numb.

  Sounds were like waves crashing into them, their entire body vibrated into numbness as breathing halted.

  Fuck.       Shit.       Help!

  “Kiara?” Leisha’s soft fingertips caressed their cheek. “Are you awake?”

  Breathe.          Too much!      Breathe.

  Jayce??     Just breathe.         This hurts.

  We gotta breathe….        Make it stop!        The pain…

  Leisha slid her arm around them and tugged them into her warm embrace. The beating of her heart began to ground their spiraling thoughts. “It’s okay,” she gingerly ran her fingers through their hair.

  Leisha?                   What’s she doing?

  “My sister had nightmares. Father said it’s because she’s terrible, but Nahara said it’s probably his fault. Will humming help you, too?”

  Her sweet hum replaced all sounds, resembling an ancient sorrowful call carried on the wind. Their body slowly calmed.

  I got this. Rin gasped, relaxing against Leisha. Thank you, Leisha.

  “Hey, are you awake now?” Leisha continued her efforts. “Don’t worry about sharing the nightmares, if you don’t want to.”

  “Mmm.” Rin moaned in response.

  The sun narrowly peeked through the wood, still too bright.

  We have so much to do today…

  We ain’t getting it done. Rin nestled into Leisha’s shoulder. We need to rest. Kiara and Zara aren’t even sentient.

  Still can’t explain that, can ya, Jayce? Ty condescendingly expressed.

  We can’t explain a lot of things. Jayce sighed.

  Their bodies felt weighted, and each movement required the utmost thought and energy, even shifting stung and utterly exhausted them.

  Rin remained against Leisha. She felt warm, smelled of cloves, and portrayed a reserved demeanor. For a brief moment, they were transported to their fourteen-year-old self again: safe in Jade’s arms.

  Don’t. Ty failed to pull them away. She’s not. WE are not.

  Ty, please just let me enjoy this. Rin pleaded. We haven’t been held by anyone in four years. Please, just let us have this.

  It is helping. Jayce admitted. She’s an inconvenience, but right now, we need her.

  “Hey, if you need to rest, I can do the labor for the day.” Leisha offered. “You look haggard.”

  The others would probably wake up sooner. Ty welcomed the possibility of a day alone.

  We didn’t have anything complicated planned. We can barely move. Go for it. Jayce agreed.

  “There’s cotgi in my cloak pocket. Grab something cheap for dinner. Set traps, work, then check the traps and come back. Don’t forget to collect the skins from yesterday and hand out the meat to people in need.” Rin reluctantly pulled from Leisha’s warmth and curled in bed.

  Leisha softly smiled and attentively covered them with a blanket. “Trust me, okay?” She whispered sweetly, then added some wood to the fire and retrieved the cotgi.

  “Be safe.” Rin sighed, consciousness fading.

  “I’ve got this.” Leisha smiled.

  Think we’ll avoid a full episode? Rin hesitated to surrender.

  We’ll see. Jayce nonchalantly answered.

  Just prop against the wall. Ty yawned. Let’s sleep.

  Sleep was a gamble: either achieving a restful slumber or waking to gasp. Nahara failed to identify their exact ailment and attempts at differing tonics provided minimal relief.

  They sensed when it first started and even sometimes postponed it, but concentrating on anything posed difficulty when incapable of identifying even themselves. The pressure in their chest made it impossible to breathe, and the bashing in their head delivered electrified pain to every one of them. Their body jerked and shuddered, either breathing shallowly, rapidly or not at all. Every nerve became alarmed by the stabbing jolts.

  All the while they detected every pin drop and every fiber, though none of it was fully tangible. Agonized screams mixed into a nightmarish symphony—pure and utter torment when it started in a conscious state.

  Asleep was entirely worse, starting with a nightmare, a slight noise, or an unknown. Stirring to internal screaming and a desperation to control their seizing body. The longer they struggled, the foggier their wakeful state; some required days to recover fully.

  A drain felt afterward as though they’d been drugged through a raging ocean. The probability of being too exhausted for a second attack cautioned them to prop themselves, hopefully, unable to aspirate. Regardless of fear, sleep was a necessity for strategic thinking.

  *

  Their dreams were surprisingly pleasant. There was the scent of lavender and a warm breeze. There were gentle kisses and soft, sun-kissed skin.

  Jade.

  Kiara was reluctant to depart from memory-induced rest. She’d rescued them so long ago, but they failed to reciprocate. In dreams, Jade remained alive without haunting them for getting her killed.

  They hadn’t heard Leisha return, preparing dinner, or sewing dresses together. So they woke without cause, a peaceful warmth melting from the pull of consciousness.

  “How’d the day go?” Kiara stretched their aching muscles.

  “Fine.” Leisha smiled, her eyes reflecting the roaring flames. “Got some bags back and used some of my cotgi to get chicken for a stew. I also picked up a loaf of bread and some jam.” She beamed with pride.

  “Smells good.” They praised. “Thanks for today.”

  “Don’t mention it.” Leisha nodded. “I’m here to help.”