Can’t breathe Not again We’re okay…

  Floating Just breathe

  Ty! Breathe

  Stop screaming

  Breathe I can’t find you! It’ll stop

  Too tight… Help!

  Gotta breathe Calm down…

  Can’t… Guys?  This hurts!

  Damn it, breathe Fuck breathe…

  Dizzy…  Help!  Breathe!

  A mind like a ship in a roaring sea, passengers drowning that none can see.

  *

  The murmuring crowd quieted as the oldest child of the town, with a fake beard and long robe emerged onstage. “Our Meyat is a paradise. All Assemblies are joined as one perfect Dominion.” He declared.

  I hate these plays. Ty groaned. Body’s too tired for pretending.

  Sweat beaded their neck in the crowded theater. An ache in their chest made breathing difficult. Ty focused, somewhat drifting.

  More children in embroidered costumes of various hues and patterns, gathered on the stage and bowed before the Elder God child.

  Last night was horrific. Rin sympathized with her counter’s plight. The anniversaries have nearly passed, so the nightmares should return to their vault soon.

  Only after we collapse.

  They never stop. Kiara released a deep sigh.

  “May all the children have full bellies and every parent, peace of mind.” The Elder God child began tapping each bowed head.

  Pay attention. Jayce ordered.

  “May there be enough shelter and companionship for all in our perfect Meyat.” The Elder God child gestured the others away. Boys and girls joined hands, laughing or humming as they walked around the stage, tending to pretend animals or fields.

  “Amen.” The crowd murmured.

  We’ve been through this crock of shit before. Kiara fought the desire to roll their eyes, remaining still, hands crossed behind them: watching the children perform the annual Keti performance. Lustration assured if daydreaming became evident.

  The lights dimmed, and children dressed in dark, torn clothing with charcoal-smeared faces swerved through the crowd, imitating the hunt of a wild beast.

  Some members of the crowd gasped in surprise, whether feigned or real: they couldn’t tell.

  Meyat of death’s more like it. Rin scoffed.

  Suspicion and paranoia, soooooo peaceful. Ty was sarcastic.

  “We don’t believe in the Elder God’s power.” The children in the crowd chanted, tossing dark glitter into the laps of random participants. “We don’t have to listen to his laws. We are Rikevra!”

  Guys, we can’t maintain an engaged persona if we all start chatting. Jayce warned.

  I got it, Jayce. Kiara reassured.

  This play is so fucking stupid.

  The Rikevra children ran to the stage. “The Elder God has no power. You can be stronger than him.” They “whispered” into the ears of the other children. Some removed their vibrant clothes, revealing darkened outfits beneath. The group of children split into halves on the stage as a child in a torn red, blue, and gray robe took center stage. “I am Zarkolo, leader of the Rikevra! We wish to destroy the world with our sinful desires! Your Dominion has ended, the Assemblies are mine!”

  The Rikevra children began tearing apart the beautiful display. The other children rushed toward them. Both groups grabbed at each other. Those with vibrant clothes unbuttoning to appear blackened, joining in cackles and growls, feigning to fight with wooden swords and falling to the ground. Only the Elder God and Zarkolo children remained standing.

  The Zarkolo child began laughing. “Look at what I have done!” He declared. “How easily your followers fell! Now, I will destroy you and have power over all of Meyat!”

  The Elder God child prepared to battle when another child, adjourned in a golden robe and wielding a wooden sword, jumped from behind the curtains and stood between the leads.

  “Whooo!” A proud father cheered from the crowd.

  “My loyalty never waned! My Assemblies will fight for the glory of the Elder God!” He declared, more children emerging from the curtain. “Now is the chance, my holy Ketigaj. Attack!”

  “Did you think me that weak??” The child Zarkolo cackled as more Rikevra children emerged from the shadows.

  Fuck me, will this ever stop? Ty groaned.

  I’m over this fucking lie. Rin shared Ty's annoyance.

  The children battled, quietly grunting with every blow. Only a small group untouched, led by the Bolidac child.

  We’re so hungry. Why didn’t we get food first? Zara whined.

  So we could sleep with a full stomach. Kiara sighed, a strong desire to burrow under their covers.

  The Zarkolo child disappeared from the stage as his followers became surrounded by the others. “Our souls are Zarkolo’s!” The children announced before they ran the swords over their necks, the children using their free hands to toss red fabric into the crowd before crumbling to the stage. Audible gasps filled the room.

  “No!” The Bolidac child fell to his knees. “They will never know the glory of Halíz!” He pretended to sob until the Elder God child placed his hand on the kid’s shoulder.

  “We could not save them, but there are many who remained loyal to me. They have been sent away. To sleep in safety. Zarkolo’s Rikevra has poisoned even the grounds of Meyat. I will defeat Zarkolo, even if I must restart Meyat to do so, so that it may be safe for you all again. Take your Ketigaj, these seeds, and the animals from your untainted Assemblies to the mountains. There is a cave in which you all must sleep.”

  ‘Ol Zarkolo had a farm.

  The Bolidac child and a few others walked off the stage as the Elder God and Zarkolo children took center stage.

  Eee eye eee eye oooh. Zara chuckled.

  Kiara bit their tongue, suppressing a chuckle.

  “It’s not too late for your redemption!” The Elder God child declared. “Repent and come unto me!”

  “Never!” The Zarkolo child declared, striking at the Elder God actor. “I am stronger than you will ever be!”

  And on that farm, he had a

  Raven!

  The Bolidac child fell, shielding his face as the Zarkolo child prepared for his final blow.

  Guys! Jayce barked.

  “You leave me no choice!” The Elder God child cast his hand toward the other, a burst of fire illuminating the stage. “I cast a winter upon the world, until all those consumed by your evil are gone. The world will be renewed!”

  “I will always be in the shadows, waiting for the mistakes of your imperfect people! I own all who transgress!” The Zarkolo child cried before disappearing.

  The Elder God child stood center stage as the child Bolidac and some Ketigaj actors rejoined the stage, pretending to sleep.

  “This winter will feel eternal.” The child Elder God stood over the Bolidac child. “Pious Bolidac, for your devotion, I bestow upon you all of my power.”

  Eee eye eee eye ooh. Kiara chewed their cheeks to suppress their smile.

  “From henceforth you shall be known as ‘The God Bolidac of Eternal Giving’.”

  With a caw caw here.

  “All dominance may you have over Meyat and judgement upon who may enter into Halíz.”

  And a caw caw there.

  “Sleep as my winter renews the Meyat and ensures all safety from Zarkolo. When you wake, remake the Meyat into the perfection you know of me.”

  The lights dimmed as the Elder God child exited from the stage.

  Here, a caw.

  The Bolidac child stood alone, a hole in the covering of the fire leaving a spotlight on the child.

  There, a caw.

  “There’s much to do if I am to keep the promise of a peaceful Meyat. I will use my new power to clear the air of poison and return the light.”

  Everywhere, a caw caw.

  The Bolidac child began waking the others still laying on the stage, becoming surrounded by the Ketigaj children.

  Gah, fuck me.

  “Take these plants.” The Bolidac child handed seeds to the Ketigaj children. “Take these and replant the Meyat on your travels.”

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  ‘Ol Zarkolo had a farm.

  The Ketigaj children took the seeds and distributed them amongst the crowd before returning to the stage.

  Eeeeeee eye eeeeeee eye ooooooooh.

  “Now, go and do the same with these animals.” The Bolidac child gestured to children standing just off stage, dressed as animals.

  The Ketigaj children had them circle the crowd behind them, before once more returning to the stage.

  Trying to get us killed?

  “Now that your tasks are completed, you shall each receive your own Assembly. I will stay near the mountain and establish a Holy Assembly named Bo. This shall be the home of the Main Assembly, where all leaders shall convene upon new law decisions. For now, it shall just be us. Let the animals and plants turn Meyat habitable for the others our Elder God protected from Zarkolo’s Rikevra”

  Lighten up, ya big baby. We needed a laugh. Kiara resisted Ty’s desire to roll their eyes.

  The children walked around the stage, performing random tasks of daily life as the light dimmed and brightened with the changing of a wooden moon and sun. The child Bolidac eventually gathered the others to the center.

  “The animals have bred, and their offspring have grown strong in this new Meyat. The harvests are overflowing. It’s time to bring the people into this beautiful new Meyat.” More children in radiant hues joined the stage. The Bolidac and Ketigaj children divided the new kids amongst themselves. “We now have a suitable number for every Assembly. We shall have a feast to celebrate this great achievement and every year we shall gather on this date and feast in remembrance of all we have achieved because of the Elder God’s blessings! We shall call the day Keti and never forget! ”

  The crowd exploded in cacophonous applause and cheers. They joined in empty clapping.

  Did you forget what caused our nightmares? I don’t feel like slaughtering a dozen guards to avoid another Lustration. Jayce challenged.

  You’re not the one slaughtering. Ty seethed with annoyed fury. Or handling most of the trauma.

  We all feel its effects. Jayce sighed.

  The story went, that while Zarkolo and the Rikevra met destruction in the old Meyat, their return was imminent if the people denied Bolidac or listened to the temptations whispered in the shadows. Dominion Law deemed holy praise, and heavy pockets, to anyone who immediately reported ungodly behavior.

  The crowd began to disperse as the children found their proud parents.

  They’re so young. Zara whispered. They believe every bit, too.

  Wonder how many will wake up. Ty’s was bitter.

  It’s better if they don’t. A lump formed in their throat. They’d be happier if they never strayed from Bolidac's word.

  A shoulder brushed theirs, déjà vu tingled their senses.

  “I can tell.” Soft lips tickled their ear. A light touch left at the exact moment it registered.

  Kiara turned, eyeing the stranger. Their tanned skin highlighted their tight, sandy blonde curls. They half-turned, electric eyes glancing at them. A split second glance, as the crowd swallowed him: a pained gaze.

  Was he concerned? He looked…lost. Kiara pondered. Why did he seem familiar?

  He was warning us, but I felt it too. Zara confirmed.

  Another fighter? Rin pondered.

  We might not be safe. Jayce urged. We should go…

  We can’t. Kiara began following the flow of the crowd.

  Was that guy Rikevran? Rin pressed.

  Doesn’t matter. Ty forever her somber self. He did a kind thing. Move on.

  The center was uncomfortably compacted, with people enjoying the festivities. Music lofted with the wind from various directions, producing a harmonious blend. Joyous voices permeated the chilly air.

  The feast always occurred in the dining hall. Merchants were busy with people purchasing presents for Cúvidel, and everyone obligatorily left monetary offerings for Bolidac.

  Once upon a time, Kiara experienced joyful distraction in celebration, feasting with family, even participating in the annual performance, and ultimately joining the elite choir in the dining hall; holiday cheer previously energized them. Formerly an optimistic adolescent, before the truth woke them; before they escaped trauma and returned with eyes able to see the devastation.

  People swarmed shops. In every corner lay tables with liquor-filled cups.

  Kiara clutched their cup, occasionally sipping sweet wine as they strolled toward the dining hall. They carried a cup with a personal supply or a trusted shop pour. Assembly offered cups risked tampering.

  Fog formed with every breath.

  Think it’ll be a harsh winter? Kiara directed toward the others.

  We have enough to get us through. Jayce gave his version of an answer.

  I wonder if this place will look as pretty as the last. Zara dreamily whispered.

  Doesn’t matter; we’ll complete our mission and leave. Ty huffed. DO NOT get attached.

  Calm down, Ty. Rin expressed annoyance. We never attach, but we are allowed to feel.

  Emotions are a weakness. Ty spat.

  Kiara sighed, entering the dining hall and pulling her thoughts from the others. She'll always hurts the most.

  *

  They joined others in a line, the hall warmed by a roaring fire in the hearth. The glass plates contained intrinsic designs depicting the earlier tale. The Lidac Elite Choir filled the hall with the tales of Bolidac.

  They always save the best for Keti.

  Turkey shimmered in the light of the fire, golden corn waved with every scoop, herbed mashed potatoes, crisp baked potatoes, delectable steamed vegetables and buttery rolls were a welcome to their growling stomach.

  They savored the juice-heavy meat with every crunch of the decadent turkey, and the sweet, buttery corn was cooked to perfection. She sliced the baked potato, the skin crunching against the blade, placing butter to melt within before devouring its contents. The rolls, topped with honey, complimented the savory butter.

  It’s torture the way they hold out for the holidays.

  Sixty strangers beside them. Bolidac ensured his children had full bellies for five dolans a plate.

  People worked themselves to death just to afford this one plate a year. Since feasting was the law, all unable to pay, the Assemblies permitted a loan to pay by the end of the following month. Failure to compensate resulted in withheld rations until the debt cleared. During non holidays, restrictions existed regarding how much a household purchased and gifts obtained. Considerably a grand idea, if Assemblies provided adequate rations.

  Don’t drink too much. Jayce warned.

  I pulled away to avoid an argument. Kiara sighed, sipping the berried wine.

  There’s only so much I can do when we’re drunk.

  You sound like a parrot. We’re not children; we’ve been drinking for ten years. Besides, wine doesn’t fog our mind. I need to take the edge off before we have another episode. These lunatics would declare us Rikevra, and that’d be the end.

  If this is too much, I can take over.

  I’m alright. I don’t get as stressed as I used to. I’ve grown up.

  Still, I’m here.

  I know. Kiara sighed. Has Ty calmed down?

  Not really, but Rin can handle her.

  We should let her cool off when we get home. If she doesn’t get it out, it’ll just build and cause more problems.

  It’s been almost a decade; she needs to forget about it.

  Can you? She finished their cup. We were all scarred by it, Jayce, even you.

  Yeah, you got more irritating.

  Just trying to keep us alive.

  Kiara placed their empty plate with the rest, paid for the meal, and left.

  It’s snowing! Zara’s excitement charged them.

  A tender white blanket fell from the grayed skies, covering the ground and crunching beneath their boots as they made their way to the Inn.

  It’s pretty. Kiara fiddled with their cotgi. How much should I give in offering?

  Can’t be less than three. Rin answered.

  Has to be eight, Ty firmly interjected. We do a lot of errands around town. We’ll be expected to pay for Bolidac’s generosity.

  Eight is good. Jayce agreed. We’ll make it up in a few weeks.

  They followed the footpath toward the gates, coming upon the Dominion Hall. A breathtaking building with stained glass windows, marble pillars lining the entrance, and a domed top. The common folk privy rumors of what lay inside; intricate murals depicting the rise of Bolidac, Halíz with the Elder God, and various imaginings. Every Minor Assemblies leader of Lidac resided within feasting on duck, goat, pork, chicken, and beef, offering rare spices, drinks and maybe even unknown food.

  Bolidac’s Assemblies, the sole group permitted to witness the true beauty of the inside, though Kiara knew everything depicted a fanciful lie.

  They continued walking, the hastily falling snow weighed each step. Kiara prepared cotgi, desperate to avoid an annoyed interaction, forcing a shy smile at the gatekeeper and evading eye contact, dropping the coins into his palm. He examined them, his gaze churning. “A pretty crimson flower should be dancing.” His tone rang a subtle growl, like lustful hunger.

  Jayce kept them from sneering. “My light has been dimmed by the loss of my partner barely a year prior.” He allowed grief to crack their voice, stroking the golden ring strung around their neck.

  “He is always in my heart, and I shall rejoin him in the light of Bolidac, but I cannot dance until Cúvidel.”

  Their grandmother’s old ring saved them multiple times. In every town, whenever questioned, they existed as a grieving widow. People seldom asked questions and were too lazy to investigate. Dominion Law stated that widows must mourn for a year before engaging in courtship.

  “There's not much time to go; I can wait.” The unbothered gatekeeper waved them through as Jayce continued their trek.

  I wasn’t stressed out. Kiara hated when the others ripped control from her.

  No, but you were going to smart off. We’re almost done with the night, and we’ll be leaving Lidac soon. You just have to be good for a little while longer.

  How do you know what I’m gonna do before I do them?

  You ain’t a psychic.

  And two months is not soon.

  Asshole pervert. Ty seethed, loathing any leering. What the fuck did that even mean? “Crimson flower” WHAT??

  Our hair is barely red. It’s auburn, that’s practically brown.

  They’re assholes, but y’all need to keep your attitudes in check.

  Whatever. Kiara wished she could roll their eyes. Give me my body back.

  It’s our body. I have to protect more than just you, Kiara, and I will not let any of us put another in jeopardy. Do you understand? Jayce was his ever-fierce self.

  Yes, just please give it back. You hate being in control anyway.

  She despised fighting for control, floating from her own body. Her senses numbed for hours, lost with momentary memory lapses. If everyone continued arguing, an episode was imminent.

  Even though I hate it, my job is to protect us from rash impulses, and I always will. Jayce relinquished control.

  Kiara sighed, stuffing their hands into their pockets.

  Outside the center gates, a different Meyat materialized. Carts rattled by, preparing for the morning water delivery, farmers checked livestock, and sweepers cleared snow from the cobbled streets.

  Bolidac sheltered all, and he knew how much you required. Blacksmiths, tailors, granaries, wineries, butcher shops, carpenters, and anyone of immediate necessity were given appropriate housing and introductory provisions to live comfortably. All to provide impeccable service to Ketigaj and Assemblies’ members. Large structures with two or three bedrooms, fireplaces, and tiny kitchens provided housing for anyone deemed necessary. Those deemed lesser were permitted one-bedroom shacks, with fireplaces accompanying some. Farmers had permission to build lodgings near their fields, so long as they paid monthly tithes.

  Kiara sighed, their shack in view. Shacks were typically managed by one family, who usually worked years as servants to save for Inn Rights. The owner of their shack was an elderly widow whose husband willed her everything. Wills were honored under Dominion Law, though women seldom received personal privileges.

  However, unable to afford to fix any of the buildings, numerous would’ve become dilapidated. Kiara, and several Rikevra before her, fixed them in exchange for some of the medicinal herbs harvested from her garden.

  I’m so ready for bed.

  But will it be a peaceful night? Kiara froze before entering the building. Whenever they departed, they always left a feather in the hinge of the door, but it lay half obscured at the doorstep.

  Someone’s inside.

  On it. The leather sheath brushed softly against their fingertips. Ty perceived the grooves of the triangle lines and retrieved their miniature athame from its place with a slight tug of the string on the back of their neck. She gripped the athame between their index and pointer fingers, hilt brushing their palm.

  They meticulously unlocked the door, propelling it open. The full moon provided minimal light through the cracks in the boards. Two shadows materialized motionless in the dim room; one on the bed and the second a few feet in front of them.

  “Steady, my Wolf.”

  The woman’s familiar voice instantly calmed them. Kiara returned their athame and closed the door. “You’re going to end up stabbed, playing like that.” She shook their head. “Light the lamp.”

  “I know you have control.” Nahara struck a match and lit the oil lamp. Light flooded the compacted room, illuminating Nahara and a young woman with long blonde hair. She appeared of similar age, shivering beneath a cloak.

  “Look, she’s half frozen.” Kiara lit some kindling and tossed it into the fireplace. “Why not just light the fire? People would’ve just thought I left it going.”

  “This is Leisha.” Nahara sported a coy smile. “You will be her mentor.”