Chapter 3

  While it was true that both Tanya and Visha were shown the same memories, what each of them saw in those memories could be considered very different. For Visha, it was like a long dream, living the life of another. She felt detached from the whole experience but also a couldn’t throw off how much each scene affected her.

  At first, she was confused, the world the young boy, that apparently had been Tanya, was very different than the one she grew up in as a child. Not just the physical, and technological differences either.

  Visha remembered well feeling the warmth and love from her parents and family, and having their loving arms wrap around her randomly throughout her life. Tanya’s, or Soto’s childhood was less warm.

  More of a childhood where there was a set of known expectations on both sides and those expectations must be met or disappointment followed. It was a little cold, with few moments of what she would consider warmth or love. However, she couldn’t really call it a bad childhood either, just different, with different priorities.

  Still, she often found herself distracted by the vast technological and societal differences. Phones in every household. Tall buildings and roads crowded with cars. So many strange things but her mind seemed to slip from them whenever she got too distracted from Soto’s life.

  His teenage years felt more normal to her, at least the way he acted. He goofed off with his friends in similar ways to how Wiess, Grants and the others had often joked around on their leave. She could even see hints of the same humor Tanya had but now mirrored in his past life.

  As he grew up, she saw that same razor-sharp focus for performance and results, shown in the way he constantly strove to perfect his work and bring out the best in others. His lack of sympathy and patience for fools. It helped her see how similar the two were. But that should have been obvious, the two were the same after all.

  But then little differences kept popping out, getting trapped in Visha’s head like sand in her clothes constantly rubbing her the wrong way. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she was having trouble overlapping the two identities and not just because one was a man.

  That hit hard, Tanya had been a man. Did she remember being a man?

  Before she could get too distracted with that thought, her mind slipped its focus away, watching more of Soto’s life.

  Then she saw it, a man he was speaking to was kneeling and crying on the floor, but his eyes, they held rage, hate. Hatred for Soto, for everything he had. They were the same eyes she had long tried to forget from her own childhood. Fleeing her homeland because of mobs with those same eyes that took everything her father and grandfather had ever worked for. That was the hatred of the jealous and the weak.

  She wished in that moment that she could warn him, but as he left the office that day, she suddenly knew how Soto’s life was going to end.

  What she wasn’t prepared for was truly seeing how Tanya’s had begun.

  What type of moron criticizes God after meeting them in death? Show some of that same humility you spent your whole life exercising with your superiors. Ugh, even in her current life Tanya was more deferential with mortal officers than she was with a God.

  But, but, on the other hand what kind of God gets angry and frustrated at the petty rantings of what to them would be a child or an ant.

  And why Tanya?

  She had seen it firsthand when soldiers lay dying on the battlefield, begging and praising God with one breath, only to weep and curse him with their last. Why was Soto the one who got this strange and unusual punishment. Having to keeping his memories and being born a baby girl in a different world. It seemed so arbitrary and unfair. Traits she didn’t want in any God she worshipped.

  Watching Tanya grow up as an adult in a child’s body was sad. It was painful to watch her struggle with her body, knowing what she should be capable of doing but being unable to physically. To see the looks she got for acting too mature for her age, like some sort of freak.

  Then her mage testing and the hopelessness at her realization of the few real options left available to her. Visha understood Tanya’s logic in choosing the path she did, she herself had been forced to join the army at a young age and would have died had it not been for Tanya volunteering when she did.

  It was sobering seeing the strain Tanya was under during her rise through the ranks. There was a weight of leadership that Visha had shared as both and officer herself and Tanya’s adjutant, but it was different for Tanya. She put such high expectations on herself, constantly going above and beyond, even though she thought that she was only doing the bare minimum.

  It was interesting to see the juxtaposition between Tanya’s thoughts and actions. So many inconsistencies, now that Visha was given more perspective on the matter. Tanya often did things claiming she was doing it for one reason when it only made sense for her to do so out of care for the wellbeing or happiness of her men.

  This type of action culminated in the moment when Tanya sent her away after making an opening for her to escape. In Tanya’s head she was doing so selfishly looking out for her own interests to allow herself to most likely survive. It didn’t make sense though.

  Visha knew what Tanya was capable of. If she had used that opening shot to make a path for herself and abandoned her, Tanya would have made it out, especially if she had ordered her to cover Tanya’s retreat at all costs. But She didn’t do that.

  Visha was positive she thought of it, the commander thought of sacrificing her men all the time to enable her own personal safety. However, every time a situation that might call for such actions arose, the commander always ended up putting herself in even more danger to pull as many of her men out as possible.

  It was with a smile on her face that Visha watched herself from Tanya’s perspective rush in to help her and to ultimately die with her. Visha was proud of the choice she had made and a little touched by the impact that her death had clearly had on Tanya.

  She was even more furious and sorrowful than when they had lost their brothers in arms on that botched mission over the northern sea. It was nice to get confirmation on how much she cared, but it also hurt Visha’s heart to see her best friend and buddy in so much pain.

  She had bitten through her lip and was channeling so much mana her nose was bleeding. All the while the Type 95 was burning into her chest, her flesh smoking from the heat. Yet Tanya didn’t seem to notice, just kept screaming and shooting all the while holding her body with one arm refusing to let go even though that would have been the best course of action.

  It all ended as Tanya’s body began glowing and the vision ended in a flash of light.

  Visha didn’t bother to wipe the tears from her face as she looked at her longtime friend. It was its own small reward to see the look of concern on Tanya’s face mixed with confusion. Likely failing to understand why she was crying. Visha knew it was too much to hope for a hug in this moment but still found herself feeling disappointed by the awkward pat on the shoulder she received.

  Before she would have claimed to know the Colonel better than anyone else in the 203rd. Now, she felt like maybe she understood Tanya better than Tanya herself did.

  Finaly wiping her tears and getting her thoughts in order, she turned to look at the Being who had facilitated all of this.

  Tanya followed Visha’s gaze but not before lingering a moment longer on her still damp cheeks. She belatedly removed the hand she had used to comfort her comrade from Visha’s shoulder now that she had gotten a hold of herself.

  Meeting the Being’s gaze Tanya oscillated between wanting to ask the Being questions and worrying thoughts of Visha’s thoughts on her past. Ultimately logic won out, at this time they needed more information on what happened, what was going on and what would be their future going forward.

  And since both Being X and this Eternal Being had shown the ability to read thoughts Tanya was hoping her questions would be answered without her having to voice them.

  “I know you are not trying to be so, But I find your desire for efficiency in all things to be quite humorous. And while yes from your point of view reading another’s thoughts without permission is rude. Beings such as I can easily decern each other’s thoughts which is quite efficient. Words are usually only spoken out loud among us when we wish to leave a record.

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “It is one of the key differences between the unenlightened and enlightened beings we hide not our thoughts because we have nothing to hide and no shame to cover. It is one of the many reasons why we desire your enlightenment so much, so that we may interact with one another once more.

  “I am not unaware of the discomfort my presence can bring. My thoughts and actions are so different from those who still live in mortality. Allow me to try and explain my recent actions in a way you may be able to comprehend.”

  “You ask in your heart why I did not stop my servant, the one you refer to as Being X, from disrupting your reincarnation in the first place and why it took me so long to intervene in his further actions against you. The reason comes back to why he got punished so harshly in the first place, Free Will. The worlds I have created were set in motion based on a series of eternal rules and principles. After being set in motion interference by myself or any of my servants is supposed to be limited.

  “Much like a scientist setting up an experiment must then let it run its course without interference or risk affecting the outcome. The worlds are set for humans to be born, learn and grow, make choices of their own free will and face the consequences of those choices. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, therefore for every choice there is a consequence good or bad. Not all choices reach to touch the karmic scale but there are still consequences. It makes no difference to your soul whether you ate eggs or fruit this morning, but your body reacts to the nutrients it is given based on principles and laws laid down before the dust of the earth was even gathered.”

  “Remember this my children. True science and true religion are one and the same, the search for truth. I wish I could explain unto you the methods I used to gather the material to create the world you inhabit, for it was done in accordance with the natural laws of the universe, just in a way that you lack the capacity to understand at this time. The point of your many lives is the journey towards enlightenment so that I can teach you these principles, allowing you yourselves to do as I have done and form worlds in this manner. But I digress.”

  “Why did I not stop Being X before, only to do so now. Well, he to can make choices, even when he should know better, he can choose to make the wrong choice, and I am bound to let him make that choice until such a time as he must reap the consequences of his choices. By taking you Tanya out of the normal cycle of reincarnation he disrupted your journey. A small offense one that may have even proven to be a boon for you in the long run. But allowing the creation of the Type 95 computation jewel and thus forcing you to pray in his name, that took away your free will and is an unpardonable sin.

  “You see in the beginning a war was waged in the upper realms. A war of words and ideals affecting the very principles of the universe. The competing ideals were as follows.

  “On one side the desire to create lesser life and provide them with all the possibilities necessary for them to advance and grow to become like us yet leaving open the possibility of failure and damnation (Using the definition meaning blocked from progressing).

  “The other ideal was that we would compel all the lesser life to follow the laws of heaven in every way, controlling their journey along the best path until they were forced to grow into their true potential. This way not a soul would be lost or stopped in their progress.

  “Imagine Tanya two worlds before you. In one a cup of coffee is placed before you and you are told it is bad for your health to drink this, but it is your choice to do so and suffer the consequences. Now in this case the consequences would only be mild staining of your teeth and higher risk of gastritis, but you get the idea. You are free to choose the action but not the consequence it has already been laid down well before.

  “Now in the other world the cup is placed before you but as you stretch forth your hand to partake, you are blocked compelled not to drink, exactly as you were compelled to pray and sing praises unto him that created the type 95. But no consequences, you are forced to choose the right way so only good consequences would ever befall you. Tell me, in which world would you rather live?”

  “I think you already know what my answer is.” Tanya deadpanned

  “Yes, but I want to hear you say it, for the record.”

  “I would pick the freedom to make my own choices at the risk of losing my soul wandering down the wrong paths again and again, over being compelled to only do what another knew was best for me.”

  “I as well, would like to make my own choices even if that means dying when I could have lived, it was, it is my choice to make.” Visha made her declaration as well, her eyes darting to her friend as she puffed her chest out with pride.

  “That is ultimately the same choice I gave all of my children. But know this, a third of the hosts of heaven chose the other way. And in so doing fought against the rest of us. Being X as you name him, in choosing to remove your agency aligned himself with them and chose to join their ranks.

  “The reason why I waited so long to meet out his punishment and cast him off to be with them is simple. I waited, because I wished to give him the opportunity to repent, abandon his evil ways and give unto you restitution for his wrongs against you. Once you had died again so too died his last chance to right his wrongs, and so his day of reckoning did come.

  “Now it falls to me, his Master to provide restitution in his stead. Much has befallen you, much that cannot be undone. But in the grand cycle of reincarnation all experiences can be for your benefit and enlightenment. A good life or bad, suffering and pain, joy and love. Hunger, doubt, success, and excess. All these and all lives teach you, giving you wisdom and experience, it leaves lessons on the soul, brought into each new incarnation even when not remembered.

  “You both shall be given a choice. Tanya, you were meant to have your memories erased when you passed on into your new life. It is the best path for you to do so at this time and move forward forgetting your past lives, to better start a new one.”

  “Fear not, for I know the desires of your heart, perhaps better than you. Should you ask, I will grant your desire at this time, though it goes against mine own will and what I know to be best for you. Tanya, ask and you shall receive.”

  “I would like to be sent back to my old world in my old body, in my old life.”

  “Unfortunately, the old you is dead to that world and I cannot disrupt the lives and choices of so many others turning back time. But I will fulfill the spirit of your request. You are not currently dead, you were pulled into this realm before your jewel imploded, thus sparing your life. I will place you back on your old world in this current body with some minor changes to make your transition into a new life easier and to get back some of what you have worked for.

  “Time works differently from world to world as you have noticed. While years have passed by in your new life, only six months and 14 days have passed on your earth. I shall make your body as if it was the genetic offspring of your former self. You will maintain your current age and features for the most part, only your hair and nose taking on the features of your former self. No one in the world will know you and there will be no evidence of your origin or existence other than this, but if tested you will be able to prove you are the daughter of Soto Kaizaki, though you will have no mother.

  “I hesitate to do more without interfering too much in the world. Though I’m sure with this much, though it may be difficult you will be able to overcome this hurdle. You shall live your life as you see fit, and upon death your cycle of reincarnation shall continue as it was always meant to. This will be the last time we interact until we meet again on more equal footing.”

  While not exactly ideal, Tanya found it to be an acceptable compromise, deciding further negotiations would be pointless. Nodding her head in acceptance.

  “Yes, that would be acceptable.”

  But there was one other matter not yet addressed; Tanya turned her head to look at Visha. Who was currently looking down and fidgeting with her hands. Her index finger poking each other over and over.

  What was to become of Visha? In fact, Tanya was confused as to why Visha had been included at all in any of this instead of just rushed off to her next incarnation. What was the point of showing her Tanya’s past life and struggle with Being X. Was just to give her more information about the situation? Why?

  “Um, would it be, would it be possible for me to go with her. I want to go with the colonel; I do not wish to leave her side. I… I could help her, she’ll be all alone, no one will know who she is, and I could stay by her side supporting her. Please even if it’s just for a little longer I want to stand by her, I don’t want her to be alone.”

  “Well said, your earnest desires have been known unto me since before I brought you here. It is for this purpose that I have shown you all of this. So that you can make an informed decision before asking this of me. Know that this choice will delay your own reincarnation and may also be detrimental to your eternal development. There is a reason none are supposed to remember their past lives. Do you still wish this of me?”

  “Yes!”

  “Very well, if Tanya permits it.”

  Tanya was finding herself in a strange condition. She was very surprised by the emotional outburst Visha just displayed. Her initial reaction was to instantly accept.

  Her heart was beating at a very rapid pace, and her stomach was doing flips that reminded her of evasive arial maneuvers. She was, happy that Visha wanted to go with her.

  But caution and logic won out, and a thorough cost benefit analysis needed to be carried out. Tanya already had the beginnings of a plan for how she was going to go about setting up her new life. With no Identification it was going to be difficult, even with the evidence of a having a Japanese father. Getting papers for Visha on top of that would prove very difficult given Japan’s immigration laws.

  Not to mention the work required to integrate Visha into a modern society as well as the cost to house and feed her, add education on top of that. The list continued on; it was almost like Tanya would be strapping herself with a child dependent. But memories of Visha flying beside her all these years watching her back kept flashing through her head, and she kept reliving the vision of seeing her fly back into danger to die by her side.

  In the end Tanya felt like she owed Visha. She had dragged Visha across every front during year after year of the war. Making her handle duties that went way beyond the value of her salary.

  She had contemplated putting her up for a promotion many times, only to hesitate and hold off for fear of losing her trusted subordinate. This new situation presented an opportunity to pay Visha back for some of that.

  Tanya knew the modern world would have many conveniences that would be very much appreciated by Visha, and a small rebellious part of her wanted to be with Visha when she experienced these new things, happy things for once.

  Tanya turned to agree with Visha’s request but found her voice catching when she met Visha’s eyes and saw the hope in them. She found herself at a loss for words and could only nod her head to demonstrate her acceptance.

  “So be it. I will place you both in together in a dangerous situation that will be beneficial for your circumstance. It will help you get started on those worries you had Tanya. While also answering the prayers of many who are in need. By helping them you shall help yourselves. I bid you adieu.”

  “NOW GO FORTH!”