?

  When confronted by a room full of unfamiliar people staring open-mouthed at your nakedness, there are only a few viable responses. You can turn and run, you can cover yourself up with your hands and hurry on, or you can do what I did.

  I put on the most imperious expression I could manage, one based on the look my second adopted father used to use when he strode the halls of The Palace of Long Lasting Bliss. A look that both declared my dominance over any space I entered, and my own comfortability in that dominance. Adding the same arrogant bent to my stride, I walked over to a young man on one of the seats. He was wearing a mesh shirt that ended well before his belly button and had a huge mane of spiked hair that pulsed to a new colour every few heartbeats.

  It was shocking to see such powerful magics employed just for a person’s vanity, but even in the brief time I had spent in this new realm, it was clear mystics and wizards must be common in the extreme. More important than his appearance was the long black coat he had folded over the back of the chair he was seated on.

  “I’m taking this.” I declared, reaching out to grab the coat. Against the backdrop of stunned silence in the room, my words were likely clear to all present. The man with the shifting hair looked me up and down for a moment before grinning.

  “You look like you could probably use it more than I can.” It was hardly the funniest joke I had ever heard, but given the circumstances and the man’s infectious grin, I found myself tossing my head back and laughing.

  Still smiling, I thanked the man and slipped the long coat on. It didn’t have buttons or ties, but somehow the front snapped closed on its own accord and stayed secured that way. ‘Helpful.’ I mused before stalking across the [Waiting Room] with the same arrogant gait.

  “Please, Master Lu Bu. It would be best if you just waited here. I have contacted security. It may seem intimidating, but if you simply cooperate, we can get this all sorted out, and your new life explained to you properly.” Spoke the spirit into my head. I ignored it and continued to follow the line marked [Staff Room].

  Once I was passed the group of staring strangers and back into a new yet equally nondescript hallway, I paused for a moment. The spirit had said it contacted security, that must be this fortress’s militia.

  “Spirit!” I demanded. “ Do you serve me or not?”

  “I am here to assist with your needs, but I must also obey the law to the best of my ability.” It replied.

  “Do not contact these security again, and do not give them additional information about my whereabouts.”

  “But”

  “OBEY ME!”

  The voice went quiet in my mind, which I took to be acquiescence. “ Next,” I went on. “Is it you that controls these lines I can see running along the floor?”

  “I can.” It said in a manner I’m sure was sulking.

  “Good, get rid of these ones and make me a new line that leads to the closest way out of this place.”

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “That is not a problem. But I must advise that-”

  “The closest way out, right now!” I roared. A few moments later, a single glowing red line appeared before me marked [Maintenance Drone Access]. Knowing I could never manage to fit in among the people here, I continued to choose speed as my best method of defense.

  I am uncertain if the spirit betrayed my orders or if I simply ran into bad luck or clever opposition, but the ‘security’ of this windowless fortress found me not long later.

  A pack of three men covered in armor I was instantly jealous of burst into the hallway. It covered them head to toe in what had to be steel, Steel! Even my own armor at the height of my power had been mostly bronze and leather. Within their helmeted faces the warriors eyes glowed a uniform bright burning blue.

  In each man’s hands were strange blocky metal talismans, each one marked with a box, the outline of which was flashing red. I did not initially understand the words within but they blurred for a moment and changed to [Threat: Hand-Bow]. They looked like no bow or sling I had ever seen, but nothing in this place looked the way I expected it to, if the spirit claimed they were small bows, I was inclined to believe it.

  A similar process took place with the boxes marking a black piece of metal on each man’s hip. The words began as gibberish I had no context for when they first appeared but quickly changed to [Threat: Lightning Wand].

  It was interesting how well these men were equipped for their role as internal guardsmen. Perhaps they were the elite of this fortress’s warrior contingent? It wouldn’t matter, I am Lu Bu, and none are more elite than I.

  This armor might be made of a rare and durable metal, but it was still just armor; it had the same weaknesses as all armor. Streaking towards the group, I knocked aside the hand-bow of the first man I encountered. The weapon fired, and I felt the wind tear beside my face as a tiny projectile my eyes could only just manage to track surged past me, propelled by an explosion of sound and heat I didn’t understand.

  ‘No time to ponder the weapon now.’

  Without pause or even thought I slammed a fist up under his armpit into the weak point in the armor that must exist there. If I had my true body, I likely wouldn’t have bothered, rather just slamming a palm or closed fist into their helmets until the heads within were battered to oblivion.

  Still, something broke as my fist collided with the thinner joint of the armor. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was the armor fracturing or his bones snapping, but I did know my own hand had thankfully survived the impact unscathed. The warrior went flying back into his companions, knocking one from his feet, and staggering the other. That was when the spirit’s panicked voice entered my head once more.

  “Please, master Lu Bu you are going to get yourself ki-”

  “Huh. Let's see…Oh, OH DEAR!” Suddenly, I could hear the voice of the spirit once more, but it wasn’t inside my head; it was everywhere. What was even more unnerving was that the pearlescent white walls of the halls around me turned the same violent red as when words flashed before me. A heartbeat later, words appeared on those same walls. It was bizarre, but I could tell it was no longer purely within my own vision. It was the same repeated phrase that the spirit was saying to everyone.

  ‘Hospital?’

  So....I've already started with the Dynasty Warriors memes

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