I thought I forgot her. I thought I was finally starting to live a life which wasn’t tied to my past. wasn’t tied to her.
“Elara…” I say her name like a reverent prayer, repeating it over and over in my head until all I can think about is her.
Do I feel guilty for still being attached so deeply to someone who is NOT Inez?
Yes, yes I do because it feels wrong towards Inez. Previously I saw Elara in my future but now… now I see Inez. Of course it’s her because I can feel all the obsession which once was for Elara now directing toward her. I wish I hadn’t come here… that all the memories hadn’t resurfaced. It stings just as bad as it did on the first day.
Perhaps even worse.
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Inez was correct, curiosity does get the cat killed except instead of getting killed I got emotionally stabbed in the heart. Fuck, all of this really took a toll on me.
She looks at the fountain against which we are leaning right now. “You know, patients often use this as a wishing fountain.” She’s trying to change the subject like she always does when comforting me and honestly, I like it. But the idea of standing and wishing on a fountain like a kid on his birthday sounds way too childish. So I just scoff at her words instead.
The very and only thing I desire is sitting right beside me. The deepest desire of my soul is her. I don’t know why but I see a glimpse of Elara in Inez. Initially too, she was never afraid of me, instead she grinned back at me in the same unnerving way that Elara would do. And I find that much more than mildly annoying. You know what? I think I want to make a wish. Who knows? Maybe the gods are playing a twisted game of their own. Perhaps what I wasn’t able to achieve through threats and persuasion might be achieved through this little wishing fountain.
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Wishing to whichever god is listening I look up at the sky, the words sounding almost desperate as I whisper them out loud in my mind.
Please...
Please...
Please let it be her...
Please...
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“It’s about her isn’t it? Is that why you’ve been so down these days?” I ask gently running a hand through his brown hair. He doesn’t say anything just nods, confirming my suspicion.
“She’ll come back to you. I’m sure she will find a way to.” I don’t say this to give him any false reassurance, I say it because I believe Nico and Serene are inseparable, at least for now. Inez told me all about what happened between them while I was gone and damn I’m so fucking proud of Nico for asking her out. Their story actually sounds like a high school rom-com series made for 13-year-olds, but in a good way of course.
Nico’s voice reaches my ears after what feels like ages. “She… she just left…” My heart aches at how broken he sounds and I drape a comforting arm along his shoulder, scooting closer.
“What if she couldn’t get the chance to say goodbye or worse maybe she was forced to leave the hospital premises? Think of it that way.”
He just looks at me blankly for a while and then nods quietly.
“But… but how didn’t Dr. Inez still figure out why I’m sad. She knows me very well.”
Smiling back at him I reply, “Oh trust me Nico, she knows very well what’s wrong. She just didn’t want to interfere between you and Serene.”
I hear him sigh. “I just hope she comes back…”
