I… I kind of had a breakdown after that. I don’t really remember the specifics of what happened from that point onwards… other than crying… lots of crying… mostly from me.
I shouldn’t have said what I did… why did I say all of that? I just got so angry… I wasn’t even angry with them… they were just… there. Gods… they probably all hate me now.
It’s me… it’s me that I’m angry at. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. What happened was my fault. I should have stopped it… I should have stopped all of this. If it wasn’t for me, then none of these people would think that the Grim could be reasoned with in the first place. I caused this… me.
Kiyui: “Dwynfel, this isn’t your fault.”
Kiyui stroked my head. We’ve been wrapped up together in a bedroll for… I have no idea how long. I don’t even remember how we got here. I just remember crying… then being in here.
We seem to be far away from everybody else… evidently, he felt like we needed some distance.
Kiyui: “I know what you’re like. I know that you always blame yourself. Well don’t. If it wasn’t for you then we’d be dead and Gaia knows what would be happening to Phoenix and the others. You always find fault with your own actions, but sometimes, Dwyn, sometimes you don’t do anything wrong… sometimes you make all the right decisions and things still don’t go your way. Sometimes life just screws us over and all we can do is deal with it the best we can.”
That is really not the comfort that he thinks it is.
Dwynfel: “There is always something that we could have done differently, Kiyui. If I had paid attention… if I had noticed the trap sooner… if I had talked her out of this in the first place. There are so many things that I could have done that would have changed the outcome.”
Kiyui: “You tried to talk her out of this; she wasn’t having it. You noticed it when you noticed it. You did your best.”
Dwynfel: “My best wasn’t good enough… my best is never good enough.”
Kiyui: “That isn’t true and you know it.”
Dwynfel: “It is… all I have done… all through my life is just fuck things up… again… and again. I should never have got into adventuring. I should have just kept myself concealed on the farm.”
Kiyui grabbed me and forcibly turned me round to face him. His face was millimetres away from mine.
Kiyui: “Don’t you dare. I’ve told you off for this before, and I will continue to do so every time you say stupid stuff like that. I know that sometimes things don’t go the way that we want them to. But the good that you have done far outweighs everything else. And the stuff that hasn’t gone our way hasn’t gone bad because you’re a terrible person. Some things are just beyond our control. You always try your best and do what you think is right. The fact that you are lying here doubting yourself shows just how much you care. You are always looking to do better and that is a beautiful quality. There are so many reasons why I love you, Dwyn. And the fact that you always try to do what is best for everyone is one of them.”
He moved in and lightly kissed me. He was so delicate and careful as he did so. I barely felt his lips touch mine at first. Then he pressed firmer and I could feel tears falling from his cheeks onto mine.
Dwynfel: “I’m sorry… I didn’t want to make you cry.”
Kiyui: “I know you didn’t. But please, stop blaming yourself.”
Dwynfel: “I’ll try.”
Kiyui: “Now, come with me.”
He wiggled his way out of the bedroll.
Dwynfel: “Where are we going?”
Kiyui: “We’re going to say goodbye to our friends.”
He started walking towards the back of the ruins… towards the room where the bodies were being kept.
Dwynfel: “Kiyui… would you at least put some clothes on first… or at least wait for me to get my armour on.”
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Kiyui: “It’s a warm night, it’ll be fine.”
Dwynfel: “It isn’t the temperature that concerns me.”
Kiyui: “Urgh… fine. You know, after all this time together, I thought you would be a bit more used to nudity.”
Dwynfel: “I am used to it… at home… but public nudity is still something that unnerves me.”
Kiyui: “If you insist.”
Kiyui put his battle dress on, but didn’t bother with his undergarments or shawl. After getting my armour back on, we walked towards the back of the ruins, with Feiffer bounding along beside us.
The bodies were being kept behind a little wooden door. Smutisha had had the bodies preserved as best as possible as soon as we emerged from the caves. But even so, we didn’t bring embalming fluid or anything… so they will need to be sorted properly when we get back to Fort Bracken.
As we approached the door, it occurred to me that seeing the bodies… in their current state… may not be a very good idea. Kiyui never saw the bodies properly. I know that he wants to say goodbye… but I think it would be better to do that later… at the funerals.
Dwynfel: “Kiyui, I don’t think we should go in there.”
Kiyui: “We are just going to say goodbye.”
Dwynfel: “We can do that at the funeral. We don’t need to see them as they are… trust me… their wounds were not pleasant.”
Kiyui: “I’ll be fine… you’re being overprotective.”
He went to open the door, but I grabbed his hand.
Dwynfel: “Please, don’t.”
Kiyui: “Dwynfel, I’m going in there.”
Dwynfel: “Why? Why not wait for the funeral?”
Kiyui: “Two reasons… one, because I think you need to say goodbye properly. And two, because I want to know what really happened.”
Dwynfel: “What?”
Kiyui: “I’m not stupid, Dwyn. I know nobody knocked me out with a rock.”
Dwynfel: “Excuse me?”
Kiyui: “I don’t have any after effects of concussion, no evidence of a bump to the head and I am perfectly capable of telling when my arm has been sliced open. I know full well what I let out. I may not know what happened after that… but I know something did. I know you are just trying to protect me, but I need to know. So, I am going in there and I am looking at those bodies.”
Shit… I didn’t think that lie through. He can’t know what he did to Agaroth… it’ll destroy him… shit… think… think.
Feiffer bit my boot. When I was distracted, Kiyui pushed my arm out of the way and barged into the room.
Dwynfel: “Stop! I’m sorry that I lied. The others were there and I knew you wouldn’t want them to know.”
Kiyui: “Where are the bodies?”
Dwynfel: “What?”
Kiyui: “The bodies… they aren’t here.”
I rushed to Kiyui’s side and looked around the room. He was right… it was empty. The stone tables where they had been placed were bare. Some bloodied rags were scattered about the room and there were scrape marks on the floor that led towards a crumbled wall at the back of the room.
Kiyui: “Where does that wall lead?”
Dwynfel: “Deeper into the ruins.”
Kiyui: “I thought Smutisha had her men check this place for monsters.”
Dwynfel: “She did.”
Kiyui: “Then what happened?”
Dwynfel: “I don’t know… we should get help.”
Kiyui: “Let’s see what’s on the other side of that wall first.”
Dwynfel: “Kiyui…”
Kiyui: “If it is some creature it could be eating them or something. The longer we wait, the more destroyed they’ll be.”
He cast illumination and rushed off through the gap in the wall, followed by Feiffer. I ran after him. I heard the sound of a door slamming, but I was too focussed on Kiyui to pay much attention.
Kiyui: “Gaia… no!”
I reached the gap in the wall and saw Kiyui stood… well… more frozen… in the centre of the room. The room was larger than the previous one… it had several large pillars holding up the ceiling and various damaged pots and vases scattered around the edges. It was probably a store room at some point. But what has Kiyui so unnerved?
I heard a strange groan come from behind the pillar at the back right of the room.
Dwynfel: “Kiyui… I think we should leave… now.”
I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the jagged gap in the wall. When I did, suddenly the door slamming made sense. Stood in front of the now shut door… it was Keith. His one remaining eye was glaring at us. I panicked and turned back towards the pillar… out stepped Agaroth… his skin pale… his eyes soulless.
Dwynfel: “What the hell is happening?”
(Kiyui should have his fingerless gloves on. And his hands should also be furry. But ya know... AI.
