When I woke up the next morning, Kiyui was still asleep. Unleashing his demonic side certainly seems to drain him. I didn’t mind. It was nice to wake up before him for once.

  I tried to shuffle out from underneath him but it caused him to cuddle in closer. I didn’t want to wake him up, so I tried to stay relatively still. The paralysis spell had worn off my arms, so I tried to move them. Fucking hell… they were so stiff that it hurt just to straighten them. I continued bending and straightening my arms to try and relieve the stiffness. I suppose this is what happens when you don’t move your arms for over a week.

  I could hear Phoenix and Agaroth getting supplies ready in the kitchen. Suddenly the door opened. My mum walked in carrying a tray of toast with some fresh butter.

  There are certainly benefits to being back on the farm… by the gods… fresh butter is amazing… eating stale, dry, borderline inedible bread when out adventuring just doesn’t compare to this at all. She looked at me… then at Kiyui… then back at me and smiled. Oh shit… hang on… does she think?

  Indira: “You two look so sweet.”

  Dwynfel: “It was cold mum… don’t read into it.”

  Indira: “Your body disagrees with you dear… I’ll just leave this here.”

  The fuck does she mean by that? My mum placed the tray on the bedside table and I looked down and realised the tent pole situation that I had going on.

  Dwynfel: “For the love of the gods… its morning, mum!”

  Indira: “Whatever you say, dear.

  She left the room smirking to herself. As much as I hate to admit it… I don’t think this is entirely due to it being the morning. After last night, I feel so close to him… I feel connected to him… I think I really like him. But I can’t… I just can’t… if I let myself give in to these feelings, I might lose control. I cannot turn into those creatures from that nest… I won’t.

  Kiyui: “Mm mm…. Morning.”

  Dwynfel: “Morning.”

  Kiyui: “You alright? You look worried about something?”

  Dwynfel: “It’s nothing… I’ll be fine. My arms are working now… look.”

  I straightened and bent my arms a few times. Kiyui put his hand on my arm and lightly squeezed the muscle in my arm and smiled at me.

  Kiyui: “Very impressive.”

  Oh gods… that smile of his just makes it worse… why does he have to be so adorable… it’s making me so anxious.

  Dwynfel: “We should get up… we will need to be leaving soon if we want this to actually work.”

  Kiyui: “But this is so comfy. Can’t we just stay like this a bit longer.”

  He closed his eyes and nuzzled his head into my chest.

  Dwynfel: “I suppose we could stay a little bit longer.”

  At least staying a bit longer gave my erection time to go down before he noticed it. After a little bit of time, we ate the toast and got ready to set off to find this nest. My mum had made us all packed lunches and she’d packed extra food for the girl once we had rescued her. Using my mum’s farm as a base of operations certainly has its advantages.

  Phoenix informed us that our next destination wasn’t actually too far away. The duke’s daughter was visiting an orphanage on her way to Vardan… just a standard charitable visit… nothing major. The rumours in Vardan were simply that she had not arrived in the city as scheduled. So, we needed to know if she had disappeared before she made it to the orphanage or after.

  Phoenix knew the way, so she took the lead. Kiyui was walking up front with her, while Agaroth and I were walking behind. Fortunately, the weather was a significant improvement on the day before… it still wasn’t warm… but at least it wasn’t raining. I couldn’t help but watch Kiyui as he walked ahead of me. Even from behind he just gives off this aura of beauty…

  Agaroth: “The fuck’s goin on wi you?”

  Dwynfel: “What… nothing.”

  Agaroth: “Nothin’ my arse. Ya fucked him didn’t ya.”

  Dwynfel: “What the fu… No!”

  Agaroth: “Ya wanna though, don’t ya?”

  I took a deep breath.

  Dwynfel: “Look… we’ve just bonded a bit over the last week, ok.”

  Agaroth: “Don’t lie ta yaself. The way you look at ‘im’s changed. Even I can see that.”

  Dwynfel: “Agaroth… let’s hypothetically say that what you are saying is true. I still can’t do anything about it.”

  Agaroth: “Why the fuck not? I understand why ya couldnae before, hiding ya skin n’ all. But what the fuck’s stoppin’ ya now? He’s a sweet wee boy. Just talk to him for fuck’s sake.”

  Dwynfel: “Because I’m a goblin… and not just any goblin… a Grim… ya know… the degenerate rapists. I can’t just go round being so casual with sex.”

  Agaroth: “Oh calm the fuck down. Ya fancied the pants of that Tilda for years. Travelled wi’ her, drank wi’ her, slept a matter of feet from the woman. Exactly how many times did you rape her?”

  I gave him with a very disapproving glare.

  Agaroth: “Exactly! None. Fuckin’ zero, pal. Do you have any idea how many women I walk past on a daily basis that I would happily fuck into oblivion? Fuckin’ most of ‘em pal. Cause women are fuckin’ attractive. But I don’t just dive on and go for it, do I? Course I fuckin’ don’t. Cause I’ve got self-control, and you clearly do too, otherwise you’d have done it by now. Ya ain’t gonnae lose your self-control just cause ya get a wee taste of it. Fuck’s sake.”

  Dwynfel: “You don’t know that… what if I start and I can’t control myself… what if he changes his mind and I can’t stop myself… what if I hurt him? I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

  Agaroth: “Why are you so sure it will? Look, when did ya first have a wank?”

  What on earth? Where the hell is he going with this?

  Dwynfel: “When I was eight, but I fail to see…”

  Agaroth: “And when you were seven, how often did ya think aboot having a wank?”

  Dwynfel: “I didn’t.”

  Agaroth: “Exactly. ya didn’t, you were just innocently bobbing along, completely unaware how such things feel. Then one day, one magical moment, ya come across it. An’ it feels so amazing, ya wannae do it again. After that first time that’s it, ya hooked. Whenever ya get a few minutes alone ya start thinkin’ “a could go for a quick wank right about now.” Once ya get exposed, it becomes a habit, almost an addiction.”

  Dwynfel: “You do realise that you are just proving my point!”

  Agaroth: “Aye. But ya control it don’t ya. Ya don’t sit across the table from ya ma on a morning, eating ya breakfast, cock in hand, do ya? A course ya fuckin’ don’t. Ya wait for a discreet moment when ya can sneak off, don’t ya. You’ve got nae other outlet, ya must do it all the time.”

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  I gave him yet another disapproving glare.

  Agaroth: “I’ll take that silence as a yes. Well, sex is the same. Once ya have it that first time, you’ll want it again… and again… and again. You’ll want tae keep having it until you can’t no more. Just like wankin’ though, you won’t suddenly lose control cause ya’ve done it once. Ya won’t pounce on everyone who passes by. It’s denying yourself these things that makes people lose their shit later. That’s when ya gonnae lose control. A good fuck from time to time is much healthier. And as far as people tae introduce ya tae it go, he’s fuckin’ perfect. He were great wi’ ma Jonty. Only lad my boy’s ever picked, prefers the lasses like his dad. He’s got a fuck load of experience. Great for teachin’ ya how it’s done. Is it cause he’s a laddie? Cause ya know, nowt wrong wi’ that. Hell, I fucked a lad once. Course, I didnae know he were a lad at first.”

  Dwynfel: “I’m sorry, but what? How could you not realise?”

  Agaroth: “Look, not everyone has your fancy goblin sense a smell.”

  Dwynfel: “Even so…”

  Agaroth: “Look, I wasnae always the man o the world that I am now.”

  Man of the world? That’s a bit of a stretch. I would say prostitute addict… but clearly our views differ.

  Agaroth: “It were back in ma early adventurin.’ I didnae have the money tae go whorin.’ I had tae go on the pull and try my luck…”

  Well, he’d be screwed if he had to do that today. Most of the women in town won’t go near him because… well… he has an unsavoury reputation.

  Agaroth: “So, I’m at the tavern, right. An’ I see this bird. Beautiful face. Bit chunky, but no’ as chunky as I normally like ‘em. Wee bit shorter than me, but I like that. Anyway, I gets chattin’ to her, tell her I think she’s gorgeous and well, one thing leads tae another an’ she’s givin’ me a blowy down a back alley.”

  I feel we missed quite a few steps there. And also… a back alley, urgh, I always knew the guy had no standards… but come on.

  Agaroth: “Next thing I know she’s rubbing butter up and down ma cock. Now, as I said, I wasnae the man o the world that I am now. I’m thinkin’ maybe she wants tae add a bit o flavour tae it, maybe that’s why she’s a bit chunky, ya know, cause she’s latherin’ butter on all the cocks she gobbles…”

  He started laughing to himself… quietly at first, but it grew in volume.

  Agaroth: “… enjoys a knob of butter you might say…”

  His laugh got so loud that Kiyui and Phoenix turned around to look at him. After a few seconds Phoenix rolled her eyes and they continued walking ahead.

  Dwynfel: “Don’t you think you should try to keep it down.”

  Agaroth: “Don’t be daft. He’s heard much worse. And she’s been blockin’ me oot for years.”

  Dwynfel: “Even so…”

  Agaroth: “Ah, fine. If it’ll stop ya panickin.’”

  He lowered his voice slightly. But it was still loud enough that I didn’t need to make any attempt to hear.

  Agaroth: “So, I’m stood there, harder than a knob of butter that’s been left in the snow…”

  He smirked to himself.

  Agaroth: “An’ instead of plantin’ her lips back on it. She spins round, whips down the britches, bends forward n’ spreads the cheeks wide.”

  He took this moment to do a rather unfortunate mime.

  Agaroth: “Now, I’m thinkin’ to maself, right, okay, we’ve got no runes, the lassie doesnae want tae get pregnant. An’ I’m no’ one tae look a gift horse in the arse. So, I slide right in there. An’ fuck me, it’s the tightest hole I’ve ever been in. I’m fuckin’ churnin’ the butter inside her, an’ I reach round tae grab a bit a tit. Funny, not much there, I just think she’s a bit flat chested, no’ everybody’s blessed by the big tit fairy. So, I decide tae reach a bit lower.”

  Oh gods… seriously?

  Agaroth: “So, I’m sliding down there, going for the clit, ya know. Only tha isnae any clit tae be had. Just a big ol’ cock bouncin’ about. Needless tae say, I were a bit stunned. He picks up on it an’ asks me what’s wrong. So, I explain the situation, all delicately like.”

  This man has never explained anything delicately in his life.

  Agaroth: “Poor lad gets all embarrassed. An’ I know he’s embarrassed cause his face has gone all red. Not tae mention I feel his arse clamping down on ma cock like a fuckin’ vice, which wasn’t the worse feelin’ in the world, if ya know what a mean.”

  He didn’t even pull out before explaining the situation? Seriously, what is wrong with this man?

  Agaroth: “So, he asks if a wannnae stop. An’ well, it may not a been the situation I would have chosen. But I’m still hard as a fuckin’ rock and being inside the guy certainly felt great. So, I says “Don’t be daft. I’ve started, so I’ll finish.” And we cracked on wi’ it. Gave ‘im a bit of a reach around while I were ploughin’ him. Cause, well, it’s the polite thing tae do. It wasnae his fault. He wasnae pretendin’ tae be a lassie. He just had one a them faces, delicate wee features, ya know. An’ if I’m being honest, I wasnae entirely sober.”

  Well that I can definitely believe. He hasn’t been sober since I met him.

  Agaroth: “Incidentally, that’s trickier than you’d think.”

  Dwynfel: “What is?”

  Agaroth: “The reach around. It’s like that thing, ya know, when ya try tae pat ya head and rub ya stomach at the same time.”

  He stopped walking at started trying to pat his head and rub his stomach. He looked ridiculous.

  Agaroth: “Tryin’ tae coordinate two movements at the same time, it’s tricky, ‘specially when ya pished.”

  Dwynfel: “Please stop.”

  He adhered to my request and stopped the silly hand movements.

  Agaroth: “Anyway, we got over the embarrassment an’ it were a fun wee time. But ya know, I just prefer a bit a cunt.”

  Dwynfel: “Did you ever see him again?”

  Agaroth: “Nah… not that I woulda objected tae a second round. He was just passin’ through town wi’ a party of his own. Would nae know where tae find ‘im if I tried. Besides, I can afford the prozzies now, so I’m good. Get ma fill a cunt on the daily. Ma point is, ya shouldnae be embarrassed about fancyin a laddie. I’ve been balls deep in one, an’ I can tell you, it isnae half bad.”

  His turn of phrase genuinely turns my stomach.

  Dwynfel: “As delightful as that little story was… that isn’t it at all… actually if anything that’s a good thing… no pregnancy risk. I just can’t risk hurting him… I’ve ruined his life enough already.”

  Agaroth: “Well, he clearly does nae think so. He thinks the sun shines out your arse, pal! His arm’s still fucked cause he made me use all my healing spells on you. Just dial down the fuckin’ paranoia and give him a chance. Ya never know when life’s gonna fuck you over, so ya may as well get some fuckin’ in first.”

  I really do hate how vulgar he is, but I can’t get what he said out of my head. He does have a point… all those years pining after Tilda… I never lost control or did anything. In all of the chaos of yesterday I hadn’t actually thought about Tilda in a while. I used to think about her all the time… every day… for years… I would have done anything just to feel her skin against mine…now the space in my head that she used to occupy is filled with thoughts of somebody else entirely.

  Am I obsessive? Is this how normal people are? Should I be fixating so heavily on one person? Does fixation not increase my risk of losing control? Then again… as Agaroth said… I’ve never lost control yet. But if I give in and get a taste for it, then that could just be the catalyst that propels me into addiction.

  When Kiyui called me repressed yesterday, he said that being a goblin doesn’t define me… I am certainly different from other goblins… but is that because I’m so diligent about not giving into my urges? Or has my mother somehow moulded me into something new… a goblin who can control himself… who won’t lose control… I just don’t know. Therefore, this is not a risk that I am willing to take.