Su ran until her short wings burned with exertion.

  ?She didn't stop until she was far beyond the sound of Xander MacTavish’s voice, which, to her immense relief, faded into the background drone of the forest. She had to put at least a mountain between herself and that walking, talking tartan disaster.

  ?She collapsed beneath a dense bush, panting. Deep breaths. Find grubs. Find peace. Forget the fact that my life is now an inescapable, low-budget adventure game.

  ?She closed her eyes, trying to focus on her objective. Her brief moment of zen lasted exactly ten minutes. A shadow fell over her. A human one.

  ?Su snapped her head up. Xander was standing over her, looking slightly disheveled but utterly triumphant.

  ?"Speckle! There you are! I see you took a scenic detour. That’s good! You’re thinking outside the bridge, I like that! You know, I couldn't find a magnet big enough to tow a log, and I realized that rope alone wouldn't do it, so I decided to use the old MacTavish method: focus! And it worked! I found you in five minutes!"

  ?Su stared. This man’s internal logic is powered by chaos. How can he be this efficient at finding me, but completely unable to pack a snack?

  ?She let out a miserable groan, burrowing her head deeper into the moss. This was the epitome of her second life: trying to be a serious, emotionally damaged survivor, and constantly being tracked down by a human puppy.

  ?Xander misinterpreted the gesture immediately. His face, which had been beaming with self-congratulation, softened into completely misguided, sympathy.

  ?"Aww, don't look so down, little friend," he murmured, kneeling down. "I understand. I really do. It’s the loneliness, isn't it? This forest is a big, empty place. It’s lovely, sure, but you need company. You need someone who understands the quiet majesty of a good, sturdy fern, huh?"

  ?He sat back on his heels, his eyes lighting up with that manic glow that usually preceded a terrible business idea.

  ?"And that, Speckle, is where I come in! Xander MacTavish, problem solver, and now... a man who sees an opportunity!"

  ?Su kept her head down, but internally she screamed: I am not lonely! I am existentially furious! And whatever you are thinking, the answer is NO!

  ?Xander launched into his pitch, gesturing with his hands as if sketching out the next great financial empire in the air.

  ?"See, when I first spotted you, I thought, 'That’s a magnificent creature. Totally dull, yes, but unique.' But now I realize the true value! You’re the last of your kind, perhaps! And you’re clearly a lovely female."

  ?Oh, here we go. The gender misunderstanding. Again.

  ?"Now, the demand for unique, speckled peacocks? Low. But the demand for unique, speckled peacock offspring? That’s gold, Speckle! Pure, feather-based gold!" Xander leaned in, his voice dropping conspiratorially. "Think about it! You need a mate! A strapping, magnificent fellow to give you some beautiful, high-value chicks! And I, Xander MacTavish, shall find him for you!"

  ?He jumped up, suddenly energized by the thought of potential profit.

  ?"We’ll set up a little cottage, Speckle! We’ll advertise in the capital. 'Rare, Speckled Peahen Seeks Affluent, High-Plumage Peacock for Mutual Prosperity.' We’ll use the cross-species angle later, but for now, we focus on the elegance!"

  ?Su shot to her feet, flapping her wings and squawking a torrent of indignant, high-volume noise. MATE? AFFLUENT? I AM MALE, YOU IDIOT! AND I AM NOT HAVING BABIES WITH ANYONE! I AM AN ACCIDENTALLY TRANSGENDER, IMMORTAL CON-ARTIST TRYING TO AVOID POLITICAL ASSASSINATION, NOT A DAMN POULTRY FARM!

  ?Xander merely interpreted her frantic display as excitement.

  ?"See? I knew you’d like the idea! Enthusiasm is key! Now, before we head to The Dampest Bog, we need a slight detour. We need to find a Peacock. This is going to be great, Speckle! You’ll be rich, I’ll be rich, and you won’t be lonely anymore!"

  ?Su stopped flapping. Her wings drooped in utter defeat. The realization was stark and horrifying. Then she start running from him, there’s no other way left.

  Su’s lungs burned, but she refused to stop running. Behind her, Xander, was still in pursuit, fueled by nothing but blind entrepreneurial delusion.

  ?She finally darted behind a cluster of massive, ancient oaks, hoping to lose him in the shadows. She paused, catching her breath, and listened.

  ?"Speckle! Wait up, you magnificent, cash-generating creature!" Xander's voice, though muffled, was getting closer. "We need to talk about the 'Bereaved Feather' brand logo! I’m thinking a sad, speckled outline with a tiny, tragic tear drop, perhaps made of gold thread!"

  ?Gold thread? Su silently seethed. I will use that gold thread to sew your mouth shut. I’m an immortal soul trapped in a bird's body, and this idiot thinks he’s found his retirement fund.

  ?She peeked around the tree just as Xander stumbled into the clearing. His face was flushed with exertion and excitement.

  ?"There you are! You’re getting so fit, Speckle! Excellent endurance! That’ll be great for the brood!"

  ?Su let out a shriek of loathing and rage. It was a sound that belonged in a horror movie, not a forest mating pursuit.

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  ?Xander, predictably, took it as a business query. "A powerful cry! Good. We need to market that. 'The Song of the Sorrowful Survivor.' Now, listen! I found a potential investor!"

  ?He grabbed her (with surprising gentleness for a man of his size) and tucked her under his arm like a bulky football. Su thrashed violently, but his grip was firm.

  ?"We passed old Mr. Abernathy’s farm! He has a magnificent tail on his bird. We just need to pitch him the cross-species value!"

  ?They arrived at a rickety wooden fence surrounding a small, surprisingly pristine paddock. Standing in the middle was a peacock so stunning, Su felt a reflexive, professional assessment flicker in her mind: 9/10 plumage, great color saturation, terrible gait.

  ?Xander cleared his throat and addressed the magnificent bird, ignoring the grumpy old farmer standing nearby. "Excuse me, Your Plumage! I bring you the future of wealth! This is the rare Speckled Hen—the key to unlocking entirely new market tiers! Think about the scarcity!"

  ?The magnificent peacock didn't even turn his head. He was too busy inspecting a barely visible blade of grass with the focused intensity of a CEO examining a faulty decimal point.

  ?The farmer spat a seed onto the ground. "That bird's named nubbly. He don't breed for money. He breeds for spite. And he ain't interested in that dull thing you got there."

  ?"Dull?" Xander looked horrified. "Sir, this is a minimalist aesthetic! It speaks to the modern consumer who values function over unnecessary flash!"

  Nubbly, the peacock finally let out a squawk that was a sound of dismissive harrumph. He then marched to the opposite corner of the paddock.

  ?"See?" the farmer said. "Spite."

  ?Xander, however, was already moving. "Fine! Nubbly’s loss! We'll find someone with vision! The cross-species market is untouched!"

  ?He barely made it twenty feet down the dirt track before they ran into the next threat.

  ?An elderly woman, barely five feet tall and garden-gnome determination, was wheeling a wooden cart filled with colorful, hand-knitted bird sweaters. She stopped dead, her eyes locking onto Su.

  ?"Oh, my word," the woman breathed, clutching her chest. "Is that a Spotted Hen?"

  ?"Ma'am! You have vision!" Xander crowed, immediately dropping Su and launching into his pitch. "I'm Xander MacTavish, brand consultant, and this is 'The Bereaved Feather,' a rare, independent hen looking for a partnership to unlock a high-value, unique brood..."

  ?"Nonsense!" the old woman snapped, cutting him off mid-sentence. "She's not bereaved, she's lonely! That coloring is precisely what my Bartholomew needs! He's too handsome; all the other hens flock to him, and he loses his focus. He needs a challenge! He needs unique genetics!"

  ?She thrust a hand out. "I'm Aunt Sofedy and I'm taking her."

  ?Xander's eyes widened. "Ma'am, the partnership needs negotiation! I'm her manager! We require 40% of the first hatch and a non-refundable upfront fee for her time and emotional labor!"

  ?Aunt Sofedy reached into her shawl pocket and produced a single gold coin that glittered wickedly in the sun.

  "This buys you five minutes of my time and no percentage of Bartholomew's progeny. If she mates, you get the coin. If she doesn't, you get chased off by my prize-winning goose. Deal?"

  ?Xander snatched the coin before Su could even finish formulating the word Betrayal. "It's a temporary loan agreement, but accepted!"

  ?Su was horrified. Before Su could unleash her full Level 1 psychic assault, Aunt Sofedy was upon them. She moved with surprising speed, wrapping Su in a soft but incredibly durable netted shawl.

  ?"Right into the holding pen, you little beauty!" Aunt Sofedy cackled. "You'll meet your new husband!"

  ?Su found herself staggering inside a ridiculously oversized cage. The walls were latticed mahogany, smelling faintly of lavender and there he was.

  ?Bartholomew.

  ?He was truly magnificent. His tail was so enormous it easily covered three feet of the cage floor. He was large, perfectly groomed, and radiating an air of untouchable, world-weary aristocracy.

  ?Bartholomew was currently sitting, his back to Su, meticulously polishing a single, random feather with his beak.

  He acted as if the sudden, violent intrusion of a furious hen and the accompanying shrieking of Aunt Sofedy was merely a distant, annoying insect buzzing near his ear.

  ?Su thrashed her way out of the net and shook herself off and glared at the large, indifferent creature.

  ?She marched over to Bartholomew, planted her feet, and let a series of sharp, furious squawks and hisses.

  ?"Listen, you glittering, over-plumed idiot," she squawked, gesturing wildly at her own plain body. "This is a disaster. I am not a hen. I am a male peacock. Cursed, stripped, but male. Your owner bought me from that tartan terrorist who thinks my non-existent offspring are going to fund his liquor habit. This scheme is biologically impossible and financially unsound! So, if you could please have the decency to act mortified by the deception, we can both escape this polygamous prison."

  ?Bartholomew stopped polishing his feather. He slowly twisted his neck to look at her. His eyes met hers and let out a perfectly clear, yet entirely uninterested 'HMM.'

  ?Then, he blinked, turned his attention back to his feather, and resumed polishing.

  ?Su stared, speechless.

  ?"Don't 'Hmm' me, you living jewelry box!" Su sputtered. "I am telling you the literal truth of my genetic inconvenience! I am Lord Crestfall! This is a scam! You should be reacting with horror, not... that! That's the face of a creature who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing!"

  ?Bartholomew sighed. He then opened his beak, and spoke, "I am Bartholomew. I am one of the most successful breeding males in the district. As for your... genetic variable... fascinating," he said, still focused on his feather. "The simple, practical truth is this: Aunt Sofedy has determined that your unique, recessive coloring which she incorrectly believes signals femaleness and exotic genetics, will produce a high-value chick that finally brings her joy. I am required to perform. You are required to submit. The world is a market, and we are the product. Now, please try not to drip on the hay. It's new."

  ?Su stared at the capitalist peacock. His acceptance of the ridiculous loop was far more savage than her own rage.

  ?This is worse than Xander.

  ?Su backed away slowly, her mind reeling. She was trapped with a peacock who talked like a broker and treated her as damaged goods.

  ?Suddenly, the screen in her vision flashed, responding to the extreme, humiliating danger of her predicament.

  ?<< NEW CONTINGENCY OBJECTIVE: EXPOSURE >>

  The current Host status (Male Peacock, Female Appearance) compromises all survival routes.

  OBJECTIVE: Force a full gender identity reveal in a public, legally significant setting.

  REWARD: TEMPORARY INVULNERABILITY TO BETRAYAL MECHANICS.

  ?Legally significant setting... Su looked around the cage, then through the wooden lattice where she could hear Aunt Sofedy cackling to Xander about gold thread. This isn't just a cage. This is a potential marriage negotiation. This is as legally binding as it gets.

  ?Su squared her shoulders. "Fine, Bartholomew. You want narrative? I'll give you a narrative. Before I mate with anyone, I'm going to ruin this entire business venture, starting with your precious reputation."

  ?Bartholomew didn't even flinch. "Good luck, Lord Crestfall. The market rarely accepts disruptive technology."

  ?Su let out a quiet, dangerous hiss. Bartholomew had no idea how disruptive she could be.