Erin

  —

  So apparently Tauros sometimes do Stampede… Actually, they Stampede a lot! They were just relatively easy to discourage. How? Generally Gym Leader Janine or her trainers would go knock them back with some fun and exciting killing before it really got started and endangered anyone, simple.

  So why were we riding in the basket out to the plains before we ever entered Fuchsia?

  Because the Rangers had requested Leto. They knew we were moving this way thanks to Dexter, and said that Leto would easily be able to stop the Stampede they could see forming before it really got going, with far less danger to trainers or their Pokemon. It would also inhibit their Stampedes in the future for far longer, she wouldn't be using any poison Moves that may destroy the meat, and as a bonus, we could take as many of the carcasses she generated as we wanted. Obviously, but still! I had already called mom and had her get Gyarados and Midir ready, and they would be here soon. Gyarados might be a slow flyer, but he was strong, and he could still carry a few back. Especially with straps!

  When we slowed to a stop in front of the Ranger Station out here in the plains, moms awesome statue looming next to it, I didn't bother to step onto the ground.

  I just pulled myself onto her head in anticipation.

  "Sis, you are not riding mom into battle!" I smiled down at Leaf. I just smiled…

  "Careful Leaf, I thought you were trying to not lie, either? And I don't ride her, nobody does, I surf her!" She glared at me even as Alex spoke up.

  "Why would you, Erin? You'll just slow her down!" I frowned at her, because she might be right…

  Of course the Rangers showed up and ruined my day.

  "Erin, if you try that, you're getting a black mark on your trainers card! I don't care if you do your insane shit during a regular hunt, this is not a regular hunt! You can ride along with me, but that's as close as you're getting to this!" The Head Ranger was glaring at me… for a moment.

  Then all three of them noticed how I was dressed and burst into laughter!

  At ME!

  "Why- Haha! Why are you dressed- Hah! -like that?! Where's your jacket?!" I felt my face get hot, but I just jumped off and looked at the ground… Leaf loved to tell-

  "She's being punished by mom for being so mean to Surge! She has to follow all my orders!" Now they were bellowing out laughs, and I… may have pouted a little, especially as mom smirked at me.

  Alex just had to get in on it, too.

  "She has to be nice, too! No vicious or mean looks, either!" Of course, this just set them off worse!

  I stood there, fuming! Blushing! Maybe pouting a little! These fucki-

  ""Nice Erin! No mean! No curse!"" 'I know… sweetie!'

  I was going a little insane… but I hadn't lied, obviously. I did want to be a nicer, better person… It was working so far, and I could tell, too… Still not sure this is the best way to do things, but hey, apparently my opinions don't matter!

  Or worse, my opinions actually were wrong. I had wanted to be a good person before, too. I had just failed… So many, many times…

  "Oh, Dexter, please tell us you have pictures? Aside from what Sparky is getting right now?" I looked up and glare- frowned at Sparky… who wasn't here yet! He was zooming over from the building now!

  The Head Ranger was grinning at me.

  "Now that is something to see right there! The Tiny Tyrant, tamed!" I was getting tired of everyone laughing at me as I stood there, embarrassed out of my mind!

  My sister was getting worse these days, too…

  "She has a new nickname, too! Erika gave it to her!" I glared at her, accepting the electricity as I ignored Dexter's little poke. They were looking at her in such hopeful anticipation I almost laughed at their expressions… Almost…

  "She's the Tyrant Princess!" Even mom was laughing hard at this!

  I looked at mom and pushed my aura out.

  'They just said I'm being tamed! Aren't you mad about that?' 'Accurate. Funny. Adorable!'

  'Mom, I know you got that word from a human, it felt like a human. Did… did Lance give you that word in aura?!' 'Funny. Idiot. Smarter.'

  'Lance is not smarter than me!' 'Adult. Outsmart. Child.' 'Once! That is not fair!' 'Accurate!'

  I glared at her… for a moment…

  "Oh, now that is a pout for Erika! As 'Her Royal Highness' asked nicely for a stronger fight!" I turned my glare on him an- and got shocked!

  Dexter was smiling at me as the Rangers crowded around Sparky… and Dexter showed me a picture. The picture!

  The same one framed and hung above our couch!

  I… was being nice! Like the nice person I wanted to be! Even if it was hard! So I didn't Screech this time…

  I just fumed near the garage until they were finally done…

  —

  —

  "Sorry we laughed at you, Princess, but it was hilarious! Leto agreed, too!" I didn't scowl this time, because yes, it was funny, I admit that… I would have been laughing in their shoes, too…

  "It's fine, it… was kind of funny, I'll admit…"

  "Were you really going to ride her out to battle?" I smiled at the Head Ranger as we rode in what looked like a Humvee… actually…

  "First, nobody rides her. You surf her, or hang on for dear life. Second, I reserve the right to remain silent about things that may or may not implicate me in idiotic, impulsive decision making processes. Third, I never asked you your name! Or the other two back at your base! Well, I heard Jess' name…" He laughed for a few seconds.

  "Kid, I was wondering when you were going to ask. It's Bruce." He was glaring at me even as I grinned. "What?" I shook my head in amusement as the other girls giggled a little in the back.

  "Nothing, it's just, Bruce does not surprise me for some strange reason… No, really, it just fits!" I giggled as his face got a little red.

  "Well, she's about to hit the herd soon, and I want to be there to have Sparky record it! She never goes after them! She just picks one off, like grocery shopping!" Now I began to laugh.

  "Remind me what you told her to do?" I was… strategically positioned away from them when he had. He glanced at me even as he dropped us into a lower gear and we lurched forward.

  "I told her to kill as many as she can of the herd about to Stampede towards Fuchsia and to have fun?" The other two were giggling hard in the back now, and he began to look worried.

  "You have other herds, right?" He nodded. "Would losing this herd hurt?" His mouth was hanging open at this point.

  Then he slowly shook his head.

  —

  —

  "Do you think she would… let them go if I asked?" I burst into laughter as Head Ranger Bruce finally saw moms power.

  See, Leto was known for being a maneater in Galar, and a courteous mega predator here… Very few people on this side of the world had ever seen mom put any effort into a fight, including me.

  Considering the huge, jagged, rough stone wall that enclosed almost a quarter mile of plains, with a herd of over five hundred Tauros trapped inside? Very few people still had. That had been hard for her to do, sure, and it had utterly exhausted her as she sprinted full speed around them pulling it up while 'discouraging' them from fleeing with ranged attacks… like her absolutely insane storm of Ancient Power… but now that it was up and she wasn't staggering around in exhaustion? As she demolished the herd every time they tried to organize a breakout? Without Hyper Beams or anything that would destroy their meat? Just her bite and tail Moves?

  I think she was trying to domesticate them!

  "I think she wants to domesticate them!" I truly enjoyed the look on Bruce's face as he realized she might actually be wanting to do that…

  Midir and Gyarados thought it was hilarious too. Gyarados are also surprisingly good huggers! Well, it's fun to hug their face. They also roared to laugh, which was badass!

  "Well, she's already killed over a hundred! I mean… We already have crews coming out to collect the bodies, but I doubt she'll want to let us take most of them…" I shook my head.

  "She knows how decomposition works, and how big our freezer at home is. She will take another award, commendation, or… or accessory, because I am a horrible trainer!" Fuck! Sorry Hecate, but this qualifies! Nooo!

  I was getting weird looks now. I got it. I don't lie!

  "I told them I would make them headbands, too! Just Artemis and Kallen, this was before everyone else, but after that I just kind of… forgot! I took moms necklace I made for her for… a surprise, so that's fine… but I forgot Artemis and Kallen's headbands! I told them-"

  ""Artemis and Kallen say stop! No! All same now!"" 'I told them I would, Hecate! I broke my word!'

  ""Word not broken! Never say when!"" 'That is a fae way of interpreting it! So… good job, I guess?'

  I could hear her giggling in my head.

  I looked back up to find Bruce in pain, so I guess Hecate broadcast that…

  "Yeah, I may have… forgotten that…" Now they all looked amused. Leaf nudged me with her elbow, smiling.

  "You're allowed to forget things, Erin… Plus, weren't you looking for Mega Stones? Get them necklaces for those!" I snorted and shook my head.

  "I was seeing what was available here! Leaf, none of my Pokemon can Mega Evolve! None of our Pokemon can Mega Evolve, because why make a new design for every Pokemon, just focus on the popular o- It's ridiculous!" Shit, Bruce was giving me a look.

  Leaf's face fell a little at that, and I gave her a tiny shove.

  "Don't worry about not having a gimmicky, limited power up, one gate kept behind too much money or personal connections. I have… ideas." I turned to glare at Bruce as he slowly shifted over.

  "No, no, and no. You're a cool guy, and moms friend, but I really should just shut my mouth sometimes." I shook my head a little.

  "Either way, not the worst idea, Leaf, but ehh. Now, let's see if I can get mom to let some of them go… Do you want her to cull any more?" Bruce frowned at me for a moment, but shook his head.

  "Considering she just ate one, nah, we're good. This will probably be the most docile herd of Tauros in the world for at least a month after all this!" I agreed!

  She was terrifying down there! When they tried to attack her she just… spun! Let them practically knock themselves out… Well, there had been one who actually managed to make her cry out in real pain… Once… Then she ate its head, of course, because she was Leto, the Tyrant Queen of Galar, Terror of the Land, and Connoisseur of Heads! I'm pretty sure the horns were just extra seasonings to her!

  I smiled at Midir and Gyarados as I began to pull out straps, ropes and netting from the bag Midir had brought from home.

  "Think you can carry, what, ten back? That should fill the freezer." Midir looked a little doubtful, but I wasn't really asking him. Gyarados? He smiled directly in my face! Maybe I should get a Magikarp… Gyarados were so cool!

  —

  —

  I was eventually able to make mom leave the poor Tauros herd alone… Well, most of it. She killed almost two hundred of the five hundred, and even for her, she was looking totally, utterly exhausted at the end. I had never seen her this tired! Not even close!

  She was also joyful as she slowly trotted back to us, almost covered in blood splatter. And full. She was stuffed to a degree I had never seen. Her stomach bulged and swayed!

  We all watched with amusement as the highly diminished herd of roughly three hundred Tauros practically tiptoed out of the huge pen she had created even as it slowly slunk back into the plains, clumped up, then ran as fast as possible. They actually trampled a few of their surviving members! I felt kind of bad, but I had already accepted that those were people… And so was mom. So was everything but insects, even if their intelligence could vary wildly, so it felt… still slightly bad. I'd have felt bad for a herd of cows penned in with a T-Rex, too… Although, cows were smart, affectionate, and had best friends… Maybe sheep? They were dumb… still affectionate…

  Maybe I won't ever fully adjust to it… It does feel more equal, somehow? I'm not, ah, 'punching down' when I hunt Pokemon… I'm hunting a person… I am an assassin, technically…

  "Mom, want a nice hosing down? Kallen can get you?" She nodded at me, still smiling of course. Actually…

  'Was that the most you've ever hunted in a day? It had to be, right? You weren't wasteful.' 'Yes. Fun! Full!'

  'Glad you enjoyed it! Bruce here almost got worried… for the Tauros!'

  She grinned as she swung her still-dripping head over to Bruce and huffed in his face, laughing at his expression. Then Kallen got to work… It would take a while, honestly…

  I grinned at Bruce as he just sort of stared at the spread of corpses where the stone walls used to be.

  "She has never hunted this much before, it would be wasteful! She had so much fun!" He laughed at that, because of course, he was moms friend.

  "Well, I get the feeling the video is going to go more than viral… if we can post it?" He looked at me with wary hope in his eyes and I couldn't stop my giggle.

  "Sure, go ahead! Dexter got his video, too, and he'll send it to Sparky, but I want Sparky's video, too! Two angles to view the carnage." Dexter had been laughing so hard that we would hopefully hear more than just his voice when we played his clip later…

  I heard a large roar and watched in amusement as Gyarados struggled to lift a mass of straps and ropes that practically covered him. He actually thumped back to the ground momentarily before he began to wiggle around, well, as much as he could… Then he began to shine, and I realized he was using Dragon Dance! Partially, I could see a lot of the energies just dissipate as he struggled to move properly, but eventually he finished and lifted the netting off the ground. Slowly, but he had twenty gutted and bled Tauros from the start of the culling hanging from him, because Gyarados wanted to push himself!

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Midir was empty-handed, but he gave us a wave before he drifted under the mass of carcasses, lifted the netting, and they began to move faster. It would take them the rest of the day to get it back to the Ranch, but mom had a lot of ribs and tenderloins now! So did Professor Oak, because even if she stacked them, she wasn't fitting twenty Tauros in the freezer or refrigerator!

  I couldn't stop the burst of laughter as Bruce watched that much meat just fly away. I wasn't the only one who found his face hilarious, either. Everyone laughed.

  —

  —

  We finally got to Fuchsia that afternoon, and I loved the look of it. It was the most 'Japanese' looking city I had seen so far, with the peaked roofs and general ambiance. I even saw a few… pagodas? I think that's what they were called… There were even a few of those that rose over the rest of the city, much of it being shorter. No skyscrapers here!

  I wasn't expecting to be stopped by two pigs right on the edge of the city, though!

  They had heard a report of Leto charging across the Route Seventeen bridge carrying a Ride Basket, and after she didn't come into the city, and went around on the Pokemon trail? Well, now apparently they wanted to be sure that she didn't enter the city…

  They also tried to fucking fine me! Told me she had entered city limits on the way here and caused a disturbance! They had felt irritated, so I had to assume they were just taking out their frustrations at having to wait to confirm her whereabouts on me…

  Well, Dexter was always recording, and I didn't break laws, especially the city limits laws! So instead of them fining me, I forced them to give us a ride to the Pokemon Center, under threat of suing them. They were still going to be getting reported, because fuck them! The three of us were a tight fit in the front passenger seat while the other cop sat in the back like a criminal, but I wasn't about to get in the back of one of these things.

  EVER.

  —

  —

  When we got to the Pokemon Center we all sort of crashed in our room. Not that we had to, considering it was still early afternoon, but mom wanted some time to digest, not to mention almost everyone else, even Alex's new Dipplin. He had only accepted two small pieces, but he had been enthusiastic about them. They were 'Tough. Not crunchy. Juicy!', apparently. I was glad the Professor had a dragon for Alex, and I loved the look of Hydrapple.

  Not that Alex didn't like him too, she already did, but apple hydra! One that sprayed syrup! Syrup that could be harvested, and had been! Mom had a tiny jar of it at home now, and she was enthusiastic about using the strong sweet in her baking. I really wondered if she had some sort of aura I couldn't pick up on, because he had liked her, just like every other dragon she had encountered, and happily produced some for her.

  He just made a huge mess if he wasn't careful and let his apple get sticky… Like he had for Alex, and I hadn't told her about his ability to change that completely if he wanted to, not just non-bonding but still sticky. She would figure it out eventually. They couldn't get themselves stuck each time they tried to move, right? Or covered in dirt or dust! Even if they were ambush predators, they still moved! They could control it. So why had he gotten her hand all sticky? Because he was messing with her, and had gotten my permission to do so! He was going to be a handful for her in the future, but as long as he was just pranking her, and not maliciously, I didn't care. It was funny!

  Cerberus alone had eaten almost an entire carcass by himself. He regretted it, both of his heads, because of course I'd had to split the carcass right down the spine so they both had perfectly equal portions… and they didn't want to leave any untouched, because the other head might take a bite… Even if they shared a stomach…

  Getting him to stop when I could feel the nausea wafting off him was mildly hard, even with my aura… He was miserable right now.

  Still, I was kind of upset about not being able to explore Fuchsia today. Well… I kind of wasn't, either? Not really? I had never been a fan of crowds, but these days? I didn't just hate them, they gave me anxiety. Anxiety might not be the best word for it, though. They primed me for violence from all sides. Not badly, and I knew I would never snap, but it was always there in cities. Like a tiny pebble in my shoe, it never went away and always made itself known, even if it wasn't as bad as mom apparently felt… After Saffron, though? I very much know what she felt like.

  I had almost killed those fucking pigs!

  I had never liked police back in my old world, my old country, for very good, valid, lived reasons. It's hard to trust state-sponsored violence that had its roots in slave catchers and union busters hired by companies, one that cheerfully lynched people like me. One that continued to cheerfully persecute people like me up to the day I died. One that cheerfully aimed at racial minorities! Even those same minorities in police uniforms! I had seen that happen with my own eyes, because as long as they had something over someone else, they were better! Being better than someone else was the only thing in their lives that made them feel better about themselves!

  When over forty percent of officers voluntarily disclosed that they beat their partners? Voluntarily?! When I had known people that glorified that, wanted to have that power for themselves? That had reveled in that feeling of power and control over someone? Because it was 'classic family values'? Yes, that probably means they had a horrible family life, I don't give a fuck! I did while I was growing up, too! Some of those I knew were family! By blood, not real family, so fuck them!

  Even if this new world doesn't have as many prejudices, and the police here are generally more goodhearted? Fuck them! Officer Jenny in Pewter? Well… Who knows? I mean, I liked her, I guess? Of course, yes, there are good people in every profession.

  In my old world, my old country, the good cops that refused to cover up bad cops' crimes were often the subject of harassment, death threats, and flat out physical retaliation and murder that was 'investigated' by the ones that did it! I know for a fact that there have been good people in evil situations all across my world, many of whom did the best they could in their situation, helped as many as possible.

  Still don't give a shit. You know that whole 'but what if one percent are good, you wouldn't get rid of them just to get rid of the ninety nine percent that are evil, would you' scenario? If they had covered up abuses of power for their fellow officers? Yes, yes I would. Is that too harsh? Too mean?

  Tell that to the minorities overwhelmingly targeted to fund legal slavery enabled by the constitution I lived under! Baked into its amendments deliberately! To the minorities assaulted, tortured, killed! If it was 'one bad apple' like I had heard so fucking often? Guess what? The rest of the phrase is 'ruins the bunch!'

  So did I despise cops? Absolutely… Did I despise the Saffron Police Department? Absolutely, and they were being sued right now by a lawyer Lance had recommended to me! For a lot of money! Of course, that would take awhile, but I don't give a shit! I don't care about the Saffron Jenny who was a bumbling, incompetent dumbass! I don't care that she was 'good' despite her fuckups! I don't care that Pewter Jenny is good, and never fucked up that badly!

  I mean… maybe I do care about Pewter Jenny… She's a good person… I had my own prejudices to work through, I admit that, but when that prejudice was born of real, lived reasons in my old world?

  I had been neutral towards police here during Pewter, especially after they had wanted to give me an award for doing the right thing, even if me and Raihan had both refused. Then Saffron happened. Sure, it was an informant/spy… Multiple, in fact, but in the team that herded me? Those weren't! They had still detained me for no legal reason! Because they were mad, they had followed illegal orders, ignored Lance's orders, and abused their power!

  I don't give a fuck that I was a kid drenched in blood! They had no legal right! They hadn't even let me get medical attention for the bullet in my ass! Those officers were specifically being sued in addition to the entire department! I would destroy them financially!

  So I may have some issues to work out with police, especially those in this world, but in the meantime? They better stay the fuck out of my way, because I wont break the law. I don't! I have full-time proof! Dexter is always recording! If they fuck with me again? Try to detain me again? They better listen to the one warning they will get. If not? If they try to detain or restrain me after I warn them? On video? After I tell them I have been illegally held before and refuse to allow it to happen again?

  After Saffron?!

  I would need Rotom to gather the evidence, because they would be too dead to give statements that described their stupidity.

  Was that too harsh? Probably, but once again, I don't give a fuuuck!

  I was still pissed from my recent encounter with over-reaching police, in fact…

  So as I crashed against moms bulging, taut stomach I wasn't in the best of moods, but not the worst. Just… infuriated underneath everything.

  Also very hungry.

  Thankfully Hecate was out and watching TV already. I was glad that I could just think and Hecate couldn't hear it if she wasn't hanging out in my mind, like she normally did while in her Pokeball. Watching TV took her attention, though. My emotions were broadcast, sure, but she had to tune so much out in cities that I wasn't too worried… I could still yell in my head and she would hear it, but she couldn't hear my thoughts of violence towards those who had traditionally oppressed, tormented, tortured, and murdered! The legal gangs that would extort you! Literally steal money out of your wallet because it 'may' have been for drugs, even if they had nothing to give you a ticket for!

  The thugs who I had seen be purposefully cruel towards not just transgender, queer, different people, or racial minorities, but anyone not in the 'main' group! Anyone who dared to question them! 'Oh, you look exactly like me, follow the same religion, and have the same sexuality as me, but you believe everyone should have equal rights? That I shouldn't be able to do whatever I want to people? That I should be held accountable for my actions? Time to assault you while screaming 'stop resisting!''

  I didn't feel bad for those thoughts. They might not all apply here, but after Saffron? Enough did!

  Give it a month, and maybe my opinion would change. Considering the laws requiring monthly mind-reading for all officials in government and law enforcement that Lance was pushing through? To huge outrage from some? Maybe then.

  Why outrage? Because it 'wasn't fair' to be suspicious of the 'great defenders of Indigo'. I would have loved to disembowel that bitch, but Lance already did it for me during a televised press conference. Verbally, unfortunately, but Lance had been very satisfying to watch, I must admit. He had a great snarl, especially when you could see Dragonite behind him glaring at that waste of oxygen.

  I mean, sure, mind reading sucked if you didn't consent to it. Literally almost a war crime here. Still didn't give a fuck! If you didn't consent to it in a sweep for terroristic sympathizers and informants, then you had something bad to hide! They weren't looking for petty crimes, cheating partners, kinky shit, or even who kept wiping their dirty hands on the glass windows! No, if you weren't an informant, a sympathizer, they didn't care!

  Especially considering it was Alakazam doing it! They gave zero shits about you personally unless you were their trainer! We were dull as fuck to them! It would be like judging a squirrel for their taste in paintings! You wouldn't, or even consider their opinions worthy of thought!

  Wow, I'm rambling in my own head, now…

  I kind of needed that, though, honestly…

  I needed to vent! I couldn't do it out loud! Especially not my feelings from my old world! Not when there were two other kids my age sitting in the same room as me, two- My age… Other kids… Yeah… I was a kid again… I had finally fully accepted that I was a kid again… I was used to it… I was a kid, and it didn't bother me anymore these days…

  I was a hungry kid…

  "Who wants to order some food? Maybe something not meat heavy for once?" I glared- looked at their dumbfounded faces with a neutral expression.

  "What? I love to eat meat, sure, but it's starting to get to me! I just want something nice and light for once, not a meal that sits in my stomach like this!" I slapped the taut stomach behind me, causing a small ripple to spread out from the impact, along with a sharp sound like a drum. I got huffed at, directly in my face, for the offense.

  Alex was giving me a strange look.

  "Your words make sense, sure, but… it still feels weird? You're the Tiny Tyrant!" I glare- pouted at her words. Of course, there were three humans in the room…

  "Yeah, but maybe it makes more sense for the Tyrant Princess?" Leaf was smirking at me!

  "If you children are done, maybe we could actually order something?" I should not have worded it that way, considering the way their faces lit up.

  It took almost a half hour for them to stop reminding me that I had accepted being a kid again… I had just told them this morning, in fact!

  I had just done it in my own head, too!

  I had to stop screwing myself over!

  Am I just a dumb kid again? I wasn't exactly bright when I was fourteen the last time…

  …

  Shit…

  —

  —

  I really didn't want to get my hopes up, because if they were false I might not be able to handle it, but the soba noodles we ended up ordering? They didn't taste great like the other girls said, but they tasted good… I would have to check out the local equivalent of a chain restaurant to be sure… Kanto had a weird sub-shop like fast food place, and I'd had it in both Pewter and Cerulean for the exact purpose of testing my taste, so maybe I could test it out tomorrow?

  The second I tasted salt in a pre-seasoned dish in this world, I got very excited, and the other two noticed! They had also pestered me about my expression, and I didn't lie… I could remain silent, but they were persistent, and knew, so eventually I caved… So now they were convinced that their 'training' was working! They had already texted mom! Leaf wouldn't stop proudly claiming that she was right this morning as we crossed the Route Seventeen bridge. Even if that had just been a guess, it had made me so happy this morning that she had honestly thought that, had been worried but hopeful for me… She was my sister, and I treasured that more than I had thought possible…

  Honestly, if it truly was working? If I was starting to 'advance', to adjust? And I had the feeling, not just the hope, that I was, just slowly?

  I would embrace it! Well… not embrace. Accept far more than I have, sure. I hated being told what to do, not having a choice! I also feared nothing more than going back to that hellhole of a world after I died again, to drift away from my new family, even if we never reconnected in our next life or remembered each other…

  That fear aside, I did want to be a good person. It had been the greatest regret to scream through my mind as I lay dying, terrified as I stared at a blank white ceiling, feeling my blood pool in my veins as I heard that dreadful silence…

  I would try to stop complaining, even in my own head, because it was what I wanted… Just like I had wanted to stop drinking so badly, but even through that desire I resented that I had to change… Even if that made no sense, it didn't stop the feeling.

  Therefore, I didn't complain very much the next morning when I put my girly outfit on. I didn't complain at all when I was reminded to put my pigtails back up… I tried to accept it.

  If I was being completely honest with myself? Well, this was a relatively new opinion, less than a few days old, but… I kind of enjoyed it? Not the 'no choice' part, but… Getting another chance at a childhood now that I had accepted I was a kid again, even if it's not a long one? Time to make new memories of these ages that aren't miserable? Even the girly clothes! I preferred non-girly, non-frilly clothes, but… I did appreciate the look? Maybe less frills, sure…

  The worst part was how I felt like I shouldn't be allowed to be happy about adjusting to it! I was a kid again! A teenager! Forced to act like a different person! Wasn't this my agency, even a little of it? Well… yes. It was, partially. What had I done with all that agency in my old world, though? Terrible things in my drive to forget the body I resided in. In this world? I was far more aggressive, quick to anger, and mean! I didn't want to be mean! I had been bullied! My entire time in school! Here? I was the bully, and I found it funny! Back in Freezingpoint, Larry and Cole had been my first victims.

  The few random trainers that were brave enough to meet my eyes in Pokemon Centers? They were glared at like Leto looking at a Tauros! I laughed at them when they went pale, when they felt fear, even if I did it internally most of the time! Surge? I mean, sure, he was a rough military guy who had found it amusing, but he also found it infuriating as I insulted him. I truly didn't care for the opinions of the masses, but considering the people I did care about felt similarly?

  I had been… a bully to him, in a public space. I had made a spectacle of him. I'd had that happen to me, before… It hadn't been right when it was done to me, and it hadn't been right when I did it to him, either…

  So maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world that I was practically being forced to be a nice young girl instead of a vicious 'young' girl who refused to act either of her ages? To be a happy teenager instead of a miserable adult? A happy, loved teenager instead of a monster that didn't care about anything but their own satisfaction, their own wants?

  Because I knew myself.

  Unfortunately, I knew myself very well, and sometimes I was that horse that you could lead to water… I may be dying of dehydration, but tell me to drink? Tell me to do it to save my own life? I wouldn't out of spite. Like Hazard used to be, ironically enough. I was stubborn even in the face of what I craved… Like how I still didn't think I deserved to have a loving family, even if I wanted nothing more… I did my best not to feel like a pity case, either. I knew pity love wasn't a thing, knew they truly loved me.

  It was the second biggest reason I would try to embrace the change, other than my dread over my… souls limbo. I wanted to be better for them in the time I was allowed here, no matter how long that ended up being.

  I said I wanted to be a good person, a better person, not scum… What had I been at my death? Not scum, no… but only for a couple years, and I hadn't come even close to good, either. How was I acting here before Patricia, before this punishment? How I wanted to. I did what came naturally to me, and I didn't have a good nature, not in my honest opinion. I would prefer to change my nature before I somehow screwed over this family, too.

  Like I had royally screwed over my aunt.

  I had loved my aunt, but I had been a stain on her life, a greedy demon! She was a saint for how much she had still cared for me, loved me. For how she put up with me, endured the anger and theft and destructive self-hate, especially when she hadn't had to! I wasn't her child!

  I was abandoned goods!

  Because my old mom was a 'free spirit' who did whatever she wanted, even if that was abandoning me, again, so she could continue partying and doing hard drugs without having to bother with the responsibility of a child… That scared me, too. Because I had been so much like her, even as I hated and resented her! I had wanted nothing less than to be the kind of person who acted like her… and I had been!

  My aunt, though? I felt so bad about it, but… I already loved Patricia far more, even if I got the same conflicted feeling of being pitied from both of them. Not because I loved my aunt less, if that made sense. I really didn't know how to describe it. Maybe it's that I'll never see her again, that I had buried her. Maybe it was the overwhelming guilt that I still felt, and probably would forever. Maybe it's that I hate myself far less here, so there was just more room for positive emotions in my relationships? I mean, I'm not transgender here, I'm cisgender! It's amazing! It removed so many of my issues!

  I still had the other half of them to deal with, though!

  I was rambling even to myself, again, but the fact remained…

  I was starting to change. To change in the way I desired! To accept this new opportunity I had, to have a happy, if short, childhood. To be a good person this time. It didn't stop the process from sucking, but I'd had a broken arm before. I had not wanted them to set it, even if I knew it was necessary, because it would be agony! It had been, too!

  I had still been so grateful once it was in a cast and healing correctly. I hated the method, but loved the result…

  I would just have to apply that to my life here.

  Even if I didn't recognize myself at the end.

  Especially if I didn't… Exactly as I wanted…

  Let my old self die! Let the monster I had let myself become die! Let that person die! Let the person who spent more than two decades hating herself die! Let her rot away like the toxic sludge she had been! Let her know some form of peace for once and disappear!

  I just wanted to be Erin Greenwood!

  I was just so tired of regrets, of being the cause of my friends and families grief…

  I just wanted to be happy this time around…

  —

  —

  "You know what, sis? I think you could use a third outfit!" Alex's whole face lit up at Leaf's words, her expression so amused and excited!

  I didn't explode at them as we left the Pokemon Center that morning… I… tried to look forward to it… I kind of did, even if it embarrassed me to admit that…

  Still despised crowds, though…