I open my eyes after hearing the voice of my grandmother. I did my best to block it out. I am always hiding from her. Now she is in my head. It's not fair, every time she finds me, it's a hair pull or a kick. As I hide under a bed, not my bed, I see her feet pass by. I hear her voice again in my head and scream. Then I hear the actual woman.

  “There you are, you brat, get out here before I have to move furniture, you know what will happen if you don't.”

  I comply, grandma can heal any wound, she also has inflicted many. I don't want to see how long she will decide to wait this time.

  “Good, now then it's the fifth anniversary of the day you killed my daughter, which means you should start hearing the voice. Tell me Hanki, you hearing any voices.”

  I shake my head, I'm laid out on the floor again, blood dripping from my nose, I hold in the cry, crying just means more pummeling.

  “Told you not to lie to me Hanki, I know when you're lying. Now tell me who the voice in your head.”

  My eyes grow wide, there was no lie she couldn't see through. I settle in for more pain.

  “I only hear your voice grandmother.” She is the only voice I know.

  “You love me the most, why thats got to be the most fucked up thing I heard. Happy Soul day, Hanki”

  My present was her fist. I'm on the ground, is that blood or tears that's flowing from me, it's all grey to me.

  -----

  My sixth soul day a kind grandma tells me, the bad grandma reminds me why I hate it. The world is still grey.

  -----

  I'm hiding, kind grandma always tells me how much better I am at hiding. It's my seventh soul day, she told me. I'm hiding.

  “Hanki, where the fuck are you, I need to remind you what you did to me.”

  Kind grandma whisper to me again, I try to shush her, it gives me away.

  “There you are, you worthless piece of filth.” The world still grey.

  -----

  This time I'm not taking her beating, I'm hiding now. I have her knife.

  “Hanki, the fuck are you this time.”

  She walks by and I slam the knife into her side. She falls down, my nightmare is over. The world starts to have color again. I see red.

  She pulls the knife out of her side, her other hand is over the wound. It's closing, my eyes are widening.

  “Hanki, if you going to use a knife to kill someone, you best keep stabbing till they stop breathin’. I do admit though you did cause quite a bit of blood loss. Life magiks don't tend to replace that, not with the same spell at least. Bleed out a real worry. If you had pulled the blade immediately after you stuck, why I feel I could of been in real mortal danger. To bad your just a horrible daughter killer looking to move up to granny killer. Let me show how inefficient knife wounds really are.”

  The world is always grey.

  -----

  I'm thrown in front of a man.

  “Tired of raisin 'im, give me what you can for the shit, I'll make better not havin’ to feed him anyways."

  It's been a day after my eighth soul day, the day I failed to kill the crone. The man throws some coins at her. He tries to get me to stand, I fall, the cuts on my legs prevent me from putting any weight on ‘em.

  “Oy, I paid you for something I can improve, not a cripple.”

  “O, right, hold your wagon, I didn't feel like chasin’ ‘im should he get ideas. There, tendons reconnected, get walkin’ Hanki.”

  -----

  I was in a cage, I got food every once in awhile, then they took me out, cleaned me and burned my rags. There color in the world again.

  “Shit Frank, usually we're burning better than what we give 'em.”

  “Don't matter, he's out of cycle, we'll be able to squeeze another level or two before we have to kill him.”

  And the world went back to gray, they didn't know I could hear ‘em, kind grandma kept praisin’ me for my hearin’.

  They throw me into a cell. I back into the far corner and make myself small.

  Kind grandma whispers me something new.

  -----

  “Where the fuck the kid go.”

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  His footsteps on the stairs woke me up, I got as small as possible before he came into view, my world is grey. He never saw me, he left with the food.

  -----

  More footsteps again, I hide again, I'm getting hungrier.

  “Telling ya boss he gone, disappeared. It makes no sense, cell door been locked the entire time.”

  Two men arrive, first one sounds like the one with food.

  “Well Vance, seems we ain't got to worry about ghosts today.”

  “Can you see ‘im boss.”

  “No but he clearly just shat in the corner over there. It seems you bought one with an interesting skill, come on. No point looking for him yet, the problem will solve itself soon.”

  They walk away and back up the stairs. The world is still grey.

  -----

  I'm laying on my back, the only thing I hear is my guts. The food man came down twice more and I hid twice more.

  The greyness of the world seems to be combining into even more grey, it don't make sense

  -----

  My eyes open ‘cause I smell food.

  “Ah good, still able to wake on your own. What's your name, boy.”

  I just stare at him, I hide.

  “That is impressive, I was looking right at you and gone, disappearing from my sight. Let's see if you can move while maintaining that.”

  He reaches forward, I move out of his grasp.

  “Marvelous, pity I attached you to the pole with irons.”

  The man slides his hand down till it touches the chain attached to my foot, he yanks and I'm pulled out of my hiding.

  “Ah there ya are, no hiding anymore boy.” He bends his knees lowering himself into a squat. “Now, if you tell me your name, you get to eat, that's fair right.”

  I haven't said anything in so long, my first try fails.

  “Ah I see an issue, you like some water, here you go, think of it as an advance.”

  I drink it down.

  “Now then boy I've been fair, how bout a name.”

  I croak it out, “Hanki.”

  “Good good, now here is a piece of mutton to whet your appetite.”

  It's gone in three bites, I feel like the grey is separating.

  “Slow down boy, you'll choke. Alright still breathin’, good. Now touch this stone, and you'll get another piece of mutton while I hear all about ya.”

  I touch the stone, kind grandma's voice starts tellin’ the man about all the things she told me. He gave me the mutton and it's gone before grandma done. When kind grandma done talking, he whistles.

  “Hanki you're the perfect scout, you're worth more to us alive. We're going to train ya and we're going to be your family that actually gives a shit about ya. Cause you have value to us see, you're going to find all sorts of product.”

  The world starts to have color.

  -----

  When the bell rang I put an arrow between the kids eye, I got a hearty slap on my back. Sam talking to me.

  “You're the first I ever seen who didn't hesitate Hanki, you got a bright future ahead of ya.”

  I smile, the colors are brighter today.

  -----

  With the boss today, he wants me to check on some village. I creep down and count the five year olds, the six, the sevens, the eights, and the nines. After I get all my numbers I bring them back to the boss. He looks at the bark with scratches that I tallied.

  “Perfect job as always Hanki, think you could slit all the adults' throats in a night or are we going to have to do this slow like.”

  I ponder this, ten huts is more than I done before but its winter, nights are longer.

  “Need Frank.”

  “Hmm that's a good point, wouldn't want the product waking next to their dead parents and screaming. I'll call up Frank and Sam, could use the extra muscle to get them in cages afterwards.”

  That night, I entered a hut and slit a throat, sometimes two, occasionally three. Then I leave the hut and went to the next. Frank was always one hut behind me. But we got it done. Boss was pleased. Kind grandma was too.

  Color world shines bright.

  -----

  It's getting close to my twentieth soul day. I think it's time to pay a visit. I find Vance.

  “Remember where you buy me?”

  “System hav’ me, don't start talkin’ ‘fore you appear, Hanki.”

  I give him an insistent stare.

  “What did you ask me?”

  “He asked where you bought him”

  He turns to the woman.

  “Ears still hearing everything Vancea?”

  I pull on his sleeve.

  “Huh, o right, you were the one from the crone who cut your leg tendons to keep from running, quite memorable.”

  “Where.”

  “Want to go?”

  I nod.

  -----

  The shack looks worse than before. I'm inside, all the good hiding places are too small. I don't need them. I find bad grandma on her bed wheezing in her sleep. She smaller too. I sever the tendon in her right arm, she is awake now, I hold her down and manage to get her left one too. She still thrashin’, I flip her over and severing tendons in her legs, in the same places she did to me. It's quick work. Now she right side up. Wheezin’ still harder, her crazed eyes focused on me.

  “Shoulda … done the job … myself, happy soul day daughter killer.”

  “Happy soul day, bad grandma.”

  Kind grandma whispers to me.

  The colors never more beautiful.

  -----

  Boss came by and said I could stay at the keep if I wanted. He was invited to this village. I stay with Vance and work on my archery. Everyone likes to place bets on how many I get between the eyes, Vance tells me how many to hit. He is always happy when he wins the bet. I'm adding color to his day just as he added to mine. Vancea is happy too, she always hears the number Vance whisper to me.

  -----

  Vance is dead, they said it was suicide, it wasn't, he had only just told me how many between the eyes he wanted. It doesn't matter anymore. The bright colors are dimmer. When it comes time for the bet I get between the eyes of every last one of ‘em.

  Vancea came to yell at me about it. I just hide, she turned her head slowly, clicking her tongue. She on top of me in an instant.

  “Don't think you can hide from me, Hanki, next time you fuck with the bet, I'll gut you.”

  She throws me against the wall.

  The world is losing colors

  -----

  I went down to the cell block after Sam came back from feeding the murderer. He is the only one with keys. Doesn't matter, if I can see that she is not broken then they will have me shoot her between the eyes. I am standing across from her cell, she is just laying there. Then she starts screaming and thrashing, the colors of the worlds are flexing as she suffers. I pull back, sometimes the colors are there, sometimes the colors are gone. When she stops, the colors are more washed out than before. I hide in the barrack, there a lot of noise there, Vancea can't find me. The colors are slipping away.

  -----

  I've been hiding from everyone for days. Boss was calling for me but everything is becoming grey. More days pass. Nothing matters anymore.

  -----

  Sam walked down the stairs awhile ago, he never came back. There is shouting happening. I decide better to check on Sam, maybe he finally ended the girl like he does with the others. I want to see it happen.

  When I get down there I see Sam's body.

  “SAM.”

  I run up to him and see that he jammed a fork into his eye socket. I find his keys, she did this, no one else is here, the colors are gone, the grey is colliding. I get the key in the lock.

  It's all grey, my right hand is grasping something, a bar, my left has fallen away. I swing it above my right, a finger breaks but I grasp the bar. Everything is grey, just solid grey. I pull myself forward, there is a flash of color. My head hit the bar. I flail for a different bar with my right. Now each hand has a separate bar. I heave myself forward, the flash of color was better but shorter. I chase the color, until I no longer can. I'm on the ground breathing. It's all grey, kind grandmother tells me it's my twenty-fourth soul day.