The guild doors swung open, and Zig and Hepp strode in. It was early afternoon, and the place was pretty full. Men and women were sitting around tables, mostly drinking, some with food. Some were chatty and laughing. Others were looking grim and dangerous. They all had one thing in common. They were adventurers. Zig felt excited just being there, wondering what glorious tasks each team had carried out today.

  "I'm telling you Hank, I am never doing sewers again. Those rats were filthy! I'm half thinking to visit the healer, money-pinching bastard he is, just to sanitize me!"

  One woman was giving her team captain an earful. The whole team was surrounded by an invisible force that kept everyone else away. As Zig walked by, he realized it was the smell. Note to self. No sewer runs. Never sewers.

  They reached the table where guildmaster Holt sat. The man raised a bushy eyebrow.

  "Still alive, eh? You've had hours to get yourselves in trouble, what happened?"

  "Ho mister guildmaster sir, we're wondering how to recruit a third person into the team? We're both ranged fighters, and it seems like a good idea to have someone on the front lines... How do we go about such things? Is there a place like the quest board to post a notice?"

  "Ha, yea I got a way to help you out."

  Holt turned to the crowded room and shouted over everyone and everything.

  "Oi you lot! Here's a couple kids that can shoot arrows or something, and they want a fighter to hide behind! Don't worry, they've got half a day's experience under their belt!"

  Zig and Hepp both grew red as half the room erupted into laughter. They slunk away from the guildmaster's desk and sat down at a table with a couple of drinks to drown their sorrows. Zig stared at his mug. He'd never really started drinking back home, but he could see the appeal. Now, he wondered if his Eat Anything was more of a curse. He could drink the whole place dry and his shame would be no less muted.

  To both boys' surprise, however, the announcement wasn't just to have a laugh at them. It worked. A few minutes into their drink, a man sat down. He was tall, skinny, and kept looking around as if watching out for someone.

  "I'm a fighter. Knives and such. I cost a bit but I don't have morals, you know? I can kill anything, even the stuff you don't want to, just say the word. Five silver a day, but let's say three if you don't mind leaving for another town before dawn tomorrow. Whatdoyousay?"

  The man, who never even gave them a name, kept sinking lower in his chair while talking, until just his wild eyes could be seen above the table. Hepp tried to handle it delicately.

  "We... that's a generous offer sir, but I don't think we can afford.."

  "Silver? I meant copper. Three copper and the three of us leave tonight whatdoyousay?"

  "Thank you for your offer, we need the rest of today to consider. If we decide to take you up on that... proposal, we'll let you know."

  Zig broke in, to Hepp's relief. The man's eyes twitched, but he nodded four times and left the table without another word. Before Zig and Hepp could process the emotions of that conversation, another person slid into an empty chair at their table. A small boy, he looked about 12 years old.

  "You look about 12 years old."

  "I look as I am, but you ain't seen me fight have yer? No one has, because I haven't done it before have I?"

  "You... have never fought before?"

  "Never had the chance, y'see? Always wanted to be an adventurer, ever since I was a lad no? I'm a little green about the ears but that makes three of us isn't it?"

  Zig was trying to understand how one could only speak in questions.

  "Sorry kid. We can't take a child into goblin infested mines. What would your parents say?"

  "Oh, they'd be horrified, wouldn't they? And so would I, I suppose, I suppose, I didn't know you were searching the mines did I? Best be on my way I think it is, if you'll excuse?"

  The boy wandered off, and Zig and Hepp were still debating which of the two applicants were stranger when a third came up. It was a young woman, perhaps mid 20s? She was short enough that with the two young men sitting, all three of them had the same head height. Her shirt showed hints of a surprising amount of muscle underneath, and she was sporting a closely cropped goatee that Zig found extremely distracting.

  "Jealous of my beard are you?"

  "I'm, ah, you see,"

  "It's ok, I get it a lot. Not many dwarves in Lancre."

  With a sigh, the woman climbed into a chair and sat with them. After a moment, a certain smell wafted across the table and the boys winced.

  "Sorry, sorry. I'm Gretta. I just came out of the sewers, and I'm see what my options are. My current team is just... the worst. Captain sends us in there and doesn't go in himself. Which of you is captain of this crew?"

  Zig and Hepp looked at each other.

  "You're the guy that knows stuff, Hepp"

  "You're the you know what Zig."

  "Hepp's our captain, Gretta. He's a bowman and can shoot finer than anyone I've seen."

  Gretta smiled at that.

  "No egos I see. Well, that'd be a nice change. What's the daily rate? Or is this a shares setup?"

  Hepp nodded slowly.

  "Shares, equal. Always equal, no further complications than that. If you're in the team, you're in the team. Whatever we get, we split it three ways. If a fourth member joins, we split it four ways. Can you share a bit about your skills, Gretta? Like Zig mentioned, I'm an archer. Adept. Zig here is our powerhouse. I can't share his exact skills at this moment, but I plan to ride his coat tails to riches and glory. He could well be the strongest fighter in this room."

  A few people nearby, who definitely weren't listening in, stiffened at that. Gretta raised an eyebrow.

  "Consider me intrigued. I'm a shield warrior. Adept class, but I have an advanced blocking skill. If something runs into my shield, I feel it half as much and they feel it twice as much. I've got enough armor that I'm comfortable being in the thick of it. I'm not doing sewers, and I'm not going to fetch you water or wash your clothes. Does that suit?"

  Zig and Hepp nodded at the same time.

  "I think it does. Welcome to the team, Gretta."

  The next day, they were back at the mines. This time, however, there were three. Zig had also brought a secret weapon this time—torches. He'd discovered that there was a thick tar substance called torchwax sold at the market, and you could just dip the end of a stick into it and it would stay alight for about an hour. He had a small barrel of the stuff and a bundle of sticks in a backpack.

  They reached the entrance, and noticed the bodies from yesterday had vanished. There was a roughly made sign on a stake outside the entrance, depicting a stick figure that was crossed out. The entrance itself was boarded up, covered in planks hastily nailed together.

  "I don't think they want us here, Hepp."

  Zig frowned, looking at the sign. He turned to the team for a quick morality check.

  "Is it ok to kill goblins? Are we adventurers or murderers?"

  Hepp looked affronted by the question, and Gretta gave a smile.

  "Nice to see a thoughtful adventurer. Not all creatures deserve death, just for being different. By my helm and beard, I've had to fight my way out of pigheadedness more than once. Goblins, though, you can kill them without a worry. Any child or drunkard foolish enough to go near these mines will be killed. We haven't been attacked yet because there's three of us and we're armed, I'm guessing."

  Zig breathed out. That was good to know. He was still brand new to the idea of a lifestyle where you killed things every day. It was disturbingly quick, how he was acclimatizing. Once you bring down half a mountain, a few dozen goblins is small cheese in comparison, he supposed.

  "Well. Let's get this started then."

  With that, Zig went over to his rock cart, picked up a larger one, and hurled it full strength at the boarded up entrance. With a huge crashing sound, wooden debris flew everywhere and the solid wall of wood turned into a sizeable hole the three adventurers could step through. Before stepping through, however, they had to console Gretta and bring her up to speed. They had forgotten to tell her about Zig's legendary rock skill, and she was looking like she'd just signed a blood pact with an evil sorcerer. When she calmed down, and everyone was back on the same page, they stepped through the hole and entered the mines.

  Zig cleared enough space, more carefully this time, to drag the cart through. The rails had a gentle slope as they followed the tunnel down, and Hepp was worried the cart would slide away from them, but Zig saw a brake mechanism and showed the others how to slow and stop the cart. It was weird to teach others what he himself was learning on the spot, but these things just made sense to Zig. It hadn't been like this back home, this was something new. Goblin Crafting? He remembered the skill he'd obtained after the landslide. Why would that apply to mining carts though? Back in town, sleeping at the inn, he hadn't felt any kind of affinity to the stuff surrounding him. Perhaps there was some feeling for the torchwax? He wondered if he could get less flammable variants. Zig felt like it could work as a weird combination of adhesive and lubricant for mechanical parts. He dipped three sticks into the barrel and realized this world didn't have lighters.

  "Hey, um, Hepp, theoretically, how might one start a fire, to light these torches?"

  After staring at Zig for a good while, Hepp took out a flint and steel and showed Zig how to make a shower of sparks. It took a few tries, but once the torchwax caught, it burned brightly. Zig admired how there wasn't too much smoke.

  "He can break a door down with a single rock, but never started his own fire. A king in hiding then? Some prince that never wiped his own bottom?" Gretta murmured to herself.

  "I'm not a king, Gretta. I just come from another place. We have devices that kinda mix flint and steel and a bit of oil together. You grow up with it, and you never really think how to live without it."

  "Well, welcome to the normal world. I'm glad I saw you throw a rock, because otherwise I'd be running back to Lancre right now. As long as you can fight, we can do this. Here we go, look alive lads!"

  Some goblins had heard the noise of the entrance exploding, and the torchlight revealed some flickering movement in the darkness. The light didn't reach far enough, though, and the goblins were on them before Zig or Hepp had a chance to attack. A few had short spears, which were really just long sharpened sticks. A few others had knives, all rusty and crude-looking. Gretta lifted her shield with a shout and ran at the approaching goblins. Two of them ran into her shield, and Gretta braced herself and barely moved an inch. The goblins, however, flew backwards and brought several more into a tangled heap. Another goblin ran past Gretta and jumped high, wrapping its legs around Hepp's chest. Hepp flailed about as he fell backwards, and Zig grabbed a rock and leapt for them, hitting the goblin in the head just as it was plunging a knife down. The head didn't survive the battle with the rock, and the goblin slumped sideways.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Hepp and Zig scrambled to their feet as more goblins came forward. Most of them were focused on Gretta, who had charged forwards to create some distance for her ranged companions. She wore a steel helmet, but the rest of her clothing was just normal cloth, no armor. In her right hand was a small hammer, but she barely used it. The main thing she did was wield a round shield on her left arm. She would shove into a goblin and send it flying. The goblins got up again, but they were covered in bruises and it didn't look like they could keep this up for long. Zig saw how Gretta was occupying seven goblins on her own, while he and Hepp had barely defeated one before Hepp took fatal wounds. It was a good idea to bring Gretta onto the team.

  The boys picked up their weapons and the fight went very quickly after that. Hepp brought down two with arrows, and Zig got three himself, trying very carefully not to hit Gretta. The last two goblins run away, chattering wildly to each other as they ran. The team stayed there for a moment to rest.

  "Wasn't too bad, how are you lads doing?"

  "Hepp almost died, but I think we did well."

  "I almost died, Zig."

  "We've got the fire power, but you two are extremely fragile. Offense intended. How did you survive until now?"

  "Uh, well Hepp finds a hill and stays away from the fighting. And I've only been doing this for a couple weeks now."

  "You have a legendary skill and you've only been 'doing this' for a couple weeks?"

  Zig sighed, and decided that inside a goblin-infested mine was a good time to explain the troll and the landslide. Hepp and Gretta listened wide-eyed.

  "I wouldn't believe it, except for your stupid rock skill. That's it? You didn't arm-wrestle a dragon or slay a titan blindfolded? You just ran away from a troll?"

  "...yep."

  Gretta blew out her cheeks noisily.

  "I need to find me an unstable mountain."

  Zig thought about that.

  "Gretta, how exactly does someone get skills, or upgrade their class?"

  "You gotta do something challenging, heroic-like. A peasant challenges a knight to a duel, and he dies. Probably. But if he doesn't he'll jump from Basic to Adept, or maybe Advanced, depending on how big the difference is between the two fighters. The greater the feat, the more likely you'll get a skill out of it. Shifting your class up is more impressive still, because it takes all your skills up to that level, and any skill you earn henceforth."

  "And what determines the skills you get?"

  "Not sure, but it's always relevant to what you've been doing. A farmer will get a farming skill, that sort of thing. I've brought my shield bash up to Advanced because it's the only thing I do when I fight. The rest is just luck. I know a fighter who took years to get a skill, and when he did it wasn't a fighting skill, he was doing a burp contest at a tavern and got a skill to burp five times as loud as a normal man. Gets him a lot of free drinks, but doesn't help him when there's a dozen goblins surrounding the poor guy."

  Zig thought, very uncomfortably, about the "Multipled Progeny" skill he'd received. He'd never been in a relationship. But there was something else about that skill—"Rabbit Legacy".

  "What about legacy skills?"

  "Oh, surprised you've even heard of them. If you do something ridiculous, like, oh of course, bring down a mountain and slay a whole tribe of goblins, you might get a goblin legacy skill. Is that how you got your rock throwing?"

  "Ah, the rock skill was for killing a rabbit with a rock. My goblin legacy is Goblin Crafting."

  "That sounds cool as hell, Zig. What does it do?"

  "No idea, Hepp. Are goblins good at crafting?"

  "They are absolutely terrible. They build stuff all the time, but it's all rusted junk."

  Zig eyed the very dilapidated cart they were using. It made sense. The adventurers took some water and decided to continue down the mine. A short while later they came across another pack of goblins. This time there were a dozen. This time, however, the team were adjusting to each other's strengths. Gretta charged forward, banging her hammer on her shield to make noise, and Zig threw his torch as far as he could. It landed at the feet of the Goblins, and let the two ranged fighters clearly see where to target. Six fell before they even reached Gretta. Three more went down, and the last tried to flee but they too were brought down by arrows and rocks.

  "Nice move with the torch, Zig."

  "Thank you Hepp. I've got an idea."

  Zig took Hepp's torch for himself, and also grabbed an arrow. He dipped the tip into torchwax, lit it against the torch in his hand, and gave it back to Hepp to use as a torch. At any moment, Hepp could put his 'torch' to his bow and launch it down the tunnel. The team was getting better and better.

  The mine kept going down, it was pretty extensive. Zig wondered if they would get a climbing skill just returning back to the surface. They took out a few more packs of goblins as they came across them. Never more than a dozen at a time. Eventually the tunnel reached a natural cave. It was a huge cavern lit with torches and small fires. Goblins were everywhere. The chattering filled the air. As the adventurers came through the entrance, the chattering changed from casual to angry in a wave that spread through the goblins like wildfire. They rushed towards the intruders, some with weapons, others holding soup spoons or just rocks.

  "Back! Back!"

  Zig shouted as he shoved the cart back up the tunnel. He grabbed some rocks and threw them at the ceiling of the tunnel. The tunnel shook as stones fell from the ceiling. It didn't collapse entirely though, it was too well-built. Zig kept throwing until about half the tunnel was filled with debris, but then the goblins reached them and started pouring through the gap. Gretta stood her ground at the edge of the pile of rocks, and Zig and Hepp kept firing at the hole. Zig's heart was beating wildly and he wondered if this was it. Why did they pick up the most challenging quest as their first? They downed a dozen goblins, two dozen, but they kept coming. Gretta could hold her ground, but not if she got surrounded.

  As abruptly as it started, the goblins stopped coming. The adventurers stared at the gap that was now plugged with dead goblins. There were muted chatterings coming from the other side, but there was no room for more goblins to come through. A body was pulled aside, and a goblin started climbing through. He got an arrow in his head, and became the latest addition to the goblin wall. That repeated itself several times. Each time an arrow solved the problem. Zig didn't want to throw stones, lest he accidentally blow a hole in the wall. He looked over to Hepp, who had a smile spreading over his face.

  "Watch this Zig."

  Hepp loaded an arrow onto his bow, drew and loose. Somehow, the arrow split into two arrows mid air. One hit a new goblin trying to crawl through the wall, the other hit an already-dead goblin in the head.

  "Multi-arrow. It synergizes with Focused Arrow. And Weapon Proficiency - Bow, of course. I'm unstoppable."

  Gretta walked up and smacked him lightly on the head.

  "You're extremely stoppable Hepp, you've just got a good amount of damage you can deal out. Come on, let's take a break and get ready to clear the rest out."

  With Hepp on guard, they sat and had a snack, surrounded by goblin bodies. There was cheese and dried meat, and Hepp had brought a couple of apples. There was a bit of discussion on how to split two apples three ways. Eventually they cut both apples in three, and took turns choosing a slice each until they all had two slices each. It was weirdly important to them, that they got equal portions of apple. Zig could almost forget the sights around him. Not the smell, though. Goblins were nasty.

  When they felt as rested as they could be, deep under the earth and surrounded by goblins. The team got ready to go. Hepp had burned through half his arrows, and Zig's cart was nearly empty of rocks. The latter problem was quickly solved with the pile of rocks at their feet. When the cart was loaded up, Zig cleared the goblin half of the wall with a few rocks, and they braced for the rest of the goblins coming through.

  It was safe, and a bit anti-climactic. Instead of charging into the hall and taking on 70 goblins at once. They stayed at the half-collapsed tunnel, fighting goblins 3 or 4 at a time as they came through the hole. When it started filling up with bodies, Zig would clear them away with more rocks. It was getting very messy and gross. Some of the later goblins looked much bigger and stronger than the others, but they went down to rocks just as easily. Hepp was having a great time hitting two goblins at a time with his multi-arrow skill. Zig wondered what was going on here, did a new arrow spawn into existence? Were they creating matter? They kept fighting until a very old looking goblin walking with a staff came into view. She was chattering in a low voice, and all three adventurers had a very bad feeling about the soft purple glow that started to light up on the staff. A rock took off half her head the same time as two arrows hit her chest, and a hammer bounced off her shoulder. The goblin collapsed, and the purple light went out. The last few goblins, who had been running away, howled and charged the adventurers. That was a relief, Zig thought, because they'd have to hunt all these stragglers down otherwise.

  When the last goblin went down, they cleared a path and entered into the cavern to look around. There wasn't much treasure to be found. As Hepp said before, everything the goblins had looked like junk. Knives and swords were more rust than iron. Clothing, as sparse as it was, was just dirty rags. There were wooden huts, but you could see between the planks of wood, it looked like the whole thing would collapse if you stood in it. Zig looked around with a sense of wonder.

  "This is amazing."

  Hepp and Gretta looked at him quizzically.

  "You ok Zig?"

  Zig was looking at the same stuff they were seeing, but he didn't see the aesthetics. He saw the functionality. The hut looked like it could collapse, but he knew it wouldn't. Unless of course, you pulled that one plank sticking out. Then the whole thing would collapse perfecting on top of the intruders at the entrance of the hut. The whole thing was half trap, half living quarters. There was a rusty sword nearby, and Zig could see how, with enough impact, it would snap in half. Not in a bad way, it would snap into something halfway between a sword and a dagger. Which in these narrow tunnels was probably even better than the sword. This place was a treasure trove of goblin crafting.

  Zig didn't take much from the goblin cave—it was all junk, after all. But there were so many ideas he planted firmly in his mind. He did see some jars of sticky stuff, and some other jars of grease, and another jar of purple goop. He put them all in his backpack, wrapping them in bandages because they were filthy. Gretta declined to take anything, but Hepp picked up the staff that the old goblin had been carrying.

  The light was fading from the sky when they finally reached Lancre. Zig felt tired all over. They stumbled through the doors to the adventurer's guild, and dragged themselves over to the guildmaster.

  "Ho, guildmaster Holt. We did the goblin quest. Cleared the mines."

  Holt looked them up and down, uncertain whether to laugh at the ridiculous claim.

  "You certainly look like you've been crawling through mines the whole day. Any proof?"

  The team looked at each other. Hepp spoke up.

  "Like what, guildmaster? There must have been 200 goblins, were we supposed to fill our backpacks with goblin ears or something?"

  There were snorts of disbelief at the number of goblins, from the people sitting nearby.

  "You three killed 200 goblins? That's what, 50 goblins each? Ha! Look here, must be a Heroic team from the north!"

  More people joined in, laughing and jeering. Zig wondered if they would get this every time they came here. He sighed, and the guildmaster stopped laughing at the latest jibe.

  "Look lads, lass. Honor's one thing, but you need some kind of proof you actually did the quest. Can't be too careful, can I? If you... If you really did kill some goblins, and you don't want to go back to collect something, you can hire the guild to send a runner to go check it out. It'll be... oh, a silver to send someone. What do you say?"

  The quest itself was worth eight silver, and Hepp and Gretta both thought that was far too low a price for what they had to do. But they didn't want to go back.

  "Hold on, how about this? The last goblin we fought looked like a magic user, and this staff was glowing purple."

  Hepp lifted up the wooden staff. It had no intricate carvings. It was the sort of thing you'd see a farmer use as a walking stick. The guildmaster looked closer, seeing something the other adventurers couldn't.

  "Well butter me up and call me toast. How about this. I'll still send a runner, but won't charge you for it. I just want to check for myself. Interesting indeed. I'll also buy the staff from you. Three gold, and you don't even need to finish the quest."

  "Six gold, and we're still getting the quest rewards, this is a separate matter."

  Zig broke in, wanting to redeem the last time he haggled.

  "Three gold, lad, you won't find many buyers in Lancre. The guild often buys these sorts of things. I'll have to send it to another city to get any real value out of it."

  "...four gold?"

  "Now we're making progress. Three gold, the quest reward is separate, and I'll buy you a meal."

  "Done."

  Zig and the guildmaster shook hands. He felt accomplished, until he realized his haggling had brought up the price from three gold to three gold and about three coppers worth of food.

  "Zig?"

  "Yes Hepp?"

  "Let me do any kind of purchase or sale for the team from now on."

  "Sure thing, Hepp."

  They took the gold, and stayed for the free meal. After an hour a runner came in an confirmed the mines were cleared out. Holt's eyebrows rose, but he handed over eight silver coins to the team. Zig was impressed that a runner could go to the mines, look around, and come back in a single hour. Must be some decent skills involved there.

  The other teams in the guild became much friendlier after that, asking for the story. They stayed at the table, talking about goblins and how to best fight them. Zig tried to show them the dirty jars of thick liquids, thinking it would impress at least someone. He sure was impressed with them. Everyone looked at him like he was very strange, and redirected their conversation to Hepp and Gretta.

  Over in the back corner of the guild, three men set hunched over their drinks, only pretending to take the occasional sip. They watched the table that was center of attention for the night, waiting to see the boy take a drink of the special beer someone had bought him for free. They frowned as the watched the mug slowly empty. The boy carried on chatting about goblins and carts and jars of grease, as if he hadn't just drunk down a vial of nightberries. Did they poison the wrong cup? But nobody else was keeling over, and they were careful to get the drink that was going straight to the boy. After a while, seeing that nothing had happened, they quietly paid their tab and left to report back to their master.