Lomber left in a calm but urgent manner, professional for a snake/lizard man. Equipped with a dagger strapped to his lower back and slightly obscured by a cloak.

  I gave him a subtle wave with my shaking hand, eyes noticing the dungeon time. It had only been about an hour since this whole ideal started and came to a brutal end.

  I looked at my currency window next. “I’m so screwed, if I don’t somehow make up those 9 gold coins.” Imagining how Lomber would most likely swallow me alive, while I suffocate and be crushed at the same time. The thought alone made me twitch nervously.

  The door opened and my heart almost stopped.

  A group of orcs walked in, the majority walking past me into the dining area and spreading out. Grumbling and swearing something I couldn’t quite make out.

  The smallest of the orcs approached me, which was still like 7 feet tall and held his hand out.

  “Good day master Safezone operator, my name is Gumlick.” It is?

  “Hi… Greg. W-What can I help you with?” Feeling a bit overwhelmed to switch from kneecapped victim to charismatic capitalist.

  “Good man. You’ve got booze and meat master Greg?”

  I mean, I could easily batch order some of the numerous things I had bought and eaten in my lifetime. But I doubt that it’ll be orc-worthy. “I can certainly find something… equivalent to ale.” Then squirmed at his hard smile, paired with a look that screamed: “If the next word isn’t satisfactory, I’ll give you the beating of your life.”

  “Something wrong?” The orc asked, hands still firmly at his hips. Hero pose.

  “Nope, nothing. I’ll be over there soon, but I will require payment upfront.” Luckily I had a skill for this exact moment.

  [Used Car Salesman Active]

  “Not a problem chief.” Whistling one of his fellow orcs over, who in turn dropped a large bag in front of me with a loud thump.

  The screen appeared, showcasing the contents and leaving me stunned.

  That much?

  “That should cover us no?”

  I slowly nodded.

  “Great, we’ll be organising our gear while we wait, but if you could bring us drinks first, that would be much appreciated.” Giving me a smack on the back.

  Shit! What do I do for ale and meat? Looking at the overwhelming sum of 2000 silver and not wanting to return it. This would put me right back in the driver’s seat. A whopping 20 gold from a single group of adventurers… “Best get to it then, before they start roughing me up.” Hauling back the heavy bag, back to the kitchen.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  “System, what could I use as a substitute for these boys?”

  […]

  “Hhhh… fine, I’ll sort it out myself.” Scooping up a handful of their coins, then started to fill up the FoodLocker’s credit system for the batch order.

  [Please provide selection for batch order]

  I swiped through the numerous sections until I found it: “2am post clubbing feed.”

  A thing most people around my age used to do after a night of drinking and partying, with a tinsy little problem. “Oh Greg, why was that a phase you had to go through?” Pinching my eyes together, while blowing out some raspberries.

  Cocktails, shots and fruity spirits.

  And not the kind that you would sell to straight men, no! They were some of the most questionable looking—But delicious—List of drinks I had enjoyed throughout my 20s. Bloody influence from those girls, especially Stacey… Anyway.

  I confirmed the various Drinks, like the classic: Sex on the beach, blowjob shots and things like hardcore lemonade, then continued with the food.

  There are only a few things I could pass off as ‘meat’ given the circumstances and if I’m not willing to spend most of my funds on medium-rare steaks. Making me hesitate at first, but what else could I do?

  “Just have to sell it Greg, who could say no to this?” Realising I had converted adventurers and a literal dragon girl to eat ham-and-cheese sandwiches.

  The FoodLocker chimed and began its internal process of a cantina food-fight, before finishing up with a final chime.

  When opening the door, I had completely missed the fact, I had ordered enough food to sustain a football team for the better part of 2 days. Is the food going to be stacked on-top of each other?

  But my anxiety was appeased immediately with a somehow bigger room now. Like, the pantry was now extended further back and food was neatly separated in sections, while drinks were conveniently placed on trays. Shit… that’s magic.

  I started off by quickly sifting through my storefront menu of my “Creature Comforts” skill. There was a specific object I needed. “Since I’m not schlepping my ass back and forth with alcohol and greasy hangover food.”

  A simple, but sturdy food cart, the type you see in hospitals.

  I loaded up the entire first batch of drinks and made my way over to a laughing and generally pleasant sounding group of orcs. Their glances immediately changing from smiles to looks of confusion and disgust. The tiny umbrellas sure as shit didn’t help.

  “Ok, your first round of drinks is ready and…” I was abruptly interrupted.

  “What’s this garbage?!” A huge orc roared. His belly jiggling as he stood up in a huff, before picking up a “sex on the beach” between his thumb and index finger. Like he was inspecting a spark plug or something. “We asked for ale, little man!”

  I expected the drink thrown in my face, my limbs being removed like Lego pieces or some other means of physical punishment, but…

  “Hold up Bowlin, we’ve heard this place has interesting items. Let’s give him the benefit.” Ok, these names have to be a joke or something.

  Gumlick took a drink of his own. A blowjob. And dropped its contents from above, into his huge mouth.

  There was a silence, as the group patiently waited for their leader to react to his first unconventional un-orcish drink.

  “This drink is…”