Alensar

  Alensar sat at the desk, intending to practice writing the letters to remember them better, but instead started making some small drawings on the paper. He tried to draw the faces he didn't want to forget. But the edges of his memories were already worn, and his skill left much to be desired.

  "What's troubling you, lad?" Professor Tannen said from the door.

  "Everything and nothing," he said and stood, schooling his expression.

  "You shouldn't stand, lad. Your rank is higher than mine."

  "Do nobles rank higher than holy men?" He smiled.

  "Acolytes of Helion serve the lowest of the low, as you well know. But even so, I come here in my capacity as a teacher, and a noble bastard ranks higher than a professor."

  Professor Tannen waited to sit until after he had sat again. His muscles didn't let him make some kind of contest of stubbornness out of it.

  "How much do you know about the political structure of the kingdom?"

  "There's King Bathory, and he has twins who will inherit. I don't remember their names," he lied. "The king controls the currency and the Realm's Guard. He also owns a fair bit of land. The next four largest land-owning families are the Zhao, Dara, Osten, and…D'Ambrosia."

  Professor Tannen nodded. "So you do know the meaning of your name?"

  Alensar cringed slightly. "Well, I assume I'm related to some distant cousin. And in any case, I'm D'Ami. Laude Elaine mentioned some inheritance, but I imagine it's something like this house."

  Professor Tannen's brow furrowed, but he didn't say anything. Alensar took this as a signal to continue.

  "So, besides those, there are a lot of noble families and rich merchants. They usually don't control much more territory than a city, and usually that's in alliance with one of the big names, who have their own guard. They also convene sometimes to make laws."

  "Yes, there are the first five families, followed by the fifty high families involved with lawmaking. Though each of the first five has a fair amount of power and say over their own lands."

  He pulled out a list. "I've noted down most of the fifty high families. The list fluctuates a bit, since sometimes wealthy merchants buy their way onto it, and nobles who are down on their luck fall off of it."

  Alensar glanced at it. "Looks like there are around 60 names."

  "Included on it are some of the alternative names for bastards and second children of the first five. Like the D'Ami name you are using. They aren't usually ministers, but have a good amount of power in their own right, determined by the head of the family."

  "Sounds overly complicated."

  "Karangasz traditions are also complicated. My understanding is that you can choose your father or mother's name, or sometimes both."

  Alensar frowned. "You pick the most prestigious name, or the name relevant to the situation. That tradition is simpler and makes more sense than this."

  Professor Tannen seemed amused. "You'll get used to it."

  Why had his mother taught him D'Ambrosia and not D'Ami? Who was she? Even in his wildest childhood imaginings, he never thought she was a noble.

  Professor Tannen interrupted his reverie, "Penny for your thoughts?"

  "My thoughts are not worth so much. I was reflecting on the fact that my mother must not have known those rules, she would have called me D'Ami." He paused. "Probably a good thing, though, as that might not have saved my life."

  "Your resemblance to your father saved your life. I never met him, but I'm a close friend of Laude Elaine."

  Alensar paused–the way he said "close friend" made Alensar suspicious. Was he Laude Elaine's lover?

  "You seem distracted today." Professor Tannen rubbed his brow. "And despite your obvious intelligence, you are oddly unaware that, should Laude Oberon approve of you, you'll be heir to the greatest fortune in the kingdom."

  It took a moment for the words to reach him. "That's ridiculous."

  "Bastard or not, you are his closest relative."

  Alensar shook his head. "I don't understand."

  "Which part?"

  "Why does blood matter so much?"

  "'Why' is irrelevant. What matters is that you accept that it does." Professor Tannen stroked his beard. "We have a long road ahead of us–for me to teach you what you need to know about the politics you will be tangled up in."

  "I'm used to long roads," Alensar said with a wry smile.

  "I'm sure you are." Professor Tannen then launched into a lengthy explanation of the laws of their Kingdom. Alensar listened and was occasionally quizzed on what he was learning. They didn't cover letters or mathematics that day.

  ***

  Alensar closed his eyes and let out a small sigh as he rested his body in the hot bath. His second lesson with Walter was much like the first, though this time he had been too sore to take out his anger on a punching bag afterwards.

  The heat from the water enveloped him, and hot blood rushed to his skin. He slipped his head under the water, and his hair was just long enough to sway slightly. After a small eternity, though he had known longer eternities, he burst forth from the water and gasped, filling his lungs with cool freshness.

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  The heat eased his sore muscles. He knew there would be more welts and bruises, too. Walter had a sadistic streak, thinly veiled by politeness.

  He left the bath as the water began to cool. He dried off with an absurdly soft towel and changed into another luxury, clean clothes. He did have clean clothes before, but not daily. Washing undergarments and rag and bucket baths were the order of the day, unless there was a friendly town with a bathhouse.

  Or there were the days by the river in the summer. The sun would be bright and hot, and the world a cool green. They would strip down to their bare skin and wash their clothes. They would swim in the dark water while their clothes dried, insects buzzing in the trees. He would always get in a splash fight with his brother, and Da would get annoyed because he didn't want one of them to drown from idiocy.

  He took a deep breath. Even happy memories hurt.

  His mind was on a knife's edge. He needed to stay balanced, careful. They would want him to survive, so he would.

  Alensar uncovered the mirror to adjust his clothes and make sure everything looked just about right. He briefly glanced up and his eyes locked with his reflection. As he stared, he couldn't pull himself away.

  His features transformed into a skull. And he was waiting for his sentencing again. His sight turned inward, and the world around him became invisible. A prison guard was grabbing him. Whips cracked. The only thing he wore was chains. He heard the men laughing as they held him down. His brain was drowning in pain.

  "Come back."

  The prisoner he shared a cell with hated him. He murmured curses and slurs. Alensar rarely acknowledged him. They could not touch or fight, chained as they were. They could only speak, but humanity had left this place. They were incapable of words of comfort.

  "Come back."

  He flinched at the touch on his shoulder. "Not again, please, not again."

  His vision cleared. Instead of the guard, there was Jason.

  Alensar realized he was kneeling on the floor. His arms were crossed and gripping his forearms. His shirt was soaked with sweat. Jason was crouched next to him.

  "My older brother had battle demons, too. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

  "Battle demons?"

  "When your past possesses your mind."

  Alensar didn't respond; he felt too numb and in pain at once. Jason helped him up.

  "What happened to your brother?" He said after a few minutes.

  "He joined the Realm's Guard. He came back not quite the same, though he never talked about it."

  Alensar waited for Jason to continue.

  "Are you tired? My brother was always tired after."

  "I think I'm alright for now."

  "Was it the… torture?"

  Alensar nodded.

  "I've pieced it together. You were an outlaw, weren't you?" Jason said, "I wasn't sure until I saw the skull on your neck today."

  Alensar swallowed. "Do you hate me?"

  Jason paused. "For my brother, he started having more nightmares, too. He slowly stopped sleeping. We couldn't help him."

  "What happened after that?" Alensar could sense the answer but asked anyway.

  "He killed himself." Jason's voice was blunt and hollow.

  Alensar wanted to say something, but anything he would have said would have been useless.

  Jason spoke again. "How often do you get them?"

  "This was the first time, though I've started having bad dreams too."

  "Don't die."

  "Everyone dies."

  "Don't be trite. You know what I mean," Jason snapped.

  Alensar couldn't look at him. "I won't."

  Jason was silent until he looked at him.

  The young man's eyes were shining too bright. "Just don't die."

  Jason helped Alensar get to his room and sat him in the comfortable chair. He then left, and Alensar tried to keep himself calm and keep his mind clear.

  He perked up when he smelled the willow bark tea. It was a bitter, earthy tea, one that he had grown up drinking as a sort of cure-all. Jason handed him a warm cup; it was a thick ceramic rather than the dainty porcelain he had been using. It felt more familiar in his hands. He breathed in the steam and sipped its warmth.

  Jason sat on Alensar's bed and stared off into the middle distance.

  "Before my brother died, I became obsessed with finding out what could save him. I kept reading books about how to cope with battle demons and what to do to stop the nightmares. He wasn't very open to my ideas. Maybe because I was his kid brother, destined to be a servant while he was a soldier. What could I know?

  After he died, for a few months, my obsession became more intense. As if the more I knew, then I would be able to save him. I wanted to change the past, even though I knew it was too late."

  The pain was naked on his face, and Alensar honored it by listening.

  "Like Willowbark, that helps with pain. But it also helps with pain inside of you."

  Alensar nodded. "What else?"

  Jason searched his face. "Breathing very slowly when you have an attack. I can guide you."

  Alensar nodded again. "Next time, we'll try that. But don't touch me, that makes it worse. Just talk to me."

  "And writing about it in great detail, then burning it."

  "I'll try that. There is a Karangasz ritual that's similar." He then took the teapot, filled the cup back up, and handed it to Jason. "I think you need some of this, too."

  ***

  Alensar wasn't in the mood for another thrice-damned etiquette lesson. He shifted in his chair, but found no relief from the aches.

  The first half of the dinner was dominated by minor corrections to every movement he made. He managed it with a minimum of clenching his jaw.

  Still, wasn't it all about hiding his emotions?

  It took until the last course before he could get a word in.

  "I heard from Professor Tannen that my uncle is not just any noble, but in fact Laude D'Ambrosia, of the first five families." Alensar failed to sound casual about this.

  Laude Elaine tilted her head. "And who did you think he was?"

  "I assumed the family was a lot larger, and I was related to some random branch," Alensar said, then took a sip of watered-down wine.

  "Did it really never occur to you that you were the D'Ambrosia heir?"

  "I assumed that Laude D'Ambrosia wouldn't take in an outlaw as his heir just because of some dubious blood ties."

  "I mentioned your blood has been tested."

  "Its authenticity is not why it's dubious." Alensar shook his head. "Does he even know who I am?"

  "He knows that you led the most powerful and successful outlaw clan in the realm." Laude Elaine paused. "And you've already shown that you were apt in managing trade and commanding others at a young age. He could do much worse with an heir…provided you cooperate."

  "I lead the clan with my brother and sister. And my parents had built up most of it." Alensar said, letting the words be only words, disconnecting them from any real thought of Darion, Oksana, or his parents.

  "You should no longer refer to those people as your family."

  Alensar's stomach clenched. He poked at his food.

  Laude Elaine went on. "Wealth and power can be squandered. There was another family in power during your grandfather's time, but they were swallowed up by the rest. The king would prefer to do the same with the D'Ambrosia lands. Laude Oberon knows this and didn't have a strong candidate for an heir. Until now."

  "Provided I cooperate," Alensar said, keeping his voice steady.

  "Which you've done well so far. I'm told you are faking your skill in your lessons with Walter well."

  Who was watching him? Was it Jason? Alensar realized that Jason must be reporting back to Laude Elaine about what he was doing. She told him to be careful who he trusted. He should have realized that.

  "Why have Walter teach me, of all people?" Alensar was not trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice this time.

  "His father is my brother. I trust Walter to be discreet. His sister is also a friend of your cousins. So there are numerous family ties to build trust. She is also most likely going to be my heir, as I have no living children."

  Alensar glanced up at those last few words. Her choice of words seemed deliberate, but she showed no emotion.

  They were spared an awkward silence as Maria entered with the dessert. It was a baked sweet cake rolled into a spiral with cream and fruit preserves on top. Alensar's appetite returned at the sight of the sweets.

  Laude Elaine stood, which was not according to protocol, "I'm afraid I have an urgent letter to write, regarding a pressing legal matter."

  She bowed, "Good day, Val Alensar."

  "Good day," he half-heartedly managed to say as she left. He ate both of their portions of the dessert, the cream and sweetness filling his thoughts as he licked the plate clean. He doubted there was any letter, but he wasn't about to question someone who needed time alone.