“Okay, children,” Leon declared. “Are we all set for this long and arduous trek to the next town over?”
Currently, the three of them were standing just outside the town’s gates. A road stretched before them, already well-trodden by the hooves of horses and the boots of adventurers. From what Chase could see, this road stretched on for a time before disappearing into a forest off in the distance, where the trees were so thick that it was impossible for him to see through from this far away.
“It’s only a few hours away,” Chase reminded Leon as he pulled the straps of his backpack onto his shoulders. “And that’s on foot. How bad could it possibly be?”
“Good point, I guess.”
“Does anybody else find it weird how none of the towns we’ve been to yet have names?” Carmine asked. “Seriously. We’ve been living in this town for two years now, and I’ve never once heard it referred to by name.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course it has a name,” Leon countered.
“Okay, then what is it?” Carmine asked.
Leon paused for a moment. “...I mean, I said it has a name, I didn’t mean to imply that I knew what the name was.”
“Then how do you know it has a name?”
“Because it has to have a name. I mean, how else would you know where to find it on a map if it isn’t labeled properly?”
“Maybe the map is wrong,” Chase offered.
“Maps can’t be wrong, Chase.”
“Leon, of all the ridiculous statements you’ve ever made, that may just be the most ridiculous,” Carmine pointed out. “Is this just you refusing to admit when you’ve lost again?”
“I never lose,” Leon declared.
“Not even your virginity?”
“Okay, so there’s one thing I’ve lost. Multiple times, in fact.”
“By definition, you can only lose your virginity once,” Chase said.
“What would you know about it?”
“Quite a bit, actually. In my prior life, I was quite the ladies’ man. Being the Hero tends to elevate your status a bit.”
“I thought you primarily paid for all your experience?” Carmine said, raising an eyebrow.
Chase hesitated. “...I mean, it still counts.”
“Sure it does.”
“Well, what about you, then?”
Carmine bristled. “That’s not something you ask a lady!”
“As previously established, you are no lady. And don’t try to dodge the question.”
“I’m not dodging anything!”
“Okay, then. In your previous life, did you or did you not have sex with at least one other person before dying and being reborn?”
Carmine huffed, then crossed her arms. “Whatever. You’re both perverts.”
“I’m not hearing a yes or a no.”
“Argh, fine! No, I didn’t! There, happy now?!”
Chase gave her a smug grin. “More than you could possibly imagine.”
“Hey, Chase,” Leon suddenly called, as he searched through his own backpack. “Have you seen my spare socks?”
“Leon, why would I know where to find your nasty-ass socks?” Chase asked. “You’ve been so consistently drunk that you probably misplaced them and just don’t remember where to find them.”
“Probably. Still, this is bad. I mean, we’ve been over this – we all know how many pairs you need, right?”
“Four minimum,” Chase answered.
Leon nodded. “Okay, so we remember the rule, but not the socks themselves… that’s a problem.”
“For you, maybe,” Carmine said. “For what it’s worth, I hope the cold gets to you and they freeze and snap right off.”
“Oof. That’s harsh, Carmine.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still bitter about the virginity comments.”
“Then be bitter at Chase, he’s the one who made them.”
“Good point.”
Carmine suddenly conjured a minor fireball, then cast it at Chase’s feet. The flames made contact with his left foot, and instantly caught it on fire. Chase let out a pained yelp as he danced around, desperate to put the fire out, which he did in a matter of seconds. His foot still smoldering and smoking, he turned to glare at Carmine.
“Bitch,” he said.
She just gave him a smug grin in response.
Leon suddenly let out a tired sigh, then slung his backpack over his shoulders. “Well, I can’t find my socks. No matter, though – I’ll just buy some more at the next town. I mean, we’re getting paid quite a bit for this, so it’s not like we’re strapped for cash or anything.”
“Speaking of cash, what’s our take for all of this?” Carmine asked. “I mean, we’re making, what, fifty gold for this whole thing?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, Chase and I did most of the work. I feel like the reward should be proportional to the effort expended.”
“Yeah, I don’t understand any of those nerdwords,” Leon admitted. “Honestly, Carmine, I tend to tune out most of the big words you say. They make my head hurt worse than a hangover sometimes.”
“I’m not surprised,” Carmine told him. “Okay, I’ll put it in terms you can understand.” She cleared her throat. “Me and Chase kill more bandits. Me and Chase want more money. Me and Chase file labor dispute if not paid well enough.”
The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.
“We can do that?” Chase asked, surprised.
Carmine nodded. “I did some light reading on the rules for local guilds a few days ago. Turns out, this world actually values fair pay for fair work.”
“That only applies if you’re a member of a guild,” Leon pointed out. “You two aren’t guild members, you’re my adopted children. Technically, I’m already breaking child labor laws by forcing you two to work, do you really think I wouldn’t also break fair pay laws with glee while doing so?” He shook his head. “Whatever. Let’s just get going, I’d like to make it to the next town before I turn gray from age.”
“Too late,” Chase said as the three of them began walking.
“Oh, fuck right off.”
XXX
The three of them managed to walk in silence for all of about fifteen minutes before the quiet apparently became too much to bear for Leon.
“Hey, kids,” he said.
Chase let out a heavy sigh. “Can you not call us that?”
“It’s what you are.”
“I mean, technically, yeah… but I don’t like to think about it, because it still weirds me out. I should really be in my thirties right now. Carmine should be going through her old hag phase.”
A vein pulsed in Carmine’s forehead. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Not my fault you didn’t catch the meaning-”
“You’re about to catch a fireball to the face.”
Leon sighed tiredly, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Just… can you both please pull up your Stats for me? I want to check something.”
Carmine and Chase both shrugged, then did as he asked, pulling their Stats up.
Name: Chase Ironheart
Level: 3
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Subclass: Swordmaster
Strength: 19
Dexterity: 15
Intelligence: 10
Wisdom: 13
Constitution: 17
Charisma: 16
Skills: Master Swordsmanship (Level 10); Booby Trap Mastery (Level 8); Archery (Level 2)
Spells: Rush (Level 4); Muscle (Level 1); Stone Flesh (Level 2); Defying The Odds (Level 1)
Traits: Blessed
Name: Carmine Nolastname
Level: 3
Race: Greater Demon
Class: Arcane Witch
Subclass: Archmage
Strength: 10
Dexterity: 13
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 18
Constitution: 9
Charisma: 8
Skills: Master Spellcasting (Level 10); Summon Familiar (Level 10)
Spells: Magic Dart (Level 3); Magic Scattershot (Level 3); Fire Magic (Level 2)
Traits: Blessed
Leon’s brow furrowed as he read over their sheets. He brought a hand up to his chin in thought as he looked them over, then finally turned back to the two of them.
“Questions?” he asked.
Carmine and Chase exchanged confused glances with each other. “...You’re serious?” Carmine asked.
“Oh, come on, I'll let you both ask questions.”
“Only on occasion. Generally, you tell us to figure it out for ourselves because you’re busy getting wasted, and then pass out in a pool of your own vomit or something.”
Leon stared at her. “Well, when you put it that way, it kinda makes me sound like a massive piece of shit.”
“There’s no other way for me to put it, because that’s the truth.”
“Oh. Well, uh… sorry. Genuinely.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m sure you still have quite a few questions-”
“Yeah, for one, why the hells doesn’t Carmine’s Familiar Summoning skill work?” Chase asked. “She said she’s tried it a number of times, but it just hasn’t worked for some reason, despite it being Level 10. I mean, that is the max level, isn’t it?”
“It is,” Leon confirmed. He turned towards Carmine. “So, when you say you’ve tried it, what do you mean? Like, you’ve tried to cast the spell, and it just hasn’t worked?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Okay. Well, let’s try it now and see what happens.”
Carmine pursed her lips. “...Do we have to? I mean, we already know it isn’t going to work-”
“Yes, we have to,” Leon insisted. “It’s your Skill, Carmine. There’s no reason why it just flat-out shouldn’t work.”
“Yeah, well, there’s always an exception to every rule.”
“Carmine.”
“You can’t make me,” she declared.
Chase stepped forwards. “Alright, Carmine, what’s wrong?” he asked. “Are you just afraid of it failing again?’
Carmine stared at him for a moment, then let out a sigh as she deflated. “...Yes.” She flushed red, then pulled her hat down to cover the top part of her face.
“Well, don’t be. I mean, yeah, ordinarily we’d give you shit for it, but if your Skill isn’t working, that could be a huge problem. Think about it – if this Skill doesn’t work, what happens if you try to unlock another one and that one doesn’t work, either?”
Again, Carmine pursed her lips and hesitated. “...It’s not that it doesn’t work entirely-”
“But that’s what you said,” Leon pointed out.
“Yeah, well, that wasn’t the whole truth. It’s more like… I try to cast the spell, it kinda works, but then there’s a block that keeps me from going further.”
Chase and Leon exchanged a glance with each other. “What kind of block?” Chase asked.
Carmine let out a heavy sigh. “You’re not letting me off the hook for this one, are you?”
“Nope. Now spill it.”
“Alright, fine…” She sucked in a breath. “It’s better if I just show you…”
Before either of them could ask what she meant Carmine raised her catalyst staff, then began to chant under her breath. Chase couldn’t tell what she was saying, but it certainly sounded otherworldly to him.
“Klaatu… barada… nikto…”
A circle of blue swirling energy suddenly appeared on the ground in front of her, large enough for a person to fit through. For a moment, Chase thought something was going to come through it, but to his surprise, all that came through was…
“...Is that a piece of parchment?’
Carmine turned towards him, an unamused look on her face. “It is, indeed, a piece of parchment.”
“Ah.” Chase paused. “You supposed to do something with it, or-”
“Just come read it.”
Chase and Leon exchanged another glance, then stepped over to her, taking care to avoid the swirling blue circle of magical energy. Once they were both at her side, they leaned in to read the parchment. After a moment, Chase’s brow furrowed.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “What seems to be the problem?’
“Wait, you can read that?” Carmine asked.
“Uh, yeah?”
“But… it’s in some kind of esoteric writing. I can’t make heads or tails of any of it.”
“Carmine, this is just cursive writing,” Leon pointed out. “You really can’t read that?”
“What is cursive writing?”
A heavy silence fell over the group. After a moment, Leon pinched the bridge of his nose again and let out another sigh.
“Chase, do me a favor and teach Carmine how to read and write in cursive, would you?” he asked. “She won’t be able to complete the summoning ritual without knowing what the words mean herself. The two of us can’t just read it out to her, she needs to actually understand it herself.”
“Why do I have to do it?” Chase complained.
“Do you really trust me to get anything education-related right?”
“Good point.”
Carmine just stared at the two of them, a blank look on her face. Somehow, Chase knew his work was going to be cut out for him.
XXX
Name: Chase Ironheart
Level: 3
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Subclass: Swordmaster
Strength: 19
Dexterity: 15
Intelligence: 10
Wisdom: 13
Constitution: 17
Charisma: 16
Skills: Master Swordsmanship (Level 10); Booby Trap Mastery (Level 8); Archery (Level 2)
Spells: Rush (Level 4); Muscle (Level 1); Stone Flesh (Level 2); Defying The Odds (Level 1)
Traits: Blessed
Name: Carmine Nolastname
Level: 3
Race: Greater Demon
Class: Arcane Witch
Subclass: Archmage
Strength: 10
Dexterity: 13
Intelligence: 18
Wisdom: 18
Constitution: 9
Charisma: 8
Skills: Master Spellcasting (Level 10); Summon Familiar (Level 10)
Spells: Magic Dart (Level 3); Magic Scattershot (Level 3); Fire Magic (Level 2)
Traits: Blessed
